Reputation tarnished...not sure what steps to take

[Anonymous 234]

Many years ago, I started a roleplay forum all by myself. It turned into quite the little success. I gained many members and eventually decided to take on a handful of staff to help out with maintenance. They took to their roles like ducks to water...so well in fact that I started to feel like the site was more theirs than mine! They even began telling me to ask them permission before making any changes! Rather than face confrontation and knowing that they loved the site, I told them that they could have it. I gave them the keys to the entire operation and moved on to create a new site for myself.

After I started up my new site idea under the same genre, all hell broke loose. These staff members brought all of their users into my discord and attacked me for making something new. They told me that I was doing it to spite them. That I had abandoned them after all their hard work. They started banning members of their own that were a part of both sites. They made their members leave me nasty messages. It was a huge mess.

I eventually got the situation calmed down and parted ways with them. They told me that they were sorry and that it was all over. That we could just go out separate ways and hopefully not have to speak to one another again.

But now I can't get affiliates! A lot of similar sites are rejecting me because of my 'reputation with the other site'. So word is getting around that I've done something horrible I guess? I also haven't gotten a single new member in weeks, despite the fact that I post, plot, update, advertise, run contests, etc. And all of my existing members have slowly dropped away and I have no fresh faces to add into the pool.

While I'm sure that this could be in part due to a lull, I know that word is going around that sites shouldn't affiliate with me, so I'm sure that their users are getting that message as well.

I'm not sure what steps to take at this point because I feel like I've done nothing wrong. I just...handing over ownership to my admins and moved on. I expected the transition to be smooth so that I could start with a fresh new idea. But it hasn't been that way at all.

Anonymous poster hash: b6b93...d3d

[Guest Bekah]

Unfortunately, that is the ugly side of the RP community. Rumours spread like wildfire and they have the ability to completely ruin you. Sadly, the only immediate steps that you can take are to reinvent yourself, I'm talking different username, different email address...everything. It may sound drastic, but that's the only thing you can do if you don't want this negative drama following you around.

 

Another way to go about it is to address the situation head-on. Create an announcement on your forum putting your side across and how people are portraying you to be something you are not. People will make up their own mind, eventually. Block every person that brings hate to your site. Ban their IP address, E-mail address...do whatever you have too to have a quiet site.

 

If you haven't advertised on Tumblr yet, I suggest trying there too.

 

I hope everything works out for you, Anonymous! This community can be cruel at times ❤️

[Arceus 1,081]

Here's a thing to think about, because while your first instinct may be to run from it and hide and that, it's actually a pretty bad idea, and here's why (barring the fact that means they won). You're not as think as you ninja you are. They will be able to tell that's you sooner or later, and then you get deception tacked onto your already bad rap.

 

So here's the deal, don't pussyfoot around it. You'll have to dodge hate. Deal with it in the same manner you'd deal with any other hate. Move on. Ride the wave. Sooner or later, it'll die off, other sites will pop up that don't know, we all know sites come and go like crazy, anyway, and some people may even get curious what your side is because you're not disappearing and give you a chance. The truth is, if you run from it every time something like this happens, you're gonna be running forever. Don't start the cycle.

[Rhindeer 217]

Just keep on with your bad self.

 

Ban the haters, and don't even respond to the hate at all. Pretend it doesn't exist.

 

The RP world is a lot bigger than a few resource sites. You can advertise on reddit, for example, or tumblr, or countless other platforms as well as advertising site to site. Branch out from your current RP circles and expand, let other parts of the RP world know you exist. And even among whatever resource sites you're advertising on, the RP world is big even there and there are gonna be tons of sites that have never even heard of you or the other game before. Advertise and affiliate outside your genre.

 

And most importantly just...pretend the drama doesn't exist. It sounds like this other game is obsessing over you, and that is NOT a good look for them. Eventually, people are going to see how you're behaving versus how they're behaving and it's gonna look good for you and bad for them. The truth always comes out eventually, and the key is to just keep your cool, keep having fun, and let your own behavior and attitude show what's true.

 

It can feel devastating when you're at the center of some hurtful drama, but I promise, the vast majority of the RP world is clueless to your drama. Let that knowledge set you free!

[Gothic 307]

Pretty much what Rhi-Rhi says. If you show you have moved on and not the person they are saying you are? You don't have anything to worry about. If they are gossiping and causing issues for you behind the scenes, eventually people will catch on to their bullshit and you don't need the stress of dealing with these sorts of people. 

 

And I agree, most of the time? I have no idea about drama on other sites until I am told about it directly or it begins to impact where I am. Don't worry about it. 

 

Keep your chin up! 🙂

[Icewolf 258]

Just carrying on what you are doing and ignore them. Don't change your name and e-mail address. It might be hard to deal with right now, but one of the patterns I noticed on twitter was that the real trouble makers almost always made new accounts and tried to hide who they were, only to cause more problems later on. You've done nothing wrong at all in handing over the site you created and leaving to make a new one (unless you've taken things that they've created and used it in your new site - I can see that being their problem, but it's the only one they have. If that's not the case, then the problem really lies with them.)

[Josie 198]

Agreeing with @Arceus, @Viscount Rhi-Rhi, @Gothic, and @Icewolf! I'm not going to rehash everything they've already said, but I will add on something else: all of this drama is great advertising. If someone's going around making a stink about you and your site, you can bet that everyone who hears about it is going to come take a look. Prove those haters wrong, and you'll come out stronger on the other side. ❤️

Edited February 17, 2019 by Josie

[Morrigan 1,826]

To tack on to the things a lot of other people have said about continuing forward....

