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Plotting and Social Anxiety


Stat
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So, things haven't been going so great for me rp-wise. I've roleplayed for around eight years on a site, but it was so ridiculously fast-paced that when I finished university and started proper adult life I couldn't get the time to keep up.

 

The amazing thing about that site was that no one really ever plotted. There were no plot pages and there was no c-box, and even though people eventually got to know each other really well and started chatting off-site, things continued pretty much unplanned. The board was huge, but the setting was small enough for it to be reasonable to assume that your character knew anyone they met even if you might not, and it was the site culture to just throw anything at your partners and go with anything your partners threw at you. I loved this. I've had all sorts of character and all sorts of relationships, and most of the time it was just characters interacting. 

 

Since then I've been happy in two sites which unfortunately didn't last very long, and flaked out of a lot more. It's been more than two years. On those two sites, even though they had plot pages, c-boxes, and most threads were closed, it was also very natural for members to just stop by my plotter and drop a link to a random thread, or write a starter for something we had just briefly talked about, and I felt very free to do the same, so it worked for me. People planned, but I didn't feel I had to. On the other sites, though, even if I love the premise, the players, my character, everyone else's characters and I everyone's incredibly welcoming, I very soon start dreading the thought of even logging in.

1. Because of plot pages. I don't get how it works. For how long are we supposed to keep posting back and forth about how our characters would be friends, or enemies, or maybe they could get on this thing together sometime? Am I supposed to start a thread to everyone who posts there? Do they even want a thread? And what if I make a mistake? In plot pages I get incredibly aware that I'm talking with other humans.

2. C-boxes. I'm not super social. I work a lot and have a lot of friends, and I share a house with roommates sooo when I get in my room I sort of want to be able to be alone? I have some friends I made through rp, and I talk to them from time to time, but the obligation of being social isn't there popping on the side of my screen. So I start worrying. Can I just reply to my threads and write and relax? Shouldn't I at least say hello? If I'm not nice and friendly and people don't know who I am am I ever going to get stories going in this plotting-heavy site culture?

 

This has been a really long post sort of asking for advice, I think, Roleplaying hasn't been fun and relaxing for a long time,but I urge for it. I'd love to hear from anyone who might have gone through the same, other people who might need their space, others who like to just go with the flow. How do you make it work? Are there sites out there which might work for me but I'm just not finding? Can roleplay be just about writing and improvising, and then waking up to fun and challenging replies? Is it possible that I don't like roleplaying after all, I just like roleplaying one that one particular place?

 

Thank you for reading this far, you guys are already great!

 

(EDIT: I meant to post this on Chat & Discussion but apparently missed it!)

 

 

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Everyone has their own style of RP, and a lot of people pick up habits from their first group they wrote with. As someone who doesn't really do forum RP (I keep insisting that there's one I'm gonna join, but I keep not having time to go through all the things and figure out how to jump in >.<), I totally hear you on the plotter anxiety. I'm used to tossing half an idea in chat and then running with it, because all the games I've played in have been pretty much that format. I've been RPing for so long, I started out on play by email long long ago in the before time (I'mnotold!you'reold!), and now I run my game on Nova because it's basically a website based play by email equivalent.

 

I think the biggest challenge is just finding the right place. I've filtered through a lot of groups over the years, some of them I've fit in better with than others, and some I absolutely did not fit in with at all. It's hard to join a group that you really like the concept of the game, you adore your characters, but then you don't click with the other players or the group's habits. In the end, I ended up starting my own game to make sure I had what I wanted. It's been a lot of work, but it's been pretty rewarding. Though it's also a serious time commitment, so that might not be an option for you.

 

I don't know what genres you play in, but you might look at a Nova based game. They more commonly have an off-site chat, and they don't typically have plotters, so they might work a little better for you? They do tend to be smaller games, and there tends to be a game wide plot running at any given time, so I don't know if that'll work. A lot of Nova games are Star Trek based, though I have seen some Stargate and Firefly games, and for a while I tried to run a steampunk game and I've heard rumors of Battlestar Galactica and Star Wars also being settings used. The character bio display system works best with hierarchies, so they tend to be games with some sort of militaristic organization of the characters.

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Personally I'm not super fond of plot pages if they're used for anything more than "I have this idea, it's <thing>, do you want to do it?" because otherwise what's the point of actually writing the thread if you plot out everything that happens in the plot page? After the idea is basically agreed to go then it's kinda time to start the thread and get on with it. (I'm curious if this is why people might flake more now... because they spend more time plotting things out, thusly sucking the fun out, instead of just hitting an idea and going from there.)

 

As for being social, I can understand not wanting to be around people at times. I think the key is to just be up front with people. If you're not in a mood to chat then just tell them that. Or just don't go into the chat. Most people do understand that there are times when people don't want to be social. 

 

It's always possible there is a site that is perfect for you but you just haven't found it. The internet is pretty big afterall and there are tons of sites. Many sites don't even advertise on other roleplay sites (or possibly even call themselves roleplay sites).

