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Guest ghosting?


Skadi
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So I’ve noticed a trend of guests popping into a site just to make a rude offhand comment or saying they’re looking around only to disappear and it makes me wonder if they’re seeing something that’s turning them off or if it’s something else entirely. My question is, as a guest/potential member, what are some things that you see on sites that can sometimes turn you off or make you not what to join a site? What are things that make you excited or want to stay?

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I mean it could be anything of dozens of things. Rules are my number one flee the scene moment. If there is something in the rules that are one of my red flags I'll leave in a heartbeat.

 

Sometimes the lore doesn't make sense or isn't something I'm looking for. Sometimes it feels too centric on a theme I don't care for.

 

I mean there is so many things that could be a potential turn off it's hard to say and each person has their own personal check list for this stuff. I recommend getting a site review and seeing what reviewers think.

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That’s an awesome idea. I’ll definitely do that for my current site, but I’ve also seen it happen on sites that aren’t just mine as well. Thank for your input though. 

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I take a while to warm to a site. It's usually going to be a few visits while I steep in ideas before I make my presence known.

 

There's been a couple times I've hopped on a Discord and while there's nothing wrong with them, per se, it just didn't sound like my kind of crowd. Not everyone's the right fit for each other.

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Due to recent drama, if I pop into a discord because the game sounds interesting and I see certain people, I just leave immediately.  Once I  was immediately banned from a discord that one of these other people was on. So, not worth trying.

 

I apologize to any staff I may have confused by this behavior, but it's for the best.

Anonymous poster hash: be9f1...c17

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1 minute ago, Anonymous said:

Due to recent drama, if I pop into a discord because the game sounds interesting and I see certain people, I just leave immediately.  Once I  was immediately banned from a discord that one of these other people was on. So, not worth trying.

 

I apologize to any staff I may have confused by this behavior, but it's for the best.

Anonymous poster hash: be9f1...c17

I can definitely understand that. I guess it just makes me instantly think we have some glaring sign that says "we fucked up somehow", but I am also overly critical of myself. lol. 

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I only join a site's Discord after I've thoroughly "vetted" the site itself. That means I've looked at the rules, plot, application, some accepted apps, and some current threads, to see if the site overall fits my standards and preferences. So if I immediately bounce from a Discord, it's because, like Anon said, I see someone that I know will cause trouble for me. Most of the time I can coexist with people I've not gotten along with in the past, but there's also a handful of people that have gone so far as to stalk, threaten, or lie about me, and I won't ever join a site they're on. 

 

Sometimes I only stick around for a few weeks because I'm not clicking with the community. Nobody's at fault when that happens, it's life, and I move on after alerting a staff member and whoever I had threads with. Or sometimes it's a few months down the road because it's a constant uphill battle to get anything going. I recently left a site where I'd been for nearly three months and had only had one thread in that time. 

 

As for rude comments, I assume it's someone looking to get a rise out of staff or to have things changed to their preferences. I've never seen it work out for them. Several people have joined my sites' Discord and said some version of "You're doing things wrong because I don't personally like it, so let me tell you what to do" only to disappear when I tell them that I won't change site lore. You can't please everyone and you shouldn't try to, because you'll never stop running in circles trying to do so and likely end up with a site you don't like. 

 

If you're worried that there's something specific to your site, then I agree with Morrigan that you'd be best off with doing a site review. I mainly look for professional looking graphics, neatly done skins (contrast, readable font sizes, loads quickly), site documents with a professional tone and relatively lax requirements, and "literate" or "advanced" writers. But what people look for is highly subjective according to personal preference. So you're best off creating a site that will attract people who think and write like you. That way everyone's better off. 

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That all definitely makes sense, and I will be posting a review as soon as I am allowed to. It's more that sometimes people will chat in the cbox, mention they're looking around, and then poof and it makes me wonder if there's some glaring reason I'm too blind to see. Thank you for addressing my concerns though, it does help.

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It is frustrating, but pretty much everyone has their own things - things they want or don't want when they look at a site. I, for one, take a look at the rules and there are deal breakers that are personal to me, and don't mean there's anything wrong with the site. And it's pretty uncomfortable to tell the admins "I'm not joining your site because you have rule X", so it's just easier to go away before one has gotten actually invested in the site. It's one of those things that suck, but are a part of the reality of running a roleplay site.

