Kryptonite 0 Share Posted June 15, 2019 Heya so I admin a site with one other person. It's a dystopian site. Anyways, I had to put my admin foot down about a few issues to three of the members, who are all friends. Admittedly I was a little heavy-handed with my tone and how I addressed it, but I did apologize later about it. One of the members I specifically reached out to was someone who I considered a friend, but when I approached them, they would not accept my apology and instead went on to call me various things. Then promptly backpedaled when I went silent for some time, saying they weren't cussing me out. Against my better judgment, I didn't ban them because I thought we could go back to being friends or at least tolerating each other because I REALLY didn't want drama, but I told them it was best if we cut off all ties to each other. Plots and all. I allowed them to stay on my site even after calling me names, and this isn't the first strike they've had either. Now they try to drown me out in the discord, using their two other friends to talk over me, and they purposefully go OUT OF THEIR WAY to ignore me. Like if I chime in when it's dead silent to something someone says, they will immediately chime in afterward to that person as well, and continue to talk to only that person, as if it's a competition. And I'm just sick and tired of it. I dread coming on my own site, but now I don't have a good reason to kick this person, as the window of time has already kinda closed. Not to mention, if I kick them, their friends are either going to follow (which is whatever) or start some drama. So I guess my question is... should I just rip off the bandaid? Is it worth it to face the drama now than trying to continue living in anxiety and dread on my own site? I really don't wanna be heckled by their friends if I do kick them (because they seem like the type to do so), but I can't keep hating coming onto my site. Pls help. 😕 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Jaxx 317 Popular Post Share Posted June 15, 2019 (edited) Yep. Kick them. They've been rude to you and are continuing to be rude to you. It's not going to get better, even though it's a hard decision to make and a harder thing to do. But look at it this way. If you had friends over to your home for dinner and they started making you uncomfortable, you wouldn't go to McDonald's for a burger and wait for them to leave. You'd show them the door. Your site is also your home, though in a less literal/physical sense. I would disagree that you don't have a good reason to kick this person - they're consistently being rude to staff, which in my opinion is a bannable offense itself if not resolved, and from your description they've refused to at least be neutral towards you. I imagine it's also making members uncomfortable. While you haven't specified a time frame, it seems as though this has been going on for a while. It will not get better. They will not shape up. Not to mention that a site can survive any member leaving, but if the admin gives up, it's toast. If the friends start drama, well, ban them too. Start shit get hit. They've made it clear they don't respect you and I can't imagine why they're still hanging around when they've been acting passive-aggressively for a long time (or even outright aggressively, as you mentioned one called you names, and I would have banned that individual at the time). It's typically expected of members that they don't cause drama or uncomfortable situations, whether for staff or members, and if they don't play nice, I think it would be unreasonable for them to expect you to handhold them through the process even if they showed willingness to change. I would DM them explaining that they've been removed from the community for inappropriate behaviour and they can politely ask for their apps to be emailed to them. Then ban them from the Discord and site. If they only get aggressive with you in DMs, block them on Discord. They've had multiple chances to be normal human beings and instead they've decided to be assholes. It's time for them to go and it's better to do it now instead of getting more and more miserable. Edited June 15, 2019 by Jaxx 1 5 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Deacon Frost 196 Popular Post Share Posted June 15, 2019 (edited) I'm a relatively new Admin, that said I've still had to ban people. If a member that I addressed with a problem in their communication styles started cussing me out; I would kick them. It's not because the're not eligible to their own opinion; but there are rules of common courtesy that I expect to be observed between human beings. If they are unwilling to observe those rules they can go foster drama and discomfort on their own board and not one that I poured my blood, sweat and tears into making. Edited June 15, 2019 by Spirit Caller 5 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Keaton 133 Share Posted June 15, 2019 Fully agreed with what's already been said here: Ban the member in question, and if their friends start stirring shit, ban them, too. I know many of us who admin sites hate to lose any members, but