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When is it time to move on?


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I don't really feel like part of the community anymore.  I don't have an issue with anyone, but I just feel like I can't get involved. I have difficulty involving myself in plots, which caused me to drop from a handful of characters down to two.  I have a couple of threads left, but no actual plots with anyone. I don't know if it's worth sticking around anymore.  I'm afraid to leave since I've been there for so long and I like the board as a whole.  I guess I'm just lost.

 

When is it time to move on from a roleplay?

How do you know you're not making a mistake in leaving?

Do you have any advice that might help me to better involve myself in the community instead of just lingering on the fringes of it?

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So, I can't tell from this post where the weight of the issue lies heaviest. @Arceushas already made a good point about why not to stay somewhere that's heavy on your shoulders, so here's a flipside.

 

Is it obligation alone that keeps you there? Are there things you can still get nostalgic about, but don't remember how you got there? Can you identify what's holding you back from getting involved in plots?

 

If it's that you've gotten stuck and didn't realize at some point you stopped doing the things that kept both you and others going, that can often be fixed. Read back. Retrace your steps. Reach out to people who have ideas you're currently or have been interested in. Read, watch, listen to things that inspire you, and talk about them. It's easy to assume that people aren't going to be interested in our plots, but what's left to lose by giving people a chance to say 'yay,' 'nay,' or 'how about this instead'?

 

Whether you're staying or going, I hope you find solid footing in whichever path is best for you.

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I think if you're not having fun and it's been a while since you've been able to have fun, it's a good time to move on. If they're a good bunch, they will welcome you should you decide to come back. (Although I know the shameful feeling one has when coming back to an RP after a while...) 

 

If you really want to stay and the problem is lack of plots, try going after what you want. Put up some want ads or pick up an ad that interests you. If nobody bites the want ads, try posting the ads around resource sites. Maybe the current members don't have characters that fit the ad or maybe there isn't a current player that has interest in that particular plot. You can also try hitting people up via PM (only if they're okay with it!) and seeing if they might like to toss ideas back and forth, whether for existing characters or a whole new plot idea! 

 

I'm the same way; I need a plot to sink my teeth into. Threads are fine and good and all but they need to be headed SOMEWHERE. The real fun to RP is bantering about things OOC and coming up with ideas through that banter. If you don't feel you can do that with the people on the site, I think maybe that's the biggest sign you might need to find a new RP. Like you said, there doesn't need to be bad blood or anything. Just sometimes a group doesn't mesh well with what you want. 

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Imma come at this from a slightly different angle here because I think the above are all such good responses and should definitely be listened to. As the admin and runner of a site, I would say that the best way for you to be certain if you're made the right choice moving on from of a site is to let the admin/staff team on the site try to fix the issue, before you then leave. If you then decide that their best efforts on the matter don't fix it, then you can leave knowing that it was never going to work because the admin's tools/tricks weren't enough to keep you involved.

 

My advice would be -

Go tell the admin of the site what you just told us. Go and explain to them that there's no animosity, just a general "meh" feeling. If wanted ads, plot suggestions and putting yourself out there and all the normal ways to kick start muse aren't helping, then the admin staff might have something in their arsenal of tools that might help? They might have knowledge of a plot/character/member who you could kick start some stuff with, or they might have some wisdom regarding the progress and future of the site that you're not privy to that might help. So, allow them to come up with a solution for you.

 

I would like to think that an admin would take your issues as a challenge and something to help you progress through and maintain through - as we all get moments where the rp just isn't lighting that fire quite as hot as it used to. It's about how the site and the staff team can help you through that period and get you back to the fun stuff.

 

If the admin/staffer you speak to has no answer, doesn't want to know or offers solutions or fixes that aren't going to work, you can walk away with no worries. Because you know it was never going to work. This might help you have more confidence in your choice 😄 But it also helps out the site too. Members disappearing without explanation or without giving the staff team the chance to fix the problem (especially if they aren't aware of it at all) can be big confidence knockers. And, while it might not be the thought most prevalent in your mind right now (understandably), knocking the confidence of the admin/staff team of a site can have knock on effects to the community and site as a whole. And it sounds like, so far, you're all on good terms and you've enjoyed your time on the forum 😄 would be shame to lose that in how you decided to leave, if you did decide to leave.

