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Banning someone... because... they're annoying?


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So I have this member. They haven't specifically broken any rules, nor made any members uncomfortable, maybe only slightly annoyed them. However a few times they have said things that just got under my skin. They've yelled at at staff, for not "doing enough", even though they give us boatloads to do every day, and we are working on our site 2+ hours at least every day, if not more. No other members have complained about how slow we are. 

 

They just also seem... to not fit into the community. They act a lot younger than all of us, and sometimes say things that hint they aren't ready for an older community. However, they haven't broken a single rule. 

 

What should I do about this? I don't want to ban them, but it's hard for me to see them fitting in. 

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You definitely should ask yourself how much trouble it's worth.

 

I've had some pretty bad experiences where I didn't ban someone when my gut was telling me this person does not work and they are bad for the site. They also yelled at staff, which I think is a red flag. What do the rest of the staff think about this person? Has this person also been mentioned by some of the members? If they create a toxic atmosphere, it might just be better in the long run to rip off the band-aid. Are they rude to other members? Since I'm not witness, I can't say whether or not you should ban this specific person, but I think if you ask yourself these question, it might make it easier.

 

You could always approach them, too. You should try explaining the admin & time thing. See how they respond. If they are rude or tell you to do more even after you explain how much work is put in, that will also tell you something about their personality and the type of future behavior you can expect.

 

My recommendation is go with your gut.

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You could always ask them to leave willingly... citing that you don't think they're a good fit for the community. That is if you want to try the nicer route. Though if you do this make it clear that this isn't up for debate and that it's not an option. 

 

Though truthfully if they are yelling at you to do more then what are they actually saying to others? (I mean generally people are more reserved with staff because they know that staff can ban where other members can't.)

Beyond that if you did just ask them to leave would they accept it or would they get angry and start protesting/yelling, arguing or insulting you/others? I mean some people think that buy trying to argue this they can change your mind and convince you they should be allowed to stay. (Maybe they'll play it off like a joke. Or say how they have autism or some kind of mental disorder so they didn't notice social cues or proper behaviour. Or they could always try the "you need me, your site will fail without me" nonsense.)

 

That said, I never ask people to leave. If I'm at the point where I'm ready to ask someone to leave then they're getting banned. There is no discussion or debate. My mind is made up and there's no way they can convince me otherwise. And I really don't want them to think they can change my mind either. (If anything they can only make things worse for themselves...)

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"There are three sides to every story... Your side, their side, and then somewhere in the middle is the truth."
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 I agree with what the others have said. On proboards, I had a member sign up who seemingly wanted me to create their character for them from the number of questions they kept asking me. They didn't make it fun running the board even in the brief time they were around and because they couldn't get their way they began spamming the c-box. Your board is supposed to be a place where you, your moderators and members feel comfortable to be on and if they're making it a frustration for you then don't feel guilty about banning them.

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I've found that 90% of the time, these kind of people tend to weed themselves out. Depending on the type of complaint, I've sometimes asked problem members what THEY would like to take "control" of regarding the situation - putting the responsibility of a solution back on them. When they state that it's MY job as admin to do xyz, that's when I drop on them that if they're not willing to pick up some of the slack they have no right to complain about the timeframe in which I am able to get things done. Usually people leave when they find out they're not going to be allowed to bully everyone. 

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This seems to be one of the toughest things that administrators deal with: Members who are rude but haven't broken a stated rule.

 

Members do not need to break a written rule to be removed from the site.

 

I've heard all sorts of things from administrators on this topic.  On one site, someone applied with a character who killed and raped little boys (in that order) and I asked the administrator to not approve the character because it was disturbing and even on the horror site didn't really fit in.  He told me, "Sorry, I don't like it either, but he didn't break the rules, so I have to accept him."

 

Bullshit.

 

If someone is making you uncomfortable, if someone is treating you rude, if someone doesn't fit in with the community, you have all the rights in the world to remove them.  The RP is your place to play.  You can choose the people with whom you play.

