Discord Loitering?

[nolybab 4]

I looked around and didn't really see any active topics about this (that I could find, might have missed it if there is!) so I figured I'd make my own post about it since it's been pretty relevant as of late for me!

So, I love having a discord for a site because it's so good to bring a community together and obviously the communication benefits are great as far as tagging and plotting goes. I have a thing that happens fairly often with select new members though, and it's not all new members it's just a specific couple times it's happened and is kind of the same occurring pattern when it does.

 

It's new faces that join, and show very little interest in the site and occasionally don't even join the site at all, and just try to treat the discord server like their own personal chat room.

I don't at all mind new people joining the discord to ask questions, say hi, get settled. I like to say hi and help them out, but there's a distinct difference between the members that join the discord first and you can see their intentions to join and maybe they're a little slower to get settled. Which is fine. Versus these people that show next to no interest in the actual site and are just hanging around for days or even weeks at a time, popping in to use the general chat and stalling on doing any site stuff or avoiding you when you try to prompt any questions about what they're thinking of doing.

 

Maybe it's just a me thing?? But it really bothers me because where the discord server for a site IS for general chat and community as well, not exclusively all site all rp all plot all the time, I also don't like the sort of loiterers that tend to try and just hang out in the discord?

But if anyone has any experience or feels the same and has a way they sort of.. deal with this or look at it I'd appreciate any input?

I don't have any strict rules on it and just sort of handle it case by case if it becomes a problem. I just get so confused about why people want to join a site discord server and not be on the actual site or taking part in any rp?? Haha

[dragonborn 43]

ive had people do this to my own site's discord a few times. in fact, technically we still have one of these. she was supposed to join but never did, and is really just there now bc she's dating one of the other members and the discord is the only way they talk for some reason. my best guess is hes forgetful and shes busy.

 

anyway, others have taken her presence as a signal they can just hang out, but i always boot them after a point. i had one hang around for about a month, and then my co-admin kicked them. if she hadn't i would've. they had no intention of joining, really. if you pay attention to how they behave and what they talk about, you can tell when they have no real interest in joining, and just want to talk. that one really just wanted to talk. maybe felt bad about how the last time they were on the site ended and wanted to break things off on a good note or something idk.

 

we have a clear separation via roles between users that are registered and active contributors, and users that are just there and havent registered yet. it might be worth it to mark this difference so it's kind of obvious. make it clear they're expected to be a member of the site or something within x timeframe and then start kicking them when they arent. we've only had to do that to one player, so it may eventually lead to retaliation or having to ban them, but you can cross that bridge when and if you come to it.

[nolybab 4]

@dragonborn 

We do have the roles and member groups and stuff on our discord actually! And that has helped a lot to sort of.. draw that line between registered and unregistered members, like you said.

 

Alternatively there's this sort of.. In betweener type that they sign up on the site, even app a character and it's been a good while and they either

a) Post once and proceed to hold up rps when it comes to their turn

b) Don't post at ALL despite applying and making accounts????

Like it's not quite the same as members who join, take part, and dip within a week? Cause those kind of come and go and you organize the site as needed when it happens, the ever present community rp problem, haha. But they join and do as minimal as possible at any given time while hanging around. I realize there's not reasonably a lot to do about those except kind of take it as you see it and handle it as you can?

 

It's just so odd to have these people that linger, apparently have no interest in your site/rp but still desire to be in the discord server for... some reason? I just can't wrap my head around it, especially when there's communities and social forums and stuff you can join specifically as opposed to taking advantage of an rp community? I realize there's not really a "Oh just do this!" easy results formula for this, but I'm always just so confused trying to figure out what their thought process is for it? HAHA

 

But I'll consider discussing some sort of time expectancy for joining the discord to joining the site for these cases where it becomes a problem! It sounds like something that might be worth it to sort of have set and reference back to when they pop up. Thank you!

[Grimscythe 181]

Okay so. as a discord loiterer, I'm gonna respond on (some of) our behalf. Most of the time when I join a discord, it's several weeks before I actually get to creating a character and posting. If I choose not to join, ultimately I leave the discord. (It should be noted that this does not apply to any of the discords I'm currently in.) Granted, I like to keep my servers under control. So why am I lingering, then? This can be for several reasons, so here are a few of mine and ways that someone can help alleviate whatever is preventing me from registering, creating my character, and posting:

 

