How do I tell my admin they are taking on too much?

[Anonymous 234]

So I recently joined a site, the place is great. It's growing rapidly but I feel like the admin is taking on a bit too much.

 

They are obviously quite passionate about their site, they are working through all the bios quickly, they are posting a lot, they are working hard but they are also PLOTTING WITH EVERYONE!!!!!

 

The latter isn't really a bad thing in the long run but when the admin/staff have more threads by themselves than their members have collectively often means that there is something wrong. It means their players aren't cohesively plotting and so that thread count for the interesting/awesome/always there admin is just going to get bigger and the pool that others play with each other may stay the same.

 

How do you tell your admin to take a step back before burnout happens and the site you love dies? How do you tell them that they are awesome but need to push other players to plot more? Help insight! All that jazz would be awesome!!

Anonymous poster hash: a4ce6...73e

[Brie 51]

First off, you sound like an awesome member. I love you already and I don’t even know who you are. XD

 

As someone who is that admin posting with a daily tag count in the double digits, a full time job, plus a side job, and no hope of ever being completely caught up unless it’s a weekend I’m not writing for work, I can tell you that your admin may be drowning or may be fine. We work hard to keep our communities going and plotting and oftentimes that means getting people started with their first (and sometimes second) threads before they can get their feet off the ground and branch out to other players. 

 

I looove it. My real life job can be extremely emotionally and physically taxing and coming home to lots of creativity to devour is the best feeling ever. Would it be nice if life hadn’t swallowed my mod whole and I had someone to share that particular posting load with? Probably. I love her posts. She’s amazing! In fact she’s one of those people who does creative writing as part of her living and I so miss stalking her threads as much as much as I miss being in them.

 

But if I'm honest, I’d probably still have as many threads. Mostly because I love threading. It’s my way I come home and unwind after all my real life work is done. Tonight, for example, I’m not likely to get very far on the list because real life has landed me with some paid writing and sleep has to happen. 

 

That said. If you’d like to help your admin and the community, rather than suggesting they slow down, maybe ask if there’s anything you can do to help them? Admins love to have people invested in the community and there’s so much we do both on and off the scenes that’s way less fun than the writing part that we’re dying for help with. XD  You can also help by just threading with plenty of peeps, keeping things moving, stuff like that, so they feel less pressure to have to if that’s what it is for them.

 

*edited cause my pocket hit send for me too soon*

Edited July 9, 2019 by Brie

[Gothic 307]

I kinda feel like the spotlight is on me because I have a plot with near enough everyone on my site. lol 

 

Anon, you are a blessing to have on the site and the admin is lucky to have you. It sounds as though you care about the admin's well being and the site as well. <3 

 

For me, I plot and thread a lot because I like involving everyone in the community, along with being as welcoming as possible while I have more spare time to do it. That being said, in the past I have burnt out and burnt out pretty badly from trying to keep up with everything. It wasn't healthy. I had friends try to warn me that I was leading to a burnout and I didn't take it as concern, I took it as a "you're not doing well enough" and it was furthest from their intention. They 100% meant well.

 

I'm not sure whether you are a close friend of theirs but sometimes offering to help with something can be good or getting involved in any events they put up. Part of what I had to do was give myself two mandatory "off days" where I don't post and do minimum admin duties. Anything not urgent, tends to be done on certain days and that limits the time I spend doing admin duties. I'm not sure if those things will work for your admin, Anon. Different strokes for different folks. 

 

I hope it works out well for you, Anon and your admin is lucky to have you. 

[dragonborn 43]

the long and short of it is, you dont.

 

gbh, if one of my members came to me like 'i think you're doing too much, calm down,' i'd be like 'basically, fuck you.' you are not me. you dont know what is too much for me, and it is not your business to be totally blunt about it. at first glance it sounds sweet and nice to be concerned, but after a longer squint, it comes off more like you're being ridiculously nosy and mildly controlling, and im probably gonna get flak for this point of view but i dont care. you do you, but you gotta let me do me. youre a member, right? if you think other people need to plot more, get other people plotting. put out some ideas. make stuff happen. dont just be like 'hey its a very real possibility you're running the entire shindig so like stop running the entire shindig.' bc you know what this causes? sudden site death, that's what. if your site's hard-hitter takes that step back, everything's gonna pretty much go kaput. ive seen sites do it way too many times to count and i know im not the only one. staff pushing people to do anything tends to result in them coming off like impatient tyrants, so it generally doesnt work. the community needs to decide, on their own, theyre gonna do the thing.

