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Love the Lonely

  • Initiative Activity

    Member Active on the Initiative
  • Actively Searching

    Yes

Preferred Genres

  • Preferred Genres: Medieval Magic, Horror & Supernatural, Human, Science Fiction
  • Specific Preferred Genres:

Unwanted Genres

  • Unwanted Genres: Animals, Horror & Supernatural
  • Specific Unwanted Genres:

    I don't actually like horror but it happens to be included with supernatural.

Information

About Me

Name's Kendra, better known as Arceus. (Hi, hello, it's so nice to meet you!)

 

I'm a middle-aged (I think I'm a millennial) fluffmuffin in the midwest USA (central time), and I have more pets than friends. (I really do. I wish I was kidding. Why am I this way.) I have some crazy sleep disorders that cause me to... basically slowly alter when I sleep, like today I'll go to sleep at 11am and tomorrow it may be 1pm. And it just slowly crawls like that. Next week, I may be going to sleep at 4pm. Wut u gun do. I'm a big romance fan, but I also really love other plots, particularly family and close friend ones. I'm a code whiz-kid, wrote my own forum software, even, and kind of heart-on-my-sleeve. It's pretty easy to gauge my moods. Because I'll tell you. I guess real-life interaction is so draining and difficult for me (I'm a really socially-anxious person IRL, and I have a seriously intense fear of phone calls - I must also be a masochist because I worked in a call centre for a year rofl), but computer interaction... isn't? I still have days where I'm either super busy and can't talk much, or I just. Don't want to talk. But they're few and far between, and I'm a pretty vocal, friendly open person otherwise. (Sometimes too open. I'm sorry.)

 

But I believe in giving what you get, so I'm always willing to lend an ear and support if a friend needs it. It's a give and take with me. I'm also way too old, busy, and lazy, to bother with lying or whatever, so I'm pretty honest. If something isn't working for me, I'll tell you. ... with any luck that won't be after a week of only getting 4 hours of sleep a night post a real-life crisis, but you know, sometimes that happens, too. I try not to like unload all my problems on people, because everybody's got their own issues too, and that's you know, I don't want to go unloading on people that are already messed up in their own lives.

 

I'm in a closed polyamorous triad, so I have a girlfriend and a boyfriend, and they are also dating each other. This, combined with my open-door policies, means there are some kinds of romance plot angles that I just don't... do, very well. If it requires... irrational jealousy... jealousy in general... I just can't. I can't do it. People expect some kind of huge, dramatic blow-out and my char's just like "Okay!" and I can't... even... make excuses LOL. It just never goes dramatic. Triangles and dating-one-person-but-falling-for-another type things, cheating shit, just really doesn't. Yeahno. (I'm also a Hufflepuff, does it show? Lol)

 

Anyway. Like I said, I'm a really open person, so just ask me stuff. I love love love plot-bantering, and I can be a really force-of-nature-y type personality and get really excited and into stuff and kinda take over, but it's fine to be like "No Kendra. Slow down. Let's talk about this," or whatnot. It's also fine to be like, "Hey, so I don't really like where this plot's going," so we can talk about it and come to a good median. I like my RP partners enjoying the stuff as much as I am, and I have absolutely never reacted badly to anyone being like "Whoa pony." (I can Sense it if you're not happy. I'm a Pisces, baby, we have a sixth sense for these things. I will figure it out. You may as well tell me before it snowballs into double-sided resentment.) I'm also pretty autistic and get kind of socially inept, and also have schizo-affective-related word-shutdowns sometimes, pre-emptive I'm sorry.

Play Style

Mk, ahm. Some characters I have more control over. Other ones do whatever they want, when they want, and I just translate their babbling into prose. There are also occasional characters that surprise even me, so sometimes those curve-balls they throw, yeah I didn't even see that coming, either, so I'm just as shocked as you are. Minor god-moding, like leading my character somewhere, or picking them up if it makes sense for the moment, or whatever, those're fine, you never have to ask about that. Honestly, if it makes sense for the moment, I'm usually okay with it. If not, I'll tell you.

 

How much, and how often, I post, really depends on the character, the thread, and how busy I am IRL. I've ping-ponged 150-post-long threads into existence in under eight hours before, and then had another thread shortly after end up taking 3 months to finish. I've also posted anywhere from 110 words to 3,336. (No, really 3,336, I counted because it was a Monster and I wanted to know why.) I try not to post-splice, but if my partner starts doing it, I sometimes will, too, so it won't confuse me if you splice. I can also handle large-cast group threads without getting confused. Depending on the character, some of mine don't really do much around talking, others only ever do things. I've had characters type up 5-800 words worth of post and not say a damn thing, I've also had 2,000 words of talking. So, uh, honestly, all my characters are different, and they all express differently, and your experience with one will often be different from your experience with another, sometimes quite drastically.

