When do you give up?

[Anonymous 234]

I have been playing on a board for 13 months now. I was one of the people who tested the lore for the board for about a year before it launched. It has changed significantly in that time. There have been major overhauls and adjustments to the staff and the rules and the lore. A lot of procedures have changed and a lot of species have been adjusted and a lot of things are different. Like all boards that have only been open a year the board has seen a high turn over among the players. There's been a lot of people who joined while setting up their own boards and almost all of them have left as soon as their board was up and running. Usually with uncomplimentary remarks despite using our ideas on their board. 

 

My role on the board has changed a lot. I thought I was one of the founders and I adjusted to just being a co-admin. In the last three months I haven't even been that due to some health reasons. So now a lot of new staff has come on board and I feel like I am being phased out. More and more the new staff are being sent to confront me about stuff and I feel like my old friends on the staff are withdrawing from me. That the distance is growing wider and wider. The worst part is that when I was trying to adjust to this I kept getting told that they valued my friendship and I just needed to focus on myself. But the decisions being sent my way through the other staff and the emotional distance I feel between myself and the staff that I am friends with seem to contradict that feeling. 

 

So, I am wondering... should I just give up? Give up on almost 5 years of friendship and 2 years of work on the board and just... find someplace else? 

I don't really feel like I have much social energy and there's a big part of me that doesn't feel like I am going to have the emotional strength to find a new board. 

I am just sick of the fighting and online drama and having people lie to me. 

 

I'm not talking about my friends on staff. 
I'm talking about some of the other members. Ones who have since left. I have tried so hard to see the best in people and time and time again I've been forced to see that the people I was trying to be friends with have been starting shit with my other friends and with the staff. I'm tried to get rid of these toxic people one at a time but I feel like every one of them has been a wedge driven between myself and my older friends. ... and now I don't know if I have the mental energy to start over again on a new board. I don't know if I can trust a new player group after having been burned so many times. 

 

So if I can't stay and I can't go... what the hell do I do? 

Anonymous poster hash: 272c7...25b

[Grimscythe 181]

So, this hit extremely close to home for me, and I'm gonna answer your question first, then explain why. If you no longer feel like you're having fun, if you no longer feel desired or wanted around, the best thing to do for yourself is leave if it's not your board. I say this because:

 

In the last few months, I was in the exact same situation. A bunch of friends who I had for about that long did the exact same thing to me. And it doesn't get better. I'd go into more detail, but I decided to try and stick around, only to feel unwelcome. So I left again. And honestly, it's been perhaps the best decision I have ever made.

 

The game was changing too rapidly. My friends that became admins with me, became strangers to me. It was being basically overhauled after existing for six or seven years, maybe longer. But it's perfectly okay to outgrow a game or a group of people you once viewed as friends. I'd personally go where I feel wanted, as opposed to where I don't feel so.

 

As for trusting a new group: it's hard to step out on a limb like that, but it's better than being miserable.

Edited November 25, 2019 by Grimscythe

[Morpheus 14]

On 11/25/2019 at 12:20 PM, Grimscythe said:

But it's perfectly okay to outgrow a game or a group of people you once viewed as friends. I'd personally go where I feel wanted, as opposed to where I don't feel so.

 

This!

 

Roleplay is a hobby and it should be enjoyable. People change, as does what you seek from your roleplays.

 

I laboured for months over leaving a staff (and member) position on my last public board, and I was what I would consider a ‘rp friend’ with one of the admin, but all signs screamed loud and clear that my opinions were not wanted and my presence was purely one of pumping activity into their site. I excused bad behaviour under a litany of excuses for too long and stayed because I hoped attitudes would improve and I had one story arc I loved so much, I put up with everything else.

 

It was not easy to leave.
I don’t think it’s ever easy to leave a board you have an emotional connection to.

 

It’s hard, it can hurt and you may doubt your decisions even knowing it's the best route because there are so many highlights you might think back on fondly. You might lose friends, but you might not. You mention that you are giving up on 5 years of friendship, but leaving a board does not mean you have to lose them as friends. If you step down/away for your own health (or in fact any reason), friends will understand and if that’s your goal to retain friendships, frame your resignation in a way that opens up that opportunity to remain in touch. 

 

Also to note, you don’t necessarily have to join a new board or jump right into a new player ‘group’ if that idea is adding a level of anxiety to leaving and finding a new home immediately. Roleplay buddy searches or 1x1/private storylines are fantastic if you don’t want to jump head first back into a board. There are some downsides (potential for limited activity) and ofc they are not everyone’s cup of tea but I thought I’d throw that out there as an alternative in the interim until you were ready to jump back into the fray.

 

Good luck! 
 

[Seravian 50]

I agree with the advice here. 

 

I, too, was in a similar situation a long time ago. I made some good friends, left for a while, and when I came back I was... pretty unwelcome, disliked even, by a lot of people, and it didn't hit me until a few months before I officially left.

 

When I said I was leaving, some of my friends actually moved with me. 

If you still have the desire to write with others, you should definitely focus on yourself, maybe a new start is what you need. I have no regrets leaving and, though I don't speak to anybody I rped with on that old site anymore, I have forged some pretty good relationships with people that kept me going where I am now. 

[Miss Bunny 6]

I think one of the hardest things to decide on is when to leave a site. Especially one you've been on for ages and are invested in. However, I honestly believe that sometimes for your own sake you have to say it's time to go. And, honestly change can be great for the soul sometimes. Finding new people, new stories, meeting new characters. It pushes us out of our comfort zone but sometimes that's an awesome thing.