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What's the Worst Way You've Lost a RP Partner?


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Feel free to answer anonymously - it's a sensitive subject. 

 

I was reading a recent thread about being ghosted by a partner, and it got me to thinking. It always sucks to lose a good partner, so get it off your chest here. 

 

After over 20 years on the RP scene, I've lost my fair share of partners. A few have been through fights and other dramatic nastiness. But for me, personally, the worst was a case of Ghosting. 

 

We'd been writing together for years, and had several active plots going with one another. She had a difficult home situation (abusive father) and was also dealing with some health issues, and a bit before this happened she informed me that she'd been diagnosed with an extremely early onset case of MS. According to her, the doctors gave a really bleak prognosis. 

Then one day she just stopped replying to our threads. A few days later I noticed that she'd removed me from her FB friend list, and it was about that time that I noticed she had changed her site signature to "I really like you a lot". 

 

I never heard from her again. There was no fight or fallout, just that last message slipped into a signature before she disappeared. It's always kind of niggled at me, knowing the kind of family history she had. I've always wondered if her controlling, shitty father forced her to cut contact to even further isolate her. I really wish I'd had more knowledge and resources at the time to track her down or do something. That final message she left has always kind of haunted me. 

 

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I think the one that sticks out the most to me, is the only partner I ever finished a thread with.

 

She was such a good writer, always taking whatever I threw at her. We built up so much with our characters, so much that we were in the middle of a sequel to our completed thread... and then one day she mentions briefly that she has a lot going on in her life and I never heard from her again.

Sometimes I think of going back to the site we rped on and throwing her a PM in an attempt to reach out and see how she's doing... but I always get cold feet. I doubt she'd ever read it but still... I always wonder how she's doing.


 

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She was a very proud [professed] lesbian; I am a dude. I get along with lesbians more often than not because, when your lesbianism is properly firing on all cylinders, you do not see me as a viable romantic/sexual target.

 

From the start, she was very emotional. Shared all her plights of overcoming persecution (often with large crowds of supporting cast cheering her on) with me. They seemed daily, but at the time it didn't stick out to me.  I just wrote it off as "some people are just more ... emotionally open" and "she has a thriving social circle - no way she's fishing for something!".

 

We talked every day. It seems more accurate to say she talked every day.

 

The roleplay was ... eh. I'd wanted to drop one, since she'd wanted two ongoing 1x1 roleplays with me and both her characters were not especially distinct from each other (and it was hard to write as much as she'd have liked while she was constantly talking at me). Don't get me wrong: you can be a great, extroverted person and have poor character portrayal.

 

This was not the case. I think she might have even [said she] had a girlfriend at the time, and certainly a few sexual partners. At first I thought the relentless hitting on was just an uncomfortable joke.

 

It was not.

 

I'd trusted her implicitly as someone with shared experiences, and tried that much harder to keep her in my life for it. I think that's what turned the knife the hardest.

 

I don't remember precisely how I noped out, but the time she said "my estrogen needs your testosterone" is what's carved into our friendship's gravestone.

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To start: I am going to specify that I lost an RP partner, but that partner was not a friend.

 

(Long story ahead)

So, I was on a board where we played Vampire the Masquerade and I was new. I made a Setite because I love them. So there's this player who's been on the board a while and has an established Setite who wants to plot and I'm like COOL. We exchange skype and he messages me a bunch of times to tell me what I'm doing right and what I'm doing wrong. (Irritating but oh well) and the game continues.


Around March to May he suddenly stops logging in. Its weird but it happens. Then all the sudden a player who wasn't very active logs in and writes this huge blurb about how we're all scum for harboring a murder and that we should be ashamed for being friends with a criminal and they're leaving the board. We're all like What The Fuck. 

 

During the rant the person dropped the name of the Setite. 

Because I had him on skype I had his real name.

So I googled that shit and saw an arrest in Kentucky for a man suspected of killing an elderly bus driver in a home invasion that had gone unsolved for ten years.
I was blown away.

Took six years and more shit than I wanted to think about; but every couple of months I would remember that and look up the trial (He was convicted of that and other unsavory things)

 

but yeah: I lost an RP Partner because he was convicted of Murder

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  • 2 weeks later...