 

(I play a good number of not-white characters. Just. Fair warning.)

IC Limits

I don't have many, and the ones I do have are kind of rare to run into, so if you get close, I'll let you know.

 

I don't shy away from mature threads, but I'm not a big fan of gore, and I'm not opposed to fading to black, but I won't default to it, so if you prefer FtB let me know cause I'll keep going. Lol

Plots I'd Like

Lemme tell you what I want, what I really really want! And if you don't get that reference, you're way too young for me! P= I'm almost kidding. Almost.

  1. UUUUGH FAMILY, PLEASE, please, god. Lol I have so many family-related plots that I really want to play out and nobody ever wants to do them with me (PLEEEEEASE please).
  2. I'd love some more solid poly relationships.
  3. Also always up for mono relationships too. I usually play males, actually, can go mxf or mxm.

 

So for some examples:

  • #1 wish right now is, I really want a Zuko for the A:TLA board I'm a part of. This is a huge want, huge want, and if you're into or down for trying the ZukoxToph (Toko) ship I will love you forever please please PLEASE please I will, I'll even send you flowers and chocolate, I swear to god. I play Toph, I can technically reverse it but I think I play Toph better than I play Zuko (she's my spirit animal). Now, the one caveat with this and I totally understand if someone can't take this because of this requirement, it's that the board was basically built around the Fire Nation and then spread outward. So a lot of things ride on Zuko, and he's a huge major player in the board. So it's okay if you can't take Zuko (that's why I'm considering taking him instead and letting whoever's down for this one take Toph). But I'd rather not because I also play Azula so. Yeah... anyway, please, please please. Honestly, A:TLA is not rough to get into, I can totally help someone get into it if you're interested but unfamiliar with A:TLA somehow. It's fine, it's cool, I love introducing people to stuff.
     
  • Everyone loves Axel, so let's continue with Axel. Lol he has quite a number of bff-turned-crush openings across all the boards he's on. Most of the time this ends up reciprocated, but I don't really mind if it ends up one-sided and actually that might be... interesting. Anyway. He has multiple set ups, on one site he's basically a brothel-slave-turned-gladiator, on another he's an 18 year old FTM trying to figure himself out and also pregnant so he's kind of stressed, oh and the street gang shooting at him isn't making it any better, and then on the other, he's an 118 year old vampire running four companies. He could also theoretically handle more family members, actually he has a want for an aunt... on one site (the bb 18 year old).
     
  • I also have several familial openings for Kassandros, he is the head of a major house and kind of a pretty much messed up 17 year old that doesn't really know what love is. He could go psychotic pretty easily, but he hasn't. Somehow. Yet. Probably by virtue of being very kind to his slaves, and his slaves in turn practically worshipping the air he exists around. There's a potential for an aunt or uncle somewhere just going le sigh at him, and maybe trying to help him and his fellow triplets figure life out. He's also got friend openings in form of the criminal syndicate he formed out of his House's vassals. I did kind of have an idea where one of his vassals turns on him ("turns") because they don't want him to become Imperator, they want him to live. Maybe some romance tinges, maybe not, idk, yanno how it is.
     
  • I have a cousin of one of my female characters who went through a pretty abusive relationship. They have a huge backstory actually, their family's kind of racist (they're black) against everyone not black, and my girl fell for a "white" guy, one cousin married a Persian man, and this one married a white woman. Depending on which site, either my girl died and this cousin's son, Adrian, was adopted by Kassander, or my girl eventually goes looking for not-messed-up family members and offers to take legal guardianship of Adrian. Either way, he realises that that house is not a home Adrian will ever do well in, and forfeits parental rights, goes through a divorce, and tries to figure his life out, and my girl's there to help him do it (the site she's dead on, she returned as an angel). Toss in figuring out this magic stuff, which does run in their family but very distantly, and yeah. There's a lot of drama and baggage and healing to do here.
     
  • Ah, both Suyis and Selverya run a pirate group. Selverya's is larger, the Blackram Marauders actually encompass many fleets with many ships and many Captains and many Admirals. Selverya's an Admiral, so she heads an entire fleet. Selverya's fleet just ran into trouble with the Ebondrake, so she's doing a lot of repairing damage to her fleet and proper funeral ceremonies for those that were lost in the conflict, and it's just not really fun. She happens to also be dating one of the Messiahs, and so she'll end up dragging her ship's crew at least to Dalmasca, to meet the other Messiahs. (He's also her baby daddy so can't really just let him run off by himself.) Suyis is a lot looser and less organised than the Blackram, his is just one ship with a couple friends that happen to also have ships. They like to plunder Jihon because it sucks. And probably Macenia because it's easy.

