Membership "Coming out" as a roleplayer

[Shades 676]

My family (parents and brother) always knew I liked writing - heck, I have notebooks with full stories from when I was a pre-teen, so they have seen me doing it forever. When I got into tabletop, they knew too, as I did it with my brother, my best friend and a cousin, and we used the living room table or the balcony for sessions. When my mother started turning paranoid and thinking it was Satan's work (after she saw some books and probably got brainwashed by someone at church), I switched to a very popular chatting system in my country, where the group had a very extensive medieval world. My father never really bothered with it, but he supported her.

 

I made loads of friends there, some I still carry to this day, and even a short-term boyfriend came out of it.

 

After this chat started becoming less active, I made the move to forums. That's when my mother decided to get interested in what I was doing. I simply explained that I was writing and collaborating with other people, and, after making sure I was being safe and not sharing any information strangers shouldn't have, she relaxed and kind of lost interest. Now I live alone, so I don't have to worry about that. While I can't gush about plots with them, I at least don't have to hide anything either, and that's liberating.

[CovertSphinx 710]

When I called it "Roleplaying", I mentally squished because I knew everyone would assume that I meant the Kinky kind. 

 

So once I started referring to my hobby as "collaborative writing", it was a lot easier. 

[Sadrienne 242]

@Zahhy -- ARE YOU SECRETLY ME? My friends and I used to do the same notebook collaborative writing, and we were so uncool for it. I still have some of those notebooks.

 

So. Some additional background --- even though re-reading my original post, it's pretty clear that I want them to know.

 

I could read and write before I started school -- and my Mum especially decided this meant I was going to be an awesome published writer in my future. So her interest in my writing has always been high, and it's very hard for me to mention any type of writing I've done without her saying "Oh, I'd love to read it!"

 

I know I don't have to give them the link, but I'd like to be able to share it on social media, without bothering to create share permissions that exclude them. So I think I'm largely betting on disinterest?

 

My closed-off nature does mean they have done "additional research" to find out what's going on in my life. This is one of the biggest conflicts I have with my family, is that everyone but me shares everything. So for me not to is weird.

 

And part of that is who I am -- part of it is a learned fear from childhood bullying. I've got much better at relaxing, opening up, and being myself (especially over the past twelve months, and guys, I am 30 now!), but my greatest fear is that there will be something about me that causes my biggest supporters in my whole life (my family) to turn away from me. 

 

Also, I will get mocked for it. In the most loving family like way. Like when my Dad watched me play Guild Wars 2, and asked me what my character was. I said, "Sylvari Elementalist" and he has never stopped ribbing me about my "Silver Fundamentalist".

 

I'm working on some "casual phrases" that I can fall back on if the opportunity arises. Currently, my favourite is (when being asked what's happening):

 

"Just opened up a website I used to manage. It's going pretty well."

[Raven 18]

You could always tell them and see how interested they are before you make a decision on where to share the link, if it makes you uncomfortable for them to read it?

[Gothic 307]

When I was 11/12 my parents were convinced everyone is a sexual predator. 

 

I have had a bad experience with an abusive ex who would stalk my site. Although that is a bit different from your parents and close friends. 

 

Now? It's a bit different. Many of my friends are from the RP world whether they are still part of it or not. They know that I love to write and this is a creative outlet for me. I've spoken to my parents on and off about things, and they gave surprisingly good admin advice when I needed it. ( My mum is a savage and has no chill for bs, lol). Every once and a while, I would show them who I was talking to or the posts/or tell them what was happening. It made them feel part of the loop. 

 

Like others have said. Call it a collaborative writing forum not a roleplay because people will instantly think of the kinkiest stuff. 

 

They still complain about the amount of time they spend on here though. >.> 

[musicdiva1331 34]

On 1/4/2018 at 9:45 PM, Rune said:

My family knows that I'm a writer.

 

They know I write with other people.

 

And they know I do it online.

 

They also know I run communities of writers and make it a collaborative thing. 

 

Summing it up for what it is is a lot less... Creepy, I guess, than saying "Yeah, I roleplay!" because that has sexual connotations to those that don't know otherwise.

 

I've never had anyone in my family ask to read anything on my boards or even want to know. However, you could always offer to print some threads off if that does come up. Or do the "I'd have to ask the other people involved if they're okay with it..." And hope it never comes up again. 

This is also how I describe it in general. I had a roommate ask to read stuff One time. I was like "that's kinda weird, I use it to get a lot of things off my chest so I'd prefer not." and it wasn't pressed.
 

