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Dealing with a writing partner that auto hits?


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So this is a problem I've run into with someone I write with. They're a good partner, mostly, they advance threads and contribute to plotting and have interesting plots and all that. But they continuously write things in their posts where their character will punch or pin mine in fights, move them to the side, grab their hand and forcibly take what they're holding, etc without my permission. I've confronted them about how I don't like it and they refuse to change their posts on the ground that their character is stronger and faster than mine, and therefore they don't want to waste time writing out the fight when the end result is guaranteed in their character's favour. I would okay it if they asked "hey my character would go to punch your character, can it hit?" But they go ahead and write what they want and it's getting old. I enjoy writing with them apart from this one thing, so I don't want to skip to dropping all my threads with them without trying to work things out first. And I could overlook it if it happened once or twice but it's in literally every. single. thread. Suggestions? 

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Put your foot down and flat out tell this person that you like roleplaying with them and would be happy to work out plots in a way that works for both of you, but that's powerplaying and you can't do it anymore. Strength isn't everything. Literally there are styles of fighting that use an opponent's superior strength against them, so the strength argument is just a lazy way to justify their actions. If your partner wants to still push the situation, there are other writing partners who will work with you in a more collaborative manner.

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You've already confronted them about this. So do it back to them. I've seen people recognise how unfun they're being once they've had a taste of their own medicine.

 

Or, you could discuss doing joint posts with them. Decide the outcome of the fight together and how that happens. Then write it together and post it all in one go. I actually hate fight threads for various reasons. So going forward, I think I'm just going to go this route. My friend with similar feelings on fight threads has had success with joint posts. Maybe it'll help you without having to be combative?

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Honestly I would straight put your foot down: tell them to adjust the post or there won't be a reply until they do. I'm sure your board like any other RP board has a no powerplaying policy. Point out that in certain cases if they asked, and waited for your answer, beforehand that might be okay, but it's not okay in every post for every action they deem it should be and that advanced speed/strength is no excuse(all abilities/powers have downsides for a reason and even speedsters don't always win cause they're faster). As someone who has dealt with these types and been down the refusal-to-adjust after the first time I brought up the issue? The only way to get through is to put your foot down and let them know you won't be pushed around otherwise they'll walk all over you. It can suck to lose threads or a good writing buddy, but you have to decide if that's worth them just treating you like a doormat so keep that in mind cause sometimes these types won't change no matter what you say - in rare cases I've even threatened to take it to site staff as it was the only way they would. I hope you have better luck.

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that's one thing I won't tolerate either. I call it out when it's happening as it is happening, telling them they can't guarantee how my character will react, and can't guarantee they are more capable regardless of known details about the ocs.  I also treat everything as an attempt even if it's not written that way.

player A: josh punched jane
Me: Jane sidestepped the hit didn't land

sometimes I give myself permission to doge extra in this case, though that's a bit passive aggressive. I'll tell the player, the character won't be taken seriously as able to land hits until they write the attack as an attempt.

eventually this either annoys said player, and plots stop with them, or they get the idea that I won't just let things happen without consent.

if they chain attack, assume multiple hits land, I'll call that out too, (hey, I know its happening fast, but one attack at a time here so I can react), and if something my character does would break the chain, I stop the attack there with the same rules of treating it all as if it was attempted
 

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There's a difference between an explanation and an excuse. An explanation seeks to have you understand their side of the matter; an excuse seeks to break yours.

 

You've done well by approaching it with them directly. Unfortunately, it sounds like they're not looking for collaboration - they're looking for you to entertain them.

 

If someone can't respect 'no' as a complete answer, that turns roleplay from a game into a one-sided service. Yes, even if it was fun in the beginning for you. I believe that's called the "sunken cost fallacy".

 

You've tried to work with them. They've tried to twist your arm instead. Unfortunately for them, they can't godmode your interests.

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I agree mostly with the people above but there are some thick people, like myself, that doesn't want to go through the rugamaroo of asking "every post" when the outcome is the same or similar every time.

 

On the flip side of that, it's also a pain in the ass to be on the receiving end of that (I'm sure @Dragon might agree I'm a pain in the ass that way sometimes) too.

 

To explain, just because they will "probably win" doesn't mean:

  1. They should always win.
  2. They win by default.

 

However, I disagree that the way that its being handled is okay. You've said your peace and they disagree. There is NO reason to become a petulant five year old and be like "well if you don't then I won't" that won't fix anything and will just put a wedge between you and your partner that will eventually never come out.

 

I don't know how the conversation went down but I don't feel like you emphasized your feelings on the godmodding/powerplaying taking place. I think you need to explain to them why you feel it's crossing the line as they may not understand why you are offended/hurt by it. To them, what you explained, is that they are taking out the middleman but to you taking out the middleman takes out your creativity. To me this needs to be more expressly discussed in a more direct manner and explained why the middleman of "letting my character decide" is needed and that they need to provide you with that choice. Even if their character is faster/more powerful/agile etc than your character it doesn't remove reaction, especially depending on the character dynamic and tells.

 

Thick heads like me, sometimes forget or neglect that and need reminding.