 

These are my most wanted, I have a bunch more openings across all sites I'm on, so I'm sure we can find something. Have plenty of other characters that could have family members, or lovers, or both, you know. Lots of them have sibling or child openings. Some need parents. Yeah.

Writing Samples

Was she? That was almost a weird thought, but, yeah she was a little quicker than the rest of the Avatar's group to give him a chance when he decided to join them. It took a lot of courage to stand up to your parents; Toph would know. Maybe that was why. Because she knew it had to be something he really believed in, if he was turning against the father he'd idolised all his life for it.

 

They were a lot alike, weren't they, in many ways? Maybe that was why she decided to hang with Sparklord instead of following Water Girl and Snoozles. ... and besides, she couldn't see on ice.

 

"Certainly having a chat with your walls," she said, reaching up and taking the cup he offered, "would be less grating. Are you sure I can't just dangle them over a volcano caldera? It'll be great. You can even do lavabending for dramatic effect." Was that a thing? It was now. The great Tophgod had spoken, at least in her head and that was good enough for her.

 

She paused for a second, because the cold drink was tempting enough for her to decide to down some of it first, then quickly bending a little earthen cupholder into the dirt under her lap, and crossed her legs around it, one arm propping onto a knee for her to rest her chin on. "What's on the table at the moment, anyway?" Were they still arguing over stupid stuff? (There was a lot of stupid stuff to argue about, apparently, because they seemed to be unable to run out of stupid stuff.)

 

Well, sure, for most people it wasn't so stupid. Nobody seemed to have any ideas about how to fix anything that was wrong, they were more caught up in telling everyone it was wrong without offering any solutions. Toph hated that. That was commonly called "bitching," and nobody had any time for bitching right now. Right now, there were very damaged nations and sundered families and livelihoods that needed answers, not bitching.

 

But hey, what did she know.


It was unsurprising Mikhail found that small bit angering. Kassander knew more than Mikhail thought he did; certainly, he didn't get into things without being very aware of what it was he was getting into. What was with these numbers, anyway? One would think, with how much the world had changed since Kassandros was born, it'd have become less common, and there'd be fewer people whose parents seemed to have screwed them over. Then again, there were billions more people in the world; maybe the rates were lower than they seemed. Kassander wasn't going to bother with the maths.

Instead, a little bit of the ice in his eyes went away, and he moved, reaching over and resting his hand on one of Mikhail's, for a moment. It took a second, but, Kass could feel it, when the emotional energies shifted from the Russian to him. Traditionally negative emotions often... for lack of better term, "tasted" terrible, but for some reason, on the rare occasions he absorbed Mikhail's negative emotions, they were always tinged with a hint of something sweeter, strong enough to counter-balance whatever negative thing Kassander had stolen from him this time. He knew what it was.

He pretended he had no idea.

"I didn't ask that time," he said, pulling his hand back. "Sorry about that." But it seemed like... no. He'd just wanted to take it away from him, and the thing about Kassander was, unlike most that wanted things like that, he could. That was dangerous, actually. Mikhail had never properly dealt with it, and come to think of it, he wasn't sure Axel ever had, either. Kassander shouldn't be just stealing it away. The things they felt, they were what still kept them human, and Mikhail would never grow from it until... it'd been a hundred years, since then. Maybe there was always going to be a young boy in him somewhere that just wanted a father.

And maybe there'd always be a young boy in Kassander that did, too.


Most of the time, yeah, it was a silly thing to dwell on. Everybody knew that everybody died, someday. Once in a while, though, death wasn't as permanent as it should've been. He probably shouldn't have told ... uh, god, basically, to go fuck itself in not so many words, but, it was too late for that. Adrian was right; daevas didn't go back to their original lives, or they weren't supposed to. Jesse had broken a lot of rules for him, probably, and somehow, he really couldn't care. The Light did and did not seem annoyed. As it happened, it almost seemed like the Light had expected it. Well, Jesse probably was that predictable.

He didn't say anything, at first, turning to face his lap, setting the book he was pretending to read on the table. He didn't sound like he'd take it badly, at least, but he supposed if there was a higher chance that he would, the Light probably would've been more insistent than it was. Was that something the Light really knew, though? Maybe not. Ahh, he had no idea how to...

"D'you remember, eighth grade homecoming? I didn't have a date, but I wanted to go, just, not alone. All my other friends had dates, you know how pre-teens do that thing where they pair off, and I was the only one still single by then. Lame, but, I always figured I'd find the right one when I was meant to. Somehow, I managed to talk you into going to the middle school dance with me. Gosh you weren't terribly pleased about it, but, you came. I always had more friends than you, and, pretty much all of my other friends went, bunches of 'em decided to talk to me. Despite them asking, I never did leave you. We were going stag, just together, you know, back then it was fashionable anyway, going to dances stag like a rebel, but, thinking back on it, I don't think we were."