1. I do not feel entirely comfortable. Joining a new game isn't the easiest thing to do. Especially if your attempts to talk in that discord and sort things out go largely without response. Sometimes I join the discord on a game I'm really interested in, only to not receive much in the way of responses to my ideas/desires to do something. I am an extremely cautious person when it comes to RP sites, because I have spent sixteen years of my life RPing on a site that is pretty strict. I will ask lots of questions, if I do not feel that asking questions will be bothersome (more following). Only in one game have I been reached out to personally, one to one, and asked questions as to what I intend--and that game has been extremely patient with me. 
2. I feel like asking questions is a chore. Several times I've joined a discord and when I had a question, I was replied to in one of the following ways, a) as if I were a child, b) as if I'm infringing on everyone's time, or c) not at all. This is a putoff, but if I'm still really interested in the game, I linger. I linger because I really hope it was just a bad day or no one saw what I was asking.
3. Real life happens. Try messaging me and asking if I'm going to register or not. I tend to reply with a straight answer, and it shouldn't be assumed that I won't. I am extremely sick OOC. That means often times something has come in between myself and registering/playing. I know the OP stated they do this, but a lot of people don't. I've been kicked from RP opportunities based on the sole reason I'm sick.

Really, it's often just a case of miscommunication and can easily be resolved. As long as you're messaging the loiterers and trying to reach out, you're good in my book. If they can't give you a straight answer, then I would just kick them from the discord with a nice message saying, "If you decide you'd like to come back and write with us, you can rejoin the discord." That should cut down on how many loiterers you have.

[nolybab 4]

5 minutes ago, Grimscythe said:

Okay so. as a discord loiterer, I'm gonna respond on (some of) our behalf. Most of the time when I join a discord, it's several weeks before I actually get to creating a character and posting. If I choose not to join, ultimately I leave the discord. (It should be noted that this does not apply to any of the discords I'm currently in.) Granted, I like to keep my servers under control. So why am I lingering, then? This can be for several reasons, so here are a few of mine and ways that someone can help alleviate whatever is preventing me from registering, creating my character, and posting:

 

1. I do not feel entirely comfortable. Joining a new game isn't the easiest thing to do. Especially if your attempts to talk in that discord and sort things out go largely without response. Sometimes I join the discord on a game I'm really interested in, only to not receive much in the way of responses to my ideas/desires to do something. I am an extremely cautious person when it comes to RP sites, because I have spent sixteen years of my life RPing on a site that is pretty strict. I will ask lots of questions, if I do not feel that asking questions will be bothersome (more following). Only in one game have I been reached out to personally, one to one, and asked questions as to what I intend--and that game has been extremely patient with me. 
2. I feel like asking questions is a chore. Several times I've joined a discord and when I had a question, I was replied to in one of the following ways, a) as if I were a child, b) as if I'm infringing on everyone's time, or c) not at all. This is a putoff, but if I'm still really interested in the game, I linger. I linger because I really hope it was just a bad day or no one saw what I was asking.
3. Real life happens. Try messaging me and asking if I'm going to register or not. I tend to reply with a straight answer, and it shouldn't be assumed that I won't. I am extremely sick OOC. That means often times something has come in between myself and registering/playing. I know the OP stated they do this, but a lot of people don't. I've been kicked from RP opportunities based on the sole reason I'm sick.

Really, it's often just a case of miscommunication and can easily be resolved. As long as you're messaging the loiterers and trying to reach out, you're good in my book. If they can't give you a straight answer, then I would just kick them from the discord with a nice message saying, "If you decide you'd like to come back and write with us, you can rejoin the discord." That should cut down on how many loiterers you have.

See, THIS makes more sense to me. So firstly I want to say thank you for taking the time to explain and outline, because it DOES line up with some cases where I was mostly just confused about and wondering what was going on. I do want to say that I make an effort to reach out to these people and listen to any explanations if they offer, whether it's muse/idea's/getting involved, or they're simply getting hit by some real life stuff keeping them busy. I also like to point out open threads for them to join if they're talking about rp/looking for plot and stuff and tell them why I think that. 

That's all absolutely fine, and especially to hear it from someone's perspective who's read what I had to say and respond from their point of view helps put it in a way I can understand.

Choosing an rp community and finding it's a place you want to stick around can be hard. Alternatively finding members for your rp community that are capable and kind is also hard, so there's a little bit to go both ways there as far as responsibilities between admin and new members.

 

My main concern I guess is the people who loiter who don't sound interested at all? Because all of what you've mentioned does make perfect sense for a few and I'll keep what you've said in mind because it is helpful! But I still have these cases where people show up and are like "Nice site!" and then make themselves at home and never talk about joining or character selection, ask no questions, nothing? As an admin I'm here and available to welcome you, answer questions, do what I can to make you feel invited and like you can partake in things in the game. It's something I really like to keep in mind because I want a positive and happy community that can trust one another and the admins they have. But also for a member joining a new site I do like to see that you are interested in being there or considering being there?
Whether it's discussing characters, asking questions(questions are GREAT), talking about what you might want to do in the future if it's possible, whatever?

