Staffing Unlimited Cosmic Power (Itty Bitty Living Space)

[Zahhy 130]

We all do it. We make or join games and love them so much, sometimes we start as Admin, other-times we move up the ranks to do so. At some point we all realize that we're no longer members. It occurred to me recently that as an Admin on a site you don't get to have the luxury of freedom that members do. There is so much gained when you become an Admin and we all talk about how great it can be, but I want to take some time to talk about what we lose when we do it and how we can deal.

 

.... I'll start. I noticed that in our communities we all become very close. We become friends and allies and we make great games together, but as an Admin I'm somehow separated from that even though I'm the one pulling the strings. I'm THE BOSS and there's a sort of hush that comes over everyone when I appear near the drinking fountain. I no longer get the luxury of being human. I am now an other. There are now consequences to me showing personal weaknesses, or admitting that my responsibilities and RL work are hard and that I'm struggling. It was this way for the admin before me and it is that way for me, and I don't have hopes that it will be different for the admin that come after me.

 

How do you all cope? What do you do to reconcile that some of your community doesn't see you as a person, or as equal to them? What do you to to combat the feeling of being excluded, or manipulated by the communities that you serve?

 

I do my best to write more for myself. If work/life/admin life is hard and I don't have anyone to talk to I distract myself with more responsibility. It's not as fun as having group threads or even one-on-ones but I find it to be very soothing to write just for myself, or to write behind the scenes for things that may come up in the future. What do you all do?

 

Edited August 31, 2017 by Zahhy

[FriedKilamari 46]

For starters, I'm really sorry you're having that problem and feeling like you're an other in your own game.

 

This is a really hard thing to address. True, as staff we're technically above our members and need to be held to a higher standard, but that in no way means we're not allowed to have hardships or struggle.

 

We're all human. Members, admins, staff. I think in that thinking you're somehow apart from your members, and feeling like you can't confide in them about your hardships, that you're kind of making this a lot harder on yourself than it needs to be.

 

It could just be that I'm the odd one out, but I'm pretty open with the members about what's going on in my life, or when I'm feeling down or stressed out. Sure, I don't talk about admin stuff, but first and foremost I want the members to feel like they can talk to me about anything, sit related or not! At the end of the day, I'm still a member, like everyone else. I follow the same rules, use the same boards.

[Uaithne 543]

I'm sure you're familiar with the rule that says that staff members are still to follow the site guidelines just like all the regular members, right? Most sites enforce it, even if it isn't outright stated.

 

It's the same sort of deal when it comes to activity and responsibilities and being respected. You are still a member of the community, and you deserve to be treated with respect just like everyone else. It's easier said than done, of course, but it's important to remember when times get tough and people are putting pressure on you that you have to take care of yourself, too.

 

If you don't mind me asking, what are your members doing (or not doing) that make you feel like they hold you to unrealistic standards? It might help to know what they're doing in order to rectify the issue.

 

A less dramatic version of this was one of the reasons I closed my previous site. As admin, I was expected to keep the board enticing to new members (as admins are) but I spread myself too thinly in doing so, and reached a point where posts weren't meaning anything to me but filler to show that we were active. I didn't have enough active members to keep things going at the level this type of site required, so my solution was to close the site and start a new site that better catered to my activity level without requiring myself to post in seven different places.

 

@Zahhy

[Zahhy 130]

That's so great @FriedKilamari thank you!

 

@Uaithne as for what the players are doing/ not doing the long version sounds complicated but really I think it all boils down to the fact that the power dynamic is a bit... off. There was a lot of lull between me and the previous admin so there wasn't really anyone around nudging things in a good direction. There are a lot of things that I don't have control over, because someone else got to it first and I think that that kind of helplessness is obvious to those that have been around a long time (even longer than me!).

 

Basically I think that the previous admin didn't have time to take any agency over dealing with situations and the players expect that same type of disregard from me. I know there is a lot of frustration from my players about not having a Root Admin that is capable. I get this constant feeling that if I show weakness, or signs of RL stress, those things will get brought up later as possible reasons why I'm not measuring up (which is funny because I'm not sure what standard there is to measure up to?). There is a lot of fear that I might leave or that the site will just stop existing. Maybe time will prove them wrong? Is there something else I might be able to do?