 

But that said, I also wouldn't get stressed out and worried about making mistakes. Truth is that you're going to be WAY more concerned with any of this than anyone else will be. (This is not to be cold or callous, but truth is most people don't care THAT much so they won't be as critical as you are, nor do they analyze your writing as harsh as you will.) The issue is though that you'll be so concerned with this to the point that you're stressed out so much that you suck the fun out of it for yourself (because you're focused on the issues). 

So what you may need to do is learn to let go a bit. 

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Bruh, do I feel you right now. I have serious social anxiety, and I started RP back in the day when we didn't even have images. Man, RPing can be overwhelming nowadays.

 

So, unfortunately humans are like dragons, they like shiny things. The latest shiny thing is a shipper and fancy hover things. The core of the hobby's still there, sometimes it just takes a little digging. As DK just said, different strokes for different folks. You'll probably find most RPs readily found these days are all about shiny things, and many rely on plotters. It's an easier way of people connecting chars together; for whatever reason, in my experience, people have an easier time posting in a thread than they do PMing one another. Starting an open thread is no longer any real guarantee that it'll get any attention. Many players can get too caught up in whatever personal plots they have going on that they won't post in opens any more, so the only real way of getting threads is posting in plotters and ping-ponging ideas. It's assumed eventually, yes, you will thread, so go ahead and start those threads whenever you feel there's a solid idea to go on. You don't have to thread with everyone that posts in them, but it's kind of assumed you would.

 

I feel like this is kind of a side-effect of RP in general pulling inward and going more personal. We've done our exploring and bouncing all over the place, now we want what we want and we don't bother with things we don't want. RPers tend to now be more focused on their own characters' journeys, and usually have some idea of what they want that journey to be like, so it sort of makes them a little narrow. In several cases, I have essentially responded to other players posting in plotters like "That sounds interesting but tbh I'd have to see them interact first," because honestly, I have no idea how my char will take them until they interact. It can be difficult to say. Maybe that pair of chars we thought would be friends actually really grate each others' nerves. So, don't be afraid to say something like that.

 

You'll still find sites that run old-school. There aren't many, but they're there (I run a few, and I've seen a few others, so I can say that with relative confidence). So, just keep trying. See if you can't roll with the plotters maybe. They're not that terrible once you get used to them. It might also be to your benefit, if you have any good RP friends, to try playing with the new stuff with them first, and then branch out once you're comfortable with it. I've had to do that with a few newer RP elements before I was okay with trying it on boards with People I Do Not Know. Admittedly, also coming from a background where we just threw people together and giggled at whatever shenanigans occurred, plotters seemed really dumb at first, but you know. It's not bad to give new things a shot, either. I still kind of miss the days when we just did whatever with no planning, but eh, these days many people have plans and need an idea of what they're doing first. So, okay.

 

Don't be afraid of being upfront and drawing lines, or countering people. I know, it's hard, but it's important. If it's not fun to you, drop whatever it is. Everyone else does all the time so don't feel bad, either. Yeah, maybe you'll disappoint someone, but I promise, they'll probably forget in a few days, or whenever they move on to their next Shiny Thing. RP is supposed to be fun, and to be totally blunt about it, you have no obligations to anyone.

Honestly, just breathe. You're doing great.

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People follow trends and pick up on what they think either is “cool” or popular.  In this part of the RPing world, plotting pages are a thing.  Some sites opt not to have them, some require them.  But the RP world is a vast area with a wide variety of sites and members.  If you’re sticking around this part of town (The Initiative, RPG-D, Caution, etc.) you’re going to find things are heavily plot-page intensive.  But this is only a fraction of the RP world.  I don’t know how you get involved or find other places because I’m not familiar with them, but every now and again I’ll come across an RP that is untouched by this sector and its social dynamics.

 

You can like RPing, but not find a site that’s “right” for you.  Don’t give up hope, though.  If you have the time, interest, and energy, have you considered making your own site?

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Thanks for asking for advice! I hate to think that you've been reconsidering your love for roleplay just because you haven't found a site culture that fits you as well as the one you loved. My advice is to hang in there and find a space that fits you. There are sooooo many sites out there, I would be very surprised if one of them doesn't suit your desires!

 

As a player and an Admin I also hate plot-pages. I delete any posts that are not my own on them. I don't like chatting about what kind of details are going to happen on a one-v-one or group event (unless of course it is a major site-wide plot then I usually have a sort of OUTLINE that I work out with everyone). If you're curious here is my own personal Plotter HERE.

 

At Sirocco - the page I manage - it is a mix. Some people keep plotters where people throw out the type of conversations you dread. Others keep a plotter like myself. Plotters work in my brain like this:

1) A place to ooc put yourself out there and tell people what you like to play. 

2) A place to put your characters like bait to get people to see them - like an advertisement

3) For others (not me) this often starts a conversation about what COULD happen in the roleplay

 

My advice to you:

1) Create a plotter that says how you like to set up. Describe how you want people to play with you.