As opposed to showing up, commenting on the site, and then complaining to members in the discord server about your job and other sites you've joined and general gossip/drama that happened there.... Which unfortunately has happened and it makes me suuperr unsettled to have a stranger show up and immediately launch into gossiping/complaining about sites I'm not on or have never heard of. So that in itself is... A red flag but it's own problem I guess. Haha

 

But again, thank you for your response because it does create a distinct difference to consider in I guess what I'd consider a friendly/uncertain loiterer(??) vs a... for lack of better term potentially lazy loiterer.. I guess?? And also for the good suggestion on how to approach them and cut back on them when I need to! 🙂

 

Idk how I got so long winded, I'm sorry for the wall of text. HAHA

[Jaxx 317]

I don't really care if people just hang around as long as they're talking and engaging with the site and working on an app. But I boot guests that haven't spoken in thirty days or more. Or people that outright say they just want to talk and have no interest in joining the site, because... rude as it may sound, we're a site chat, not an everybody chat. If you just want to talk, there's literally a million services out there where you can chat with people where they're not expecting you to at some point actually contribute to things beyond asking about someone's day. 

[Grimscythe 181]

1 hour ago, nolybab said:

See, THIS makes more sense to me. So firstly I want to say thank you for taking the time to explain and outline, because it DOES line up with some cases where I was mostly just confused about and wondering what was going on. I do want to say that I make an effort to reach out to these people and listen to any explanations if they offer, whether it's muse/idea's/getting involved, or they're simply getting hit by some real life stuff keeping them busy. I also like to point out open threads for them to join if they're talking about rp/looking for plot and stuff and tell them why I think that. 

That's all absolutely fine, and especially to hear it from someone's perspective who's read what I had to say and respond from their point of view helps put it in a way I can understand.

Choosing an rp community and finding it's a place you want to stick around can be hard. Alternatively finding members for your rp community that are capable and kind is also hard, so there's a little bit to go both ways there as far as responsibilities between admin and new members.

 

My main concern I guess is the people who loiter who don't sound interested at all? Because all of what you've mentioned does make perfect sense for a few and I'll keep what you've said in mind because it is helpful! But I still have these cases where people show up and are like "Nice site!" and then make themselves at home and never talk about joining or character selection, ask no questions, nothing? As an admin I'm here and available to welcome you, answer questions, do what I can to make you feel invited and like you can partake in things in the game. It's something I really like to keep in mind because I want a positive and happy community that can trust one another and the admins they have. But also for a member joining a new site I do like to see that you are interested in being there or considering being there?
Whether it's discussing characters, asking questions(questions are GREAT), talking about what you might want to do in the future if it's possible, whatever?

As opposed to showing up, commenting on the site, and then complaining to members in the discord server about your job and other sites you've joined and general gossip/drama that happened there.... Which unfortunately has happened and it makes me suuperr unsettled to have a stranger show up and immediately launch into gossiping/complaining about sites I'm not on or have never heard of. So that in itself is... A red flag but it's own problem I guess. Haha

 

But again, thank you for your response because it does create a distinct difference to consider in I guess what I'd consider a friendly/uncertain loiterer(??) vs a... for lack of better term potentially lazy loiterer.. I guess?? And also for the good suggestion on how to approach them and cut back on them when I need to! 🙂

 

Idk how I got so long winded, I'm sorry for the wall of text. HAHA

Yeah, no. See, I can see that from an admin perspective too, and I am fully aware of how it affects a game. It's basically like bloatware on your computer. These people who are doing that sort of thing should be removed, and I do remove them. Finding the fine line between friend and admin is an extremely tough job, and it has to be toed with extreme caution. Because in some of these cases, you've gotten to know this person, they've become comfortable enough to rant, but have no interest in helping your game.

 

I have a discord set up for my game. There are several members on it who do just that. The hard part is, these people are very dear friends of mine from a different style of roleplay. And it does not look good on my game that we have several people in our discord that will likely never join us on the site.  That decision does not solely rest on me, so I can't do anything about it myself, but I would if I could.

 

But because I see this behavior, and I also understand the reasons behind why a player might be doing so, I can give it an objective perspective. Communication is key, and I feel that I'd be doing a disservice to my fellow loiterers that do want to play the game by not answering, seeing as I am one of them. And this issue is largely a communication one.