A breath in, release; he laughed slightly. "It's stupid and cheesy, probably, you know me, I'm good at stupid and cheesy, so realistically, no one's surprised. It took another year, before I told you, but I realised, in how I didn't want to leave you alone at a function full of people where you certainly don't really flourish, in how I kept finding myself staring at you all night, in how I panicked for just a second when I couldn't find you, in how I really didn't want anyone's attention but yours, that I'd already found the right one and it was stupid and selfish and I'm sorry. ... the Light said I had to stay. That I couldn't go back because Jesse was dead and he was supposed to stay that way, but I know now. What you didn't tell me. I didn't mean to make it worse. I didn't mean to hurt you. And just like I didn't want to leave you by yourself at the dance, I didn't want you to be alone, so... I uh. I might've flipped god off... I don't remember the accident. ... are my parents okay?"


He needed more complication in his life, he did. So the universe answered, apparently, and here he was, nine pregnancy tests later (every fucking one was positive), sitting on the swinging bench on the front porch, watching the sunset and trying not to have a giant melt-down. That sounded worse than he meant it, really. Any other time, maybe he'd even be kind of excited, you know, having a baby was a capital Big Deal, your life changed in all kinds of ways, and that was sort of the point of life, he figured. Having kids, continuing your bloodline, making a difference in other people's lives, these were things that weren't always tangible, but generally ended up meaning the most. Being remembered, that was how people that weren't innately immortal lived forever, and teaching the next generation to do better was how the world changed and improved.

It was kind of nice, in a sense, to have the opportunity to be a part of that, but he had other problems, too, maybe problems that didn't necessarily set him up on the best foundation for raising a kid. Didn't people do things where they went to doctors and stuff all the time when they were pregnant? It wasn't like he'd know. He didn't know anyone that'd been pregnant around him. Aunt Nat hadn't even glanced in the direction of having children, which was unfortunate, because she'd make a great mom, already did as far as Axel was concerned. She'd been the mom his own mom couldn't be there to be, and no, Axel wasn't bitter about it. It wasn't like his mom had been like, okay, I had this fucked up mess of a child, let me die now. (He wouldn't admit it, but sometimes, he wondered about that, usually when he'd had a few too many cheap beers.)

He should tell them. He didn't have medical coverage, though, prenatal care might be rather expensive. Having the kid in the first place would probably be pretty expensive. What he actually needed was a better job, or to work more, as he didn't put in enough hours to make nearly enough to support a kid. They needed, like, diapers and food and clothes and they were constantly outgrowing their clothes, too, and he wasn't sure if they had any of the stuff from when he was a kid, if not, he'd need furniture and whatnot. Mostly, he'd been avoiding thinking about it. Because thinking about it always eventually led back to wondering whose it was, then remembering there was no real way of knowing anyhow, and even if there was, it wasn't like either he or the kid would have any sort of relationship with them.

He should tell them. Mikhail was pretty skilled at picking up on Axel-is-hiding-something, and aunt Nat wasn't far behind (apparently, she knew he was a he before he did). What if they asked normal questions to ask? Like, whose it was? What was he supposed to say? Sure, Axel had flings, but he never had irresponsible ones. And when he said he didn't know, because he didn't, it'd be pretty obvious what happened. And honestly, Axel wasn't sure he was ready to admit it happened. Because in saying it did, however indirectly, it made it a little more real, harder to ignore, and yes, he knew he shouldn't ignore it anyway, but what the fuck else was he supposed to do with it? And he knew, he'd known walking out on the Tigers would end badly. He knew that. He did it anyway. So it wasn't like he had room to complain about it, because, what, it was bad in a way he didn't like? Tough shit, right?

Uuugh. He slid down in his seat, switching from staring at the trees to staring at the porch ceiling. It wasn't like he hadn't been off since then, anyway. The usual vibrancy was only sort of there, and when it was, it was strained, like he had to try too hard, and he did. Had he ever mentioned he was bad with his own feelings? He was.

Other Information

I do not have time for another site, I'm on several already, so you'll need to be interested in one of those, or 1x1 here on the Initiative. I have a private modern fantasy set in Rochester, NY, another modern fantasy on a multigenre 1x1-style site (both these modern fantasies are notably different so, yeah not the same), a historical-esque fantasy site with magitech (and like four races), I also run two of my own, an AU Bleach site and a dystopian post-apoc cyberpunk with some mythical creatures and supernatural tossed in, and finally the A:TLA site. I just really don't have time for another. I have wanteds on pretty much all the sites I'm on, so there's plot openings everywhurr.

You can message me on Discord (Arceus#0521) I answer a LOT faster.

 

I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO LOOOOOVE LET ME LOVE YOUUUUU. Okay I'm done.



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