Asking Members to Leave

[Josie 198]

Wow! This topic is several years old now, and now that I look back on it I'm so pleased with the results. It seems that, by and large, this is quite an emotional process for most people- on both sides of the situation. After reading the reactions some members have had to being asked to leave, it seems that it was often as painful for them to be told to leave as it was for the admin to ask them to leave.  I understand better now, then, why some admins might choose to just drop the ban hammer instead of deal with all of that.

 

Personally, I still think it would be better to try and talk with people first. However I've matured enough now to admit and see that, at the time of making this topic and for a long time before, I was an admin who always tried to please everyone- often to my own detriment. I can envision some situations where I, too, might just say "kark it" and ban someone instead of having to deal with my emotions and theirs.

[Padfoot18 4]

I've asked someone to leave twice.

 

The first time was a friend who I had been rping with for years, and she just snapped and started acting aggressive in chat and making fun of plots and characters. She put pressure on me to post certain characters constantly, until I was stressed out and couldn't write at all. My fellow admin and I had a discussion with her and it didn't go well at all. She sent a message when she left stating how crazy and manipulative we are. 

 

Then she made another site and stole a few of our characters/plots. Another member on our site participated, and so they had to go bye byes too.

[Byrn 102]

I recall asking one singular person to leave twice. 😅 And now that I am recreating the site I am wondering if she will come back. She was sickly sweet and came off as very young which was worrying when the site was adult. Several of her threads had to be shut down for her to fix power playing and they never truly fixed them and she tended to target certain individuals that fit her fantasy ideas. She was only interested in creating very perfect and 'the most beautiful and kind in all the lands' type characters. The one thread I recall was her mermaid one. She started the thread with her mermaid being stuck in a net after an argument with her father. Another member (who is way too nice for his own good lol) responded and by the time she had responded to him, months of time had passed and her character had gone and come back to revisit our other member's character and had fallen in love and was bringing her merman father to meet him. It was a mess. She never seemed to grasp she couldn't time hop and control another person's character so we asked her to leave. She came back another time under a different alias but used the same email.... after that we banned her because the whole event of trying to be sneaky and then doing the same stuff just didn't sit well with us.

Edited May 19, 2020 by Lavi

[Kore 14]

I've asked people to leave many times over the years. It's never a good feeling, but I've found that usually (not always but usually) if I'm kind about it, people are fairly chill. I don't list their mistakes or tell them they are awful and I'm often pleasantly surprised at how cordial the parting can be. I've had people wish me well as I was asking them to go. Now, I've always delt with the Karen's of the the world. How dare I not what to change everything about my site to fit their characters? How dare I not take their side when they instigate fights? It happens. I just hold true to my biggest rule. 

 

NO TOXIC PEEPS!

 

I've left too many sights because a person or group tainted all of the joy and fun that is RP with their horrible attitude and drama seeking ways. It suuuuucked. So I keep everyone in mind when I see someone or a group turn toxic. We are here to have fun, don't let them ruin it!

[ThriftStoreTeeth 78]

To be completely blunt about it, I don't ask people to leave, I tell them to get out. I'm pretty patient with people on my sites, so if I want you gone, you've really screwed up big time because its rare that I get to that point. I don't care if you trash talk me because you're salty about breaking the rules so often/badly that I'm showing you the door, and ya boi keeps receipts on the particularly bad ones for future reference.

 

The most interesting one was when I told one guy to GTFO. It was on a now-defunct social media type site that allowed you to create your own forums, and I sent him a PM about it. He argued, so I told him straight up that he was creeping the female members out and he could either leave voluntarily, or I'd throw the ban hammer at him because once you mess with my members, the papa bear in me comes out. He replied to argue again, so my reply was to hit the ban button. He literally spent the next 6 months crying to my PMs about how he wasn't aware he was creeping people out while simultaneously promising me he wouldn't do certain things again, and those things not only proved that he was in fact aware of his behaviour, but ratted himself out for more problematic things. I eventually told him to get bent and blocked him. He popped up a little while later with a new account, claiming to be a different person but it was obvious. Banned him again, and sent him a PM greeting him by the name he was known around the site as to tell him he was never welcome in any forum I made ever again. He finally stopped after that, though the site did get shut down shortly after so he no doubt would've popped up again otherwise. That site was wild, man. I kinda miss it...

[Cman710 8]

So so so SO many times. I seem to get there crazies who just act out - so I am almost used to at least having to do this once or twice. I usually feel bad though because In most cases they are a good person - but just... Not right for the site - they need their own group or something.

[tesla 4]

If it's something that's less egregious, I'll try and make it clear that it's more about a conflict of style or personality than something they did. If it's an obvious breach of rules, I'll lay out the rules that were broken, explain the reasoning behind the ban/removal, and give them a chance to collect whatever writing/graphics/code they may want.