[nolybab 4]

@Grimscythe @Jaxx 

Yeah I think you both have pretty well summed up what I kind of needed to hear to figure out a couple different things tbh, so thank you both for taking the time to add some input on it!
I definitely don't want to discourage people who just need time and consideration, even if they decide they don't want to join the site in the end. It is, after all, a place we made for spare time and for fun so if people just need more time to think on it than others that's absolutely fine! Haha

But yeah, being mindful of "site" chat vs "everyone" chat has its place to be considered too.

 

Thank you both!

[Kit the Human 758]

When I have a site discord, I literally don't care if you chill out with us on the discord but don't join the forum. Why would I? It says something about the quality of my community if people are just hanging out with us. The only point that I would care is if the person is being an ass or dragging down the mood, which is an easy resolve. Boot them.

 

So I truly don't understand why someone wanting to hang out with you is a bad thing.

 

If you're really that bothered by it, why not just have a rule that is: you must have an app up within two weeks (or whatever) of joining the discord. If you need more time, be sure to contact the staff!

[nolybab 4]

3 minutes ago, Kit the Human said:

When I have a site discord, I literally don't care if you chill out with us on the discord but don't join the forum. Why would I? It says something about the quality of my community if people are just hanging out with us. The only point that I would care is if the person is being an ass or dragging down the mood, which is an easy resolve. Boot them.

 

So I truly don't understand why someone wanting to hang out with you is a bad thing.

 

If you're really that bothered by it, why not just have a rule that is: you must have an app up within two weeks (or whatever) of joining the discord. If you need more time, be sure to contact the staff!

 

Yeah, I mean that's a good point and it's nice to consider...
But my main concern is that if you encourage people to hang out who aren't interested in your site at all then you're basically just hosting a chat room? Which was not why the discord server was made to begin with?

 

So if you've lost the sort of.. Common ground of everyone being there for rp, to have fun and create stories and write together then it doesn't make a lot of sense for someone to just be there as a bystander who is only interested in chatting but has nothing to contribute to actual conversation and happening on the site?

 

It is a nice thought, a pleasant and chatty community is always good to see, and it's not that I'm offended people want to be there to talk to us or I think they're bad people! But I don't think that idea really suits what I want to encourage for my site and discord!

I've seen sites putter off and the whole board is inactive and no one wants to talk about rp or plot or story building because everyone's in the discord and half the members aren't even on the board at all to write. As an outsider looking in it's rather... confusing to look at and figure out when I'm looking at places?

I'd be too concerned about it getting out of hand like that I think! haha

[Kit the Human 758]

 

19 minutes ago, nolybab said:

So if you've lost the sort of.. Common ground of everyone being there for rp, to have fun and create stories and write together then it doesn't make a lot of sense for someone to just be there as a bystander who is only interested in chatting but has nothing to contribute to actual conversation and happening on the site?

 

Don't you guys talk about things other than RP? And find additional connections outside of RP?

 

I truly don't think you're going to see an onslaught of people who want nothing to do with your forum. But like I said, if you're bothered by it, just make it a rule and set that expectation. It doesn't need to be a whole thing.

[nolybab 4]

@Kit the Human 

Naturally, which I mentioned the discord is "not exclusively all site all rp all plot all the time" if you refer to my original post.

 

I mentioned it here looking for opinions and insight since it's happened a few times now already and am curious about what other people do for these situations. Not because I'm over-preparing for an onslaught of people who want to hang out, but because it's happened a few times and I want to decide how to go about it in the future should it come up. And again, I don't think these people are bad for wanting a place to sit and chat or enjoy the company.

Was simply looking for input from other perspectives to get a better picture, as well as get any input on how others might deal with it in the event that they had people to join their site and not just the discord for chatting. Which I've got now, thanks to this discussion. 🙂

I don't think either route is bad, but for my own site I think I'll be looking into a sort of time frame from joining the discord to joining the site, as a couple people have suggested! 

[Morrigan 1,826]

As a frequent Discord loiterer. Sometimes I'm just there to hang out. It's a good way to make friends and meet new people that you wouldn't otherwise meet. My better recommendation would be to create a guest only section, if you're super worried about it, and block off the rest to only people with completed applications. It is really as easy as that.

[Somniac 207]

I’m slow to warm and have a million health problems. Once I get into a place, I’m often a powerhouse. That said, environments that I thrive in generally have a lot of patience.

 

A “please make sure to say/do something every 30 days” would effectively prevent me from taking that unsettling amount of lurking time that is detracting from your experience. Nothing wrong with either of our preferences here – it’s just different ways of operating.