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dragonborn

how do you keep caring?

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tl;dr ive been writing with the same core group for about ten years now, almost, and by this point, we've made together a lot of sites that ... well let's just say we're the ones running the sites that remain small so everyone else's can be bigger. i think the last time we had someone join a site of ours and stay that wasnt already friends with one of us, it was .... maybe 7 years ago now? it was a long time.

 

to say the least of it, its just hard to keep giving a crap. ive seen so many people come and go, register and not do anything, join the discord and then leave a few days later, it's so. hard. to keep caring, and be as enthusiastic with the latest new person as i was with the first. i know first impressions are important and those first few minutes of interaction can make or break it, but how do people find the capacity to keep caring when new people show up, even though 99.999999% of the time theyre not making it past a few days at most? how do u sound as interested in the 3,000th person as u did the first?

 

im not asking what to do about the fact 99.999999% of the time theyre not making it past a few days at most, p sure its just a side-effect of running an original site in the current rp-verse economy, and hell maybe im not v personable either idk, im just asking how u care about new people that have a v high chance of not staying.

 

it's not like i dont love the site. i do. i love the stories we're writing and the world we're creating and adding onto, but im jst so tired of wasting energy and enthusiasm on people that dont stay no matter what i do when i could better use that energy on the site itself. ive done interested interactions ive done less interested, ive talked ppl thru their char and left them to their own devices, ive done all kinds of things and nothing makes a difference and its just getting tiring. im getting tired. i need admin coffee. what is this admin coffee?


that which does not kill me, had better run; because now im pissed.

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You can also find me on Imperion and Resurgence

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Are you having fun writing with your core group? Honestly I wouldn't worry too much about it. At the end of the day if they're going to stay they'll stay. I would however maybe reach out to one if you can and find out WHY they're not staying. For all you know, your happy friendly excitement might be doing wonders to draw them in, but something else is driving them away. Lack of available plots? Trouble fitting in with your core group? Honestly I have never seen your site so I don't know, but there is usually a reason. 

If you're not lacking in function because your core group is writing their tails off. Cool beans, don't give it a second thought. But if you really are genuinely wanting to draw someone it. You gotta suss out what isn't working. Honestly it's the world's hardest job because people aren't keen to give feedback anymore. Too many times people have taken it personally where admins like myself are always open to it and never seem to be able to drag it out of people LOL.



The past is a place of reference, not residence.

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I don't any more, to be honest. I really and truly cannot make myself genuinely care about someone when they first join. Because I know they're almost guaranteed to be gone in a couple weeks. I'm welcoming to them, I help them with anything they need, I immediately plot with them when they're accepted and reply to them often... I just assume I'm wasting my time until they've been around for a few months. Members call me friendly and welcoming, so I guess they can't see through the facade, but I just can't muster up the fucks to give with the way the rp community is right now. My sites have no problem getting new members, and there are some people that have been around for 3-6 months, but by now I never expect someone to join and actually stay. Maybe if the general attitude of roleplayers changes, mine will too, but for now I just can't expend the emotional energy to like everyone that comes by until I can see that it's, well, worth it.

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Actually you aren't alone in that Anonymous. I went through that for quite a while. It took me a while to get into the mindset that if someone doesn't stay, then it wasn't meant to be. Shrug the shoulders and keep going. I don't jump every time someone joins. I give time for them to look, haunt, and decide if they want to stay. I'll welcome and chat but I don't get upset anymore if someone doesn't stay. But I also don't rule it out completely. I just don't get all gushy like I used to.


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I completely understand where you're coming from. I used to stress about that stuff but as I got older I too just let it go. I do say hello and welcome people but I don't hover. I like to lurk before I join boards so I give that courtesy on mine.


 

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gbh, idc why. i like my site. its well suited to me and people that are similar to me. i couldn't give any less of a crap if someone else out there thinks i did xyz right or wrong. can we kill this mindset bc ive seen so many badly coded and supposedly badly managed sites do so well this is entirely irrelevant now. bc when u build and run the site u like, u attract people that think and play like u do, and thats the ultimate goal, and there is no right or wrong way of going about that. i cant even rly accept the argument that doing typically-treated-as-objective things like writing ur rules a certain way is wrong bc this depends on the site and its needs, not some sense of im right and ur wrong superiority that the rp-verse likes to run on.

