Anonymous 234 Share Posted November 7, 2018 I'm having issues with a person who took my wanted ad and I need some advice on what to do. My ad was for a female partner on this spy site I just joined and I made sure to say no romantic ties. They took the character and we chatted on Skype, everything was normal. We started a thread, everything was cool and we were having a lot of fun. Halfway through they messaged me saying they want confirmation that our characters would be romantic. This hit me out of the blue because I wasn't looking for romance. Especially since we're in our first ever thread together and I don't know if our characters will mesh like that after only a few posts. I explained this and that I don't like doing romance as the sole focus of my plots but if our characters gravitate towards it naturally, I'll play along. It's like it's not enough. Now they are telling me they are hurt and feel like their time has been wasted since they made the character for a romance storyline. Completely ignoring that I had plot ideas which prompted me to post the ad in the first place. All I wanted was someone to do cool spy plots with but all of them have been shut down or pushed aside for something I never asked for. They accused me of secretly plotting romance with another character, I'm not. They keep wanting to go back and forth with me about romance stuff and at this point, I'm so exhausted. I stopped replying to our thread because the long drawn out conversations on Skype about this tired me out. We met...four days ago and all this has happened in that time. I really need some help on how to make this neverending story end pretty please. Anonymous poster hash: 0676c...d4c Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gibson 21 Share Posted November 7, 2018 You were clear about your expectations and they wildly misinterpreted them -- that's on them. If it were me, I would put my foot down and say "I'm absolutely not doing this as a romance plot". If they leave, re-post the ad. If they stay, cease threads with them with the explanation that you don't mesh as writers and make a new ad to fill the role with a new character (or if you're nice, and they want to keep threading, make it under the strict condition that they understand no romance is happening). 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Operations Mod Popular Post Dragon 673 Operations Mod Popular Post Share Posted November 7, 2018 6 minutes ago, Anonymous said: My ad was for a female partner on this spy site I just joined and I made sure to say no romantic ties. 7 minutes ago, Anonymous said: Now they are telling me they are hurt and feel like their time has been wasted since they made the character for a romance storyline YOU did everything right. You specified exactly what you wanted. The writing partner in question thought they could convince you otherwise, and now they are attempting to manipulate and guilt trip you. My advice would be to just save yourself any undue stress. Don't try to fix things here, just cut it off. If you need a push to figure out what to say, something along the lines of: 'I'm sorry, but we seem to have had a fundamental miscommunication from the start. I specified in my wanted ad that I was not seeking any sort of romantic involvement from this partnership. If it had developed naturally, then it would have been fine. However, your disregard toward myself and my character have made me uncomfortable and I no longer wish to continue." As a footnote, I will be straight forward with you in saying that I am almost certain I know the other player involved based on a long standing pattern of identical behavior - both personally and having helped other Initiative member's who have suffered their abuse. I won't violate any sort of anonymity on either side, on principle, but if you wish to Anon feel free to PM me about the issue. 3 5 Icon & Profile set by The Inquisitor of Dragon Age: Absolution Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymous 234 Author Share Posted November 7, 2018 It sounds like they are being manipulative from the start. If they did not read the part of the want ad that stated it was not going to be a romance, nor pay attention to whatever plotting you did on skype, it is on them. They either misinterpreted, or more likely just don't care and are trying to plow you into a corner to fulfil whatever plot they want. If they feel their time was wasted, it's their own fault. Not yours. As someone who is dealing with the issue of a co-writer saying I am "plotting behind their back" at this very moment, I'd probably tell this person you don't mesh as writers, and cut it off right now. Tell them they can do whatever with their character, and just put up a new want ad. This happened to me recently and as it is a person who I have been writing with a number of years I simply told them I will be taking a break from writing with them until such and such date, because this is a long standing friend, who I care about... but I'm not going to put up with accusations. If it were someone I had known for 4 days... ugh. I'd just encourage you to cut it off with that person, it's not worth it in the long run if they are already treating you this way. You don't have to explain yourself even if you are plotting something with another person. You have every right to plot with multiple people. I agree with what Dragon said up there, with sending a message like that. Anonymous poster hash: e893c...ffc 1 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rhindeer 217 Share Posted November 7, 2018 (edited) Yeah, no, I wouldn't tolerate this shit. I would tell them, "Hey, so, I posted in my want ad that I wanted no romantic ties. And I mean it that I want no romantic ties. I can tell you're unhappy with that, and I'm unhappy with the idea of romance, so I'm going to end our thread here. I'll find someone else for the wanted ad. Thank you for your interest! Sorry it didn't work out." And then I'd repost the wanted ad. |: Because I have no time for that kind of manipulative BS. And yes, I would word it like that, because it leaves no room for argument or negotiation as you are telling them explicitly what your plan is and that you are nopeing out. Edited November 7, 2018 by Viscount Rhi-Rhi 4 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garmr 106 Share Posted November 8, 2018 Run... just fucking run... 2 Respice Finem Can be found causing mayhem and intrugue at Dawnbreak. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shades 676 Share Posted November 9, 2018 Yeah, I'm with @Viscount Rhi-Rhi there. End the thread cleanly, don't waste time explaining (this person already knows why you're ending the thread) and reopen the wanted ad. Block if you need to. You barely know this person, no need to walk on eggshells. 2 Shady McShaderson Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sage 289 Share Posted November 14, 2018 Idk I'd probably be nicer about all of it? I'd still try to end it, but I'd be more apologetic about it, esp if it's a smaller site since you'll no doubt be interacting with this person at least in chat. I try to avoid drama and smooth things over. I'd probs even try to compromise. So I'd probably say something along the lines of: "hey my dude, I'm really sorry but I just can't do a romance with this plot. I thought I made it clear in the want ad that I was just looking for some cool spy shenanigans, and I'm sorry if I somehow made you think otherwise. But I just can't follow through with a romance plot. I don't know where exactly that miscommunication happened, and I'm sorry you feel like you wasted your time. But I'm not going to discuss this anymore. I think it's pretty clear we're both trying to do different things right now. I'm more than happy to do fun spy stuff together if you're still down for that. Your character can even have feelings for mine. Just know that my character won't ever return them - it'll just be a one-sided thing. Again, I'm really sorry if there was some sort of miscommunication. If you want to drop this character or repurpose them for another plot because you were looking for a romance, I totally understand. Just let me know what you want to do." That way I'm making it clear what I do want (cool spy shit) and don't want (a romance) and I'm done talking about it. I do my best to compromise and leave the ball in their court, while still suggesting they take their character to another plot that's romance-oriented or drop them completely. I still try to be friends with people like that, at least on the surface. I'd probably never plot with them again tho xD 1 a dark, urban fantasy; inspired by sailor moon Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Khaleesi 4 Share Posted January 5, 2019 I don't think that you need to block them or be so harsh. You will for the foreseeable future be role playing on the same site with this person. I wouldn't want it to be weird but you were pretty direct the first time. Honestly? I would explain it again and let them know that you can have the wanted ad re-opened if they can't abide by your boundaries (make sure to reiterate no romance on the ad). Make it light-hearted and just move on. Don't see it as a punishment for not following your orders, it just makes sense for the ad to go back up. I would end the current thread however. ...R. A. N. T is open.... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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