What would you do?

[Honorem 219]

Had a new (or so I thought) member come to our chat. They PMed me to discuss their character, and it turns out they are IP and email banned from my forum. But not the chat as we didn't have that years back when they joined.

 

They told me it must have happened years ago, and apologised. I couldn't remember for the life of me, but was happy to give them a second chance - a decision which lasted all of five seconds.

They proceeded to tell me their character ideas, which were lore-breaking (immortal thousands year old character). I told them unfortunately not, and that they'd have to stick to the established species lifespans. I even apologised and gave them a reason:

"Unfortunately that wouldn't work. We don't have immortal characters here. If I allowed one person to app one, it would be unfair on the other members. I would have to allow it for every character, and that's not a direction I want to take the site in."

 

Their response to this was:

"I don't care for staff's excuses."

 

I had to double take. I replied:

"Excuse me?"

 

They must have sensed that I didn't like such an attitude. They followed up by saying out of nowhere that they are disabled cannot communicate very well online. While I sympathise, that's no reason for them to be impatient and mean. I am starting to see why I had banned them in the past, even if I still couldn't remember them.

 

I let it go, and the conversation continued.

 

Red flag number two was creating a canon. This canon is presently taken. I informed them of such:

"Sorry but that canon is taken at this time"

 

Their response:

"Wtf"

 

I left it and didn't respond. They said they were going to bed after half an hour of silence, and now they're offline.

 

I still can't remember who they were or what they did to warrant a ban, but I see a pattern of disrespect and immaturity already. So I want to keep the ban in place.

 

The question is how should I go about this? Politely inform them that unfortunately they will have to find another site? Or just say nothing and block?

 

Bit of a dilemma. I want to be as kind as possible in this unfortunate circumstance.

Edited December 27, 2019 by Honorem
paragraph formatting

[Morrigan 1,826]

This may sound terrible but I wouldn’t have let them back onto the site. Even if I don’t remember the original reasons for the ban it was normally implemented for a good reason which your description of what happened immediately afterward is proof positive of that.

 

Sadly I do believe the culprit remembers what they did and are intentionally manipulating you. I sadly know that troublemakers remember their naughty behavior than staff members do. 
 

Personally I would just advise them that with their demands they are not a good fit for your site and due to the blatant disrespect that they showed you will be reimplementing the ban. 

[RaWolfe 43]

Mmm from what I have seen of your interaction thus far, I have to clap in my hands as you kept your cool and calm. You can see the direction of the chat going and you didn't give in to their demands or ways. So keeping the ban in place is a logical step, their behavior shows that they have no intention to talk civil or work with your site material. 

 

A ban is something I give in very rare cases, sexual harassment, abusive behavior or anything else deemed in my eyes as extreme. In this case I would also ban them, one would be their behavior, two the use of disabled people in their benefits sickens me and their manipulative behavior. So keep them ban 🙂

[Dragon 673]

Not everything needs to be done kindly. Nor is there any reason to be unkind in this scenario. I believe  authoritative neutrality is the best approach for this case.

 

"As we discussed earlier, you were previously banned for misconduct. Though we here at (site name) believe in second chances under probationary terms, your behavior has proven to have remained immature and disrespectful in direct violation of our code of conduct. We have decided to enforce the previous ban."

 

Leave it at that. Copy their discord aliases, email, and IP addresses with a memo about the incident (Admin CP notes are a great place to keep this so all staff has quick ref) in case they attempt to do it again. Don't apologize, as you are not responsible for their behavior and have nothing to be sorry for - it would likely be disingenuous, anyway, as you probably aren't sorry to see a habitual troublemaker go. Don't feel any need to explain yourself further. Don't even deign to respond if they reply - enforce finality with confidence. No means no and No does not require justification.

[Prophetess 137]

On my forum we fully believe in giving second chances to those that wish to return. We rarely ban unless it is an extreme situation. But it is also a case by case basis. If someone were acting as you described (you did admirably handling things) then I would discuss it with staff and let the person know (customer service voice) that we are not really a good fit for what they are looking for. Tell them things won't be working out and that you are reinstating the ban. There will always be folks out there trolling or who haven't owned what they have done in the past. There is a small percentage that does change when in the wrong. But if you feel they won't be a good fit and a disruption then they aren't worth keeping.

[Honorem 219]

Thank you very much guys, all sound advice. I was of the same opinion as many of you, that a second chance is possible if they changed their ways. But they just devolved into that rudeness so fast, so it's clear to see they must not have changed very much. I will send them a polite PM letting them know the decision. Then they can move on and so can I.

 

Thank you.

[Sammiie 40]

Keep it as simple as possible for you: ban them on site and on your chat. Don't look back. Don't feel bothered to say anything. They don't deserve it. They started their shit immediately after you showed them a kindness. They don't care. They just want their way. 

 

If you really, really want to give them closure, write them a message while they're offline with your reasons for banning them, and just do it. The conversation is likely to go south, demands will be made that you likely won't accept, so save yourself all of that trouble and just do a clean cut! 

Edited December 30, 2019 by Sammiie
oop late!