Sil's Brain Vomit

[Seravian 50]

"I Have Found Paradise"

 

“It was because of impatience that they were expelled from Paradise; it is because of impatience that they do not return.”

― Franz Kafka

 

 

It will start soon, he thought to himself as he looked out to the clouds with a pleased look.

From his office in the tall tower, everything seems so small; he felt like a king in his throne, glancing down at a world he had created with his own hands. He was shivering with excitement. Did the people below know they were about to experience something amazing, something they could never comprehend? No, he doubted that. He has never clued anyone in. To them, he was just a scientist, a businessman in their city.

They would never suspect him as being much, much more. A scientist and a dreamer. He was someone with a great ambition, much more than anyone in this city. It was very difficult to have ambition in such a dismal place.

 

“Soon, we shall make dreams a reality. Paradise will become a reality.” He muttered as he moved away from the window and toward his desk. He sat down and checked his watch, which read two-thirty. There were no words to describe how he was feeling, aside from excited. Everything had fallen into his hands now. It wouldn’t be long.

 

“Sir, you’re not well today.” The feminine voice on the intercom said softly. He secretly despised that voice. It was his secretary, Ellie, always looking after him, oh how he wished he could silence that voice.

 

 “Not well?” He scoffed. “That’s a rather quick conclusion, wouldn’t you agree? It isn’t very nice to jump to conclusions. Would you mind enlightening me a little? Why do you think I’m not well?”.

 

“You don’t seem your usual self today, that’s all. You’ve been quiet.”

 

“I’m just concentrating. Today is a big day after all, I need to make sure everything goes smoothly.”

 

“Oh, right. I understand. I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t mean to upset you.”

 

“Oh no, my dear Ellie, I’m not upset. My apologies for coming off like that. I have a lot on my mind today.”

 

There was a long pause. He leaned back in his chair impatiently, waiting for her to continue.

 

He could have sworn that she had a thing for him but never dwelled on the thought for too long. She was just another pawn, a key to his success. Every last person in this building had a part to play in this. He was not willing to see anyone or anything go to waste, as he was not a wasteful man. So you see now why he could not just silence her and that would be the end of that. She was needed.

 

As soon as everything started, if all went well, she would be one of the first to die. He would make sure of that.

 

At last, she asked, “Well, what’s on your mind then?”

 

“Dreams.” He said in a cool yet distant tone, filled with musing. Even though he hated how she would always try to pry into his business he felt that it was right to share his vision with her. “Dreams truly are such wonderful inconsistencies.” A brief pause, “Sometimes they seem to last for hours in our minds when in reality we have been sleeping for only a few minutes. Good dreams, bad dreams, dreams nobody ever wanted to wake up from.” She couldn’t see it but he was actually smiling now, “Ellie… I’ve finally found a way to harness these dreams, these visions, and create something that will save humanity.”

 

When he finally finished speaking, he heard Ellie’s voice say, “I know. I wish you the best of luck, sir. I’m sure you’ll succeed.” Her knowing tone was music to his ears. She knew exactly what he was talking about, and exactly what to say as well apparently and it made him smile.  But of course, how could she not? It has been all everyone in the building has talked about for months.

 

That machine finally operational and today was the day, as he had said, where it would finally help him achieve his goal.

 

Perhaps he was a selfish man, someone who meant well but was going about things the wrong way, even willing to sacrifice his own flesh and blood, but it needed to be done. Humanity needed saving. However, placing an eternal illusion over the city, something created by people, was not the way to go about it. Of course that never crossed his mind.

As he leaned back in his chair, the man in the white coat twirled his pen in his hands while he looked over a few papers he had fastened to his metal clipboard. Scattered on his desk were papers he had not felt like organizing back into their manila folders. Eventually they would need to make their way back to their respective shelves but not now. This has been a long week; it was beginning to take its toll on him, shown by his recent laziness and overall distant attitude towards things.

Sleepless nights have been common, brought by determination and fueled by energy drinks as motivation to keep going. This would be the third night he had gone without sleep. He knew if he didn’t get any sleep today he would probably fall apart, so he jotted down a little note in the corner of a blank sheet of paper.

 

He would need to get some rest today. There were a lot of important things that had to get done by the end of the week. Missed deadlines made him a very unhappy person. They have come too far to fuck up now. Today was the day they have been waiting for, a dawn of a new era, ever since they had completed this tower that had become their base of operations.

