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Problem players anon

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Help.  I fully admit to being a problem member in the past and it cost me a site I really enjoyed playing at. Now, I find myself running into trouble at other sites. It’s gotten to the point where I have to check the member list before I even think of joining a new game because if certain people are there, I know I won’t get in. 


Apologies are out because I’m blocked.  So what do I do?  

Anonymous poster hash: f1565...63d

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1 hour ago, Anonymous said:

Now, I find myself running into trouble at other sites.


What does this mean? As in, you're repeating the same behavior at other sites and it's creating the same sort of consequences, or was that just a reference to what you later said about not being able to get in certain places? Because these could be two very different situations.


The first thing I would suggest is to examine your past behavior closely and pin down what the motivation was for you creating problems, and whether you think it will legitimately come up again. Be brutally honest with yourself about that, because people who cause drama and make RP more serious and stressful than it needs to be are legit the bane of pretty much everyone in this hobby. You owe it to anyone you play with as well as yourself to make sure you won't repeat past mistakes before jumping in anywhere again. If you can find a mental space where you can be chill and just have fun with the hobby, it will be better for everybody. And if you're not there yet, that's OK -- Maybe taking a break from the hobby would help.


That said, if you've already done all that and grown from it, and feel confident you've changed for the better, just find a new place where you don't know anybody and do your best to be a nice person there. Everybody makes mistakes, and if you've adjusted your behavior, you deserve a second chance. But I wouldn't consider games with people who are uncomfortable having you around. That's the consequences of your previous actions and you'll have to live with them, and it's not on those folks to give you a second chance if it makes them uncomfortable to do so. I would also strongly advise you to stay away from people who bring out any negative or otherwise ill-advised tendencies.


Also: Absolutely, positively do not try to sneak into games with said people mentioned above using a different handle. I have seen this happen multiple times, and the secret always comes out and it's always a mess.

Edited by Keaton
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I second the whole *do not go in under a new name* it never, ever ends well. I admit I've changed my handle over the years, mostly as a natural progression (I joined one site with a person who had the same one so I had to come up with a new one) but it's always been a case of me just picking a name that suited or felt right but it was never about hiding who I was from people. 


When you say blocked, do you mean by those people or by the sites? 


One suggestion for the site, is reaching out to the Staff ahead of time, while it comes with risks it might be a way of getting a dialogue that would not otherwise be possible. Just remember it's hard for people to accept an apology when they are still in a place of strong emotions and feelings. We all tend to grrr at those moments, sometimes we regret it but others, we will feel it's justified as means of protecting ourselves. 


Finally, perhaps a different genre could help? If these are people you posted with in  the same/similar one changing it up might be an option as you'd be far less likely to run into the same people and could start to enjoy the hobby without the stress. 


And remember, sometimes no matter how sincere an apology won't work and you'll never be *friends* again but perhaps you can try and encourage the idea of all being able to share the same hobby and just being polite and civil to each other? Just one last idea. I hope it helps. 

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I’ve been blocked in discord by a few people and banned from a site so both I guess. 


I have found another site in the same genre I really like and things are good there.   Tried playing another type and got bored. Oh well. 

Anonymous poster hash: f1565...63d

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