[Stories] The most interesting DND tale on the internet: Mike & the stoner hobbits

[xexes 108]

I do a lot of reading on the internet, and I wanted to share with you the very best story I have ever found. It isn't my tale, but I've found traces from others around the internet confirming that Mike is a real person and did these things. When you find a story confirmed by others on completely different websites... you know it's good.

This tale was originally written by Anonymous, and can found here.

 

This story is composed of multiple sub-stories, and they can be long. Feel free to digest a little at a time and come back later.

 

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Hello /tg/ long time lurker here, and I've had the pleasure of reading many of the great stories that have been archived from this forum. I just realized that I actually have a story of my own to tell about a "That Guy" player I recently had in one of my games.

I say recently had, because because of him, that group is no longer friends, and the four other players from the game all left, for completely different reasons, but all because of "That Guy".

 

...

 

Let's see, Mike is an interesting fellow. He is about 40 or so, and has that sort of wavy, surfer blond hair that you always see in the movies. He probably works out, because he is actually in shape, which is pretty rare for many of the people I've met in this hobby. Mike is "cool", and trust me, he is not afraid to tell you about it. He was in a band you see. How do I know that? Well if Mike didn't bring it up at least twice in a conversation, well, you weren't listening.

Mike also has quite a temper, which is exasperated when he is drunk. And Mike likes to drink. A lot. And his temper really comes out if he is losing, because you see, Mike is a HUGE sore loser. How big of a sore loser, well Mike was teaching me to play Magic. My second game of Magic with him, I ended up beating him with his own deck (because I didn't own one at the time). Mike proceeded to flip out, actually tell me I'm a shit Magic player, and that the only reason I won was because I was using his deck.

 

...

 

And all of this is known to pretty much everyone who knows Mike. Yet, there is a reason we have not banned Mike from the local game shop we sometimes play out, or ostracized him from the group. And that reason is very simple. You see, Mike is also the owner of the little gaming shop in town, the only gaming shop in town. That's right, not only is Mike a giant asshole, but he basically controls the supply for gaming in this town, and if you're just getting into gaming or check out the gaming shop in town to find people like you, well guess what, you'll find Mike.

Mike is the kind of guy that will demo a game, and then get pissed off at you if you beat him. He will deride you in front of other customers, and then go behind the counter and grab a drink from his "coke" (which usually has whiskey in it). If he is feeling really emo, he'll turn on his amp and start playing his guitar that he keeps in plain view behind the counter. A really expensive guitar he has told me. On numerous occasions.

From here, the story breaks into four specific stories which I have labeled. Oh, and I've changed the names of everyone except Mike. Because Mike's a dick.
We have:

 

• The Trust Issues Story
• The "Magic" Night
• And, my personal favorite, The Leftovers Story
• The Parking Lot Story

 

 

The Trust Issues Story
(The stoner hipster DND story)

Alright, well let's start with an introduction to our group of great friends who had the unfortunate luck to have met Mike, and all at the same time, be drawn together for a game of Pathfinder. I was chosen to DM, not because I particularly wanted to or really was particularly good, but because no one else had DMed before, except for Mike.

Mike, though, was pissed off, because Mike had been DMing for according to him, 12 years straight. He finally wanted to play a game, and being the good natured chap that I am, I volunteered. The rest of the group consisted of people I had met at the store. I had just moved to the area and was happy to find the store as it was, and most of the people were already friends with Mike, so when I started putting the game together we talked to people and brought them into the game.

My first warning flag should have been how involved Mike was with the recruiting for the game, because, he would usually send me emails or texts as soon as he found someone and argue they HAD to be in the game. The first two were easy. Mike's girlfriend wanted to play, and I actually knew her from school so I was fine with that. The other was another friend/acquaintance that I sort of knew from school, so that was fine.

For a bit of background, myself, Mike's girlfriend "Mary", and this other friend, "Steve" all go to the grad school that is about 10 minutes away from the school. We are all over 21, and most of the group was between say 23 and 33, with the three of us being 26, 24, and 24, so we had a mostly adult group. The story of how Mike and Mary met, and their relationship is quite a story in and of itself, and it was one that was told to me, but... its a story for another time. Anyway...