It wasn't terrible in the "how rude" sense. But it was bad nonetheless.
I used to play frequently with a woman I met on a forum we were both a part of. We just kinda clicked and our characters were always fun to have play off one another. We went this way for a couple of years until she had a pair of deaths in her immediate family that rendered her unable to bring herself to write, and understandably so. We parted ways as amicably as I think people can, although we still chat from time to time. She still hasn't made her way back to RP, and doesn't know that she ever will, and that's alright. In the meantime I fully intend to be available to talk when she needs it.

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  • 2 weeks later...

unfortunately he passed away.

 

i met this guy through mIRC chat wolf roleplays. the community was small but devoted, and our characters meshed really well to the point where they became mates. eventually everyone in the chat became friends irl, and me and him were close but also very platonic. it wasn't anything like that. we rp'd with each other for a number of years...5 or so i think, and we were friends on the faceplace and would talk on the phone sometimes.

 

i remember once at college after a bad breakup he stayed on the phone with me until i fell asleep. then one day i saw on his fb all the usual posts that told me the aweful truth...he'd died. i wasn't so involved in his life that i knew his friends or family, so to this day i don't know what happened to him or how he died. but i do miss him. he'd commissioned me to do a piece of his character and i procrastinated so much that i was never able to do it before he was gone and i just carry that guilt. i've thought of doing it now as a tribute, but i don't remember enough of the character details to do it justice.

 

i've lost plenty of people to ghosting and dead sites, but that's just life. i mean death is part of life too...but yeah. it's the only one that bothered me.

Edited by shinchan

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  • 9 months later...
Guest Anonymous

CW: death of a child, manipulation

 

 

Spoiler

I roleplayed with a guy who was very challenging to rp with. I can't tell you how many people came to me said how disrespectful he was when he spoke to them or outright refuse to rp with him. At the time I was completely lacking a backbone and was far to emotionally invested in the ship we had going. (looking back now, I realise that it was 90% plotting and not much actually got roleplayed) There was a lot of love-bombing in the beginning. He was in awe with my writing... but at the same time didn't hold back from heavily criticizing my character. From the first post, he ranted about the layout of the store (which there was no actual reference for, it just existed in his head) and how I should have known exactly where his character would have been. Eventually it became less love and more criticism, until I was literally having him check posts before I posted them so I could make edits that he deemed necessary. I would brace myself for at least an hour long voice call, ready to take mental notes for whatever he felt was wrong. Posting became an anxiety riddled chore. 

 

Then his young daughter died very suddenly. In his grief, he became very angry and a lot of that got directed at me. Things between us got worse. He frequently threatened to just end our plot or shut the site down. His posting slowed until he just stopped writing all together. I was a brand new admin on his site when he started to abandon the place. We still talked daily and he began questioning if he would continue to pay for the site when the year's subscription came due. Then when he was mad, he would threaten to not pay it.

 

Finally, I told him that I would take over the site. I was already running the place without him by that point. He seemed to like the idea and agreed. He had already prepped me by ranting for hours about the adminning woes, I really cared about the site and had the support from the other staff members. All I needed was for him to sign over the ownership. He said that when the bill came due at the end of the month, he'd get the submit the request. 

 

A few days into the last month, I come home from work to him freaking out. My phone blew up with messages, he called and screamed at me. --- what had actually happened was: On one of his rants, he told my other admin that he was done with running the site and was leaving. So they moved his secondary admin account to archived. (It was not deleted and he still had access to his root admin account) He accused us of trying to 'take over' his site (which we were just trying to run what he had abandoned) and refused to try to discuss anything with the other admin.

 

The next thing I knew, the site was offline. Just a blink of an eye, down and none of our accounts would log in. So close to me taking over and it was all gone. None of us could get our characters, my Skype blew up. I got him back on the phone and begged for him to turn the site back on and let me take over. He told me that he wanted the site to die. He needed it to kill it for closure. I told him he knew that wouldn't bring him closure. He said he knew but he still needed to do it. 

