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Advice About an Admin


Jax
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OK, so, I could use some advise. I have an admin in the community I help run that has become a speed bump. About a year ago, she started going through some things in her life, and stopped really contributing as a staff member or a player. She said she needed time but a few months ago said she was ready to come back full force. But in those few months there has been no change. She does not give feedback on application reviews until she has been pressed, sometime for days, to give an opinion, and when she does she give one or two word replies. She barely posts for her characters, and plays several important canons that are honestly holding up plot for almost everyone. She hasn't performed any of her staff duties since her return. We are lucky if she logs on once every few days. Now, she is a friend in real life, and I know what she is going through is hard. I feel like if I approach her, she will fall off the tightrope she has been walking. But several players are starting to complain... what should I do? Any advise out there?

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One of the biggest traps people fall into is coming back before they're really ready. I know---cause I've fallen into that one a lot. Wanting to come back and do all the fun stuff is not the same as actually having the time, space, and mental energy to do so.

 

You need to have an honest talk with her. Don't accuse her of neglect, that will put her on defense and things won't go well. Let her know that you understand, that you're willing to work with her, but that perhaps it's better for the board (and for her, too!) if she steps back a while. Staff duties can be overwhelming when you're not in the right place for them, so let her know there's no shame if she just wants to be a member for a while. She's clearly a good friend you care about, so put that first in your conversation. Her position on the board has no bearing on your OOC relationship.

 

Basically, let her know it's okay to step back---and she may make the best decision for herself. 

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I did the same thing @Mousie suggests to staff members who could not do their tasks anymore due to things happening in their lives. Usually the discussion helped and they stepped down from their own initiative.

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Is it possible to promote someone else to help out with staff duties? This is what I would do in such a situation and she can take up the staffing duties once things are better for her. I have unfortunately, see sites die when admin and staff are unable to/don't carry out the tasks that need doing. One long running forum that I am a member of appoint new moderators when the current one(s) need help or have to step down for whatever reason. It's not an easy thing to do without making the admin/staff who are having difficulties feel like they are useless but taking the load off them will be better for the site in the long term. (And really, when you're already having real life issues to deal with that should always, always come first, having people complain on a forum doesn't help.)

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A very old site I was on went through similar. We actually had 3 admin teams before the site finally began to die off. Each time upper staff wasn't into performing their staff duties as reliably as they used to, they promoted replacements to take the heavy lifting (but reserved their own staff privileges for the odd occasion they were in the mood to do something, until they either came back "for real" or quit because they felt left behind). This site lasted 12/13 years. It died when the admin staff created a whole new board because the MIA admin gave her keyes to a RL friend who was also a mod, but said Mod didn't actually know how to do everything that the admins needed to do - and was hardly ever on herself. 

 

 If she's not "up to" being an Admin yet, she shouldn't stress herself out more by forcing herself - but I understand she might look at RPing as an escape from the RL issues and a 'home comfort' up until she logs in and remembers that she has a backlog of "jobs" that need taken care of. Which is a very depressing cycle to be on. If she doesn't step away and let others have control of the major happenings, the site WILL die. 

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Normally I'd take the stance of "just demote her", since she's not doing her job as staff, but given as how you know her offline this complicates things a little bit. I agree fully with what @Mousie said, but I have a few additional suggestions to maybe help you out!

 

I definitely suggest opening up some more staff positions to help lessen the load of being down a staff member. Bring up the option to all staff members, get their thoughts and feelings on adding another member to the team. Taking the initiative in this will act as a safety net in case she does decide to step down and be a member for however long she needs to. And if she does decide to stay as a staffer, well, you'll have another staff member to help out! Many hands lightens the load, and all that.

 

The important thing is to make sure your friend doesn't feel like she's being replaced. It's obvious that you're sympathetic with her situation, and just let her know that you just need a little extra help while she's still settling back in.

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Just want to throw some backing to the people advising you pull in another staff member to help with the load, and talk to your friend. As they said, def make sure that she knows you don't want to push her out, nor do you want her to feel pressured to do more than she's capable of right now. Frame it as just what it is: a support measure to allow her to ease herself back into the flow of things while making sure that RP continues to be a low stress haven from the RL crap she's going through.

 

And make sure that all else aside, she knows you're there to support her outside of the game too. Make sure that she knows that you're her friend first and foremost, and the RP comes second. That you'll have no hard feelings if she realizes she's not ready to come back in full force, that you'll do what you can to help lighten her load as she gets back into the swing of things, and that it's okay if she ends up deciding that she's not able to go back to exactly how things were before RL stuff happened.

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I agree with many of the previously said things. 