So the rest of the group is finally brought together, and they consist of Lily, a fairly rotund girl, but who has a heart of gold and is all smiles. I'm not quite sure what she does, but I think she works as a receptionist or something. Joey, probably the next oldest guy in the group in his early 30s or so. Joey is an engineer, and actually just came back from the Army where he was deployed in Iraq a couple years back. He handled a lot of the systems down there and was a pretty awesome guy. Mike hated him though...

The last guy was Greg. Greg was a Magic player who I met at FNM and he seemed like an OK guy. He was one of the judges, and from what I understand was a pretty big deal in the judging circles.

So, we now have our group together and everything seems to be going well. We start creating characters, and running things by me, and for the most part, everything is going good.
Now, before the game starts, Mike pulled me aside and gave me his "power gamer" talk. You see, Mike hates munchkins. According to him, when someone in the group is dramatically more powerful than everyone else, it makes the whole group experience bad and will break everything up. Mike was really concerned for me because I obviously didn't have as much experience with Pathfinder or DMing, so he wanted to make sure I knew that, and if I wanted any help, he would be more than happy to look over everything for me. I told him it was fine, but... this is where my second red flag should have started waving.

Now each player brings me their character, I quickly glance over it, and then approve it. These people are pretty smart so it doesn't take much. Lily decides to play a cleric, Mary is playing a Paladin, Greg wants to play a Hunter. Those three are quickly OKed, no problem.

Then Mike and Joey pass me along their characters. Joey wants to play a Ninja, which is a rogue variant in one of the other books. I check it out, and although it looks a little powerful, overall it seemed balanced. Mike wants to play a sorcerer, and not just any sorcerer, but an Arcane Bloodline Sorcerer.

For those of you who don't know, the Arcane Bloodline is heads and tails better than all of the other bloodlines. It gives the sorcerer more spells known, the equivalent of spell focus and greater spell focus, and eventually allows you an ability that allows you to use a Staff without using charges. Yea, its pretty powerful.

And you have fallen into the trap that pretty much everyone does at first. Why is this awesome cool guy a gamer? He runs a game store too? Super cool! Oh... we are all glamoured by Mike at first...

So, I look them over, but I decide to drop it. I find it funny that Mike's character might very well be the character he "warned" me about, but it isn't that big of an idea.

Once the game starts, a few other problems start to be known. Mike wants to be the "groups banker", and keep a tally of all the gold the group makes on adventures. This is so they can make sure everything is "distributed evenly". oO Ok, fine, not that big of a deal, I mean, that might make it more convenient.

Next, Mike has a problem with Joey's Ninja, because the class is most obviously broken. It gets so bad, we aren't more than 30 minutes into the game when they get into a shouting match from across the table. (This isn't looking good...)

The game eventually ends, more or less with everyone still involved, and we are all starting to pack up. Mike starts grabbing everyone else's character sheets. Now, I'm like... what the fuck? He informs us that he "just wants to make sure no one ever loses their sheets", and that he'll keep them in the store. Joey and I have a bit of an issue with this, and eventually Mike "agrees to compromise" if I hold onto the sheets. He just wants to make sure "no one cheats and adds something".

I'm getting a bit annoyed, but Joey is starting to get mad. I calm him down, and eventually we all leave the store and go on home. No big deal.

Now we all keep in touch over facebook, and I realize that I had forgotten to give out XP at the end of the night, and that everyone leveled up. I send everyone a message, but since I have all the sheets, no one can level up their characters. ><

So two weeks later (we played every two weeks), I come in early so that everyone can level up before we play. Joey though, can't make it early because he has work. No big deal, he can level up while I do exposition. Or at least, that's what I planned. Mike had other plans.

I left the character sheets in a folder in the middle of the table, and while I wasn't looking, Mike decided to "help" by taking Joey's sheet and leveling him for him. Mike wanted to "help" him out. He also, of course, got a real good look at his character, and made some notes about how overpowered it was (that he subsequently copied and passed to me)...

I didn't even know this had happened until when we are about to start Joey asks me why I leveled his character. I looked at him and said I didn't... Mike then pipes up and tells Joey to be grateful because he went out of his way to do it for him. Joey, however, is quite annoyed. He tells Mike that he doesn't want him looking over his character sheet or doing anything like that again, that he will handle his character. The entire thing nearly gets into an argument because Mike is quite annoyed that Joey can't even thank him for doing Joey a favor...

