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I love your board, so let's change everything!


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I could really use some advice from other admins out there on this issue I'm having with a few members. We have two members who are literally trying to change how we run our board. We have them posting docs on the site that we never approved of, things that would confuse a new member, and trying to push us into making changes to our setting to fit their very particular characters. One of the more recent issues is them comparing us to what they have seen on some other boards. "This and that site do A,B and C and so you should do it too." I'm all for feedback and suggestions but when they keep pushing it when we've said no and have explained why we don't run our game that way, it seems to fall on deaf ears. On top of that, when have someone literally trying to skirt around our rules and rewrite our lure, so much so that they lied saying we approved it. When asked by the staffer they changed their story. Again, to fit their particular character.

 

I'm trying to be fair and run a game that I can be proud to be a part of and I could use some advice on how to handle these types of things, I feel like I'm over my head :/

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Well there are a few ways to handle a member(s) like this. It really depends on this first question:

Are you looking to keep these people as members?

If the answer is yes than the best way to do this is to redirect their powers of contribution to something more productive. Be firm on the "we aren't changing" but get them to produce something that will contribute to the site. For example, a special event plot that can be implemented at a different time. Some sort of item to be given away during an event or something like that. Also include that the plot can be revised by the staff to fit the site lore.

 

I would also lock down your information areas. Remove members from being able to post in them via permissions. Make it a staff postable area only. This will prevent them from posting something that looks official in any capacity.

 

If the answer is no:

Tell them to make their own site creating their own custom lore and to leave your shit alone.

 

I change plenty of stuff on the whim of a member but it really has to be something that I feel is something that contributes to the site. It doesn't sound like they are contributing and just causing you a headache Anonymous.

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I totally hear you guys and thank you for posting. They are giving me more trouble than it's worth and we just literally opened our doors. Their starting to backseat moderate which is not cool at all. It's making me feel like I don't know how to run my game when I spent so much time planning it out before opening it.

Anonymous poster hash: 6509f...b6d

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Especially if you're a new game, you def need to establish your standards. People join a game early on in hopes of helping shape its direction, which is a legit goal, but when their goal is completely at odds with that of the staff, then it's really not okay. I hope our responses help you handle this!

 

Good luck.

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Yeah with that sort of knowledge I'd say get rid of them. Make your community how you want to be comfortable. You don't want to hate getting onto your own site.

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They have two options - they can either fit in with the site how you and your staff have set it up or they can go away and make their own site. If they aren't going to tow the line then there is only one thing you can do, unfortunately, and that's banning them. There's nothing stopping them from making their own site. I think when people do this, what they really want to do is make their own site and in the long run, it's better for everyone if they do.

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Two things:

 

1. In the case of someone lying about their interactions with members in order to get their own way, they need to be punished.  Those are not the sort of people you want as members because they clearly don’t care about the overall goals of the site and only want to focus on their own characters.  Not to mention the fact that they’re blatantly lying to people.

 

But do you have proof that they’re lying?  If you don’t have definitive proof (such as screen captures of these interactions), do you trust the people from whom you’re getting your information well enough to make this sort of decision about the future of these problematic members?

 

The second thing is applicable if, say, they aren’t lying about it, or if a similar situation crops up for you or another user, or if you wish to keep them as members:

 

2.  Take a few minutes to write a very clear message that does the following:

 

- Addresses that their “eagerness” is problematic.  Explain what they’re doing wrong and why it’s problematic.

 

- State the consequences if they continue to do it.

 

- Ask for more information about the ideas they want implemented on the site with an explanation of why they want them implemented.  (Who knows, they may have good intentions.  At very least, they can’t say you didn’t hear them out.)

 

It's a bit time intensive, but hopefully if you invest a couple extra minutes in it now, you won't have to address it over and over in the future.

Edited by Uaithne
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"I thank you for your eagerness to help shape my site as I know it's brand new. It's wonderful that This and that site do A,B and C, however we have chosen the path of X, Y, and Z for a reason. I find problematic, however, your backseat modding and attempts to completely recreate the Lore we've worked so hard on just to benefit your characters - it makes me and the other staff feel as if you do not have the best interests of the site as a whole in mind only yourself(ves). You can either play by MY rules from now on, or leave. Your choice."

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As others have said well.

 

If you want them to stick around, but you don't want to cave to their lore tampering, tell them firm and clearly: NO.

 

If you don't want them around, just ban them. No one needs people who think they can take over. Frankly this would be my decision. It's not their site, its yours. If they want run of a site, they can make their own.

 

And besides, the fact that they're only wanting to influence lore for the benefit of their own characters speaks volumes. They don't care about your site, they don't care about improving the lore, they only care about furthering their own agenda. People like that aren't reliable contributors and shouldn't be trusted.

