Red Flags

[Icewolf 258]

50 minutes ago, Patrick said:

 

And yeah,  lots of them want immediate sex without any plots... just like a porn movie.  I just set the expectation:  You gotta earn the nookie by impressing me with your storytelling prowess.  In other words, no plot goal,  no nookie. 

 

 

My policy on this is that they won't get the nookie anyway.  My forum and rp accounts aren't an alternative to a dating service/porn site.

[StormWolfe 557]

1 minute ago, Icewolf said:

My policy on this is that they won't get the nookie anyway.  My forum and rp accounts aren't an alternative to a dating service/porn site.

 

Wish it was possible to give you two or three likes for this one! We are 18+ only because there can be some suggested sexual situations, bad language, and violence. It's the old west after all. We have a mandatory fade-to-black for sex scenes. Romance is welcome and encouraged, but joining just for sex will get ya nowhere. ;)

[Icewolf 258]

This could go in any number of threads on here (Pet peeves, I'm tired of, etc...) but I thought that it would be most appropriate to post it here.

 

You look through the guidelines/rules of a rpg and you find that their rules are full of insults to potential members by calling them things such as pretentious douches, advocating fights over politics, etc. As it also happens to be an rp based on a chat server, it makes me wonder if their server is full of OOC drama and bullying simply because their guidelines/rules are written like that. (And I know from experience with twitter that  chat style rps tend to facilitate reactionary posting and belittling of people. There's no need to reflect it in your rules.)

[CovertSphinx 710]

3 hours ago, Icewolf said:

You look through the guidelines/rules of a rpg and you find that their rules are full of insults to potential members by calling them things such as pretentious douches, advocating fights over politics, etc. As it also happens to be an rp based on a chat server, it makes me wonder if their server is full of OOC drama and bullying simply because their guidelines/rules are written like that. (And I know from experience with twitter that  chat style rps tend to facilitate reactionary posting and belittling of people. There's no need to reflect it in your rules.)

 

I've noticed when groups have rules like that, they often also come with a "Yeah I'm a bit of a jerk so deal with it, as we are a mildly jerky community and don't take it personally" tag/disclaimer. And I've also noticed that said Administration also has the weakest constitution when the attitude is thrown back at them "All in good fun as part of the rules". 

[StormWolfe 557]

4 hours ago, Icewolf said:

This could go in any number of threads on here (Pet peeves, I'm tired of, etc...) but I thought that it would be most appropriate to post it here.

 

You look through the guidelines/rules of a rpg and you find that their rules are full of insults to potential members by calling them things such as pretentious douches, advocating fights over politics, etc. As it also happens to be an rp based on a chat server, it makes me wonder if their server is full of OOC drama and bullying simply because their guidelines/rules are written like that. (And I know from experience with twitter that  chat style rps tend to facilitate reactionary posting and belittling of people. There's no need to reflect it in your rules.)

 

2 minutes ago, CovertSphinx said:

 

I've noticed when groups have rules like that, they often also come with a "Yeah I'm a bit of a jerk so deal with it, as we are a mildly jerky community and don't take it personally" tag/disclaimer. And I've also noticed that said Administration also has the weakest constitution when the attitude is thrown back at them "All in good fun as part of the rules". 

 

Why would anyone join sites with information like that in the rules and guidelines? I even feel like our "zero tolerance policy" regarding bring OOC drama into public chat or on the site is a bit strongly worded.   Of course, I have been part of small, private RP groups for a very long time now...perhaps such rules are more normal than they used to be?

[Bishop 172]

I posted this elsewhere, but lately the biggest red flag I think of my entire RP life (other than some guy who was like super crazy and into his character riding his horse and wrote his smut much the same) was a convov that went pretty much like this:

 

Him: Oh I see you have a few black people in Venice

Me: Yeap! It was a cultural hotspot.

Him: Haha as long as they are not celts!

 

And then he drops this to me:

 

 

 

Needless to say this was just the first of honestly one of the few moments that has really shook my team to the core. We're still going...wtf just happened.

 

[Huli 31]

... this turned out way, way longer than intended. Oops. I feel like I keep saying that. Maybe I should just make peace with the fact that I'm incapable of ever shutting up.