Luckily cooler heads prevail, Joey doesn't throw a chair at Mike, but everything should have been clear, Mike wasn't allowed to touch Joey's character and that Joey would be fine doing it on his own, thank you very much. Well... it was clear to everyone but Mike that is. Because, wouldn't you know it, guess what happened next session?

This time though, Joey had enough. Mike and Joey had another argument about it, and this time Joey walked out. And that was how Joey left the game, one month after it started. All, pretty much because Mike has trust issues, and if he isn't the center of attention, he will make sure you both know it and kick you out of it.

 

 

 

 

 

The Parking Lot Story
(this and the above are sort of are the same story, but longer)

 

So, the game is going more or less smoothly at this point, Joey has left, and Mike is the center of attention in the game. I didn't intend it to work out like that, but being as powerful as he is, all of the other characters are basically playing second fiddle to this amazing Sorcerer super star.

Now, Mike's character is more than just an Arcane Blooded Sorcerer. He is Flux! Sorcerer extraordinaire. He was trained, the last of kind, because he is sure that his Arcane Bloodline comes from the Gods themselves. (I asked him why he didn't then take the Celestial Bloodline, and he said that it didn't feel the "flow" of his character)...

Flux was trained for 20 years alone with his master in all of the most powerful spells. He has a charisma of 20 (because he actually rolled 3 sixes out of four dice), and he is an Aasimar, giving him +2 to Cha and Wis. Aasimar is a race from the Advanced Race Guide, and they are pretty much amazing. To add to it, the have no level adjustment. Maybe part of Mike's problem was I was asleep while DMing...

Anyway, to add to his amazing good looks, Flux has flowing white hair that is always glistening and flowing in the wind (thanks to some spells he used permanency on to constantly give it that effect), his shirt is always unbuttoned showing his amazing abs over his pale chest, and his robes are flowing in the breeze.

You might be amazed at how I remember all this. Trust me, it isn't hard. Mike made sure to tell everyone. All the time. His girlfriend drew pictures of his character that he constantly was passing around the table. And of course, he maxed out bluff and diplomacy because his character was the obvious face for the group. Instead of, say, the Paladin of Iomedae (who was also an Aasimar, and I'm pretty sure Mike made her character...).

 

Mike's constant shenanigans are starting to almost get comical, and there are many times I struggle to keep a straight face. Steve though, he can't. Eventually he starts picking apart Flux at all times. Three times during this session stick out in my mind. The first, when the group are walking through a forest to get into the next town, Steve has an idea.

Wait, did I forget Steve! I appear to have completely forgotten Steve's character. Don't worry, its a bit of a doozy, you see, Steve is playing a druid. But not just any druid, Steve is playing an elf that walks around in burlap armor, which he is sure to remind you has all of the requisite labels still on it from the "organic" manufacturers who made it.

He has dreads that go all the way down his back, and are constantly getting in the way of his face. His druid carries around a big tree seed that he calls his "iPod", which he uses as a focus for his spells, and is constantly talking to while the rest of the party is doing something stupid. He smokes the "good leaf" from his long Gandalf style pipe, and is constantly asking what'cha doin man, and why can't we all just be friends with our nature brothers?

Steve built a stoner hipster druid, and it was glorious. He was the antithesis of Flux. When Flux tried to be cool, Steve would just be there man.

Now, they're all in the forest and Steve gets this idea. You see, he knows Flux's robes are constantly swaying in the breeze, but dude, he knows how high he is and he ain't so high that he can't feel the breeze. He's flat tripping out now, because DUDE, that breeze is fucking with my nature's flow.

So, he does what any rational hipster stoner druid would do. He decides that he needs to see if any leaves can get caught in this breeze. While Flux is going on and on about this and that, Steve is passing me notes about how his druid is gathering leaves. Right as we start to get into town, he puts his brilliant plan into action. He starts dropping leaves around Flux to try to find out where this breeze begins. Not one at a time though. No, he gathers all of the leaves and then uses Gust of Wind to blast them at Flux.