 

In my experience, people want to fulfill their chosen role, whether it be a staff position or a canon character or whatever, but they have trouble letting go because they fear that they'll disappoint or be looked down upon or lose the position that they held. All of which are vital concerns, especially when they've been working hard to maintain and participate before life slapped them in the face.

 

In these sorts of situations, whether I know the person IRL or not, I give them an option for an out that doesn't completely shut the door or make them feel like they've failed. But at the same time, I try to be clear so it's not wishy-washy by setting goals and deadlines. For example, I'll talk to them and work out what is expected, then tell them we'll get together in two weeks to recap how things are going. And when it comes to staff demotion, I'll tell them that once things get straightened out for them, they can come talk to me about getting their position back. I never promise that they can have it because things change, including the site itself, and if the member fails to be active, it wouldn't be fair to pass up active members for promotion unless there is a really good reason. I might have the member be active for a month to make sure they can maintain consistent activity before re-promoting.

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Explaining that it might be best to her stress levels to step down might be a good thing to consider. 

 

"The options always there in the future, but its less for you to worry about NOW and you need to put you first."

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A tricky situation. 

 

Since you know them in real life you could have a sit down chat with them, (if they are local). You could ask them what parts specifically are they struggling with admin wise. E.g. They fine with updating with face claim but can't keep up with ads. Focus on what they can do, rather than what they can't. If they know they can't keep up. Tell them you will honour them with a former staff group for their contributions, and like others have said, they might be able to come back later when they are ready. 

 

I hope it goes well for you. 

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Thank you everyone for your advise! I think I will sit down with her and talk to her. She has said that the boards are some of the only things that she has going on good in her life, so I was afraid to take that away. But I do not need to take anything away. The boards will still be there for her, and she can still play where she needs and wants, but maybe taking some of the staff duties off her shoulders will help with her stress. Thank you again, everyone!

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I feel like I should add on here...

I've been in your shoes. The individual in question wound up trying to use me/other players as her therapist and that is not healthy for anyone. We had to ban her for the health if everyone else, then had to deal with an onslaught of threats of suicide. (Plus a ton of lies.)

 

Be careful with how much you allow them to vent publicly and don't out your own health below theirs. If it turns into an us or them situation, make sure you are gunning for yourself and the rest of your board. People will endure ridiculous things for the sake of a "friend" that won't return the favor or abuses the privilege.

 

Not saying your friend will turn out like this, but if the site is the only good thing in her life she probably needs help from someone qualified to give it. Or straight least a visit to 7cupsoftea.

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Guest BETA BLUE
On 1/9/2018 at 12:43 PM, Rune said:

I feel like I should add on here...

I've been in your shoes. The individual in question wound up trying to use me/other players as her therapist and that is not healthy for anyone. We had to ban her for the health if everyone else, then had to deal with an onslaught of threats of suicide. (Plus a ton of lies.)

 

Be careful with how much you allow them to vent publicly and don't out your own health below theirs. If it turns into an us or them situation, make sure you are gunning for yourself and the rest of your board. People will endure ridiculous things for the sake of a "friend" that won't return the favor or abuses the privilege.

 

Not saying your friend will turn out like this, but if the site is the only good thing in her life she probably needs help from someone qualified to give it. Or straight least a visit to 7cupsoftea.

2

 

That statement brought back a lot of painful memories.  I actually don't know if we've experienced the same or not. The parallels are astounding. 

 

I'm been in the situation a few times, as well. I actually stopped chatting with one person because they refused to get better and because it gave them attention.  He also would vent with the admin that has issues of her own It came down to having to remove him from the site because he became so toxic. Basically, same MO as Rune's. That was the sickest person I have dealt with. Most of the time people give up and leave to other sites. 

 

I have dealt with every honest players that have tried their best to get better. One is my co-admin. If there is a real effort, you know what they going through and they even try to help you, they are real. It sounds like your admin is trying to come back when they weren't ready.  I look at it this way, you don't how her mind perceives the events that caused her to go down that dark road. I'd be reasonable. Open a few staffing positions, perhaps moderation positions. 

 

Given the fact she's on a dark road, find ways around her characters. Don't write them out of the story. Find ways to just chess piece them aside. It takes a little plotting but moving the site on is natural. And events need to be closed up and started again. We had to do that with the said man above. We had to move around his plots since he wasn't posting at all or he was just posting in private threads instead of moving plot threads. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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  • 5 months later...

Maybe delayed but it sounds like the route I'd go, is to the idea of "Let's have you step down, that way you have less on your plate and can focus on real life and posting." 

 

People will respect you being straight up over beating around the bush, in my experience. 

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