these people are not benefiting your site. No degree of activity or writing prowess can make up for being an asshole. Furthermore, your window hasn't closed. You're the admin; your window is open indefinitely. I understand where you're coming from with regards to feeling nothing that's been done recently is ban-worthy -- If you're trying to run a balanced game, fairness is important. But you're also allowed the benefit of time to further assess the situation. Even if they weren't icing you out and coming off rude to you now, it's still your prerogative to change your mind after further consideration. As was said, it's your site. This is supposed to be fun, and you put in too much time and effort as an admin to be bullied in your own space. It's better to have 5 players who are respectful and kind than 50 who are dicks. The bad seeds will just bring the whole thing down, and if they don't like it, they can create their own game. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
demonickitten 8 Share Posted June 15, 2019 I agree with everyone. Ban the problem members and their friends as well. 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NFT47 40 Share Posted June 15, 2019 I agree with everyone else. Ban them. It is your site and your space. Now is the time to protect that now, more than ever. I don't even allow those types of behavior to surface on the sites I admin because I had bad experiences in the past after giving chance after chance and being way too passive about taking actions (this was in my early admin years). I have also been on the flip side, where there were toxic members that weren't banned and literally killed a site that had a lot of potential. The admin mistakingly gave them way too much power, ignored members concerns, and allowed the site to completely change. Toxic people, create toxic environments. I am sure you don't want your site to become that, so see this as protecting your own mental health and site. You should not dread coming on your own site. 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymous 234 Share Posted June 16, 2019 I am absolutely in agreement with everyone that says ban the ones causing problems. If their friends leave too, so be it, and if they cause problems, ban them too, because you do not want that continuing drama. I had a sort of similar issue in that things went south with a member I thought was a friend, it just accelerated from there to that same point where I felt a bit ill about the drama and my own board. Tried to work things out to no avail. Banning was the best thing for my mental health and definitely the best thing for the board, despite losing a couple members. The whole atmosphere of the board and the discord was greatly improved after that for everyone. Trust me, other people will pick up on the tension too and it will just be harmful to you and your site. Anonymous poster hash: a35e6...977 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renya 55 Share Posted June 16, 2019 I can't really disagree with anything that has been said before. What I will add is that anyone showing a staff member disrespect is a bad thing for people to see on your site; but it's also the fact they feel able to *get away with it* - again, probably not an attitude you want to encourage. Remember it's important for you to think about this; you are still a member and a person and you are entitled to the same respect and courtesy you show to everyone else. When in doubt about it being a **directed at Staff** switch it around and remember this; would you have the same hesitation if they were displaying this attitude and behaviour toward a member. Often we as staff take on more abuse/rudeness because we feel we should. It can be hard to say goodbye to someone who've you have gotten along with before. But ultimately in these situations you stand to lose more by doing nothing, as your members become concerned about both your dedication and also their own safety to play in this kind of negative environment. Generally, by this time most of your members are aware of these issues and are waiting for you to respond. All in all I hope this helps, and remember sometimes you have to do a hard thing in order to get some positives out of what has become a challenging situation. 2 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samantha 64 Share Posted June 16, 2019 Sometimes trying to avoid drama by keeping people around just causes more issues in the long run. I’ve done it before, I think everyone has. We don’t WANT to ban people - especially if people on our site are friends with that person. But with the situation you’ve described, you have to get rid of them. It may cause some drama, but you’ll be able to handle that. If you let it continue you’ll end up burning out and that won’t be good for anyone - including all the members on your site. I hope it all all works out for you and things get better! ❤️ 1 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gothic 307 Share Posted June 16, 2019 On 6/15/2019 at 1:59 PM, Keaton said: As was said, it's your site. This is supposed to be fun, and you put in too much time and effort