I'll admit it, I laughed, as did the rest of the table. It was even funnier when Flux realized that the leaves were sticking to his face, hair and cloak because of how he worded the spell that kept his cloak and hair "wafting" in the breeze, forcing him to dismiss the spells to remove the leaves (I may have been having a bit of fun now too at Mike/Flux's expense), but I think everyone thought it was in good fun. The table was laughing, and even Mike seemed to be in on the joke... Oh no, no he wasnt...

So, we get into town, and Flux now has all of his spells off and he can't bring them back up until the next day, so he is sort of looking dull and frumpled. He made sure to give me the evil eye about this as he lamented about it all day. I thought it was done, Steve was still experimenting though...

So they all sleep at the Inn, and finally Flux has his "charm" back. He goes off about how he walks down the stairs, orders a drink for the bartender, and starts flirting with all the wenches down stairs. This is when Steve's druid arrives behind the counter and hands him a beer. On top of his head. Just to see if liquids can escape his little "magical effect". At this point I ruled that they could, but I could see that things were starting to get a little bit less funny. I asked Steve to knock it off, and he laughed, but Mike was starting to get angry. After some terseness, the game went back to normal.

But Steve had one more plan to push Mike's buttons, and it might have been the best of the three. You see, Steve's druid was convinced that all Flux needed to do was relax a bit, and maybe take a whiff of the good bud man.

So, at night, while Steve is on watch and speaking with his "iPod", he puts his last plan into action. He finds Flux's tent, and then finds a long hollow tube, and slips it between the flaps, careful to keep it closed. When it is all set up, he starts smoking and blowing the smoke into Flux's tent, hotboxing Flux's tent in the middle of the forest. All. Night. Long.

Now Mike is a bit straight edge, or so he says it. And I wasn't quite clear on what the rules would be for a Aasamir Sorcerer that was higher than Bob Marley after a concert in Jamaica. So I just went with the "Mad Hallucination" Spell, and explained to Flux that when he woke up, all of the surfaces seemed to be swimming, he was filled with a tent that appeared to be on fire, but that he was the calmest he had ever been in his life. And that he had a craving for cookies.

While everyone was laughing, as they figured out what Steve had did, Mike was a ball of fury, barely keeping his seat. As it was getting late, I decided to call the game there, and it seemed like everything was fine. Mike, though, got up from his seat and hoevered over Steve, standing right next to him and staring him down. Steve asked him what was up, and Mike just stared and said nothing.

He kept staring at Steve like he was trying to burn holes in his head with just the power of his Care Bear Stare. After a couple times asking him what was up, Steve just shrugged and gathered his things and walked out. And Mike followed him, step for step.

When they got outside, Steve asked what his problem was, Mike got right up in his face, and continued not to say anything. Mike was quite literally an inch from Steve's face and wouldn't say anything. At this point Steve has just about had enough. He tries to open his door to get in his car, but Mike is standing right there, and won't move. I though Mike was going to hit him or something, but he just kept staring, I don't know if he was working up the courage to do it or something, but it was just.... weird... This goes on for about a couple minutes and then finally Mary is able to coax Mike away from Steve and Steve then gets in his car and drives off.

I got a text from Steve a couple days later, he wasn't coming back to the game. Mike was fucking crazy man. And, to tell you the truth, I was starting to think the same thing.

 

 

 

"Magic" Night
(or, how NOT to run your Magic the Gathering trading card store)

Now, on Fridays I think I mentioned it before, was Friday Night Magic. Being the only gaming store in the area, and having a grad school and at elast 3 high schools pretty close (as well as an undergrad satillite campus and a community college), the place was PACKED. It was a pretty small store, but it wasn't surprising to fit 25-30 people on a Friday Night, and up to 50 on a Prerelease.

Mike was a judge, as was another guy who worked there. Greg, who was in the game was also a judge, but he usually played at this store and judged at another store on Saturdays. Greg was a pretty big deal in the judging circles. I don't remember what the levels were, or what they meant, but if I remember correctly, in the State I lived in, Greg was like in the top 25 "rank" wise or something, and would constantly be flown out to tournaments to help judge all around the country. He fucking knew his shit, and everyone loved him.

