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Should I stay or should I go?


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okay, so I recently joined a site a friend is on! This should be great, right? I'm super excited about my character and the plot we had planned! The problem is my friend had a preexisting plot that they  told me nothing about except to say they  were embarrassed by it  and they're only writing it because the other player is on when I'm not so they can volley instead of uselessly wishing I was around to play with.  Really good start, clearly. 

 

Well, I didn't really ask about their other plot  when we were plotting between ourselves because I didn't want to press them on something they were embarrassed by,  and this was a mistake. A huge, huge mistake. Some of the details of their other plot will completely change how my character reacts to theirs, and I wish they had said something beforehand. Like, I don't know, when I first started to toss character ideas at them, that would have been a good time?  Now I'm going to have to either completely ignore a plot that's integral to their  character, or find some way to have my character continue to interact with theirs  even though it would be....really not fun and completely the opposite of what I joined to do. My friend has sworn up and down they will do anything at all to make our plot works, even if that means pretending the other plot doesn't exist when threading with me, which I appreciate, even though I don't really love  the thought of ignoring an entire plot and related character arc for the character I'm playing against. (And also this means I have to somehow ignore the other character in the plot, who is far and away the most active player on the site, and since literally every character interacts with this one, so I might have to just......not let ANY of my other threads have any impact on my character? Or else convey to the other people I'm threading with not to mention this plot? I've never just straight up ignored a plot before so I don't really know how to handle that)

 

This issue is compounded by the fact that the other person they're plotting with won't stop gushing about how excited she is about this plot and how much she absolutely adores it and it's the most fun plot she has going on right now.   And it's really obvious she believes the feelings are mutual,  so whenever she comes into the site chat I end up grimacing uncomfortably while she goes on and on and ON about how great it is and how she's so happy that they're both having so much fun with it.  Or else I find an excuse to leave, because I'm worried any responses I make are going to be obviously Fake Polite. She also makes no effort to hide that she'll respond to threads in this plot before any other threads she owes, which on the one hand is a relief to me because it means I haven't had to figure out a way to rebuff her to keep my own plot intact but on the other hand...it's super awkward to see someone so excited when the nicest thing their plot buddy had to say about the same plot was "it's not completely terrible" 

 

I really like my character, I love the plot and dynamic my friend and I  had planned, and I REALLY wanted to be on the same game since we both struggle to be on more than one game at a time but I find the overall situation just stressful enough that I'm torn about whether or not I should stick around. Should I try to make this work anyway? 

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The problem here is that if you ignore someone's character, (and plot(s), espeaically if they have a big impact on the site by writing with almost everyone else on there and tell people that you don't want them mentioned, or have them involved in the plots you have with others, you'll look like a bully, or an rper who's cliquey or elitist. If people are good friends with the writer you don't want to write with, then people may not want to write with you.

 

One of the reasons why I cut down my activity on a social media site I rp on is that there was an issue with some rpers and I ended up not wanting to write with them anymore. The problem with that, there were still people on there who were friendly to both myself and the group I had the issues with, and in all honesty, all I wanted to do was to move on from that. (They had caused problems with other people and they know why I don't want to write with them, so there's no big deal there - the issue arises when people who don't know about the problem I had try to bring them in and I want to avoid them. I don't want to keep bringing up the subject with them because that's not really moving on from the problem.) The problem? Some writers who are still rping with those one of those people in particular keep mentioning them when I thread with them. You get stuck in the middle where it looks like you're trying to cause drama, or tell other people who they should rp with and whom they shouldn't.

 

If the site has an AU board where you can write with your friend, then there may be a way round it, if not, then I think the only solution you have is to rp with your friend privately.

 

If you stay, your time on there will likely be uncomfortable and it will get worse as time goes on. Unless the person leaves the site, becomes inactive or does something to get themselves banned by the admin you won't be able to avoid them.

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Yeah, that was a concern I had. When I asked my friend how they thought I could avoid threading with this other player they said “start a thread and never post in it” and I died a little. I’m such a fast poster that if I don’t reply I may as well be holding up a neon sign that I’m deliberately avoiding her. 

 

We do private RP so it’s not as if my leaving will mean we aren’t writing together. On a good day we hit upwards of 100 posts together, we’re good there! I simply missed writing with my friend in a group dynamic, and this is a way more frustrating reason for things not to work out than when we aren’t feeling the same genre. 

Anonymous poster hash: 6cdea...f68

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I would try to make things work with all the 3. Otherwise you are going to look bad. 

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39 minutes ago, Elena said:

I would try to make things work with all the 3. Otherwise you are going to look bad. 

Yeah, you’re probably correct. I may have to mute the discord so I can pretend I don’t know how enthralled with her plot she is, though, because I feel so very very bad whenever she talks about it. I might be able to work it out if I stopped feeling guilty about her and my friend’s mismatched enthusiasm level. 