 

It all began as a small business looking to improve the lives of people. Their first task was to build a skyscraper that would reach the Heavens, looking down upon the world; it was to be the symbol that man truly had what it took to become Gods. But this was not a religious place, instead it symbolized that people could work together. They shaped the world, them, not some God they couldn’t even see or count on to answer their prayers.

It had worked, too. The organization grew larger until it literally took over the city.

The sound of the door opening caught his attention. Two men entered the room. A taller man and a shorter, portly man who had a smug look on his face that made him want to wipe it off of him. He knew exactly why they have come before him and wasted no time getting down to business.

“It’s about damn time,” he said. “The two of you were supposed to be here an hour ago.”

“Apologies,” muttered the shorter man.

 

“How is the test subject? Any noteworthy results? I’m assuming this is the case or you wouldn’t have come all the way.”

 

“She’s asleep for now,” the taller man replied, shifting his weight and looking a little uneasy. “I’ve written down everything that we have recorded from her dream. It was of a white forest today, she was talking in her sleep, something about the silhouette of a bird that was going to set her free.” He handed him his clipboard and flashed a sycophantic smile, which had faded almost as quickly as it appeared. “There was one incident where she lashed out in her sleep and cut her hand on the machine. It had happened right after you summoned us.”

 

“She had cut her hand? How? She was supposed to be restrained with the…”

 

“I know. Her dreams are becoming more active, so we have lowered the temperature. It’s kept her calm until now. We didn’t really do anything about it, figured you would want to see it and go from there.”

 

“I see…” He didn’t hesitate to show them that this displeased him, then he lowered his gaze thoughtfully and muttered, “Active… why so soon?” He seemed to tune out everything that had just been said. With a frustrated sigh he ran a hand over his face and groaned while he looked over the notes that have been presented to him. “Well, she’s lasted this long, longer than the others have, maybe there’s hope yet.” He looked up from the clipboard and handed it back to the men. “I want to see her right away.”

 

“But we--”

 

“A lot needs to be accomplished today. She was injured, so what. We have to focus and I can’t allow mistakes. The next time something like this happens, you’ll find yourself in the forest as well.” The men were silent.

 

He smiled at them briefly and left them where they stood.

 

Slipping out of the office he made his way down the main hallway, toward the elevator at the end of the hallway. His stride was confident as the smile on his face. He would never get tired of the view outside these windows. There were a few benches here and there, placed at observation points that looked out over the city, which seemed so small from up here, he had requested be placed out because of his love for being so high up.

 

It made him feel empowered. The people in the city, this horrible and neglected city on the verge of becoming forgotten, were about to witness history. Three hundred years ago, nobody would have thought it was possible to make Paradise a reality or even save the future of mankind.

 

As he reached the elevator, holding the door open for another employee looking to head to the lower floors, he took in a deep breath and closes his eyes.

 

He thought about everything he had done to get where he was. Yes, he has had to dirty his hands more than once. But soon he would no longer have to suffer either. They wouldn’t see it, but he was definitely suffering; he was not able to face his true love without wanting to vomit. He was disgusted by the man he saw in the mirror every morning. More than anything, today was the day he would start over as a new man and not have to relive the horrors that have brought him to where he is now.

 

It was all because of her. She started everything and now she was going to end it.

 

The scientists greeted him briefly as he entered the room. A few of them seemed nervous. He only paid attention to those who smiled at him, seemingly excited. They knew what was about to happen, too.

 

“This way.” The man who was in charge of watching over the project led him over to where his prize was sleeping.

 

In the center of the room was a large machine. It was loud and resembled a bathtub in appearance. Wires littered the ground, and there were several monitors to the right of the machine showing vital signs, temperature, and brainwaves. One of the monitors showed nothing but static. He frowned as soon as he saw it, wondering what was there or, if it was broken, why it had not been fixed.

 

On the machine, there was a golden plaque name display which read: Genevieve.

 

Placing his hands behind his back, he peered into the machine through the hole. Her frost-bitten gaze seemed to stare into nothingness. Despite what he was told moments ago, she appeared to be unconscious. He even waved his hand in front of the glass to prove she was. It was a pleasing sign, but now that he saw everything up close he was beginning to have doubts. Her face was blue, reminding him of something like a frozen mummy. She didn’t seem human anymore.