 

Depending on the person, and from what it sounds like they probably need a firm hand, you'll need to approach it differently. A Firm hand thick head sorta needs a "Hey dummy, I know your character will likely win but the underdog needs a fighting chance, stop it" talk. A more Fluffy person could probably do with something more touchy feely like, "I understand you think your character will always win but I feel that if I don't even get the opportunity to try winning then our character relationship will never grow. You need to slow it down a bit" sort of thing.

 

I feel like thick head is just being thick and I feel like maybe you're being a smidge too nice. You should always be able to communicate with your RP partner to the point that when you're uncomfortable that things should be discussed and worked out and not shoved aside like it feels like your RP partner is doing.

 

If the behavior continues either:

  1. Your RP partner doesn't value you as a partner.
  2. You don't value yourself as a good RP partner to stand up for yourself.

 

While harsh I don't want to mince possibilities. I recommend pushing for a work it out or work away motion.

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7 hours ago, Morrigan said:

To explain, just because they will "probably win" doesn't mean:

  1. They should always win.
  2. They win by default.

 

 

I agree with Morrigan wholeheartedly here. Also, depending on the nature of the board, does there always have to be a winner?

 

You've mentioned that you enjoy writing with them generally which is fantastic, so I can understand your hesitation at burning that bridge. However, if they're not willing to meet you halfway on this issues, is it really worth the aggravation? It sounds like, at best, an issue of stubbornness, but an issue of respect at worst.

 

Clearly they think they have logic on their side, so a reminder that roleplaying is for fun and explaining how the situation impacts your fun might be in order. If they still won't play ball, it may be time to find someone who will!

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Collaborative writing and role-playing is about communication and working together. No matter how satisfying writing can be with a person, if they are there to "always win," they're not really there to collaborate so much as gratify themselves. If someone isn't willing to actually be inclusive of their writing partner by allowing consequences and graciously accepting the wonderful opportunities failure presents in a character interaction, then perhaps it's really time to objectively consider whether you want to be writing with that person instead of continuing to feed their ego.

 

In the spirit of communication, if you've expressed your concerns and been honest about how the writing situation(s) make you feel only to receive no compromise, then, well, it's okay to set boundaries with a person and let them know you need to step back from writing with them until they can be more considerate of your story (and the stories of others!) instead of just their own. 

 

It's a hard lesson to learn for some people, but one that has its own rewards in the end.

 

There are times "auto-hits" and "assumed outcomes" and a bit of "godmodding" have their place in writing with our various partners, and that's fine. To me, however, that's something you discuss with whoever you're writing with before you set up a thread with them instead of when you're stuck in the middle and miserable. 

 

I hope you find a solution or your writing friend comes around!

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I agree with a lot of what others are saying. I think being direct about how you are uncomfortable is the best way to navigate things.

Communication, like others have pointed out, is key, but there is a right way to go about communicating it. Assertiveness is all about communicating your own boundaries and rights in a respectful way that won't disrespect the other persons rights. So basically, not approaching it from a passive aggressive or aggressive stand point (just doing the same thing back or just ripping into them). If they are not willing to respect the boundaries you have set in place, might be worth looking into limiting your time with them. Part of respecting yourself is being able to pull back from people that don't respect the boundaries you set in place. Saves you A LOT of headaches in the end. I speak from similar experiences. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

I happily give mod permission to my RP partners when we've established dynamics and boundaries, but I'm a big fan of writing attempts and I do even with mod permissions sometimes, out of respect for my co-writer.

 

Not asking permission is shitty to start ; assuming powerplay is not cool either. 

 

I think because there are offscreen conversations about mod permissions happening, some people think powerplaying is okay, seeing as those permissions are not visible anymore. 

 

(More so because ooc notes are less and less a thing, apparently. This still bemuses me. 😵)

 

In short: I would discuss things with this person and tell them precisely how many pokes / shoves they are allowed, and how far they can go.  Then I would give them a chance to show that they can respect the boundaries.  

 

Once that is not respected, though, they'd be SOL in my book. lethal weapon fuck this shit GIF

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  • 4 weeks later...

I agree a lot with what Morrigan has said here. It is very easy for us to think that we have been clear on how we feel about something, but the problem is we may not have explained it properly. I've had some of these issues on my site and some of it stems from people being just a little too nice with plotting and discussing with others and it allows there to be wiggle room to still continue to do unwanted things. Because the other person 1. didn't understand what was being asked of them or 2. did not respect the wish because it didn't seem like it was that big of a deal. 

 

Talk to them again and explain why you would like to keep that middle-man in place. Bigger, stronger, faster, doesn't mean they're OP. If they continue to disregard you, then I think it's time to find another partner. If they get rude about it, maybe discuss it with staff and see if they feel like they can do anything for you. As an Admin, I'm always happy to help re-explain things in a more clarifying manner and sometimes it does take a staff member saying: this is power-playing and you need to OK these kinds of actions with your thread partner before posting them. However, I would make this a last resort if you feel it'll drive a wedge between you and your partner. 

 

On that note, I don't think they're being very considerate as is. 

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  • 1 month later...

 I automatically speak up and tell them why I don't enjoy that method. If they don't listen, I stop playing with them.

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