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Treated unfairly; solutions?


Bonemeal
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Imagine you have an old friend. Years spent together.

 

  • In recent months, Friend is taking longer & longer with replies. Imagine a month+ between replies. 
  • Friend regularly throws in the I Have the Flu excuse.
  • They're online every day, but haven't been vocal about your 'ship/role-play for a long time, UNLESS they see you playing with others, and you can feel their jealousy/envy across the seven seas.
  • Friend doesn't chat anymore; gossip, discourse, headcanons.

 

What do you do with Friend?

 

I have 4 in-progress role-plays; one hasn't been acknowledged since Halloween. The Main RP has taken nearly a year; hasn't finished yet.

 

I've reached the end of my rope, and about ready to send a note saying I'm shelving the lot because I feel like I'm being taken for granted, and if Friend was anyone else (or I was someone else), I would have flaked, myself, a long time ago.

 

I feel hurt and used, TBPH. I'm patient AF but I still have limits.

 

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FALLOUT 4 RPG IN PROGRESS.

 

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Same. But you have to do what is right for you. Think of it like a relationship. Would you put up with that IRL? Move on! It may hurt, but clearly their time has come to be done and that is ok too. You will find other people and you will enjoy it again.

 

 

 

Trust me.

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"Everyone has been doing so much soul searching during all of this,

and I'm just over here drawing pics of my character's dicks."

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Looks like its time to find some new partners. If Friend wanted to thread, Friend would be. Are they offering the excuses freely or only bringing them up when you do? 

 

IF they get jealous, you could be a dick and go "Well, you weren't RPing with me so..." Or you could go for "I was in the mood to RP and didn't want to bother you since you've been sick."

 

Some relationships fade out and take RP with it, unfortunately.

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It really sounds like it's time to move on. How much sentimental attachment you have to the memories of the good times, or how willing you'd be to patch things up should Friend clean up their act, will affect how you handle it. The more you'd like to just remember the good stuff or the more you'd be willing to pick it all up again if Friend got over their stupid, the more you want to be delicate or gentle about how you cut the ties or shelve things... and the less you care because of the abuse, the more firm and blunt you should be.

 

However you choose to handle it, take the time to think about it when you're not angry/upset from a recent bad interaction. Don't have that RP/Friendship break up as a result of their giving you an excuse again or getting jealous of your RP with someone else. Decide how delicately you want to handle it when you're calm and clear headed, then approach the conversation with a clear expecation on your part of what you want out of it — are you looking to cut off all contact, just put aside RP for a while and only socialize, or maybe cut back to only one RP to let you evaluate how serious they are about fixing things? You'll likely thank yourself later for taking the time to think it through and approaching it with forethought, because this will increase the likeliness that you'll handle it maturely and retain either your good memories or the ability to patch things up later if friend comes to their senses.

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I'd just flake the threads with said friend to be honest. RP with everyone else, and on the rare chance that the friend responds to the thread reply as normal. Or completely ignore it. If said friend seeks you out and says something complaint-wise, just mention "Oh sorry, didn't notice your reply since you've been posting so rarely lately. My bad, I was under the impression you lost interest.".

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I always hate the passive aggressive path so I think you have to be blunt and honest with how you're feeling with Friend.The fact that they're feeling jealous/envious is completely unwarranted especially if they aren't bothering to take the time and reply to you. Is it laziness? Are they bored? Why keep a ship together when one side isn't showing that they're the least bit interested? If you don't play the characters with anyone else, it makes sense to shelf them but at least give them the courtesy to let Friend know whats up first. I don't imagine that sending a PM/IM/whatever would magically open their eyes, but hopefully it would at least create a pathway into discussion about the problem. If all else fails, move on and find yourself a writing partner you're happy with. It's not worth the headache. 

Good luck!

Edited by Indio
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I agree with Indio here... Talk to them first. 

 

I mean you can't expect them to know what you're thinking or feeling without telling them. I've said it before and I'll say it here...

Subtle clues don't work. Hints don't work. Nudges don't work. If you want someone to know what you're thinking then you have to tell them. Don't expect them to pick up on behavioural changes, cues or anything like that because (in an online situation) they're inconsistent at best. (In another example I've used before... going silent in a chat doesn't mean someone is upset, most people wouldn't presume that because there can be a variety of reasons. Like they were at work and break was over. They had to run to the store for a bit. Or they had to use the washroom. Or even just they changed tabs for a second and got involved in something else.)

 

If you're already tried talking to them about it then by all means drop the plots and move on. You've tried talking already and it didn't help. 

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"There are three sides to every story... Your side, their side, and then somewhere in the middle is the truth."
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  • 1 month later...