 

I have not actively looked to join a site for... a long while now, so I am noooot quite sure what evokes a strong No from me when looking for a board anymore. Hm. Most of my issues are related to layout, not member base; I have visual processing issues, and if a site is too low-contrast (or high contrast! neon orange on bright pink....... qq), the text too small, the layout too crowded, with too many moving gifs, etc, I know that I won't be joining.

 

Oh, I thought of something! When the staff doesn't make an effort to integrate new members into the board. I'm not talking about social anxiety, or people who are busy with rl obligations; unfortunately, I know the taste of both of them far too well. It's more like... say, for example, I say hi in the cbox and no one responds even though I see people online. That's cool, I am literally the worst when it comes to unintentional ghosting. I've ignored people for two weeks before, completely by accident. Yeah. But then someone else speaks up on an unrelated subject and they get an immediate response, and this keeps happening over and over again? Yeah. To be completely fair, I know that I can be very overwhelming at times and I do have an unfortunate tendency to dominate whatever space I'm in. But in the boards and chat groups that I staff in, I make a very conscious effort to reach out to everyone, especially those who are new and/or quieter. Joining a new space can be hard, and I feel it's up to the people who govern that space to make it more accomodating. If I keep reaching out to them first for plots, to say hello, to ask about their day, and they still keep ignoring me and showing others preferential treatment, it looks less like anxiety and more like favouritism. I'll start to feel unwelcome, and I don't want to be part of a board that I'm not welcome in.

 

As for other members, I tend to have very good intuition on what a person is like within a very short period of knowing them, even online? It's hard to describe what, exactly, sets off the alarm bells, but I do have a couple solid ones. Some of which include:

 

- People who only speak up to talk about their own characters, while completely ignoring any other ongoing discussion. When you attempt to start plots with them, they are completely silent. ?????? Writing with others is the entire point of rp??

 

- People who play up the ~~cool~~ attributes of their characters and obviously want the other players to treat them as the biggest, strongest, etc. Sometimes they will try to pretend that they are not doing this, by talking about one weakness or another, but, mysteriously, this weakness never seems to come into play.

 

- Joining a board and IMMEDIATELY wanting to be the best at something. Or the baddest. Or whatever. This might just be a me thing? I don't usually beeline straight for the high positions; I find it more interesting to play people lower on the totem pole and have them work their way up. Or just stay where they are. On sites where I do have characters being the authority on a specific subject, they usually have a history with the site and lore and achieved recognition IC for it. It seems that people who join and immediately go for fame and attention care less about the character they're playing and more about being the most Special and Important. And if anyone more Special and Important comes along, or anyone who claims to be more Special and Important, dear fucking lord.

 

- On a similar vein to the last point, I tend to get No vibes if a player has multiple characters, like more than three or four, and all of them have a sad backstory. All of them. Every single one. Especially if they're similar. Especially if all they do is play the victim, and whatever trauma they experience(d) is the only aspect of their identity, and the player constantly milks it for attention. I actually do think that rp is one of the best mediums to work through personal trauma if you are among a sympathetic cohort; sometimes, processing through mediums such as writing or art can feel a bit artificial since you're only doing it by yourself. In roleplay, you have control over the situation and you're playing with other people, so there's still that element of unpredictability to it. It's great. But there's a difference between a character reacting realistically to unfortunate circumstances and a character being reduced to a sad caricature of suffering where being pitied is the sole aspect of their personality. Honestly, I find it pretty insulting.

(TO BE FAIR, I have probably the Saddest characters on the site I'm on right now, but they make up the minority of my characters and the others who aren't Sad™ get just as much screentime. And I like to think they have more to them than just being sad...)

[Guest Parasite Eve]

When it's not going to work out between myself and a potential partner would be if I have a request thread of plots and pairings, I'm looking for someone to brainstorm with, and they end up insulting me about said plots. Yeah, that's not going to happen.

 

I've encountered several people with holier than thou attitudes, who have sent me messages to roleplay, that have insulted my plots or the person that will claim to have read my long request thread after five minutes of me posting it with a pm like this:

 

"Hey! I read your request thread. I think we will be a good fit."

