Dealing with a Specific Type of Member

[Anonymous 234]

Currently, I am the sole staff member on a new site, and all 3 of my current members are strangers to me but friends with each other. Two of them are great, but the third isn't. I will ask for feedback on specific things such as additions or rewrites based on what they've asked me about to help clarify things, and he's usually the first one to tell me that it's great. Then, one of the others will speak up positively and he suddenly has complaints. I'll explain how what I've done is directly in line with the lore, and either offer a compromise if there is one or end the discussion. He just persists, typically arguing "well, no actually that's wrong/doesn't make sense and this is the right way" even after a subject change, or his friends telling him to stop. Alot of times, it tends to be pedantic things like the location is too small for the population size, despite there being very clear lore on it and previously having praised me for having a very small scope when the genre tends toward a massive playable area. It has gotten to the point where it feels like he doesn't respect my lore and the work I put into it, or he's used to complaining and having people rush to accommodate his whims.

 

I have dealt with people trying to bully me into changing my sites before, and know when to compromise and when to stand my ground. The issue is in how he suddenly shifts from telling me it's great to demanding I change things to how he thinks they should be. He is also pleasant to deal with otherwise and quite active, and I'm afraid that if I directly call him on it that he'll convince his friends to leave with him. I simply don't know what to make of this situation, or how to handle it. Any advice?

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[Dragon 673]

Call him out on the flip flopping. 

 

I assume this is being done over discord or PM. Screen shot his initial praise, and then when he complains post it and ask him to explain why his opinion has taken such a sharp turn for the worst. 

Then put your foot down. You say his friends tell him to stop when he acts like this, so clearly they must be frustrated with them also. This is the time to stand your ground. One of two things will happen here: The two friends who have told him to back off will respect an authority figure who can force him down, or a toxic member will leave with two members who, while not toxic themselves, were highly conducive of toxic behavior. 

 

Now, will that latter option put you back to the drawing board? Yes. 

 

But it's a damn sight better to have that happen now, while you can hit a clean reset. The more people join before his behavior is dealt with, the more people to take sides and cause clique splits which will absolutely be the death of your site. 

 

[Tired Old Soldiers 10]

Before calling him out, I'd approach things a bit differently. Start with kid gloves, then take them off if need be. "Oh, but you just said that things were fine - I don't think anything's changed, so I'll stick with your initial feedback, thanks!" or things like "I'm sorry you feel that way, but this is the vision I have for my site, and these are things I am not comfortable changing in such a large way." 

 

Generally that's gotten me positive or neutral responses. On the rare occasion it has gotten a negative reaction,  I've offered to work with them a bit - so long as it doesn't compromise the vision for my own game. That has usually worked. If it doesn't, then I tend to tell them that while I'm sorry they're unhappy, and it's unfortunate they feel that way, I'm not willing to change what they want changed. But I'm still happy to have them onsite if they're okay with leaving that bit of lore or whatever it is alone.

[DivineRabbit 64]

Soldier is right.  But also remember at the end of the day this is a hobby you love - and anything that brings dischord to what you love should be dealt with head on. I would rather lose a few people sometimes than lose my hobby, if there is no other way.

 

However if you balance your words and do not allow them to overwhelm you sometimes you can turn the tide and maybe they will ease off because the person might not realize they are coming across like that.

[Anonymous 234]

I appreciate all the advice here but its become uncessary at this point. He got absolutely nasty with another member he didnt know for absolutely no reason and tried to pass it off as joking when i confronted him in DMs. I sent him packing cuz he didn't think he needed to be nice to people. So yeah. Thanks anyway guys!

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