 

second concern here is, even if youre right, you could just exacerbate the problem by basically telling them, whether they are or not, that theyre not doing a good job by themselves. this, for starts, leads to some hurt feelings and quite frankly nobody wants to be told hey this thing that you work your rear off on, stop it. if youre not close to this admin and already friends, it can be really suspicious, too. there are a lotta different ways taking this to a person can go and im not sure too many of them are good ways.

 

it sucks, but sites dying is just kind of part of the experience. nobody has all the time in the world, or all the inspiration in the world, or whatever, and sometimes things dont work out. id ask who hurt you, but i know. reality sucks, but its still a thing that has to be dealt with, and not by making it somebody's fault so you can micromanage them into fixing it for you. if the site's gonna die, it's gonna die, and there is no one, sole failsafe way of predicting when and how it will. are there warning signs? maybe. but several sites ive had people tell me were doomed actual years ago are still going, so i dont put much weight in them.

 

all we can do is do the best we can to encourage it to live, whether we're members or staff, and i dont think blaming each other for it before its even happened is the way to go about it.

[Sage 289]

On 7/9/2019 at 4:25 AM, Brie said:

If you’d like to help your admin and the community, rather than suggesting they slow down, maybe ask if there’s anything you can do to help them? Admins love to have people invested in the community and there’s so much we do both on and off the scenes that’s way less fun than the writing part that we’re dying for help with. XD  You can also help by just threading with plenty of peeps, keeping things moving, stuff like that, so they feel less pressure to have to if that’s what it is for them.

 

So much this! There's nothing more rewarding than having your community invested in the site and the community. Honestly, just being there, being available, and being excited can take a lot of stress off of the admin. When they have great members invested in the community like you, some of the pressure is taken off of them because they know they can rely on you to keep things going in their absence. 

 

But if you're really set on doing something more to help out and help the community, offer yourself up as a mod. I wouldn't mention anything about being concerned this admin has too much going on, because, like @dragonbornsaid, that can come off as condescending. But you clearly want to help make this site be the best it can be. And even if this admin says no to having you help out (maybe they really do like doing all the stuff alone!), you can still be there to welcome new members and plot with everyone and keep the site thriving in other ways. 

[Let-make-nice 39]

I agree that you need to take a step back from your concern; if you are friends with this admin, they will eventually share with you whether they need help or not.  Now there can be a trend of admins trying to control plottage or keep it to themselves on some sites, but it doesn't sound like that is what it is? It just sounds like this admin is working hard to keep up activity and motivation.

 

I'm going to agree with what everyone else has been saying: if you're concerned, get plotty, approach other members for threads, try to do what the admin is doing activity-wise, which is to thread with everyone. In a perfect world (which we don't live in), everyone would be threading with everyone and there would be a lot of activity. Because we are people, sometimes personalities clash, and that is okay, so... try to thread with almost everyone if for whatever reason there are clashes?

 

I would bet my hat that your admin will be pleased by your increased activity and involvement in the site; that might even give them the incentive they need to dial their activity down a bit. As with many other things in life, it's easier to dial things down than to amp them up, so it wouldn't surprise me that they're just waiting to see increased activity to reduce their involvement to a healthier level as well. 🙂

[xexes 108]

Some people actually can handle that much and love it!

 

Personally I have always approached this from the other side of things. I try to send a private message to the admin "Hey, I noticed that you seem a little busy. If you feel you don't have enough support, have you considered onboarding more staff to help out?"

[Keaton 133]

On 7/9/2019 at 5:13 PM, dragonborn said:

if one of my members came to me like 'i think you're doing too much, calm down,' i'd be like 'basically, fuck you.' you are not me. you dont know what is too much for me, and it is not your business to be totally blunt about it. at first glance it sounds sweet and nice to be concerned, but after a longer squint, it comes off more like you're being ridiculously nosy and mildly controlling, and im probably gonna get flak for this point of view but i dont care.

 

Well, you won't be getting flak from me, because I agree 100%.

 

I have had something very similar happen to me multiple times from a player who absolutely only had the best intentions. It came off as controlling and extremely tone-deaf given how well the game was doing, and despite knowing the person to be generally kind and generous, it was very difficult to not be insulted. They had ideas and opinions that completely failed to take in the wider view of things that generally only admin or high-level mods have, which I then I had to take the time to patiently and calmly explain to them to the extent I was able.