as an admin to be bullied in your own space. It's better to have 5 players who are respectful and kind than 50 who are dicks. The bad seeds will just bring the whole thing down, and if they don't like it, they can create their own game. In agreement with what everyone said plus this. A big site does not always equal a happy site. A bad seed can push away potential members, make members (even longtime members) feel unwelcome and it is your sandbox that they have joined. Would you accept this if they were bullying a member? I doubt it. I've been there and I felt the impact of what happens when it goes on for too long. No point wasting time. Some people respond when other people are patient and understanding while others take advantage of it. Ban them. If the friends cause problems they can be banned too. 1 2 Active, fun, established 2008! Come join us. Aeterna Roma Sites I am on; Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
xexes 108 Share Posted June 16, 2019 You know, it seems like all these problems have occurred on the discord, so personally, I would just give them a time out on Discord and temp ban them for a little bit so they can cool down. 1 A relaxed, dark and gritty roleplay based on Disney's Zootopia. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rugs 63 Share Posted June 17, 2019 22 hours ago, Samantha said: Sometimes trying to avoid drama by keeping people around just causes more issues in the long run. I’ve done it before, I think everyone has. We don’t WANT to ban people - especially if people on our site are friends with that person. But with the situation you’ve described, you have to get rid of them. It may cause some drama, but you’ll be able to handle that. If you let it continue you’ll end up burning out and that won’t be good for anyone - including all the members on your site. I hope it all all works out for you and things get better! ❤️ Definitely seconding this. You can try to be nice to people, but eventually there may come a point where you have to boot some asses out the door. In my experience, any initial disturbances are usually worth the tradeoff compared to letting things continue to fester. Administrator, Star Wars Universe RP An AU Star Wars Roleplay set in the Old Republic era Story | Cast Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post CovertSphinx 710 Popular Post Share Posted June 17, 2019 My honest opinion is that letting them stay was the big mistake from the get-go. HOWEVER, the situation was also left open that they can reasonably say "Oh well you wanted to cut all ties, so that's why we don't talk to you in Discord / treat you as invisible". They've probably been just waiting for you to throw a hissy-fit about the behavior to 1) make you look bad publicly (and therefore wrong) and 2) intimidate you into rescinding whatever punishment you cast upon them because they're just "doing what you asked". It's Manipulation 101, and my advice is: RIP 👏 THE 👏 BAND-AID 👏 2 3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Popular Post Dun 68 Popular Post Share Posted June 18, 2019 Participating in your game isn't a right. If you don't like someone (Heck-- whether they like you or not), you can totally give them the boot whenever you'd like. You don't owe them anything, and you don't have to wait for them to do something that seems particularly terrible. This doesn't look like one of those situations in which you can enjoy the game simply without engaging with this person any more than is absolutely necessary. Sometimes that's the solution, and that's great, but you're clearly bothered by this person's online presence, whether they're engaging with you or not. I say get rid of 'em. Personally: I'm too dang old to waste time or energy on managing a rude child as part of my hobby time (or at all, really). It's easy to be an adult and be respectful of people in a shared online space, even if you dislike them. Anyone who refuses to do that isn't welcome in my game, and I'm not putting up with them. I'm also not going to be upset about someone violating boundaries I haven't created. I'll put the boundaries up, I'll tell them they aren't welcome, and I'll ban them if it seems I ought to. Conveniently, that has only been necessary a few times in my years of running RPGs. 1 5 Original fantasy| 18+ | No WC/APP | Jcink Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Honorem 219 Share Posted June 27, 2019 Bit late to the party, and echoing what others have said, but what the hell. Yes, get rid of them. If you have to tread on eggshells around them on your own site, then you may as well. What a lot of trouble members don't realise is that a forum is not a place to do whatever they like. It's not a democracy. You can boot them for any reason, or for no reason at all. And in this case they seem to be incapable of moving past disagreements. Instead they continue to be rude, ignore you in the chat, etc. Life's too short to be dealing with petty children. 1 ☩ FORGE - GUNPOWDER FANTASY ☩ ☢ VECTOR - CYBERPUNK / SPACE WESTERN ☢ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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