Staffing How do you keep a callout post from turning into a witch hunt?

[Anonymous 234]

Let's just say I'm asking for a friend of a friend....

 

There's a creep beyond the outer edges of my RPing circle (aka, the same large site that we all RP on), saying creepy things to someone who in tangentially within my circle, bragging about the creepy things he's done while claiming he's beyond that and he'd never do it again.

 

Problem is... there are screenshots of him admitting to emotional and mental abuse.

 

I don't want to overstep my boundaries as someone who isn't involved (it's just that a friend came to me asking for advice), but I'm torn between waving a giant flag and metaphorically contacting the media (aka telling my entire server to make sure they block this guy), or risking site staff kicking me out for brigading.

 

What would you do?

Anonymous poster hash: 64338...5ec

[VirusZero 176]

So you're not involved in the actual issue, you're just trying to offer advice...

 

Tell your friend to report them to staff.

 

But you? You stay out of this issue. You have nothing to do with it other than someone is asking you for advice. Don't go to the site's staff yourself because you have no evidence (only heresay... Someone told you that something happened. But what if they lied? What if they made up everything? What if they're just trying to get you in trouble?). Yes, there is supposedly screenshots, but if you don't have them then they might as well not exist. (Even if you did have them, it's kinda not your place to get involved.) 

Though regarding the screenshots, be careful with them. They may not be that compelling for evidence. I mean if they're older (like 3-4 years old) or can't actually identify the person (like no usernames are visible) or are out of context (like they're clipped from posts) then they may not be much good.

 

As an admin if I were in this situation and someone came to me but they had nothing to do with the situation I'd probably just tell them to get the person who is involved to come to me. I'm not having a third party relay info to me. (It's how details get missed or exaggerated.) 

 

[Samantha 64]

It's really best just to go to the staff about the issue. 

 

As an Admin I will say that one of the most frustrating things is people not coming to the staff when there's an issue. Then when the staff finally finds out about it it's gotten to a breaking point where people might leave the site or it could be a situation where there's no other option than to ban the person causing all the issues. 

 

Going to the admins isn't being a tattletale, it's letting them know that something is going on in the community they aren't aware of so they can nip the problem in the bud or issue warnings or whatever is necessary. After that, if the problem doesn't go away then more extreme steps can be taken like a ban, whether temporary or permanent. 

 

But coming from someone who has had to deal with issues that people kept from the staff because they "didn't want to cause drama" when they reached the breaking point: tell your friend to go to the staff. Calling someone out, especially publicly, is never the way to go about it because it usually just creates more issues and it could also make you look confrontational and possibly alienate you from the people who don't actually know what's going on. 

 

TL;DR: tell the staff, let them deal with it. 

[Rune 1,099]

Your friend blocks them and reports them to staff. 

[Morrigan 1,826]

I don't even know why this is a question really. Inappropriate behavior should always be reported to staff. It should NEVER be reported to staff through a 3rd party, always the parties involved so that they can get the accurate information and make the calls from there.

 

Good luck Anonymous.

[Shades 676]

You keep a call out post from turning into a witch hunt by not making one in the first place. Personal issues (bullying, people don't get along, and yes, even someone being a complete pile of toxic waste) should never be 'called out' in public.

 

It's divisive, it makes the person doing the calling out look petty, and if done by a third party, it can all be bullshit, or exaggerated by the person actually involved due to emotions running high.

 

As a third party, the only thing you can do is let your friend vent, then tell them to go personally to staff with the situation and whatever evidence they have. Even if they ask if you can do it for them, don't. You're not involved in the situation, it's best to stay out of it, and back them up if you have been a witness of anything. If not, just offer emotional support and don't get directly involved. It's the best choice for everyone, and prevents you from getting burned in case things aren't exactly as they seem.

[Morrigan 1,826]

This thread reminds me of this song lol:

 

[Icewolf 258]

The simple answer is that you can't, and any public callout will just make it worse. You can never tell how the community is going to react if you do make a callout and if the person unsettling your friend is a friend of others in your circle it will stir up a lot of trouble on the site. It's best to deal with these kind of things quietly from my experience. If there is a blocking or ignore feature on your site, your friend should use that (and if you feel like you need to, you should, too.) Other than being supportive of your friend in pms, there's not really anything you should do to get involved - they should contact the staff or admin in private if they have a concern. (And it's useful to do that because if the person has been a problem to others, the staff or admin then have more reports of trouble as evidence.) Publicly calling them out might get you banned from the site.

[Bishop 172]

Exactly what everyone has said! Block and report. I can not tell you how many times myself and my people have been blind-sided by drama and were not able to step in fast enough to put the fire out. It is way easier for an admin or mod to try and fix when they can start at the very beginning.

 

To me, these things are like wounds, the faster you treat it the less it festers. And that is even with admin! I personally lost some people pretty dang close to me because one person just let things bottle up until they exploded, I exploded in return, and it just went BOOM all around.

 

So do so reach out, and if admin doesn't at LEAST see what is going on and put a stop it, then find yourself another play ground.

 

But also, remember to keep in mind that there are two sides to a story, that there are things that goes on you don't see. So if it isn't fixed RIGHT THEN AND THERE, put the pitchforks away.

[Anonymous 234]

An update:

 

The admins of the site were notified, but there's nothing to be done since this all happened over Skype instead of on the forum.

 

I'm still so heated though, guys like him are the reason us girls feel so unsafe rping with strangers.

Anonymous poster hash: 64338...5ec