 

Nothing more. 

Nope.

[Shades 676]

^ Amen

 

I had someone contact me recently about a request, and they literally hadn't read anything other than the title. All of the information on the request had been completely disregarded.

 

I'll be honest and say that after I noticed that, I just stopped replying. I mean, if you (general) can't even read the request you're planning on taking and have to ask me questions that reading it would have answered, I can't imagine what a nightmare this roleplay would be.

[Guest Parasite Eve]

1 minute ago, Shades said:

^ Amen

 

I had someone contact me recently about a request, and they literally hadn't read anything other than the title. All of the information on the request had been completely disregarded.

 

I'll be honest and say that after I noticed that, I just stopped replying. I mean, if you (general) can't even read the request you're planning on taking and have to ask me questions that reading it would have answered, I can't imagine what a nightmare this roleplay would be.

Absolutely! What is a bit of reading? You are trying to find a partner, wouldn't you want to make a good impression by finding out what said person likes, doesn't like, etc? 

Yeah, when it's clear someone hasn't read my request thread I don't bother because if they didn't read that what about an actual post?

[Shades 676]

3 minutes ago, Parasite Eve said:

Absolutely! What is a bit of reading? You are trying to find a partner, wouldn't you want to make a good impression by finding out what said person likes, doesn't like, etc? 

Yeah, when it's clear someone hasn't read my request thread I don't bother because if they didn't read that what about an actual post?

 

My request had about 6 lines: Site name and link, my character's name and link to her bio, and the character I was looking for with a few traits. 

 

First thing that made me go "what?" was that the person assumed this would be done through e-mail. So, basically not even the first line was read.

[Guest Parasite Eve]

1 minute ago, Shades said:

 

My request had about 6 lines: Site name and link, my character's name and link to her bio, and the character I was looking for with a few traits. 

 

First thing that made me go "what?" was that the person assumed this would be done through e-mail. So, basically not even the first line was read.

Oh my......wow.

I feel your pain Shades, like what the heck? Really? 

 

[Shades 676]

1 minute ago, Parasite Eve said:

Oh my......wow.

I feel your pain Shades, like what the heck? Really? 

 

Thanks for empathizing. It's good to know I'm not going crazy and that this is 100% not okay. 

[Rune 1,099]

On 3/12/2018 at 7:29 AM, CovertSphinx said:

 

I've noticed when groups have rules like that, they often also come with a "Yeah I'm a bit of a jerk so deal with it, as we are a mildly jerky community and don't take it personally" tag/disclaimer. And I've also noticed that said Administration also has the weakest constitution when the attitude is thrown back at them "All in good fun as part of the rules". 

I've had to explain to people that my guild is a bit... Rough. We aren't jerks, we just give one another a hard time about pretty much anything left open to do so. If we include you in the rough housing, we're doing it because we like you. It's had a few "OH!" moments. And if someone expresses a dislike, we lay off them. Because we're adults.

 

But we don't make mention of this anywhere in our rules because, well, its hard to explain without seeing it. If you have to say you're a jerk, then you aren't a jerk. You're just an annoying asshole. Being a jerk shouldn't be something to be proud of. 

[CovertSphinx 710]

20 minutes ago, Rune said:

I've had to explain to people that my guild is a bit... Rough. We aren't jerks, we just give one another a hard time about pretty much anything left open to do so. If we include you in the rough housing, we're doing it because we like you. It's had a few "OH!" moments. And if someone expresses a dislike, we lay off them. Because we're adults.

 

But we don't make mention of this anywhere in our rules because, well, its hard to explain without seeing it. If you have to say you're a jerk, then you aren't a jerk. You're just an annoying asshole. Being a jerk shouldn't be something to be proud of. 

Exactly!

 

There's a line of difference between "Hey our flavor of friendly is busting each other's knobs in humor but we're all the same page with it, if you aren't comfortable with being part of the teasing, no problem fam we got you"  and "Yeah I'm abusive but I'm claiming its just innocent fun in effort to make you respect my need to feel powerful without challenging my bad personality/attitude". 

Edited March 23, 2018 by CovertSphinx