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Sounds like they are way too much trouble to keep around, honestly. They have very self-centered ideas and obviously don't give a rat's hind end about your site or if it thrives. Putting words in the staff's mouth is a pretty bad offense. I say show them the door, let them know exactly why they are being kicked out, and wipe all of their "contributions" off your board. It always sucks to get rid of people, but sometimes it needs to be done.

Edited by Indio
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There's a super simple way to look at this. I want to go back to your title because it's beautiful.

 

I love your board, so let's change everything!

When you love someone romantically, do you want to change them? No! When you love someone, you love them for who they are, you don't want them to change, you want them, just as they are. But it's okay to want them to brush away their morning breath. ;- )

 

Now apply this to your situation. You have some members who don't love your board, the love the idea of it but want something else entirely. This is already festering and costing you members and causing you problems - I think it's time to break off this unhealthy relationship that isn't good for you, or anyone else, really.

 

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Thank you guys for your input, it has been very very helpful. Two of them have seemingly disappeared and I doubt are coming back. If they do, thanks to this thread, I know how to handle it. The last one has officially left, they sent me a message, it wasn't mean or anything and deleted all their stuff. Thanks again though, I really appreciate your opinions!

Anonymous poster hash: 6509f...b6d

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Basically what Death Kitten said above! I experienced a similar situation on my site last year where two people joined, took two major canons and then tried to take over the site, inviting their own clique of friends over and everything. It was a huge mess. I just outright told them to leave because at the end of the day, roleplaying is a hobby and I didn't owe them anything. It was my site and I didn't want them there. One of them went beserk and I had to ban him because he started messaging other members and telling them that I was a terrible admin, etc etc. It's always really annoying and kind of stressful to have deal with people for reasons like this but if it's what you think is best for your site then you shouldn't feel bad about doing it. :)

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I get the desire to help sites, I've been there too. But there's also a limit to be respected too. The second a person tries to override staff or appear more powerful than they are then it's time for staff to take action and clamp down on that. Does it require a ban? Not necessarily... Depends on the situation. 

I mean some people misread social cues and just need a quick heads up to sort things out. Like if they keep pushing a suggestion over and over a message something like:

Quote

 

Hey <Name>,

we saw your suggestion. Thanks for giving it but unfortunately it's not something we want to implement at this time. We'll keep it on file though so if we do decide to change our minds we can revisit it in the future. For now though we'd ask that you let it rest and enjoy what we do have instead.

- <Site name> staff team 

 

 

But in cases where they're not suggesting, but just going ahead and acting like it's already approved... maybe something like:

Quote

 

Hey <Name>,

Thanks for doing <thing> but it's not something we're interested in at this time. We've removed it from site as we feel it's a conflicting message to have it present. In the future please make use of <method to suggest things to staff> instead. 

- <Site name> staff team 

 

 

 

If they're posting documents on your site I'm a bit curious... Does the quality of these documents match what they've shown capable of producing? If not, have they stolen these documents from other sites?

If it does seem plausible they've written them then it's somewhat less an issue.

 

 

My personal thoughts are that if someone (or a few people) profess to love a site but want to change everything then they're trying to manipulate that site's admin/staff.

What they actually love is a fresh beginning. They very likely have been kicked out from other sites before for being pushy or trying to force their will. Maybe they attempted to run their own site but because of how they acted no one joined or it died pretty quick. (Could also explain why they had this documentation... it was from a site they tried to run but only succeeded in running into the ground.)

Alternatively they're just trying to butter staff (you in this case) up so they don't want to reactive negatively when they act out. (Essentially manipulating you to make you feel like if you tell them to knock off what they're doing that you're a bad person. That it goes against how good your site is.)

 

Unfortunately roleplayers tend to be very susceptible to this sort of manipulation. Why? Because some cases there is a deep seated reluctance to reject someone. (Some don't want to be that person that rejects another, even in cases where it's necessary. Possibly due to having been rejected and knowing that pain.) In other cases people feel like they can fix the problem behaviour.  And in other cases still people don't even realise what's going on until much later. Perhaps they're too caught in the moment to think or are in denial or just have no clue what is even happening (moreso for new admins). 

I'll also add that right now especially there's a massive preoccupation with concern for people's feelings, very often to the detriment of everyone. We see this influence/expectation seep in from Tumblr and other "social justice" sites that roleplayers oft take cues from. Let me be clear here, I'm not saying be a cold hearted bastard though... merely that there has to be balance. Knowing when to care and when to reign in your feelings is crucial. Especially as an admin (or anyone in a seat of power) who may have to make decisions that affect a number of people. 

 

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