[FriedKilamari 46]

3 hours ago, Zahhy said:

That's so great @FriedKilamari thank you!

 

@Uaithne as for what the players are doing/ not doing the long version sounds complicated but really I think it all boils down to the fact that the power dynamic is a bit... off. There was a lot of lull between me and the previous admin so there wasn't really anyone around nudging things in a good direction. There are a lot of things that I don't have control over, because someone else got to it first and I think that that kind of helplessness is obvious to those that have been around a long time (even longer than me!).

 

For clarification purposes, are you the lone admin? Or do you have a co-admin/staff to help you out? Did the previous admin not transfer over all power to you?

 

If you are the lone admin, I think it's important for you to take control so you can properly run the game. Transfers of power are never easy, but I'm sure you can find a way to do it gently so no one feels like they're suddenly losing work.

 

For example, back when I was a mod on the dragon cave forum, I basically ran the suggestions/requests forum solo for over a year because the other two mods were awol. I'd set up a system so I would work it solo, and it worked. When one of the other mods came back, she came in and completely changed my system overnight, and it basically felt like all the work I'd done on my own meant absolutely nothing to her, or that she had no regard for my feelings in the matter. Instead of communicating, she just came in and undermined all my work (for lack of a better term).

 

So I definitely stress communication. Work with the people who are running things you want to take more control of.

 

3 hours ago, Zahhy said:

Basically I think that the previous admin didn't have time to take any agency over dealing with situations and the players expect that same type of disregard from me. I know there is a lot of frustration from my players about not having a Root Admin that is capable. I get this constant feeling that if I show weakness, or signs of RL stress, those things will get brought up later as possible reasons why I'm not measuring up (which is funny because I'm not sure what standard there is to measure up to?). There is a lot of fear that I might leave or that the site will just stop existing. Maybe time will prove them wrong? Is there something else I might be able to do?

 

This one is a bit more difficult, since you can't control how your members feel. I feel like it'll take time for them to adjust to your style of administration. You are not the previous admin, and they in no way should expect you to be. That's something that will change in time, and you'll have to work hard to get them to change how they see you.

 

Be really involved and engaged, but don't forget that you're human, and that you of needs and feelings, too! Like Uaithne said, you gotta take care of yourself.

[Uaithne 543]

@Zahhy, how much do you like this site? And by that, I mean if the board went down tomorrow, would you be devastated? Do you have long-term plots with people you enjoy and who enjoy you in return?

 

From the way you're describing it, I can't tell if investing time, labor, and your emotions to fix the site to make it a comfortable and healthy community is worth it.

 

It sounds like a fairly complex situation you have on your hands, and I'm not certain if we have enough details to provide you a solid solution to your issue. I don't know if we'll ever have enough information, to be honest, so take the following advice with a grain of salt.

 

When people are used to things being a certain way, they become comfortable and settle in with the way things are. Unfortunately, change is inevitable with anything in life, and what once was will never always be. I've been administrator on sites where people would reminisce about "the good ol days" and moan about how things now weren't the way that they had been. It can be tough when you look back (probably through rose-colored glasses) and see how happy you were long ago. But once people get stuck in that mindset, it means that they aren't willing to see the good things that have developed since then. It also makes the newer people - the ones who arrived since the good ol days and who might have brought with them change - feel really crummy.

 

Further, some of these older members might believe that they or another older member should have been given the position of administrative rather than a newer person (even if you're not actually new). This is where it gets complex because you now have several people who have differing opinions on how things should be, and it's difficult to assess whether they're justified in their views or bitter that they're not in charge or angry that things aren't they way they once we're or whatever.  And this is all happening at once, and you have to sort things out while trying to get people to treat you with respect.

 

Essentially, what you want to do is address and respect their concerns while they address and respect yours.

 

If it were me and I felt like I was in a tough situation like this, I'd make a feedback survey for people to fill out and send to you via PM. Make sure it's private so one of them doesn't cause an avalanche of negative feedback (one person writes something bad and others add onto it because they see others doing it and there is safety in numbers). Encourage everyone to participate, old and new alike.

 

Encourage solutions and problem solving. Instead of just saying "What do you like or not like [thing] and why?" ask them for possible ways to resolve the issue or to make what is already good stronger. Make sure that there is a disclaimer that not all "solutions" will be implemented, but you will take them all into consideration. Allow them enough time to fill it out, set a strict end date, and assess your results.