 

He dared to place his hands on the case. It was cold to the touch; the warmth of his hand melting away some of the frost.

 

“Genie…” He uttered softly, “Today is the day.” For a moment, his mouth had formed a frown. Was he actually feeling bad about this? It sounded so silly. Who would have thought he was faltering after all this time.

 

As soon as he went to withdraw his hand, a most curious vision entered his mind:

 

There was a ship in waters, a pirate ship perhaps, or maybe a ship from a long, lost world, shrouded in fog; the atmosphere that surrounded it almost seemed to make him feel crushed. Looking at it made a sickening feeling plummet into the depths of his stomach and he wanted to vomit. The fog obscured everything, but he could tell the ship was coming toward him. He could have sworn he saw someone standing on the bow, waving at him.

 

Suddenly, the sickening feeling in his stomach vanished and the vision changed into something a little more pleasant.

 

At first it was blurry and didn’t make much sense. Then he began to feel like he was surrounded by warmth. As the picture slowly became clearer, he couldn’t believe what he was seeing. The vision was short lived as he was thrown back into reality, but it had been clear what he had seen.

 

A field of gold… Paradise. His Paradise. He was finally glimpsing the Paradise he was trying to create.

 

“It worked…” He murmured. It took a moment, but he realized he had his hand outstretched and quickly put it back at his side. It was difficult to tell whether he was pleased or shocked. “That vision… she…” He turned to look at his men, and then looked at her once more.

 

She just stared back at him with that same gaze. No… it was not the same. There was something very different about it. She looked… lively. Was she smiling?

 

Yes! She was smiling.

 

He couldn’t believe it! It had actually worked. He could hardly contain his excitement. All these years of trying to find the perfect key to open his Paradise, the very thing that would save humanity from this disease of a society that had been created over the past several centuries, he finally succeeded. But he knew that it was far from perfect. He had to get rid of that other vision, what he had assume had been part of her own thoughts, what remained of them, before he would be able to truly open his Paradise.

 

“Sir?” One of the men in the room placed a hand on his shoulder.

 

“Gentlemen, this is what we have been waiting for,” he said in response, though he did not meet the man’s eye. “I want that ship gone from my Paradise, do I make myself clear? This must be done before we can continue.” There was a note of panic in his voice that he was unable to suppress. He was shaking, both with anger and fear, his heart was racing.

 

They all spoke in unison, “Understood.”

 

In order to keep things orderly, to make sure that everything was perfect, because he would not accept failure, he stayed and supervised. He would much rather be enjoying the view from his office window.

 

In his mind’s eye, he pictured the city being blanketed by that golden glow from his vision. The warmth that embraced him had still been felt. Closing his eyes he tried to picture it again, but was met with something more sinister than he could ever imagine. Like the ship, the city was not covered in the perfect golden blanket of his Paradise, but that horrible fog. He tried to open his eyes, to get rid of the vision, but something was locking him in. It was the woman.

 

What was this? Some sort of Astral Projection? What piqued his curiosity the most was the fact that she no longer looked frozen. She looked warm. She stared at him with an expression that made her look like she was in pain. She was covered in blood, whispering things he could not hear.

 

“What..?” He uttered quietly, or rather mouthed as his voice had failed him.

 

With a smile, she walked up to him and touched him, wrapping her hand around his wrist, her hand wasn’t even cold, and he felt a shock of pain surge through him.

 

“You have done this to me.” She cried, squeezing his wrist until the snapping of bone could be heard. “Selfish fool. Did you really think you could use me to create your own world?”

 

There were sounds coming from the room that he couldn’t hear. A loud ringing sound resounded in his head, giving him a headache that was enough to bring him to his knees. His body began to feel cold. The fog was surrounding him and he began to feel dizzy from the pain. She didn’t let go. But he was not going to beg her to stop, no, he wanted her to do this, to torture him, because he knew once everything was ready all of his pain would wash away.

 

Suddenly, something pulled him out of the vision. He heard voices calling his name, asking if he was alright. When he came to he noticed he was huddled in a fetal position in a corner. Three of the men were staring at him, murmuring amongst their selves. He still felt cold, and he noticed there was bruise on his wrist. For a long minute, he just stared at his hands.