I was in a situation where a writer would only respond to rps if there was a chance their character could be shipped. They said they were interested in rping with me, but never responded to anything that would develop my character or send me any starters, but they treated the people they had ships with better. After a couple of months of ignoring my character and only responding when I complained, I decided it wasn't worth continuing it. I wanted to rp it without having to seemingly force them. I've always tried to treat people fairly when it comes to replies, etc. (Some people I might rp with more often than others, but I try not to skip over replies.) I don't think it's worth trying to keep a rp friendship going when the rper ignores you because in the end, you'll just end up with two frustrated rpers. However, it is sad if things used to be great with them and that is what you miss. (And I did give them lots chances.)

 

I've also found that the more you try to solve a situation, the more badly people view you because the person may start saying to others that you're harassing them, etc. This is from my own experiences and probably due to the limitations of twitter and the personalities of the rpers I've come across, but there comes a time when it's better to move on.

Edited by Icewolf
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When someone is sick is not the time to make big decisions. And yes, it is flu season and this year's flu shot was only about 50% effective so it is very likely they are indeed sick.

 

Wait.

 

When they are well, approach them and talk to them about it.

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5 hours ago, xexes said:

When someone is sick is not the time to make big decisions. And yes, it is flu season and this year's flu shot was only about 50% effective so it is very likely they are indeed sick.

 

Wait.

 

When they are well, approach them and talk to them about it.

They've used the same excuse regardless what time of year it is; there's a pattern when it's convenient for them to be excused from stuff they owe.

 

I never got notifs for any of these replies hence my delay replying here; but since I had posted this request, the partner in review has been 'sick' nonstop, so  a couple of months.

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ICON COMMISSIONED BY KOSPERRY - DO NOT USE.

HOBB'S END RPG 

FALLOUT 4 RPG IN PROGRESS.

 

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3 hours ago, Bonemeal said:

They've used the same excuse regardless what time of year it is; there's a pattern when it's convenient for them to be excused from stuff they owe.

 

I never got notifs for any of these replies hence my delay replying here; but since I had posted this request, the partner in review has been 'sick' nonstop, so  a couple of months.

 

I had to do some research on this one!

Donning the classical nurse hat, scrubs, and stethescope!

Okay, so it is possible to have the flu more than a couple months. It is also possible that they aren't telling you what they really have or that they are mistaking what they have for the flu. In the case that it really is the flu, they probably also have an immune-compromising condition , such as HIV, that's preventing their fast recovery. There's also some particularly nasty strains of flu out there. Imagine how much their life must suck right now; you can't exactly stay home sick from work for months!

 

I understand how frustrated you are right now, but when someone is sick is not the time to be making adjustments to any relationship.

 

Maybe they did loose their muse. Maybe they didn't. Whatever the case, I still feel like a talk is in order to talk about your roleplays and your friendship too.

 

I've had friends who stopped replying because they lost their muse thinking the interpersonal relationship was toast. After a talk, they realized it wasn't and everything was hunky-dory again.

 

Friends are precious, don't loose them over a hobby. : ' (

 

If these loose roleplay ends still bother you, do what I do and throw myself into something else until it doesn't bother me anymore. I make my world bigger until the badness is so tiny and insignificant it no longer bothers me. Maybe I pick up a new hobby, a new video game, fifteen new roleplay sites all at one time, a new romantic interest. You know, whatever.

 

 

I've resolved it, just didn't get any notifs for this thread, hence my delay.

 

What was the resolution, what happened with it?

Edited by xexes
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A relaxed, dark and gritty roleplay based on Disney's Zootopia. 

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Guest Archaic Cyborg

@Gothams Reckoning , watching someone from a distance is rather different from knowing someone on a, well, personal level. For general feedback threads on any forum, no one posts aaalll the background / story details, and thus the community doesn't know the full story, and what the people involved are like 'behind closed doors'. Calling someone empathetic or what have you just from reading forum posts over a few years or weeks or hours isn't fair. @Bonemeal isn't sure what to do when someone is on indefinite hiatus without speaking up, pretty much, and dodges activity often enough that it's causing big problems. :T

 

if it were me, I wouldn't know what to say, cause I am straight forward  and most rpers like to speak in code: saying apples when they meant oranges, etc. Rp thrives on communication being open, but it's a two way street; it's bloody hard when the other player expects you to read their mind.  Pffft.

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  • Admin

We understand that no one knows the true relationship of someone spoken about, or people in general really. It is not the intention to make assumptions about a relationship, or people, but without express information it makes it difficult to gauge the level of a relationship.

 

This being said, this entire conversation over the "level of relationship" is over. Continued conversation of it will result in more direct Morrigan action.

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