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Have you ever dealt with this?


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Guest BETA BLUE

Kill the admin with kindness. 

Think of it from an admin's perspective.  One the site and story is their baby. Sometimes people can get overprotective.  It's something that will change eventually but being mean to the admin isn't going to help matters. The best course of action is what no one is telling you, be kind. the person may just need a friend or someone that takes five minutes to understand them.  

 

A simply dialogue could help. 

Why did your character say that?

 

Validate your character's word choice with the reasoning in her post.  Ask her if you misunderstood what her character was trying to do or if you misunderstood her character. Explain your character to her in retrospect to her character. Open dialogue can help. Communication is a huge thing. Turning tail never helps anyone. And it a big show of respect and it literally says look I respect you, I'm going to try. Try it twice, then if she doesn't pick up on it and is nasty, then I would move on.  

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On 1/28/2018 at 3:36 PM, Uaithne said:

The problem is that I can only change if I'm aware of my shortcomings and I want to change.  You can't change me. 

 

So I haven't finished reading the whole thread, but this struck me pretty strongly.  I know there have been several suggestions to talk to the other admin about the one causing the issues, to find out if this is normal.  The problem admin's history speaks for itself.  If s/he does this to multiple people and it's not a one-off, this is NORMAL for that admin.  Asking the other admin if it is doing one thing:  Creating a problem between the problem admin, and the rest of his/her staff.  You've just created a divide and made yourself the bad person for ALL of them, whether that was your intention or not.

What I quoted from Uaithne above is dead on accurate.  If the problem admin is difficult to deal with, and is that way across the board for multiple people, you are not going to change that behavior; regardless of who you go to on the admin team.  If you want to try and rectify the problem, talk with the problem admin one on one.  Don't be accusatory, don't point out flaws, because that will do nothing but raise their defenses and you won't get anywhere.  Have a conversation and see if you can't come to some sort of compromise.  Maybe having a friendly chat about all this will help them see that they've been over the top, and they'll calm down.  (In this instance, from what i've read of your depiction of the behavior, i seriously doubt it.)   If it doesn't work, at least you tried to resolve the issue.  You can decide from there whether you want to just ignore the admin and continue playing with others, or leave all together.  But at least then you'll have TRIED.  

 

That's my two cents, take it for what it is, and know I wish you the best.

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I'm not sure if talking to the other admins/staff would help in this sort of situation. Usually, people who are on staff/admin are good friends with each other or have known each other in the rp world for a long time. No one likes to be told that their friend is making problems for other people on the board and I'm uncertain if you will be supported if you bring it up. If there is going to be changes, the other staff/admin themselves have to see the problems and address it with them.

 

So, you can do this:

 

- Stay, but limit your interactions with the admin/staff member you're having the problems with.

- Keep in contact with people you like. There is nothing stopping you from setting up a tumblr account, or joining one of the various social media type rp sites with your character(s) and rping on there. Of course if you keep in contact with them it will depend on if they have the time, or are willing to join you. They might not. (A good thing to say for instance if you decide to leave, that you can't keep up with the activity checks and want to rp more casually. It's probably not a good idea to mention the problems you're having with the admin.)

 

But a word of warning here. If you stay, and the issues persist, it will only bring you down and kill your mood to write. I've experienced problems were other players (not admins, mind you) were hostile to me. I found that nearly every time I got my character into something that I liked, or had the rp going in a way that developed my character in the direction that I wanted that something would happen to block it. It drains your confidence and makes you think that you're a bad rper. Don't stay in an environment where people make you feel bad because it will only negatively affect your writing and ruin your trust in other writers. You may even find that you start behaving in ways that you don't like because you were treated badly yourself. It's no way to be.

Anonymous poster hash: 37725...179

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As an admin that sometimes freaks out over things that don't fit into their version of the AU - sometimes things just hurt my brain and I'm like "Yo - that ain't gon work." and even then, I think I would be really bummed out if you didn't feel comfortable telling ME about the problem.

 

The idea of relying on the Admin friends you have is great - you deserve to have support, but I think you should be honest with the person you have the issue with. Tell them that you feel stifled and a bit bummed out and annoyed that they seem to be picking on you. You love the site and you want to make staying work. Ask them how they can help you stay comfortable. Ask them if they can be okay with not understanding your characters.

 

It sounds like this person is just struggling with your characters for some reason, or those of others if two others have already left! Maybe nobody has told them how they are? They can't change if they don't know how. I think you owe it to yourself and the site you love to confront this right on.

 

Talk to this admin. If they are reasonable and willing to work with you to make this situation healthier for you - stay. If they throw another fit, you've got to go - because ultimately do what is best for you, and your friends will either support you leaving, pressure this admin into helping you stay - or you'll find a page that is better for you!

 

Sometimes there are just players and admin that don't fit. I've had players leave because we just don't work well together. I've had players stay, and we both just ignore each other and grit our teeth when we can't. It happens - we're not all perfect and sometimes there are people that rub you the wrong way, you just have to learn to manage it professionally and in a way that doesn't cause anyone pain.

Edited by Zahhy
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