 

So... yeah, that's it from a slightly different perspective if it's helpful... Just give the staff team a chance to rectify the issues. Even if they can't, at least you know you've done what you can and can walk away without bad blood or wonderings of "what if?"....

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21 hours ago, Anonymous said:

I don't really feel like part of the community anymore.  I don't have an issue with anyone, but I just feel like I can't get involved. I have difficulty involving myself in plots....I have a couple of threads left, but no actual plots with anyone.


In addition to what everyone else has said, I'm going to ask a self-reflective question: Is there something going on IRL that has you feeling a general disconnected and depressed funk outside of the RP world. Stress, heavy schedules, problems with RL friends/relatives/coworkers, work, sickness, allergies, lack of proper sleep, depression; all can interfere with a person's interest in activities that would normally bring them joy. If there is any chance at all that your difficulty in getting involved could be caused by a lack of interest due to simply a lack of ENERGY left to expend, I'd start here.

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If you want to stay for the chatting stuff  then stay. For rp stuff  either look for something interesting, or just use your characters in writing stuff.

Or do a rp / writing partner  request thing, and see what shows up.

Other then that not sure if not wanting to go on another site while staying on the said one.

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On 5/14/2019 at 5:13 PM, CovertSphinx said:


In addition to what everyone else has said, I'm going to ask a self-reflective question: Is there something going on IRL that has you feeling a general disconnected and depressed funk outside of the RP world. Stress, heavy schedules, problems with RL friends/relatives/coworkers, work, sickness, allergies, lack of proper sleep, depression; all can interfere with a person's interest in activities that would normally bring them joy. If there is any chance at all that your difficulty in getting involved could be caused by a lack of interest due to simply a lack of ENERGY left to expend, I'd start here.

 

This is fantastic advice. I think that sometimes, when we are struggling to make connections with other people and other roleplayers - like plots and threads etc, we have a natural desire to place that fault onto the community or site (which it very well may be!) but we also forget that roleplaying takes a good deal of effort on our own parts too. Less so when muse is high and everyone else is engaged, and more so if there is a natural lull in creativity on the site. If you're feeling particularly disconnected, it's likely that you'll naturally be putting in less effort. Not that this is all your fault or anything - I don't know the site or community or what you've been doing to try and find new connections and stories on there. But CovertSphinx is 100% right when they say that self reflection is probably just as significant and important as an analysis of the site ❤️ 

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When is it time to move on from a roleplay? For me, it comes down to one of the same three things almost every time. I don't feel safe staying on the site because of things like staff attacking or endangering members, bullying, stalking, or OOC homophobia/racism going unaddressed. I haven't gotten replies in 30 days or more and I can't stay interested in a site where nothing is happening with my characters. Or the site's culture is different than what I want in things like post length, reply wait time, type of characters, OOC tone, and so on. There's been some outliers, but I can overlook a lot of things besides those. 

 

How do you know you're not making a mistake in leaving? I think it's natural to have some doubt here, a lot of the time. For me, a big sign is if I mute the Discord/stop logging into the site/post a LOA and I feel less stressed without that community as a part of my daily interactions. There's definitely some sites where everything was amazing until Something Happened and I've been disappointed to leave, but I also know that I'm not going to be happy if I stay. I guess that's what it comes down to - if I'm not at least a little happy to log into the site and see new posts or characters, then I feel it's time to go. 

 

Do you have any advice that might help me to better involve myself in the community instead of just lingering on the fringes of it? I think everyone above has made some pretty good points, and I don't really have anything to add here. 

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  • 1 month later...

I went through something similar a few years ago. I honestly couldn't find anything interesting or promising for quite some time. The last few forums I joined went dead instantly or, if I was made staff, left to me to run without even asking me if I wouldn't mind. It certainly put a damper on my mood. Needless to say, I didn't feel motivated to join anything else for a while or even run my own forums, which I didn't have but one at the time. I wasn't even advertising it though. During those years, I found something else to preoccupy myself with and that was caring for my teen brother who moved in with me. His hobbies became mine and I found some enjoyment in those.