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Shady McShaderson

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8 hours ago, Skadi said:

That all definitely makes sense, and I will be posting a review as soon as I am allowed to. It's more that sometimes people will chat in the cbox, mention they're looking around, and then poof and it makes me wonder if there's some glaring reason I'm too blind to see. Thank you for addressing my concerns though, it does help.

Beyond what's already been said, sometimes you're not doing anything wrong, sometimes it's that there's no real reason. Because 'looking around' doesn't automatically equate joining, it's really just that looking. People walk into stores all the time with no intention to buy anything. It's just the way it is.

 

Another factor (apart from preferences/things that can be fixed, i.e. rules) is how new/old your site is. If it's on the newer side, it will take more time to gain some traction; whereas, something older might just need a face lift or some air refresher. 

 

I would even hazard to say that even if someone isn't joining yet they took the time to mention that they're looking around or converse a little in the chatbox, it's a good sign. They're showcasing/suggesting interest. Personally, if I wasn't that interested in a site, I wouldn't bother. So the good side is that you're attracting people to at least do one step more than just quietly browse. 

 

 

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5 hours ago, Vellamo said:

Another factor (apart from preferences/things that can be fixed, i.e. rules) is how new/old your site is. If it's on the newer side, it will take more time to gain some traction; whereas, something older might just need a face lift or some air refresher. 

 

 

It's a pretty new site, about a month. It's less that I'm worried something is specifically wrong with MY site, it's just always made me wonder what people see on sites that make them not want to take a second look or figure out the culture of the site by talking to people or asking questions before just bouncing.

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I'm going to address the rude off-hand comment part of your first post because I have had it happen to me more than once. It really has nothing to do with there being anything wrong with the site, but it is most likely that they disagree with a rule or plot point and want to make it known. While this is fine, they can vent if they want, don't take it to heart. People will be interested in your site and they will join. Those that pop in to say something rude either want to get a negative response from you or want you to bend over and change things for them. This is an unfair request from any guest. Especially if it is plot related. Admins have visions for their sites and while I understand making adjustments along the way, there are those that want to have major things changed. If this is the case they have no business joining and should just leave everything alone. 

 

As for my major turn off: RULES. I have seen sites that have six or seven tabs of rules. This scares me away faster that I can close the tab. Role-play rules should be pretty standard at this point. Anything else can be plopped into an optional guide. 

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So I'mma second the central thrust of what most other folks have already said - usually if someone mentions they're looking around and vanish, it's less to do with something you've done that's BAD and more to do with something they've noticed that isn't a good fit for THEM - but I also want to answer your question, because I've been thinking about it a lot recently!

 

I am...outrageously picky about games. It has to have the right combination of rules that don't turn me off, a premise I can see myself getting involved in, players who seem enthusiastic, characters I'm interested in threading with, an overall site culture that I can see myself either becoming a part of or at least tolerating, and then also have my preferred characters available (whether that's through faceclaims, species availability, or canon availability). Major turnoffs for me are rules that evidence a culture of admins-versus-members or preemptively anticipate a ton of drama, races or species presented in a way that isn't to my taste (for instance, I'm picky about vampire lore because of how I like to play my vampire characters), and memberbases that feel closed-off or like I don't have anything in common with them. None of this means that a given site's rules, lore, or member base are BAD - just that they're not the right fit for me!

 

As long as you're running your game in a way that makes you feel good, and is a place you want to play on, you'll be able to find other folks. It might not be as many as you want, and it might not be quickly, but you'll get there. If you're having a great time, that enthusiasm is catching.

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@PixieMegs I cannot, for the life of me, understand how there are enough things to police where you need seven pages. I understand like a handbook/guide having tabs, but seven just for rules????

 

And I definitely agree, I was just so surprised to see this being a thing and generally curious why people might do that. Thank you for addressing that! 

 

@crowfeather Okay, so my question for you then, is for a site that most of their OOC interaction is in their discord and not in the site's cbox, how do you judge how the atmosphere will be? Do think it would suit a site better to have a lot more OOC discussions outside their chat servers and on the site itself? 

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