Elena 546 Share Posted December 10, 2015 Losing a family member of another religion... which mourning customs should I keep? Mine or his? And how wrong is it if I don't want to wear mourning dress, when the death occurred several seas away? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Morrigan 1,826 Admin Share Posted December 10, 2015 That's a difficult one. I'm more of the belief that respecting the fact that they are dead is enough? Respecting them and adhering to their religion are two different things. I don't have to be a catholic in order to respect a friend that does and be courteous at their funeral. And no, it's not wrong if you don't want to wear it especially if you were not close to the deceased person. Profile set made by myself and original Artwork by Fae Merriman, my daughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elena 546 Author Share Posted December 10, 2015 Close enough to care and be affected... Not as close as a father and a daughter (even divorced) should have been. There are things in the past I resent him for. I had sought for other father figures in my life when he wasn't around, in my childhood and teen years: my mother's cousin, a work colleague of my mother's, then the fathers of two of my friends were also a bit like my fathers. But there are things I admire him for too. On New Year he would have turned 93. He was strong of mind and optimistic, even if he was doing dialysis for the last 1-2 years. Stronger than my mother, who is 86 and whom I haven't told yet that he died. They divorced 47 years ago, still I am afraid of a shock from her -not necessarily because she'd love him madly after so many years (not the case, even if I am not sure what prevails in an old person's memory more, the good or the bad) but it is also a strong remembrance of her own mortality... and it could be a shock on this side. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin Morrigan 1,826 Admin Share Posted December 10, 2015 Yeah, I think that's fair and that you not wearing the dress doesn't mean that you didn't admire him but you feel your loss in your own way. 1 Profile set made by myself and original Artwork by Fae Merriman, my daughter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shadow Lady 2 Share Posted December 11, 2015 I personally never wear mourning clothes (it's not traditional here for anyone but widows) except for funerals. So, I don't find it odd. So, religion and customs apart, I think grieving is a very personal process, and you need to follow yours, not anyone else's, be it for religion or custom. I'm sorry for your loss. 2 Shadow Lady Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miltiadis 0 Share Posted December 12, 2015 (edited) Let me share something here with all of you, before something happens and i am gone again, with only sea and boats deciding if i ever do the normal, mundane, and insane things i love. Mourning a person that you hold dear to your heart is entirely about how much they meant to you personaly, and how much you have their beliefs and ideals close to you. Love for someone has different shades, as if, when you absolutely hate someone's character, you can still continue to love their dreams and sometimes, even beyond their bitter end. The same aplies if you do not believe in their aspirations, but still love their character. Eleni, the way that you can show your respect or love, or both, is up to you. Would your father be honoured by you, representing your respect to him by doing one religious custom or a respectfull combination of both? If you knew him well, then i do not think he would mind seeing you paying your respects the way you think is best. Do you wish to know what other thing i celebrate during my birthday? Why i do not throw parties and why i nearly forget that i have a celebration for me? It is because of my grandfather. The man died the day of my birthday, on the third of December in nineteen ninety seven. From then no birthday was ever the same, for we always spent time to mourn him. Yet, despite never knowing him much at first, and never knowing why he was always so sad, i loved to pay my respects to him. Back then i thought that an orthodox christian memorial would put a smile on his face up in heaven. Growing up i learned more. Why he was sad, why he would no longer be called a national hero in Gjiarocastro of Albania, the place of his childhood. Why his dreams where wisked away by the hatred that he fought to destroy, a hatred that swarms innocent lives even today. He was not a christian. He hated every single word of the bible that was used to divide the two people, that he not only had as friends, but family. A christian memorial according to what he loved, would be the final stone in the tomb that became his happyness. I loved this hero, and still do, i don't care that we share memorial days, i will always celebrate his resting by honouring him just as he would like. And that i also have no problem, with raising in his honour the crimson flag that so many other heroes like him held up high, is the least i can do, to show my love for grandpa Miltiadis. Edited December 13, 2015 by Miltiadis Redearth Grammar mistakes 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elena 546 Author Share Posted December 13, 2015 (edited) I love your words, @Miltiadis Redearth! Yes, they helped me. And I know what I will do: keeping his memory inside me, telling others about him how he was, doing the part of the traditions I can. And I will wear mourning for a few weeks too... even if I think he wouldn't have cared about this. Ultimately, it is a gesture of respect. I had a father. It would have been more awkward when nobody knew about my deceased halfsister in 2003. But even without wearing mourning dress for her, I still grieved. (And yes, @Shadow Lady, here mourning clothes are traditional for all close relatives - sons, daughters, grandchildren, siblings, parents when the case is). Some wear them for 6 weeks, others for the whole year or for 3/ 6 months...) And my mother took it well, I am glad. Edited December 13, 2015 by Elena 1 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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