Should I Confront my site's Admin about their Co-Admin?

[Anonymous 234]

I'm on a site that I initially enjoyed, but I've been driven to heavily consider leaving, due to the actions of one of two staff members. It is a small site - I can't say it is new anymore since its been a few months. So far, it hasn't seen a whole lot of interest from prospective members. 

 

Only a few members have joined. I drew a few friends on to try and help it along, another was brought in by one of those few. It was all fine at first. There was good talk, good plotting. 

Then something went sour, somewhere. And it all traces back to the one Trouble Admin. 

 

One friend and their invitee just quit all the sudden. I talked to them, and they wouldn't go into detail (I feel really bad about this, but I can only assume that she was concerned that I'd go and copy paste her reasons back to the rest of the board? But I do understand she just wanted to avoid drama). All this friend told me was that Trouble Admin made them uncomfortable to the point they just didn't want to stay.

 

It was right after this that a few things happened that I brushed off at first, but in hindsight make me feel really uncomfortable - I don't feel like I did the right thing? 

 

Another person I had invited about had an IC thread interaction with a character of Trouble Admin. Trouble Admin essentially meta gamed and power played all in one post, then took great offense when the responding character didn't just roll over and take it. It turned into a 'the (other player's) character started acting like a cunt for no reason' accusation from Trouble Admin. Trouble Admin then refused to discuss the problem or post any further. 

 

Well small, shitty things just started to happen from there. 

 

For Example: There were abrupt, inexplicable adjustments to lore that suddenly made things included in Staff Approved bios lore-illegal. In retrospect, these sudden 'additions' only targeted characters played by certain members. I won't give a specific example - but you could akin it to having apped a character as a chronic alcoholic, had that character accepted, then a few weeks later after a lot of threading suddenly being told that your character type can't possibly be an alcoholic because their taste bud sensitivity would make booze unbearable to swallow. 

 

Shortly after that, there were alterations to base requirements (like post count, activity etc) that I realize in hindsight, were very specifically meant to target specific players. And they worked. Those players have left. All players Trouble Admin took issue with. 

 

As I look back, I really feel its a case of someone wanting to tweak rules and drive off, rather than confront. Thing is, the Good Admin is just so completely blind to this all because they're friends. Personally, I've never had any direct problems with Trouble Admin; but there's something about their behavior towards me that leaves me feeling like they want to see me driven off as well. I really don't want to give up the plots I have going on with Good Admin, or even step back from them as a friend - but idk how to address the site has driven off some of my friends. I like Good Admin and I love playing with them and want to see them succeed but I feel that their blind compliance with running off my invited friends because of Trouble Admin, well troubling - like what happens if I suddenly turn into the next target? 

 

So I guess what I am asking is should I make any effort to touch base with the Good Admin and express my concerns, or is it just better to post a farewell to the site and leave it to be their problem? 

Anonymous poster hash: 1f2a5...ace

[Libby 100]

Sometimes, good admin can make really stupid decisions when they feel pressure or things get out of control for what they want to see on their game. I have been that really stupid admin. Admittedly, I have made dumb ass decisions that in the moment I thought were trying to make everyone happy and in the end didn't work out for me. I grew, I learned from my very clear mistakes, and I tried to fix them as best I could. I'm human, not perfect. I never claimed to be.

But I think you should speak to the admin you feel more comfortable with. Let them know how you feel. Sometimes it isn't as malicious as it seems. Sometimes people are trying their best to get to a point and just doing a really shitty job of doing it. But no, I don't think you should ever NOT tell an admin about things that are unsettling you as a player. Even when we might not want to hear it at the time. We have a chance to learn, grow and be better. At least, that is how I look at it. Again. I understand and accept I make mistakes. I hope most other admins out there are like-minded. If they're not? Well you are clearly not in a place that makes you comfortable and happy. At least you can say you tried.

[Keaton 133]

I have been a person who has had someone adminning with me who was really awful, so to a point I understand this. But also, the word "confront" in your title makes it seem that you're going into this combative, which IMO will only exacerbate things, but also makes it seem like you might have made your mind up on how you see this. People make mistakes, and you might not have the whole picture, as @Libby pointed out.

Which isn't to say that you shouldn't talk to the admin who is your friend! You absolutely should let them know when things are bothering you. Just make sure you're acting as someone looking for collaborative solutions rather than trying to force the admin into action. That never turns out well, even if you're technically in the right, and I imagine they're probably pretty conflicted about the situation. There were several parts of your post that made my drama red flags go up a little, so without knowing the specific details, I would just suggest that you are clear about priorities before you go into this, and be cognizant of whether things start to spiral into an unproductive place. (Not necessarily from you, just generally.) And if it seems like your friend is unwilling to have a reasonable conversation about it, I guess you have your answer.

[Morrigan 1,826]

I'd personally just let it lie.

 

At this point your friends have already been offended and scared off, possibly even a little wary of your site judgement in the future which only hurts you as a friend and RP partner. At the end of the day Good Admin sounds like they will only listen to Trouble Admin and you're wasting your time.

 

While it's a loss to you as you're losing some story its more their loss than yours.

 

I've personally experienced admins like Trouble Admin (and by all means Trouble Mods even here on the Initiative in our own staff). And at the end of the day you can go to war or you can walk away and I've found while war gets all your angry feelings out walking away feels better in the end.

 

I recommend a good rant on discord and then a peer reviewed farewell message.

[Anonymous 234]

18 hours ago, Keaton said:

But also, the word "confront" in your title makes it seem that you're going into this combative, which IMO will only exacerbate things

 

I suppose the title would have better been phrased as "should I risk a confrontation with my site's admin..."

 

My primary concern is that attempting to approach Good Admin would just turn onto a confrontation. After all, I would be going to one staff member with heavy complaints about a fellow staff member, who is also a good friend - I know they've crossed several sites together. Trouble Admin has displayed some pretty clear bully behavior, which the Good Admin here has seemed to just overlook. Like why was there a sudden change in word count rule, right after this specific thread where Trouble Admin's character met a confrontation that didn't pan out in their favor? Why was the word count raise set at almost double the offending member's average post word count? Why did characteristics - like smoking - which were listed in that members admin-approved character bios, suddenly become things that 'wouldn't be possible' for the character types? Why was this particular member solely  targeted over it, when there were other characters of the same species type and with the same habit - that nothing was ever said to? 

 

But as I write these follow up questions out I think I find myself answering my own initial questions. I made excuses for the admin I thought was a friend while all this was going on, even while I noticed what was going on... Guess that should be a clear sign of what would happen if I were to attempt approaching the good admin. Rp is my stress relief and this site is creating stress rather than relieving it. So I do thank everyone who answered for providing me with insight that led me to a better sense of clarity ❤️ 

Anonymous poster hash: 1f2a5...ace

[Sora 29]

This is a very difficult situation that you've been put in, so to begin I'd like to offer my sympathies. When staff is acting inappropriately it can break a site. I hope that whatever you decide to do, it works out in the end for you.

 

Now, onto my opinion. I've been an admin/mod on several sites over the past ten+ years. I've seen both good and bad staffing, and I've seen members driven away by a bad staff member. According to your post this bad admin has caused a lot of issues, and the other admin seems oblivious to it all. Unfortunately I have a hard time believing that. A bad staff member messing up a few times and the admin not notice? Yeah, totally can happen. But to the degree you've discussed I find it impossible to believe the other admin isn't at minimum aware that there are issues. My guess? The good admin is turning a blind eye to it. Doesn't mean they agree with the behavior, but because of their friendship they let the other get away with a lot. I've personally seen this happen many, many times.