 

If they don't participate, they don't participate. But then they have to quit moaning about things they don't like.

 

Be aware that they may give feedback you don't like. They might say mean things that aren't constructive or helpful. It's a risk you take, but at the same time, you need their feedback and cooperation to turn the site into a healthy place for you and for your members.  Other tips:

 

- Be organized. Make a thread to post all of the surveys you receive. Then make another thread or post or whatever to address each of the main concerns and keep track of how many people had an opinion on the topic.

 

- Be objective. Somebody may want a policy changed or in place that you might not want. They may have a good reason for it, so don't automatically rule it out.

 

- Stick to your guns. Don't change what doesn't need to be changed, and don't alter the board so drastically that people don't recognize it anymore. It should maintain it's essence - that was why people joined it in the first place.

 

- Protect yourself. Don't be selfish, obviously, but don't allow anyone to force a policy on you that will harm you (either onsite or off the board).

 

- Don't hire one of these troublesome members as a staff member because you feel like you need to or become people tell you that you need to or whatever. Never hire someone you are not comfortable with hiring. That gives them access to the staff room, from which they can pass information to their friends and use against you to point out that you are a bad admin (even if you're not). Moderatorship gives them a sense of power. If they didn't respect you when they were a member, they're not going to respect you when they have a bit of power.

 

Once you have the results back and you have time to assess them, you can make an announcement with any changes or to ask for a poll to see if a specific change needs to be implemented, etc.

 

If it were me, at this time I'd also write up a paragraph that's well-worded outlining that because you have work and real life, you need to have a happy balance so that you can be the best admin you can be. Encourage people to be respectful of each other - including you - and be positive and straightforward. Don't finger point. Use "we" instead of "you." Pretend like you're talking to people who you haven't really met so that no defensiveness or irritation comes off in your writing. Don't apologize, don't make excuses, don't make it sound like a burden. Be polite, fair, and respectful.

 

But this brings me back to my original point. Is it worth it? Is all of this work to reform a board of toxic members worth the time and energy and tears that will be required? You might not get the results you want. You might end up irritating people. You might not meet these members' unrealistic expectations. Is the benefit of being on this site worth putting up with that shit?

 

From what you've described, I'm inclined to say no. Only you can answer the question because only you know the complexity and depth of the situation. But it's okay to realize that you don't enjoy being shit on, and you're ready to move on to another site that is willing to treat you with the respect you as a human being deserve. The site admin doesn't cater to his members. He isn't a servant to be bossed around. He is a person who has assumed a roll of leadership but is ultimately just another member who wants to enjoy his site. To me, it doesn't seem that you're going to get this here, not if they didn't respect the person before you and won't respect the person after you.

[CovertSphinx 710]

I would also like to ask, did you get "promoted" over members that have been there longer than you? That might contribute to some of the souring.

[Zahhy 130]

Wow! Thank you all so much for doing your best to help me work through this!! Your advice and questions have really helped me work through so much of this.

 

For some background details: Basically the root admin needed to take a sudden serious leave of absence after another short LOA. They flat out asked all active players (who by that time were only a few of us because many had left due to the periodic absences and no major plot-lines for 3 months) who wanted to take Admin responsibilities and anyone that volunteered would be given access. After a week of deliberation and asking the 5 of us that were left what they all wanted, I decided to do it! All of them were encouraging and seemed really excited that I would be able to bring new life into the game we had all invested in. I've always enjoyed running games, and I have more than enough time and experience to do so and I really enjoy the friends I've met at the site, many whom I know in person.

 

At first there was some hope that the transition would be only temporary, but because the admin had 3 months of semi-absence followed by 4 months of official absence I find that such a hope is unlikely. I've had some, but not much communication with Root Admin to give me as much access and control over the site as possible. They've been amazingly agreeable and clear on what desires they have been able to give me. Unfortunately, the absences, coupled with the language used by our Root Admin when communicating with me about the future of the game I, and many of the others are under the impression that they will not be able to return at any admin capacity, though we do hope that they will be able to rejoin with us as a player someday.