2) Avoid the conversation. Anything that stresses you out? Avoid it. There's nothing wrong with being "left-out" of the part of RP culture that doesn't jive with you. Nobody on the site, especially if they like playing with you is going to care at all that you're not best friends with them. Most of us come here for good play - the friendship side is just a tasty side-dish.

3) Find a place that suits you. If you're stressed out so much about it, and you feel pressure? I would find a place that doesn't pressure you to plot. Honestly most of my threads start like this: "Who want's threads with who?" "I want to play X Character." "Cool. I'll put one up!" and then we tag one another in a new thread.

 

Good luck and let us know if you find the place for you!! <3

 

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This is why I don't put shippers on my sites anymore. I miss the days of throwing characters together without planning every detail beforehand. When you meet people IRL you don't know their history, you don't know if they're going to be a good match, you have no idea almost anything except what you've heard or what your friends have told you. I think it's a lot more fun to just throw people together and see what happens, because even if the characters don't get along at all that's interesting. 

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Thank you so much for all your replies! You’ve really managed to make me feel more confident that I will find something eventually, and a little less guilty about those times I flaked. And you have some really good advice too.

Death Kitten, I’ve actually looked a lot at Nova games. The concept has always really intrigued me, and I love that they seem to be a lot more structured than most forum-based games, but as with everything new I’ve always been sort of scared of jumping into one and figuring out how it all works. I’m all into sci-fi too, so I may stalk a couple of games and see if Nova might be my thing!

 

Uaithne, making my own board is something I always dreamt of, but I can’t possibly imagine it would help with my social anxiety. Being an admin seems like terribly socially tiring work, and I really admire all of you guys who can roll with it, deal with all your members issues, questions and problems, and still have the energy to post your own fun stuff!

 

Zahhy, and others! I think that really is what I have to do. Just keep trying, and maybe, instead of trying to work into this stuff without anyone noticing, be upfront about what I like and what I don’t like, and what can and can’t be expected of me. I love sites with those kinds of plotters where you just say, “hey, this is me, this is how I roleplay, and these are my characters and cool ideas – let’s just throw stories together now!” – I think that being more honest about all this when joining a site might make me a little less anxious about not fitting in, making mistakes, or ending up doing stuff I don’t really like, because at least I’ve let people know how I work beforehand (if this makes sense?)

 

So yessss. Thank you so much everyone. I feel calmer now, and I’ll take my time to try to find a place where I feel someone like me might fit in. If it’s not perfect – I’m so used to that one board nothing else will seem perfect at first – I’ll think about your replies here and tell myself it’s mostly in my head, so just relax, be honest, and have fun.

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Also remember that you can always be on a board for awhile and say, "Hey, this isn't for me" and leave.  I know its frustrating for administrators, but as long as you don't leave people hanging, do it.

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@Stat If you have any questions about Nova, feel free to hit me up and ask away, even if you're not stalking my game. Good luck on finding that right fit for you, wherever it is.

 

And I definitely agree with @Uaithne, if a game isn't working for you don't hesitate to leave. Just make sure you let the admin team know and that you don't leave any writing partners hanging without any notice. Ideally you should wrap up any current threads, but if that isn't possible, at least let your writing partners know so they can wrap up on their own or find someone else to jump in to replace you and your characters.

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Captain Amelia Waterhouse, Commanding Officer

=/\= Join =/\= Roster & Openings =/\= Rules =/\= Chat =/\=

"It is human nature to yearn to be what we were never intended for. It is singular, but it is so." -Mark Twain

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@Stat, you should totally stalk @Death Kitten's Nova game. I know I have, and the structure sounds a lot like what you're looking for. From what you've said already, it sounds like that might be a really good fit for you!

 

In regard to plotters, the way I've always looked at them is that they're a way to establish your character's relationships to the society you've dropped them in. You don't need a thread for every reply you get in your shipper. But to establish that character A knows character B through X activity or that character C hates character D because they previously dated character E. Think about it like all people you know in your life. You don't actively call them up to do something, but your chances of having an encounter with some history are greater. If you run into this person on the street, you have emotions and experiences you associate with them to fuel the encounter. You don't have to explore all of them, but they're there in the back of your mind should the opportunity present itself. And the plotter is there to keep track of all of them. It's more of a "relationship tracker" if you look at it that way. And I've always found that to be super helpful.

 

In regard to cboxes, if you're active on the site and contribute quality writing, don't worry about it. There are a few people on the site I manage that are like this and I don't think of them any differently! I myself don't like to chat too much, but it's part of being an admin and I want people to feel welcome to talk to me so that's a whole other bag of worms. But don't feel pressured to be social in a way you're not comfortable with. If you're posting and you've got great ideas and everything, you're doing everything right! Chatting is an extra, not a necessity. 

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I've honestly rarely made good use of a plot page, mostly because it seems like i get much better results just starting threads and then polling for interest directly in a cbox. But y'know, that's me! I'm comfortable taking that kind of initiative. I make them anyway if it's advantageous to me, though.

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