Fast forward 3 years later. He's about to graduate and wants to stay with a friend when I would move to a bigger city four hours away. You can imagine the loneliness that followed, so I started looking back into roleplay and found just a few forums I liked. One was promising, an OUAT, and I joined. However, it dawned on me that they wanted practically nothing to do with me. I had to beg to plot with people because they ignored me most of the time. No, it was not a misconception. I even showed my best friend who I met through roleplay the screenshots and she felt the same way as I did. Even when I joined another forum that seemed promising, I found that my plots were very limited and not just because of where my character was based; it was how the staff wanted to run certain things and control other players' characters (quite literally too.)

I decided to just focus on my own forums. Since then, I have rekindled my interest in roleplay and writing. I have made a few new friends and I enjoy writing with them. My brother came and lived with me for a few months, but he was already 18 and capable of taking care of himself so I kept writing. He thought it was strange what I did for a hobby, but, hey, everyone's entitled to their own kinks! Hell, the boy listens to stripper music, I'm not kidding.

If you feel like the community's ignoring you, let them know. They might not mean to. Real life can butt in when we really don't want it to.

If you feel like you might need a break from roleplay, take it. Don't overexert yourself trying to enjoy something that you might regret later if you grow to hate it. When you force yourself to enjoy something that you want to enjoy, that's when you would never appreciate it as a hobby.

I think it's just a matter of finding the right time and the right niche to find some interest in something.

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I recently left the RP that got me back into the game after a much-too-long hiatus. I loved the people there, considered many of them my friends, and I had important plots and characters that I was leaving behind, and I knew that my leaving would immediately negatively impact the site. I also knew that they would recover, and that my leaving would open up important character spots to much more active and engaged members than I ever was. If I had any more to give, I would have, and I wondered if I had made a mistake for about two days. Then I realized that I was much less stressed, that I would always be welcome back if I wanted, and that I was better focusing on running the site I admin. I still check in every so often, not on the Discord but the site itself, and I miss it, but I know I don't have the time or energy, at least not now.

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It's time to move on when you are too tired and you can't do it anymore, or when the story is ending. I had to leave a roleplay I was on, because I realised I had no more time for it. I also announced my writing partners that on the site I am managing, we are heading towards finishing the story and at the end of the year the site will close, for the same reason. My roleplaying time will be over.

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Big reasons I've left sites before (or knew it was time to quit) have been:

 

+ toxic or cliquey community

+ very slow posting times/threads never finishing, like... ever

+ people not wanting to plot with me/always feeling one sided in my attempts to reach out

+ unfriendly, apathetic, or aloof staff

 

And things that have made me stay, even though I shouldn't...

 

+ nostalgia (when things were better)
+ good stories/threads/rp partners (even if they were toxic)

+ couldn't find anything else that suited my needs (genre, rules, etc).

 

A good way to gauge well... anything, really... is to ask yourself: do I feel better when I'm around X, or when I'm not around X? This could be a person, a site, a hobby, whatever. If the answer is the latter, something is wrong. Whether in the community or game itself. As others have also pointed out, it could be a personal thing, too. You may no longer feel muse for the genre. Or maybe real life stress is preventing you from enjoying stuff. Depression and other mental illnesses can be a real hobby killer.

 

Anyway, I hope you find a new site or form of expression. ❤️ Good luck!

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  • 3 weeks later...

I think if you aren't feeling the site anymore, it might be time to move on. I've felt this before. I think we've all felt this before to be honest. Not everywhere is a fit for everybody. I think we all see this from the amount of people that join sites then suddenly leave. I'm not sure how long you've been on the site for, but since you said you had a bunch of characters maybe it's been awhile. Maybe it might be worth chatting with one of your admins about it? See if they can be of any help? If not, you might want to start looking for a new home. Sometimes new places and new faces help kickstart a muse. Hope I have helped! 

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  • 1 month later...

You can always check your peers' plotters or wanted ads and see if your characters fit anywhere in there that you can strike up some interesting plots!

 

I know how you feel, though. I'm a terribly slow RPer. And sometimes, I get to the point where I've finished all my incredibly slow threads for one character, and consider dropping them because I feel super lost and super awkward that they're literally not involved in anything. But you gotta make some effort in digging around for something to do. There are plenty of people, I'm sure, who would love to plot something out with you. And if not, you can always reach out to someone and see if your character can fit a role in one of their pending plots. 

 

 

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