This one particular story doesn't take place on RPG night though, it takes place on what I thought would be a normal Friday night. I had been getting back into Magic and was doing pretty OK at the tournaments. I had just the last three weeks made top 8 each week, and I was looking to try to break into top 4 or maybe win it this week. My confidence was high and I felt like I really knew my deck well. Mike decided he was going to play tonight too. Oh god.

Just a quick overview of the Tournament structure at FNM, depending on the number of players that are there that night, there will be a True Swiss format with X number of rounds. After the rounds, the top 4 or 8 are cut off into a single elimination bracket. Most of the time the top 8 or top 4 split the prize and go home, but there are some players that like to play it out. Mike is one of them, if he plays, and he's in top 8 or 4, there is no split. You have to beat him. Yup. The man who hates to lose forces you to play him and beat him if you want to go home with more than the money you already spent in his store (since losing in top 8 without a split generally only gives you back the tournament entrance fee, but in store credit.)

Now I will say one thing in Mike's defense, he ran a pretty solid business. His tournament prices, pack prices, hell, all of his inventory was very competitively priced. He would work out deals with his customers, and I never ever had an issue with him there. I never worried about him trying to cheat me in almost anyway. Save for his "Store Credit" record keeping.

He kept his Store credit in this little composition notebook that he often just left out on the counter. I had to keep a running tally of my own store credit, with proof of what I won, when I won it, or Mike might forget to write it down and then forget he was supposed to, and I would lose out on "store Credit". He also had a rule that at no time could you have more than $50 in store credit. When some of the pay outs for tournaments were greater than $50, you had to spend it immidiately or lose it. I guess I can't really fault him for that, he is running a business, but at the same time, all that Store Credit is coming directly from money he is taking from the tournaments. You would think he'd prefer having $300 now, and then having someone spend their credit later... But it is what it is...

The Business was run pretty well, he had zero competition anywhere near him, and he was right in a perfect little spot where he had plenty of potential customers. The worst thing about Mike's store was Mike's fucking personality.

So, back to the tournament. The first couple rounds are going pretty OK. Mike is winning, so he is happy. I'm winning, so I'm happy. Greg is stomping everyone so he's happy. Then we get to round 3, and shit starts getting real.

Greg and Mike get paired up in Round 3, and the trash talk begins. But Greg is a seasoned vet, he isn't going to take Mike's trash talk lying down. Not in his fucking game. So Greg is throwing it right back at him. And Greg is getting him pretty good. If I could remember the stingers so help me I'd post them here. Suffice to say though, everyone was keeping an eye on their own game, and an ear on Greg and Mike's verbal duel. Mike was giving as good as he was getting though. The main problem though, was Mike started drinking at the start of the tournament, and with rounds lasting between 30-50 minutes, by Round 3 Mike was probably not legal to drive anymore at best. And Mike starts to get angry when he's drunk. And Greg is giving it to him pretty bad.

In the end though, Mike ends up winning and gets the last laugh. In a way, it was crisis averted, because I would have hated to see what happens if Mike had lost that round. I win my round as well, so I'm 3-0 at the end of 3 rounds, as are about 5-6 other people. If I win either of my next rounds I'm pretty much guarenteed to make the top 8 cut off.

Round 4, I'm paired up against Mike. And Mike has for the most part not sobered up at all. While he was going about his game of insult jeopardy, I personally don't like to play that way. When I play games, I get in the fucking zone and don't let things distract me. So while Mike was trying to do that, I was pretty much ignoring him, or only saying enough to make sure my play was understood. Mike got a bit angry at that... eventually he looks at me, realizing that I wasn't being thrown off by it and he.... picks up his cards and leaves. He got angry, but since I wasn't going back and forth with him, he decided to just forfiet. I think it was partially because Mike and I had had talks about his being a bit of a sore loser and his anger issues, and maybe he was just trying to avoid another fight. But... I was 4-0...

Greg ended up winning his 4th round game, so he was 3-1, as was Mike. If they both won their games they'd both make top 8, and I was able to draw with another person who was 4-0 and made top 8 without having to play round 5.

So, Mike, Greg and I, along with 5 other blokes whos names, faces, and general demeaner escape me make the top 8. But there was something important about the last 5, 3 of them were judges that were part of Greg's crew. In fact, pretty much every judge that was not Mike was part of Greg's crew, because Greg basically ran Magic in the particular part of the State I live in.