 

 

I want to add in, that if these sites are rejecting your affiliation requests without hearing your side of the story, they aren't going to be good affiliates anyways. So honestly it's no big loss that they aren't accepting you in my honest opinion. Find other affiliates, even if they aren't in your genre. Show them that you have staying power despite the mutiny that was your old site.

[Josie 198]

On 2/17/2019 at 4:24 PM, Morrigan said:

Find other affiliates, even if they aren't in your genre. Show them that you have staying power despite the mutiny that was your old site.

This! Like one thing that I would do frequently for any forum of mine that was a fandom was affiliate with whatever panfandom forums I could- they weren't in my genre, but chances were good that some of the people stopping by to look at the panfandom site might be. As well, hit up any long-standing sites, assuming they don't have any rules on your own longevity. Older sites get lots of traffic! 

[Zahhy 130]

I agree that you have two options. You can change your name and start over from everything, but people will still probably find out who you are. And I say BOO to that option.

Your other option is to be yourself and to keep on keepin on. There's nothing wrong with what you did nor how you've handled yourself. Some people don't get along. Sometimes misunderstandings blow way out of proportion. Sometimes people are wildly unfair. Sometimes they go out of their way to ruin others. The roleplaying community is aware of this. Many genres suffer from people trashing others, and many sites pirate players.

 

The best thing you can do for yourself is to address the issue once for those that are curious and then forget about it. State plainly that you started the site due to differences and since then you've gone your separate way. Write a solid code of conduct, ban anyone that breaks it. Ban anyone that comes close to causing drama on your site. You don't have time to feel hate. You deserve better.

 

The people that come to your site and want to play with you despite the drama are the people you want to play with anyway. They'll be there for the game, and not for some other reason. This goes for Affiliates too. You don't want the people that believe your tainted reputation around anyway. They didn't give you a chance. Forget 'em.

 

Edited February 20, 2019 by Zahhy

[CalicoCorsair 13]

I have had this happen to me! xD

 

Long long loooooong ass time ago. I was elevated to damn-near admin status on an rp but I had my own ideas that the rp creator didn't like so a couple of friends and I made our own, we were going to sister site it with the original and everything once it was all done. I wanted to stay on there and help out but also run some of my new ideas on said other site. I stayed in the same rp genre, but with my own ideas entirely. I was also young then and had decided to start developing the site first without specifically telling other site owner about it and was going to show it to him when I was all done and be like "yay we can be friends" because I knew people played on multiple other sites, so not a problem, right?  (this was waaay before I understood how petty people can be about thinking you're 'betrying them' for something stupid, I was a newb on the internetz, really)

 

No, apparently I betrayed him and I was booted from staff suddenly. Even though I talked to him directly to explain the above after I was 'ratted out' by some 'concerned members' (ie people that I'd thought were friends I could trust I told about it thinking it was a great idea), he wouldn't have it. So, even while he'd left me the ability to rp my characters on his site, I left with several very polite leaving posts (giving over property to other characters still on the site and even killing off one of my characters in a reasonable way since they were in a dicey situation at the time) and figured I'd move on. 

 

Haha, nope. They followed me and kept  harassing me about my site. There were sites in that genre that would not affiliate with me, or allow me on their toplists. So I went to other genres, and list sites, and just kept on going. I myself played lots of active characters on my own site with my couple of friends that had started it with me to keep it looking active and we ignored the haters and blocked them on our chat box when they'd come around. Eventually, they stopped because honestly, I just didn't give them any ammo. I didn't rage at them, I didn't change anything and I kept going. 

 

Eventually that site had a really nice little member base and stuck around for 5 years until I shut it down because I honestly ran out of time (and money for hosting). And guess what? My site was still going even after the previous site had shut down. ALSO, a while after we had gotten really well running, said owner person found me again (had blocked him on other forms of online communication for the harassment from before)  and tried to get me to come back because apparently they missed me over there.  I laughed about it and moved on with my life. 

 

tldr; It DOES work. You keep doing you and just keep on going. It is SO EASY for people to be assholes on a screen because no one can see anyone's faces. Just ignore it. They can't affect your real life. These are just games. Is your site fun for you? Keep on going with it. "Haters gonna hate" and all that. 🙂

[Roz 2]

Hi, there so I know this is late as I have only just joined but I know how you feel.  I am having a like issue.  I had been playing on a board for 2 years and I thought I had a good bond with these people.  My mistake, as much as I loved that board I found myself wanting something less non-canon and something more canon.  I thought it would be great if I could have both.   So I decided I would stay on that board but start my own canon one as well.  We would affiliate and be like sister sites. That being said I continued playing on the first board and built my own in my spare time.  I was careful to make sure I used no art that was theirs, no plots and so on.  I mean unless you were the creator of that fandom there was no way you could claim anything on my board was yours.  Still when they were told and my board opened they turned on me like a pack of rabid dogs.  I was told I had to ask them permission to make a board of my own!?  WTF?  They did in fact claim I stole their entire board and proceeded to tell everyone in the fandom they could get to as much.  They reported me to my forum host as well.  Now the forum host reviewed this and found in my favor that nothing was stolen and my board was as original as any board in someone else's created world can be.   Still vindicated or not people as a rule don't tend to seek both sides of the story.  No one came to me and asked for my side they simply started removing my ads and telling people bad things about me.  I lost a couple really good players and am having a hard time getting new ones.   I am stubborn and refuse to let bullies win so I persist.   I have however been able to get affiliates and have a few really good people that took the time to learn both sides and think for themselves.  Its slow but I have hope others will see past the petty acts of those I once thought of as friends.  Hang tough and contact me I will gladly affiliate with you if you like.