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Deacon Frost
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I'm running a board with my friends, and we have rules about certain behaviors. We try to keep political and racially charged conversations out of Gen Chat, and limit religious discussions to avoid offending anyone. We want it to be a safe space to talk about hobbies and enjoyments and stuff. We have no problem providing emotional support for players going through things, but do request that if the subject matter could be overly triggering it go into our NSFW channel or to DMs just to keep the atmosphere from growing too heavy. I think we're doing a pretty good job of maintaining an active friendly Discord server. Our players talk, we try to help them get to know each other, encourage plotting. 

 

But I'm on another board, that is much larger than mine. I'm not an admin, just a player. Sometimes it's fun to not have that responsibility. I only have a few characters so I mostly just hang and chat and pop up tags when they come to me. This board has some very friendly people. I don't want to imply there is anything wrong with their player base. But one thing I've noticed, is of the 45 members or so, only (I think) 5 of us are male. Now, while this is slightly intimidating for me because I have autism and social anxiety I do my best to avoid foot in mouth disease. But I've noticed a growing trend where the conversations seem to be developing a sort of double standard. Male members are discouraged by a small percentage of the population from posting pictures of female play bys they like, even in channels meant for play bys. Images are critiqued for their amount of clothing even in the NSFW channels. Now, on the one hand I understand everyone has their personal preferences and don't mind this. Some people don't like near naked bodies. But I've noticed that if a female member is posting a similar image of their own female play by the comments are not made. Then I noticed that the female players who were most opposed to seeing female play bys posted by male players; were all playing a large number of homosexual men, and constantly posting images of their play bys in nothing but wet underwear, sometimes nothing but the shadow of a hand to cover their anatomy. This double standard bothers me. 

 

Now I fully acknowledge because of my mental health issues that I can be overly sensitive, have trouble taking criticism and shy away from perceived judgement. So I have been doing my best to not cause any trouble. I've stopped posting pictures of my female character in ANY state of dress or undress, no matter the channel rating. I've talked quietly to some of the Admin to see if they can explain things to me that I might not be getting because of my social cue reading difficulties. The Admins I have talked too seem just as confused as I am. Unable to determine if this subset of the population is actively anti-male View, or merely sensitive to issues of their own and speaking poorly. 

 

But tonight one of those female critiques took a picture of a random man in a restaurant because she felt he was attractive. She posted that image in the Gen Chat. When you opened the link to the image the zoom function allowed you to read the menu, the name of the restaurant, see details of the man's profile. I couldn't help feeling that was very unethical. I know that if I were to post pictures of strange women taken in secret and share them in general chat I would quickly be labeled as deviant. If I was on my board I would ask them to remove the picture and respect the privacy of people simply trying to have a meal; and if they felt compelled to share such pictures with their friends they should do it over DMs. I wouldn't even welcome it in our NSFW channel. But this is not my board. So I merely addressed my concerns to an Admin who didn't seem to be awake and came here; to ask my questions to the void and see how the larger community feels about the issue. 

 

I am perfectly willing to accept I might be sensitive and confused and over-reacting. I've been having a very stressful winter. 

Edited by Spirit Caller
typo
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Yiiiiiiiikes. Yeah, not focusing on the double standard thing because the admins are aware (though agreeing that is uncomfortable--like, if that's what the channel is for, I have zero issues with people of any gender posting those sorts of pics as long as no one gets creepy at one another!) but as for posting an oblivious stranger's picture to, basically, objectify them without their knowledge or consent...

 

FUCK THAT.

 

As an admin, I would shut that down fast. That crosses the line. By a good mile. That is creepy as hell. And if the admin failed to act on any of this, I'd be peacing on out. But that's me. And so you'll just need to decide how much you're willing to put up with. 😕

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It is an invasion of privacy to take photos of people without their consent. It shouldn't matter who the person is in the pic, or who took it, and then to post it on a forum/discord, etc, crosses the line even more. (When I've been in museums, zoos, parks etc, and want to take photos of animals, exhibits, and landscapes, I try my hardest to make sure that no one is in the pic.)

 

As for the double standard situation, yeah, I don't think that you are over reacting if you feel uncomfortable. When I rped on twitter, there was a lot of what I'd call voyeurism of all kinds. If I could stop the retweets showing up on my timeline, I would by either blocking the account that was retweeted (there were quite a lot of accounts that had porn, and scantily clad people on them), or by turning off retweets from that account, or unfollowing/muting/blocking the account if it was an actual rp account posting the pictures. Context of it was taken into account, too - if it was a still from a film or show, I wouldn't mind it as much. You do have a right to be apart of the community, but you also have a right to feel comfortable there, too, and if you feel anxious on there then it'll affect how you interact on there.

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