We get pairings, and while the other 7 of us were down for a top 8 split, Mike was not. So, ITS TIME TO PLAY! Mike gets paired up with Greg. Fuck.

One note, that is kind of important in the story, for Store Credit, all the judges in Greg's group split their credit. They got boxes of magic for free from judging events and got plenty of cards to feed their habit for free, so they never needed money to buy cards. So they just piled up credit in Mike's book, and just used it for tournaments and prereleases. At the time of this tournament, they had over $400 in credit, and they worked out a deal with Mike that they were the only ones who were allowed to go over the $50 rule. Since they brought in a whole lot of business and prestige by playing there, it was a win-win really. In fact, since they barely every bought anything, it was Mike getting the best of this deal here.

And so it begins, Part II of the epic who can get the most insults out and call the other's mother a fat tard. And Greg was bringing his A game in both the insult war and the Magic Game. All the other games finished pretty quick, and Mike and Greg were still on their first game still (For Magic, in the time for the match you play best of three games).

The duel starts reaching a crescendo, and its the end of the night, most of the people have gone home and there are maybe 8 or 10 of us left in the shop. Card is played after card, and each one is an up your ass, and fuck you royally. The game goes back and forth, Mike plays a counter, Greg stomps out a giant creature, Mike steals it from him. On and on it goes, and as the games wear on, you can start to see that glint in Mike's eyes. That glint that says, while everyone else is having fun, and even if they're trash talking, its still all just a game, Mike is getting angry.

 

It comes down to game 3, and Mike is on the ropes. Greg clearly has control of the game, and by the shit spewing out of his mouth, you know he knows it. But Mike gets a miracle card and is able to even everything up. Everything is getting fucking tense as they're both in top deck mode, no hands, nothing on the field but lands, hoping your deck can provide that one bullet to win the game.

And Greg draws fucking Gristlebrand.

What is Gristlebrand? He is an 8 drop, Lifelink/Flying, 7/7 Demon from I'm going to fuck you in the eye socket. And he has an ability, pay 7 life, draw 7 cards. Greg drops that monster on the field. But as he has less than 7 life, and the creature has summoning sickness, he can't win this turn. He passes to Mike. Mike has to either kill gristlebrand, or at least draw something that will dlow him down, or else next turn Greg will win.

So what does Mike do?

...

...

He flips the fucking table and flips the fuck out. He starts yelling at Greg, I dont' even fucking know what he was saying at that point and we are all fucking dumbfounded. When Greg gets his wits together, he starts screaming right back. Mike proceeds to pick up Greg's cards from the floor, walk to the door, and throw them out, and then tells Greg he's banned from the store. Greg walks out, I head out, and Greg never returns. I hear Mike eventually went to Greg and apologized. You see, when Greg left, so did all of the other judges. Including the one that worked for Mike, leaving Mike the only judge left in the store. And when they stopped showing, and word got out, a lot of people stopped showing. Mike went from running 25-30 a Friday to maybe getting 10-12.

It was at this point that I was pretty much done with Mike. But wait... there is still one more story, and frankly, its the worst (best?) of them all. This next story happens kind of concurrently with this story timeline wise, but ends after it.

 

 

The Leftovers Story
(or, how NOT to run your Magic the Gathering trading card store)

So, picking up the story about a couple days after Steve left the group, I get a text from Lily, she has her appendix burst and she was in the hospitol. It was all very tragic, she nearly died, and for several weeks she was a complete and utter mess. I wasn't able to see her much, but then again, no one was. First she was in the hospitol for several weeks, and then when she finally got home, she was in bed for several weeks.

However, while I and the other guys were concerned for her, I learned later all of the actions Mike was doing...

You see, Mike can't let go. At all. He wants to have control of you, and if you're a woman, even more so. I think its time to tell you a bit of the two stories I heard about Mike from some of the refugees I found in a new game after I stopped talking with Mike. These will be short though and rolled into this story. The first is how Mike and Mary started dating (and Mary is a sweet, sweet caring girl, and I am pretty sure the only reason she is still with him is Stockholm Syndrome), and the next is how "The Refugee" first met Mike.

