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Terror Member Help


Pegasus
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On a sort of related note - if you've had a player who has pushed you to the point of uninviting and / or whose pre-teen temper tantrum and strop off has left the staff breathing a collective sigh of relief - and you then find out / get told / see / whatever that they've joined another site.

 

do you warn them? Does how well you know the site owners / admins make a difference?

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How well I know the site owners doesn't make a difference, as bullying or harassment is the only thing I'd go out of my way to warn someone about. If an admin messaged me and I could see that a former member of mine was currently part of their Discord or whatever, then I would be open with them about any problems I may have had with that individual in the past on a lesser scale. But generally I don't feel it's my place to step in unless I've had firsthand experience with the person in question actively abusing or threatening someone. 

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I'm a strong believer of second chances and taking every warning I hear with a grain of salt. Yes there are terror members who have a history of being trouble on multiple sites. It may be courteous to warn your fellow admin, especially if you yourself was warned about that individual (showing they have a trail), or if you know the admin and their site well enough to know that individual wouldn't fit there.  However I also don't believe in preemptively carrying over problems that may or may not occur on the new site a person may go to. The player's behavior should always speak loudest, whether it confirms that they are trouble, or are trying to turn over a new leaf.

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They threw a tantrum, that's just them, they're the embarrassment. If they left a mess in chats, you can consider cleaning it up, if in a thread, then locking and archiving, and if in singed relationships then do nothing and let them rebuild on their own.  There comes a point where you have to detach and allow yourself to say "That was them - it isn't us."

 

Personally, on one of our sites, if we caught them in the midst of a tantrum, we'd tempban/mute for perhaps a few hours or a day to cool down. Outside of it, we'd tell them that it wasn't cool, that we're not their emotion sounding board, and that if they didn't find our hobby entertaining then we wish them luck elsewhere. 

 

As far as pre-banning, I'm super hesitant to take action based on what others say, as I've been complained to enough to know that it isn't always true but it is almost always very petty. I have only ever pre-banned where dangerous or illegal activity is known from a trusted friend ; we pre-banned a sex offender who was known to be chatting to minors hinting on sexual topics, on another site. 

 

 

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Unless the admin comes to you with questions, I'd let sleeping dogs lie. Let the member create their own reputation - before you become the problem-causer. 

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Problems sometimes are self fulfilling prophecies. Announcing that so-and-so is a problem might make people more sensitive and read into normal statements more. A problematic member will become clearly problematic on their own without help. Unless the other admin believes in preemptive banning (which I don't agree with) warning someone about a problematic player doesn't change anything. They still have to commit the crime before something occurs... so what does your warning actually do?

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I've had people warn me about members before (quite a few times) and only one of the times was it a legitimate claim but I did my own research on it before they even mentioned it to me. Letting a person fail of their own merits is part of growing.

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Unless I am personally friends with the other admin I consider it highly bad form to go on another board and say anything about someone thought to be a problem player. At that point it begins to tread the border of harassment, and if another admin came to me out of the blue with something like that then I would assume that the admin in question was probably more a problem than that member, especially if I hadn't had any issues with them yet myself. 

 

Just because they had a bad run on one board doesn't mean they'll continue. Maybe they learned their lesson and are trying harder to be a better member to their new community. Screwing up on one board doesn't mean they will on another, so is it really fair to stack the deck against them before they've had a chance? 

 

There are terror members that I've had issues with in the past that I keep a vague sort of track of. If a member posts about them here on the Initiative, and I recognize the behavior or check out their site and spot out that user only then will I privately contact the staffer to share a negative experience. 

 

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As an admin I consider my source when I'm told about "problem" players.  Once upon a time used to not be so discerning only to find that my "friendly source" turned out to be one of those people that likes to pit everyone against each other. They would tell me that the player was a problem, then turn around and tell the players that I was a paranoid tyrant.   Once burnt, twice shy, I usually give the warning some consideration but allow a player to show their ass... typically if they really are a terror player it doesn't take long, longest I've seen a real peach of a human being hide their hubris is a month.

 

Where I hold more consideration is when I have players on my forum see someone they recognize and have had issues with. Perhaps it is my guardian personality but if one of my players doesn't feel safe with someone else in the forum I side with the player that's already been there contributing to the stories.

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It depends on my relationship with the other admin / site.

 

My site has adult content and we are affiliates with another adult content site. Me and the admin of that site discuss our problem members since they tend to cross over between boards like ours. I've warned them of problem people and they have likewise warned me. I appreciate the communication since it helps us better the experience of our community and prevents us from dealing with those who are known to be under the appropriate age.

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It very much depends on what this member is doing. If they're just being a butt/generally annoying, nah. Sometimes people just don't mesh well and we fall into that situation where everything one does annoys the other and it only escalates from there, but they can be perfectly civil with other people.

 

The only reason that would cause me to warn another site owner about a member is if they're doing something egregious, like sexually harassing or stalking site members. And I wouldn't go the route of telling the other admin what to do. I'd just let them know in clear, non-dramatic ways, that I had this issue with this person, and then drop the subject. It's their site, and they have the right to handle the situation as they see fit.

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Shady McShaderson

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I appreciate warnings when they are legit. If it's something like harassment or bigotry or abuse--bring on the warnings! If you're just warning me that the player is a power-player or broke some IC rule or whatever and was obnoxious about it, then I don't care. General annoying behavior, even dickish behavior, I don't need to be warned about, because well...everyone has bad days, and sometimes people fuck up and then try to be better. Things like sexual harassment and hate speech and stuff like that, however? That's on a different level.

 

I always do my own sleuthing whenever I'm warned about someone.

 

That said, I'll warn someone else if the player did something beyond the pale. I believe in second chances, too, but abusive, predatory behavior doesn't disappear overnight. I don't really expect anyone to immediately do anything with the info, but to use it like I would: do my own research, and act if I feel it necessary based on what I find. If nothing else, it's a tip so people can keep an eye open and look out for any potential red flags.

Edited by Viscount Rhi-Rhi
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Generally, I mind my own business. The way I see it, if the person starts trouble, then the admin - being an admin and all - is fully capable of handling it without the heads up. I mean 'you' survived right? The warning could very well only do a few things, none of which are an effective result :

  • The admin will file it away and thank you. They may even forget what you said completely. No action against member taken.
  • The admin will immediately suspect you of trying to sabotage the 'problem member's' experience. No action against member taken.

.................because what do you really  want to happen here??? No admin worth their salt is going to boot someone based on hearsay.  The only way I would speak up is if the person did something that reaches beyond typical rpg drama - such as pedophilia or predatory behavior. 

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