 

I think that there is a lot of uncertainty from this that kind of feeds into the anxiety of the players that ends up pointed in my direction. I think the previous Admin's quiet style clashes with my very active presence in the minds of the players that were legacy members. I don't know what the previous admin is thinking, nor would I dare guess, about how they are feeling about the site. I've been very honest with the players that have asked that I literally don't know. Despite the fact that I manage everything (and pay for our Premium Service) I don't know if the Rood Admin would want to close the site eventually or not. 

 

I've requested that the root admin transfer rights fully over to me if they are willing and I'm waiting back to see. (Fingers Crossed!) I'm a very pragmatic person and I've lived the loss of sites before. If Root Admin access cannot be given to me for any reason, I will respect that choice. With that kind of answer though, I it will not sit well with the players and their discomfort with the site (and therefore indirectly me) will grow. I hate the idea of starting over, new sites have it so rough, but it is not outside of the realm of possibilities for me at least. I just want to keep the other game I have alive if I can, but I definitely won't let being stuck in purgatory stop me from creating an amazing space for people to have a good time (including me!).

[peregyr 10]

On 8/31/2017 at 0:00 PM, Zahhy said:

How do you all cope? What do you do to reconcile that some of your community doesn't see you as a person, or as equal to them? What do you to to combat the feeling of being excluded, or manipulated by the communities that you serve?

 

@Zahhy, if you ever need/want to chat, I'm always happy to offer a listening ear.  As a member, I can say this: I am not in any way concerned about you or your ability to admin. I think you're a fantastic person and admin, Zahhy, and I will never begrudge you if you are stressed and need to vent, or want to take a break for any reason. The only person who bothers me is the Root Admin--and I am bothered only for your sake and the site's sake, because I am worried that she is making things difficult for you.

 

As for these questions--from my personal experience: there is no simple way to deal with it. It is something I deal with very frequently. It's especially problematic in fandoms like Pern where many people don't join simply for the sake of writing--they join to collect creatures or whatever. But wherever you go, there's always nasty people.

 

I try to keep the phrase in my mind--'this too shall pass.' It's been brought up before in this thread, but the only way to get through is to just think about why you wanted to be an admin to begin with. I think about my friends who I love to write with, and I think about the ideas I want to pull through with. If I quit or back down, I'm letting the people who want to hurt me win. I'm letting everyone who believed in my vision down. And I refuse to let that happen. When people treat me badly, it just makes me want to keep going even more. I know I have good friends who will back me up and who I enjoy writing with. And you can always count me as a friend, whatever that's worth!

 

ETA: Another point I remembered about that i think is important. You can't make everyone happy. That's something you must come to terms with. You will drive yourself crazy trying to please everyone.

 

You have to decide who you believe in--who you like, what you believe in, and what you want to stand by. There will always be people who don't agree with what you're doing and don't like you. Don't let those voices override the voices of those who DO like you, because I am very certain there are more of us who do approve of you and everything you do than those who don't. It is very important to remember this as an admin. You will always have to make difficult decisions, some of them won't please everyone. But it's something you've got to face, and it's perfectly normal. Just remember that we are your friends and that we support you!

Edited September 2, 2017 by peregyr

[CovertSphinx 710]

Your description about the "half Admin" status really speaks to me. The old Anime Panfandom a friend of mine and myself ran was like that. We were the third generation "admins", but the Root Admin (even though she didn't have the time to come back and actually BE an admin) wouldn't give us full control to do what we needed to do to keep the site alive. Instead, she gave Root Admin access to a graphics mod that she was closer friends with, who was no longer all too active herself. Eventually, it left us forced to make an entirely NEW site elsewhere and just...well, wasn't the same. Unfortunately.

[Uaithne 543]

@Zahhy, I once stepped down as the main admin on my high school site, and it was pretty tough because that dynamic shifted between myself, the staff, and the members, and I guess I had expected it to remain the same in some capacity.  I had to hand over my power, and after awhile, I returned, but the site had moved on and people weren't interested in seeing me as an admin again because they had settled in to a new normal that they enjoyed.

 

I believe I ended up setting myself as the "board founder" or something but not really an admin.  So I had a nice shiny title and I wasn't "just another member" (because obviously a founder should get the credit he or she deserves), but any admin stuff was addressed to the actual administrators.

 

Do you know what the root admin's hesitation is about not wanting to hand over power to you?  Could you put him/her into a separate "board founder" usergroup?  It might make the transition easier.