 

Folks who have never been admin, it's very hard to explain what that position is like (presuming you're actively trying to do it well). There's a lot going on, a lot of levels to consider, including but not limited to being a caretaker, a teacher, a cheerleader, an architect, and a gatekeeper all at once. And anybody who has been an admin who cares will tell you that getting burnt out is completely possible, and sometimes hard to avoid. But they know their own limits better than you, and even if they have to bump up against burn out to discover those limits, it's their site, their baby, and that's their prerogative.

 

All that said, I personally as an admin LOVE when I get engaged members who say to me, "hey, I have some time, so let me know if you need any help with anything." It's an open invitation, but it's clear I don't have to take it. There's no pressure involved, no judgment, just an offer if at some point I need some help. I know who I can ask without it being an issue, and who actually cares enough to make the offer.

[Mab 58]

From an admin stand point i am always in double digit threads, and i plot and thread with each member of my site. Every new member im plotting and threading with. Why? because its my job, it helps show a new member that the admin is engaged with the site, that they are engaged with their members. But it is also about balance knowing how much you can take on and taking a couple of days where you don't need to do anything. If you have good members, that won't matter. 

 

Iv been on sites that have members who plot with others, and i've had sites that members don't, and when that happens you either plot and post with your members or the site is going to die pretty quickly. 

 

Iv also been on sites where people think admins having all the plots and all the posts just want all the attention themselves. So i think if a member came to me with concerns of me doing to much? it might not go down in the way you want. 

 

If you want to help, honestly i feel like the best way you can do that is do what i feel every admin wants their members to do (i know i do and im lucky to have some awesome members this time around) PLOT. Plot with everyone and anyone. Offer plot devices and plot movers. Take up some important characters if that is your thing. But just get out there yourself and it might engage other members to start doing the same. 

 

This might or might not make the admin back of, but honestly nine out of ten times when you see an admin threading with everyone? they want to be because they enjoy doing it. New admins might lead to burnout but they have to do that because they have to learn from mistakes. They need to learn what they can and can't do. And if they are a new admin i can assure you they wont appreciate being given words of advice because most new admins think they know best. An older admin who has been doing it for a while? this is a old game for them and they know their limits.

 

So personally i think the only way you can move forward is by doing nothing.  Like some have said if the site is going to die its going to die, but the last thing you want to do is inadvertently make the admin think they are doing something wrong and back of because thats almost certain to make the site die when the hard hitting poster suddenly stops.

[ChrisOwl 59]

I agree that the convo might not go over as well as you like. Some people can handle posting and plotting with everyone, and for someone else it might be overwhelming. But nonetheless if you feel the need to say something, do it privately via DM.

As an admin, always try to plot with everyone when they first join especially if they have joined alone, if I can make it make sense for one of my characters, and if one of the other admins have not jumped on board to do so. I want new members to have a thread right away so if nobody is jumping on their open thread they made, or if they haven't made an open thread but they have their app ready and are fumbling for what to do... I will plot something with them or toss a character in their open. After a thread or two we may part ways for a time because by then they've found other people to connect with.

Meanwhile I am doing my thread with the new members,  I'm definitely poking my nose into everyone's characters business to try and match make all the while (I'm not talking relationships, but people who may write well or plot well together, or their characters might have backstory or anything..., I try to squish them together). Not to say I will not write with them again after the first thread, but once they get rolling on their own I do not feel the need so much to -make sure- I am threading with them. If people are not plotting with each other at all, then yes the admin will probably burn out, but beyond the admin trying to introduce and tossing out plot suggestions for other peoples characters if they are not starting anything on their own... ah... I don't see much to do. I'd say those people are probably not super committed to the site anyway and might not last. After one gets a feel for their character and the setting I would hope some plot ideas would start flowing on their own for them.

One more idea... for getting others to plot together, is something we did for a challenge once where I picked a theme and had members sign up for it for about a week... I did my matchmaky thing, it was done randomly that time, but it could also be done where the admin looks and sees who they think would write well together. It was a Halloween theme. As the admin -I- started the thread posting the setting and scenario, then tagged the two players. Then I was out of it. It worked great for about half the players... another half dropped out before it really started and people had to be reshuffled. But a good number of those players went on to complete their threads. Unfortunately it was an AU setting so most characters did not have a reason to thread after that with those particular characters but at least they made connection as writers. Next time I do that, and I definitely will again, I will try to do it so it is an IC setting and characters can have further connections afterwards.