Now you see, Mike is a badass guitar player that can get "all the pussy" he ever wanted. That's why he's been dating Mary for about 9 years now. But, wait, you might say. didn't you give us Mary's age earlier? Why yes, yes I did, Mary is currently 24.

 

But wait, wait, you might say, if I do the math correctly, wouldn't that mean that Mike was in his early thirtees when he met Mary, and Mary was only 15. Why yes, that is exactly what I'm saying. I don't know all the details of how they started their relationship, as I heard this story second hand and did not experience it at all, but from what I was told they met online over an internet game. They "started going out" online, and then when Mary turned 17 Mike flew her out to meet him, and she never left.

Like I said, Stockholm Syndrome. I should mention, Mike has a son too. His kid is currently 19. That's right folks, Mike has a son that is closer in age to his girlfriend than he is. A kid that is currently older than in age than Mary was when she met Mike. I really couldn't even make this shit up if I tried, I'm really not that imaginitive.

As for "Refugee Guy's" story, it was very simple. When he first met Mike, Mike was DMing a game, and all the players in it were girls, all four of them. He said, when he walked up to the table, something felt weird, like there was a disturbance in the force. This game was Mike's personal harem, and no guys were allowed. Maybe that is something that most guys would want, but "Refugee Guy" just claimed that it creeped him the fuck out.

Back to Lily, while she was in the hospitol, she got a text from Mike. Apparently, Mike's son was in town for the weekend and he was really hoping that she would come over and meet him. Lily, unfortunately, was bed ridden in the hospitol, and Mike knew this. But that didn't stop him from writing several pages of text messages about what a horrible selfish person she was that she wouldn't come meet his son. That he wished she died when her appendix burst, and that he never wanted to see her again. Yea, I didn't believe it either, and I fucking read the text messages off of Lily's phone.

Then, when Lily got out of the hospitol, Mike would text her daily, saying where the fuck she was. Asking her when she would visit the store. One time, he drove to her house and texted her for two hours saying he was outside and she needed to let him in. She was bed ridden, in her PJs, and kept telling him, no, go the fuck home. Again. I've read the text messages. This all fucking happened.

Eventually, though, Lily got better, and about a week or so after the "Magic" incident Lily decided to hold a BBQ and invite everyone over to sort of get back together with everyone. Lily invited Mary, and reluctantly invited Mike as well, because, well, Mary wasn't going to come alone. But, although Lily was feeling a lot better she was still on pain medications and somewhat out of it.

I wish there was something funny or that there was something redeeming in this story, but, really, it just gets worse from here on out.

I warned you.

So we all come over to Lily's for the BBQ on a Saturday. And it was a nice time. Mike wasn't on his best behaivior, and the entire time Mike (and to a lessor extent Mary) we sort of giving Lily the evil eye. As things were winding down, Mike actually started to help clean up a bit. We had wrapped and put most of the leftovers in the fridge, and since we all brought a lot of stuff and the plan was to leave it all at Lily's. We figured it might just go bad if we left it out, or brought it home, and I'm sure she could have eaten it. Lily didn't have much of an appetite, and when Mike was cleaning up, he even went so far as to scrape the food off of Lily's plate into a bowl and brought it into the house. We were all quite surprised, but we thought Mike was showing some compassion for his friend. We really all though, sitting outside while Mike and Mary were inside cleaning that perhaps Mike wasn't really as bad as maybe we were making him out to be. I mean, everyone has their faults, right?

You know, Mike and Mary have been gone for a while, let's go inside and see if they need some help.

...

All of the dishes are piled up in the sink and empty.

...

Wait, where are Mike and Mary? Did they leave?

...

Wait... where are all the leftovers...? They aren't in the fridge. Hey, wait, wasn't your fridge full Lily?

...

Mike and Mary had carried all the leftovers, not to the fridge, but to their car. Mike then came back and raided Lily's fridge and took nearly all the food that was in it, and a cake that Lily had bought for the end of the BBQ.

At that point Lily cried.

I texted Mike after that, and he went off on a tirade to me on how Lily was the worst friend in existance and that he deserved the leftovers and she deserved everything she got.

It was at this point that Lily showed us all the texts Mike sent her while she was in the hospitol and recouperating. She was trying to protect him.

I haven't talked to Mike since.

 

Edited February 1, 2017 by xexes