 

It occurred to him, then and there, they were connected. They have always been connected, since before he had conducted these experiments on her. He had tried so hard to sever it but she hadn’t let go. Even after everything he had done, this connection remained. The ship had given him some suspicion, but now… He had to do something or else everything would be ruined.

 

He had come too far to fail.

 

“We need to hurry.” He growled out.

 

“Sir, be patient.” One of the three men said while he helped him up. They all backed away once he was on his feet.

 

“I’ve been patient long enough.”

 

“Sir, we can’t speed the process up anymore. There are too many risks involved…”

 

“I don’t care. I want my Paradise.” He looked at them, noting the concern on their expressions deepening. A smile appeared on his face. “I know there are risks.” He spoke calmly. “But we are about to witness a great change.”

 

There was so much more he wanted to say, but found himself cut off. A loud noise that resembled someone screaming in pain caught his attention suddenly, and the tower shook violently. He grabbed onto one of the machines in the room to keep his balance.

 

Before he knew what was going on, he heard a ringing sound and the headache returned, and he placed a hand on his eyes and squeezed his eyes shut. He heard one of the men in the room snarl something to the others. The ringing in his ears was too much; he couldn’t hear anything other than that awful ringing. Oh God, Make it stop! There was a hissing sound now on top of the ringing, making the headache worse, then something grinding, and next, something shattered. The room was filled with a cold that sent the most awful chill down his spine.

 

It was her. The lights flickered as she stood before the men in the room. She was shivering from the cold, her eyes looking as lifeless as they had while she had been in that comatose state. She looked like she had in the vision: covered in blood, which dripped onto the floor. Her gaze was transfixed on something. What? No. She was looking right at him.

 

“What are…” He couldn’t get the words out. “No… it’s too soon!”

 

She suddenly raised her hand, pointing at him, and the tower seemed to fill with that fog from the visions. The air became heavy, just as he remembered it.

 

Then, he saw the ship. It was speeding toward him. No, he felt like he was being sucked into it. He could have sworn, now that he had a clearer image, that the ship looked familiar. Why was he seeing this? He wracked his brain for an answer, but then he realized: They were connected, and now that he has seen that ship, she was using that to her advantage, to create her own Paradise. A Paradise where he felt nothing but suffering, where humanity would fall, it was no longer his golden light and he found something oddly amusing about it all.

 

Maybe he should have seen this coming in the end. She had been so powerful and they have done everything they could to try and suppress her power.

 

Maybe that was why she had lasted the longest. He hadn’t tried hard enough, evidently. Or maybe he had tried too hard? No, it was the former, because if he had tried harder he would have received better results.

While the two stared at each other, he was taken to a place of pure white. There, she stood next to a large black bird with scarlet eyes. He wasn’t sure when he was brought here. He didn’t like this place, though, the atmosphere continued to weigh him down. The bird took flight after she whispered something to it, leaving the two of them alone. Suddenly, blood began to pool around him, sucking him in, and then everything went dark.

 

He found himself at bottom of the building when he came to. But it was not the building he knew so well. Everybody in the foyer was dead; the stench of blood was strong even for a human’s nose. It wasn’t just the stench, though. Blood was everywhere. Bits and pieces of flesh were strewn about as well.

 

Heart pounding in his chest, he stood up and looked around. He wasn’t surprised to see that she was there, standing a few feet away from him, eyeing him with a most malicious expression No longer was she lifeless. He was now fully convinced that the woman he was looking at was no longer human. This was something that he had truly created.

 

If he had not been so frightened and disoriented, he would be smiling.

 

She had officially become the Key to Paradise. If only it were his Paradise she was opening. His mind tried to come up with reasons as to why she had turned out this way, why she had not awakened correctly, wondering if his impatience really had been the cause. Knowing better than to questions things, he started to look for a way out. He needed to get out of here. But she would not allow him to escape. Everyone else was dead, and now he was about to face the same fate.

 

Muttering something, she walked toward him, touched his forehead, and then they were teleported into what he assumed was yet another vision. There was something very wrong about this one. They were standing at the edge of a cliff, and it felt so real that it terrified him. Below, he could see the city. It was covered in that same fog, becoming thicker and thicker by the minute. Above the city, he could see that black shadow of a bird circling the tower, which was slowly crumbling to the ground.