My best friend back in Atlanta knew it was Text based rp, but then we used to make dinner together 2x a week and watch sailor moon (original and crystal), card captor sakura, and miraculous (in french). so she had a high level of nerd tolerance. My little brother also knows. But he is a gamer and does things like League of Legends, so he gets the gaming side of life and need for a community of nerds. 

 

I guess I did have one roommate here in Tucson last year. But she and I were uber nerds together. We Nano'd and went to board game meets and such. That's the other community I found generally accepting, because there's a lot of overlap. Nanowrimo folks.

[Rune 1,099]

My family knows I'm an rper on MMOs and give me a hard time about it but that's because they're gamers and there's stereotypes to live up to!

[musicdiva1331 34]

valid. My little brother gives me shit, but mostly because it's required. Because he's my brother and that's just what he does.

[Mystic By Moonlight 4]

i've seen it mentioned a few times. I've been writing since I was Thirteen so that's ... a grand total of 14 years? No.... oh god. That seems too long haha. 

 

My family and friends know that I'm a writer because it's part of what I do professionally as well. I only more recently... have started discussing 'my writer friends' and sort of explanation online writing collaborations but I don't give it the label 'roleplay' 

 

Why? First off, most of my family wouldn't even know what the heck that means honestly. 

 

When I was fifteen I tried to explain it to my Mom, why I was online all the time, and she flipped out with the whole 'online stranger danger' business, she still does that occasionally so I stopped trying to explain or tell her about it.

 

I don't tell my friends because the one time I confided in a RL friend they pretended they were supportive and interested they even joined for about a month, but after they decided they weren't good at it, they went to school and made fun of me and told everyone, and it became a whole issue. Teenagers are mean. 

 

So yeah. I just don't tell people anymore because no one seems to be able to understand unless they're in it. Which can be isolating. 

 

I'm glad to read that I'm not the only one with this fear or issue. 

[dusk 106]

I just have to start by saying I was so excited to see Tally back, and I've never even played there >:D

 

As for the topic at hand. A few know? My husband, mainly. I don't know if my parents ever knew? My mom knew I was up to something as a teenager, and I read her some things, but she never actually cared about what I was doing. My dad is oblivious and things I spend too much time on any electronic, but as a married adult in my 30s, he doesn't really get a say.

 

I did have a coworker who rped too! I noticed she was on a wolf site I had passed through while advertising. I went "You RP!" and she got this nervous look and I said "Me too!" But we never actually rped together. Another friend knew as well and would swing by my site to read things and ask me how it was going. Plus for a long time I rped with a close RL friend. Now all my friends are spoopy internet rp friends who are secretly ax murderers. And I tell my husband he needs to be hush so I can write. I don't talk about it much because then he gets interested and wants to join in, and rp is my husband free hobby.

 

It is mine. And I like it mine and private. Probably that weird underlying weirdo shame. But I've never had anyone react negatively to it.

[Elena 546]

1 hour ago, dusk said:

I just have to start by saying I was so excited to see Tally back, and I've never even played there >:D

 

And I tell my husband he needs to be hush so I can write. I don't talk about it much because then he gets interested and wants to join in, and rp is my husband free hobby.

 

 

I was glad for Tally too, and I never played there

 

I would love having my husband write with me, but he isn't into writing (and even less in English). He just answers my questions, gives me advice on fight scenes and on other scenes I get blocked on, listens to my stories about writing partners and so, helps me make the yearly youtube movies and makes fun of me when I am studying the bookcase too intensely (my version of looking on the window while thinking, because my computer is next to the book case, not to the window - I actually have my back to the window which is in the opposite part of the room) and he knows I do it when I am stuck.

[Uaithne 543]

Wait . . . Does anyone else feel like they come across completely differently online than in real life? Like if I gave my url to people I know IRL, they'd be like, "Uaithne, wtf?!"

 

Also, I once invited a RL friend to join a site and she went and told the members lots of personal shit about us. But she didn't tell me, so I only know because one of the members started asking me weird and personal questions. @Worst Witch, you're not alone.

[Raven 18]

@Uaithne I used to feel like that a lot more than I do these days. Now, it depends on the person. I have a "persona" I give to most people that is the nice, well-behaved and very vanilla person. I'm polite and don't push the status quo as far as people who don't know me are concerned. Obviously, the people I'm close to who actually know me know I'm into some weird stuff. They know I'm a sadist, they know I have a fascination with taboo stuff, they know I'm into horror and dark concepts with stories. That used to be a big thing people didn't know about me, because most of my friends were highly religious and I didn't feel comfortable sharing it with them, or with people at my school, or with most people as I was underage. In the four years since I've turned 18, I've began associating with people who would like me for me, and thus the people who I actively associate with IRL mostly find my role playing pretty interesting.