 

this is my first site ive run myself. ive helped many ppl with theirs but this is the first time ive been a main admin, and site's overall three years old, but has run so far for a year consecutively, almost two (i had to take it down a few times temporarily to fix some glaring issues with the lore), and i guess i dont want to be this tired for the rest of my admin career. im also concerned that this tiredness is making it through and others are picking up on it. it may be true but i dont want other ppl to know i cant be bothered to care until theyve been around a certain amount of time.

 

thats it. those're the only reasons i cared enough to post. dont mistake me for some weak-willed baby crying bc their site's not doing well two days in. as nice as getting more ppl would be, its not as if we're not having fun without them, and ppl do register from time to time. said ppl are just flaky and or reality happens and neither are my problem.

 

but basically im getting we're all a bunch of tired and disillusioned folks trying to pretend we're not, so theres nothin rly for it. so nobody has an actual answer for HOW they keep giving a crap because nobody actually does. glad im not alone, but also that sucks.

Edited by dragonborn
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that which does not kill me, had better run; because now im pissed.

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You can also find me on Imperion and Resurgence

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This is a fantastic question, and one that I think doesn't really have a solid answer. There are going to be days, months, maybe even years when you care more than others, and some days it's damn near impossible to generate the enthusiasm for every new account made that you might have had at the very beginning. I've been RPing for approximately 15 years, have staffed at three sites, and currently run another, and some days it is just so insanely difficult to put on your Internet smile and sparkle for every new person. 

 

The way I look at it, I try to put a safe amount of distance between myself and each new account made. Maybe the person who made the account will stay for a few days, a few months and move along, maybe they'll sign up and never come back. If I were to make my enjoyment and happiness dependent on those new accounts, I think I'd be a wreck pretty damn quickly. It's unrealistic to expect anyone to be a ray of sunshine every single day, and you shouldn't expect that of yourself when you're already doing the best you can.

 

When trying to figure whether I'm in a "good" admin place, I ask myself: Am I happy with what I've created? Do I enjoy the people I work/roleplay with? Are the members who are actively contributing to the site enjoying themselves? Am I doing everything I can to make my site a welcoming place without overexerting myself? If the answer to all those questions is "yes," I think you're just fine. It's okay to not be bouncing off the walls for every new person who comes along, especially when the chances of them never coming back are extremely high. As long as you're happy with your site and where it is, I wouldn't worry about it too much.

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It's... hard, I will admit. 

 

I guess I keep caring because I have so many memories on the site. It's had it's ups and downs; after a big incident awhile back the site certainly has not been the same. Activity has been low for a good while now. Hell, a lot of my old partners have gone. I wish I knew how to keep people from leaving but, at the same time, at the end of the day, those who want to stay will.

 

Me having some irl stuff going on, and not being able to be there all the time, hasn't helped either. 

 

But I know also the other admins want to keep the site around. At least, they haven't said anything that might make me think otherwise. As long as the site remains, I'll do what I can.   



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I'm another tired admin. My site has been around a long time, it's had plenty of ups and downs as well as masses of people leaving. Could I do things differently? Probably, but I'm just at the stage now where I understand that not everyone is going to love my site as much as I am. The most important question to ask yourself is whether or not YOU love it, and whether YOU think it's worth all the time and effort and heartache you put into it.

 

People will try to tear you down. People will hate on you. People will love you. You will either fold or endure depending on how you handle each set back. My personal philosophy is to focus on what makes me happy  and to filter out all of the haters. They're entitled to their opinions as much as I'm entitled to mine. The only difference for me is that they hold onto hate and I just want to let go, wish them well and write.

 

If you love your site and love what you've created with the people who stick around, then I'd call that a success. Keep your chin up and keep smiling. The others in here have given some great advice and I hope you find some comfort and peace in it. Life is too short to worry about the negative ❤️

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Fun. I try to have fun and sometimes, I tell my staff that I'm not having fun and I take a step back. It's one of the best things to have a group that can assist you when you're just not feeling it anymore.

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