It seemed peaceful oddly enough. That didn’t mean he was in the clear, however. He was standing close to the edge, and she was slowly moving towards him, her gaze malicious. He could have sworn he saw her smile, too, and that sent a chill down his spine far greater than the cold he had felt did.

 

He couldn’t get away. Not that she would want him to escape, which was why she had blocked off all exits. The next thing he knew, something rammed into him, hard, and he was pushed off the cliff.

The landing, which he had no time to prepare for, was rough.

Pain wracked him. His body was mangled; there were bones that had been in several places. Yet somehow he had survived, and was not dead. The fall should have killed him right away, but somehow he was still here. However, he could feel himself fading. Blackness began to take over his vision. Something was calling to him, but he couldn’t hear it at first, like this nagging that would not go away. Eventually he allowed himself to be taken by the blackness. Death was better than being tormented by his failures.

He could feel a tear roll down his cheek. All he had wanted was to save this world, but in the end he was the one who made it suffer the most. There wasn’t anything he could do, at least not about her. She was far more powerful than he could ever imagine.

He finally closed his eyes...

“Sir..?” A familiar, feminine voice called out. “Sir!”

 

He jolted awake, finding himself at his desk in his office. He found himself breathing hard, sweat on his brow, and his heart pounded in his chest. He no longer felt cold and the bruise on his wrist was gone.

 

“Ellie? What…” His voice was weak; his throat felt dry.

 

“Sir, it’s about to start…. Is everything alright? You don’t seem well.”

 

“I’m fine.” He grunted, standing from his seat. This was so strange. He couldn’t think of another word to describe it all. Was everything that happened just now just a dream? He pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes. Everything was as he remembered it when he walked into his office first thing this morning. Files were neatly arranged, the sunlight through the windows was soft. Had he just fallen asleep and was given a vision of what was to come? Would he never see his Paradise?

 

Oh how right he was.

 

Something suddenly compelled him to look out the window, and what he saw terrified him. The golden light shone through the clouds, but the city was covered in a dense fog. Perched just outside his window, on the helipad, he noticed the black bird was perched. But it was what, or rather who, was with the bird that caused him to go rigid.

 

He saw the woman staring back at him.

 

Edited July 6, 2015 by Sil

[Seravian 50]

"Darkness"

 

Darkness.

There was nothing here but darkness. An endless abyss that was swallowing him whole, becoming one with him.

He was fine. There was something about it that was comforting. Everything stood still, and he felt like he was floating. He didn’t need to have a thought in his head. His thoughts, too, were being swallowed by this abyss, and all that remained was this strange unintelligible whispering. Eventually, that was tuned out and he just focused on nothing.

It wouldn’t be long now. He would no longer even be aware of this strange place. It was for the best, it wasn’t like he was meant to stay here to begin with. It was a shame. He would have loved to have stayed here in this bliss.

Free.

But no matter how much he tried to block it out, a single thought made its way to the surface. Every time this happened, the darkness would do everything in its power to shove it back down but to no avail. This thought was apparently a strong one. The resistance it showed to being eliminated was incredible –he must have had some pretty strong emotions in relation to this thought.

A woman. There was a woman. She was smiling at him; such a beautiful smile she had. He didn’t remember where he had seen her before, but she was important. 

Something shifted suddenly, and the darkness began to waver. The feeling of bliss suddenly became something that was restraining him, refusing to let go. The more the thought fought to get his attention, the more the abyss latched on. By this point it was completely uncomfortable. It was as if the abyss knew it was fighting a losing battle, and he would no longer be in its hold.

That moment happened sooner than even he had thought.

The woman’s face came into view, shining a light within the darkness. She continued to smile at him. She reached her hand out. He instinctively took hold.

The darkness was gone the moment their fingers touched. Everything, though blurry at first, faded back into view. He was still groggy but he was aware of his surroundings; he appeared to be in a hospital bed. His head was pounding and his body ached all over. The bliss had faded along with the darkness.

A single thought, the woman, surfaced in his mind again. He knew where she was now.

“Maria… where is Maria…” His voice was panicked. He turned his head to look around, and saw there, in the bed next to him, though her features mangled and covered by stained bandages, was a woman matching the description of the one he saw in that darkness.

Edited July 18, 2015 by Sil