 

Just recognize that removing people because "you don't like them" can reflect poorly on your site.  It doesn't come across to me that this is what is happening in your situation, but I wanted to be clear on that.

 

In your situation, the person has been rude and doesn't appear to understand the general atmosphere of the site.  It would be reasonable to send them a message saying, "Hey X, based upon your attitude (or whatever), you don't appear to be a good fit on this site.  If you're still interested in playing, you can return after 6 months."  That's a little too brief, but it's the general gist of things.

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I agree with everything that's already been said. Just remember that even if you don't have an explicit rule for behavior or attitude or something, there's an unwritten code of conduct that's expected in your community. And you have an ethical responsibility to your members to make sure that your community remains a comfortable space. It totally sucks that you have to ban this member, but if you truly feel there is no other way to move forward, then you have to do what you have to do. Just cite your reasons and be honest with them. Wish them luck in their future endeavors and don't make it seem like you're holding a grudge against them or anything, because that's not the kind of impression you want to be leaving. 

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a dark, urban fantasy;

inspired by sailor moon

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Thank you for all of the advice so much! It makes me feel more comfortable knowing other staff have dealt with a similar situation. It does sometimes feel as if they take away from the site that is mine and my members. I will be dealing with the situation based on your guys' advice, so thank you. 

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Yeah, I've always been fond of saying... it's funny that there are some members who think the staff of a RP forum, who are running the whole thing as a hobby, somehow need to be as professional as a customer service helpdesk staff or something. (i.e. not taking anything personally, only show them out as a last resort, etc.)

We're not running a business or providing a service, but hosting a party. And if they're unhappy that we have key lime pies but not pumpkin pies, then they're free to just leave, and I'll gladly show them the door if needed be.

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They're nagging you, someone that provides this for other people as a hobby and for fun, to do more because...? Tell them off, however politely you choose, and if they keep it up, ban them. That way you've given them a chance, if you want to go that route.

 

Otherwise, like others have said, it's your board, they don't have to break a rule to be banned. I tend to make it clear to others why I banned someone, but kicking someone off your board for making your life hell isn't a bad thing.

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This is the checks and balance of being an admin I've found. My last board was open for almost 2 years so there were plenty that came and went that made me nuts, but each time I would pull myself back and check myself. Are they annoying? Or am I just having a rough day? I'd go for a walk and do something else. I would come back and just try again, and if they still remained so I'd just not plot or play with them. 

 

Eventually they would start getting on everyone's nerves and that is where you have to really be stuck in the middle. It isn't a fun place to be. :( Especially if the person that everyone seems to dislike or is annoyed with may be a friend of yours and you know their heart.

 

So my suggestion is to perhaps talk to this person one on one and be open about it. Don't bottle it up. Don't let it fester. Hit it hard right away and be honest. "This is getting on my nerves." Most of the time it always works out.

 

Good luck!

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"Everyone has been doing so much soul searching during all of this,

and I'm just over here drawing pics of my character's dicks."

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  • 2 weeks later...

Depending on your forum software, there may be a 'discourage user' option in the ACP (Xenforo has this) that subjects them to "annoying random delays and system failures designed to 'encourage' them to go away". I like this solution more than just outright banning, but it may not work in your instance. ymmv in all things like this, obviously.

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  • 2 weeks later...

I'd say ban. I create boards and sites for fun, not so I can feel uncomfortable. I'd ask your fellow staff how they feel, then, together, craft a message to said person. Let them know you (as a group) are uncomfortable, and in need of reassurance that they actually want to be there. Go with your gut. Always go with your gut. Don't let players create a toxic environment.

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It's your site, you can do whatever you want. If the person doesn't mesh and is sapping your enjoyment, then I say go ahead and do what you need to do. Besides, if they're being rude I really wouldn't feel bad about showing them the door.

Edited by Honorem
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