[Phoenix3495 16]

I really love that you have a concern for your admin. I think that means your a special kind of person. I think a lot of the time us admins feel a little underappreciated cause members don't know the kind of stress we are putting ourselves through to keep the train from going off the tracks. 

 

I think your thoughts are valid, but I think I agree with some people here who say that you don't say anything which I know is easier said than done when someone you know/care about looks like they are being pulled under. I know I'd be a little offended if a member told me I was doing too much for something I care very much about. I think it's one think though when you do that. It's another thing though when they come to you in a full on panic about their muse or their work load and they are in a full on freak out. I've been that admin before that went to a member (who is also a very good friend and I've known for a years now) and just started freaking out. I've also told her in the past that I always want her honest opinion so when she tells me she thinks I need to step back, I do and I listen. I know it's hard to sit and wait. The waiting game is the worse. 

 

I think if you want to perhaps get other people to plot together you can always do it under the radar. Maybe if you see connections between characters just nudge people in each others directions. That might help some. Or if someone is looking for something on the site and you know where to find it, just link it to them. Us admins greatly appreciate it (well, most of us) when members are helping each other out and plotting with each other. It makes me feel like I can sit back and not worry about my site for a minute. So I think if you take the initiative and get the ball rolling, people might follow suit. The whole 'monkey see, monkey do' concept is real. Especially in this community I've noticed. 

[Yona Carlin 44]

You don't. It's not up to you to stroll into someone else's site and determine what is too much for them. If I were told I had to plot less because it's somehow not cohesive I'd say "lol" and proceed to entirely ignore that weird, random declaration. Instead of making this her problem, because it's not, you should go ahead and start plotting with people.

Edited July 30, 2019 by Yona Carlin

[Skadi 36]

So, my two cents. 

 

If you're worried that the staff seem to be having to do a lot of the heavy lifting, do what everyone else has suggested, pull some weight off by being the first person to reach out to a new member with ideas on how your characters could interact to theirs. As an admin, I hate to watch new members sit on their butts and not know what they should be doing. Entering a new rp can be nerve-wracking or it can be the best experience in the world. It does suck when, as an admin, I have been bombasted with a billion posts because I see a new member who hasn't been approached and thus immediately want to include them and I just don't have another moment in my day to throw up a thread for them.

 

So, if you're worried, be that first person. Be the person who writes with the person who is quieter, who isn't approached as much. Because we see them, we want you to see them too. You will be the biggest asset in the world if you lend a hand by being the person who includes people into your world like we do with everyone that comes to our site.

[Sora 29]

As an admin I know I've taken on far more than I should in the past. I agree with Brie. You sound like an amazing member. The fact that you see the admin is taking on too much and that you care about their well being to want to talk to them is just amazing!

 

Now, I don't think there is a word-for-word correct answer for this. Telling an admin that they need to slow down and take a break is a very difficult subject (I know because I've been told this by other staff members on my site, and I've had to tell them.). So it's less what you say, and how you say it.

 

When you are coming from the heart, and letting them know that you are there for them and that you appreciate everything they've done.  Show them that all their hard work isn't for nothing: you recognize and appreciate it! You also see that they seem so busy and would really love to know what you could do to help them out. 

[Dun 68]

It's wonderful that you're attentive and that you care, but the short answer is: You don't!

 

If they haven't asked for your advice, it really isn't your place to tell them where their boundaries should be or how they should conduct their business. They need to decide for themselves how much effort and energy they want to put into this particular hobby. If they're taking on too much to sustain long-term, they'll either adjust or fail. Maybe they're doing a big push to get the ball rolling. Maybe they really enjoy putting a lot of time and effort into their game. We can't know, for sure.

 

When it's a friend of yours, and you're familiar with their needs and interests, you probably have more room to give advice and offer guidance/help, but generally-- throwing your two cents in really wouldn't be appropriate.

 

The best you can probably do is actively create fun and opportunities for other players, so there's less pressure on the admin to facilitate plots and whatnot for people. That gives folks a threshold that isn't dependent on the admin's effort and activity, so the admin has the chance to scale back without compromising a ton of players' fun. If folks have more to do, they aren't as inconvenienced if one admin's attention dwindles or redirects.