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Help when it's not wanted


Honorem
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So I have an interesting situation on one of my sites, and I'd like some advice.

 

I have a new member who has taken it upon themselves to update my site's world maps and attempt other improvements, without asking. Although I know I should be grateful, I'm already happy with the way things are, and I don't need anything updated.

 

I received a PM springing this on me that the map was in progress, and my reply was: 'While I appreciate the enthusiasm, I'm not looking to go down this path. Thanks again, but things will remain as they are.'

 

Now I'm having trouble finding the right wording to say, politely, something along the lines of 'Stop this in future, if I need help updating things I will reach out first'.

 

Has anyone ever been in this situation before? Advice on how to word it?

Edited by Honorem
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I would have been grateful for the help and I would tell them where I need help the most - such as advertising, making some lists, etc.

 

There are very few members who are actually volunteering to help, and this deserves praise and encouragement, not being discouraging.

Edited by Elena
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1 hour ago, Elena said:

I would have been grateful for the help and I would tell them where I need help the most - such as advertising, making some lists, etc.

 

There are very few members who are actually volunteering to help, and this deserves praise and encouragement, not being discouraging.

Not to do with being ungrateful, but having my work being redone. I don't want this to be happening behind my back and I want advice on how to passively discourage the behaviour. But thanks anyway.

Edited by Honorem
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Alternative graphics that you don't want redone can be displayed on tumblr or something, but not on the site to replace the ones which you have done. They can be considered simply additional, alternative fanart which is not canon. I received such things in the past too, and it was no obligation for me to actually replace mine with them. They got displayed on tumblr (and deviantart sometimes) as something the member had done, just for information, and this was it. 

 

At the same time, I told them that I appreciate their enthusiasm, and that the help I actually need would be with... (I am sure you can use some help with advertising, for example, or with his character leading a collective thread, or with him writing for a NPC in one thread).

Edited by Elena
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For me I would likely go an in between route of neither encouraging or discouraging.

 

"Hey thanks for those. We will take them into consideration however we cannot promise that they will replace current lore. I always love to see members that are enthusiastic about the site as it makes me happy. Just a heads up, I would recommend looking for any site specific jobs in the announcements area because when we need help that's where we post it."

 

I will warn you to ere on the side of caution (this goes for all of you) this sort of behavior is often the behavior of someone that is gunning to become staff and can or WILL be offended if they do not get it based on their amazing deeds of unwanted awesome. Jilted members are the nastiest to deal with.

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4 hours ago, Morrigan said:

I will warn you to ere on the side of caution (this goes for all of you) this sort of behavior is often the behavior of someone that is gunning to become staff and can or WILL be offended if they do not get it based on their amazing deeds of unwanted awesome. Jilted members are the nastiest to deal with.

1

 

I was going to add this but @Morrigansaid it for me :)

 

Definitely be cautiously optimistic about this type of enthusiasm. I have seen it all too often that instead of just joining and easing themselves in, there is a select band that just join sites to 'sell their wares' so to speak, or attention seek via an over-abundance of help offers in their first 5 minutes. If you can redirect their enthusiasm as @Elena suggested, then all the better. 

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I certainly agree with the suggestions to redirect the enthusiasm. Something along the lines of:

 

Quote

Hey Member,

It's awesome that you're so enthusiastic to help out, but Thing is just the way I wanted it. If you're looking for something that'll help us X, Y and/or Z would really benefit from some love. Let me know if you're interested in helping with any of those, and I can give you information on what I'm looking for. Thanks so much!

 

And if this person is gunning to become staff, like @Morrigan suggested, then giving them tasks that you'd like help with will give you a chance to see how useful they might be to you. Finding someone who *volunteers* to become staff, who also has a willingness and ability to follow through with the things that they're asked to do is a valuable thing indeed. You may not need anyone currently, but if an opening comes up in the future you'll already have an idea of what this person is capable of.

 

Good luck!

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I've only had one person join with such a level of enthusiasm for "helping" the "awesome site they love so much". We gave permission for a bit of help with what the member wanted to work on (Which was a Wikia project detailing various site-wide plot and history of the board. We were rather slow in updating/filling it in) - and they ghosted as soon as it was clear we weren't going to autostaff them.

 

That being said, that re-direct idea sounds like a good middle ground on the off chance that the member truly is just being a DoDo Bird and isn't running with an agenda. It'll also flush out by their responses what their agenda (if any) is.

 

If you're concerned that their help will be more of a "hurt" in the future if you condone the behavior, going with something like "I appreciate you trying to Fix my site, but we really don't think its broken. Please ask us for verification before you undertake such large projects in the future and we would be happy to give you a little guidance."

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  • 4 weeks later...

I feel that most of these posts made the same mistake that your person made: assumption.

 

By responding at all, you assume that they will actually finish the work, that the work won't be something you like, and that you will be obligated to use their work, and that you will have to eventually say something. None of these are true! : D

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  • 2 years later...

I have had this happen before, there will be one person who comes on and thinks they can do it better. And it honestly bugs me cause maybe it's not how they mean it, but it comes out like a slap to the face, like what I did isn't good enough. 

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  • 1 month later...

I have had people come and ask me if they could help. Most of the time, they have deserved a position among my staff.

Sadly, there are times when some hasn't. 

If anyone asked me to help, I would gladly oblige if I had the time. I ask to make sure I know what it is they need from me.

 

Honestly, I haven't taken position of co-admin for a while. After being banned on one for no reason, and suddenly being left to run the forum on my own in two others, I don't care much for it now.

Edited by Ambrose

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