 

I bargained myself two weeks. We had two weeks to get our stuff and go. He told me we could the board and start it on a new site. The moment he let us back into the site, we were as bandits as we all scrambled to get our codes and our characters. I didn't want to smear his name, so I didn't tell any of the members why we were moving to a new site, just to start saving things immediately. I created the new site and handed the reins over to my co-admins. I went to bed never having ran a site before, with no idea about coding or literally anything about the backend (beyond character acceptance). I woke up to a beautiful site with forums built. We had the new site fully ready in less than four days and everyone moved over in under a week. 

 

A little while later, he sent me an apology. I never responded. About six months after, he asked the co-admin if he could come back. He promised it would just be to rp with them and he wouldn't bother anyone. By this point, we had over a dozen members he ran off return and express gratitude that he wasn't there anymore. Now that I was no longer under his thumb, I knew how emotionally exhausting it was. We ran an admin vote and said NO. 

 

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Through his death...

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i have a couple,

 

one was my fault.  my mental health took a bad turn as i was watching my dad's health continue to deteriorate while he struggled with health problems, and i ended up having a mental breakdown which caused me to act out and become kind of toxic.  i forced myself to take a break and distance myself from the site, which turned out to be for the best because two months later i received news that doctors had said that they could no longer do anything to help me dad.  i still feel guilty for the way i acted back then, and i don't know if i deserve forgiveness.  i recently found and got in touch with some people i rped with back on that site, but i can't help but feel awkward.  as much as i want to rp with them again, i also can't help but be afraid that they might not really want me around.  i'm probably overthinking things (i mean i hope i am) but the anxiety is real. 

 

- the second is finding out that a rp partner was talking shit about me behind my back.  it sucks even more because i didn't even know they had a problem with me until a staff member dm'd me what they had told them, while making it clear they had already taken the other person's side before listening to what i had to say.  so yeah, that kinda hurt and still does.  like i'll admit i'm not perfect and definitely did and said things i regret, but c'mon if you have a problem with me at least tell me to my face.  it sucks even more because i still want to blame myself for what happened, and still question if i messed up and was the toxic one or not. 

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The worst case I experienced was with an entire site, rather than a RP partner. I had originally been the co-founder of the site and had staffed it for years. About 80% of the staff contents had been written up by me and posted under my main ooc account (there hadn't been universal staff accounts back then). I got into some personal drama with a single member on the board, friend turning ex-friend sort of drama, and decided to take some time away from the site.

 

A few months later when I returned, said ex-friend had spread nasty gossip about me across the entire site. They were apart of a large group, which also consisted of an admin, and they had a pack mentality of having each other's backs. I and the friend I had brought were brutally bullied and harrassed, both ICly and OOCly. Then we were quickly banned and my main ooc account (which was also my staff account) was deleted. They kept all my original posts up, under the deleted account, for all their rules and guidelines and sticky informational topics. The bullying didn't stop there. They followed me to other sites I joined and somehow even found my personal site where I stored things, attacking me there as well. These incidents continued randomly throughout the next few years to top everything off.

 

This was well over 10 years ago now, but it was the worst thing I had ever experienced. Everyone was in their youths back then and just made a lot of bad, stupid, choices. Myself included.

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I made the mistake of dating them. They're still active in the rp community so I won't go into the details. 

 

But yeah. We were once best friends and then suddenly we were not. The breakdown of everything was just so terrible and traumatic that I doubt I'll ever unblock them. There's no way I could feel comfortable or safe returning to the friendship we had before and that's what hurts me the most over all of this. 

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The worst way that I've lost an RP partner was a combination of things, really. And with time and distance, I've come to realize that I was at fault as well. 

 

But the TLDR of it is that my RP Partner brought someone new into our circle whom they eventually began to date (and stole a bunch of ships and plots from me). I... did not react well. I said a lot of things that I shouldn't have in a blog post (that I attached to my personal email account, which made it show up in suggestions for my contacts) that my Partner saw. Chaos ensued. Year+ long relationships were severed because of personal dramatic entanglements and unhealthy mental attitudes.

 

Thankfully, a decade later, the RP Partner and I have reconnected. And it's helped me to love RP again. We've been RPing together again for right at a year, and it's been some of the most fun that either of us can remember having in a hell of a long time.

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