Anonymous poster hash: 6cdea...f68

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Don't feel bad for it! The more hyped she is, the more enthusiasm this is building in her writing partner, even if he was meh at the beginning. (At least, it is valid for me. I do believe that in a writing partnership it is exactly like in love: there is no perfect balance, 50% each. In  every moment, one loves more than the other. It's maybe on average 65%-35%, with moments of 80%-20% and rare moments of ideal 50%-50%, and more in the middle.)

 

And as long as one of my writing partners (or more of them, if it is a collective plot) is hyped and very interested in a plot, I am doing it even if I like it less. Their enthusiasm hypes me up too, from being "meh". And I hope always to receive the same treatment for the plots I want to write... That even if the writers of the characters which make sense to make it happen are less enthusiastic for this, they are going along, as long as I am going along with their plots too. And ultimately, everyone's stories get written, and everyone is happy!

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Your friend might want to come clean about their embarrassment... Cause that's going to blow up in their face.

 

Personally, I'd look at adding another character to your roster so you can enjoy the site outside of the now confusing dynamic your friend has rudely shoved off on you. They seem to expect you to take all the potential blowback from their embarrassment. Which isn't fair at all.

 

You could also see about reworkings your characters to fit the surprise plot or just bluntly tell your friend that you can't do that plot anymore, as you can't very well ignore someone else and you aren't going to limit your fun because they're not willing to be honest. 

 

Personally, I'd ask your friend to rework the plot/characters or reroll new ones so you can make it work instead of trying to somehow pretend Susan isn't over there losing her mind with how much fun she's having. 

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I'm just going to be blunt -- this sounds like a hot mess of no one properly communicating with one another. 

 

I'd first start by talking to your friend about how you feel about the situation. (My guess is they didn't mean to make you feel this way, so perhaps they can assuage your fears about their discontent; or give other ideas how to fix it.) I'd also suggest to your friend (if they're uncomfortable with the other player's enthusiasm) to talk to the other player, because that's going to become really awkward really fast. And then I'd suggest that you talk to the player as well. Clear, open communication solves an incredible amount of issues. 

 

As far as I can see, what your friend is doing is up to your friend. If they are content/happy with doing the plot, and the other person is happy doing the plot... who cares if one person is more vocal than the other. (It might also be worth considering that your friend is/was downplaying their excitement -- especially if they referred to the plot as embarrassing. They might expect you to hate something or judge them, so they don't want to be that level of excited. BUT. I don't know you, your friend, or the scenario, soooooo.)

--

I agree with Rune. Adding another character could work marvelously. They you could still play with the player/character, and not stir the water. (Or editing your current character to fit the actual circumstances of the board would make sense too) 

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They aren’t the sort of person to say they think something isn’t great if they don’t believe it,  certainly not for my sake since we’re pretty warts and all with one another, but also it would serve no purpose for the other player to know so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ I’m not telling and I hope she never finds out. 

 

We have talked about this, and they were very apologetic about not telling me any details! They had not actually thought through how their two plots would intersect and so this was the result. I think we’re both in agreement that it might be better if I dropped entirely, but really there’s no option that fills me with anything but massive disappointment. 

 

but such is life, sometimes you strike out. 

 

Anonymous poster hash: 6cdea...f68

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By the sound of things, your friend wasn't clear with you. If this was a plot that would influence your own plotting, it should have been brought up right away.  Roleplay can be a beautiful place to weave different stories, characters, and situations into a tapestry. Having to avoid or contradict things happening sounds miserable and in no way a comfortable state. This person is putting you up against this other rper by forcing you to push on despite the obvious problem this will cause.

 

What if you brought the characters to a different site? 

or maybe just make a new character to enjoy yourself rather than try to shoe-horn this current one. 

 

If I was the admin on the site I would probably ask that the person raving about the characters tone it down a little. I've seen this before and it made several rpers uncomfortable.  It's fun to talk about characters and be happy about plot, but after a while it can almost be considered spam.

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My friend isn't forcing me to do anything, don't worry. I may not have been super clear on that, the discussion about whether or not to ignore the other person came up after I said "what am I going to do about this? This changes everything we had discussed!" except maybe a little bit more panicky. But they're fine with me dropping. 

 

And there are some....particulars about this that make leaving a better choice, but I would rather not get into that because if I give too many details the other members of the site are going to know exactly which site this is and who I'm talking about, which would be way more drama than asking for advice is worth. 

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So I've been in this situation!

 

It fucking sucks!

 

The long and short of it is that you either need to make it work or you need to make it work elsewhere. If you ignore another member and their plot, while it's not an integral part of RPing for some people, they will notice. And when they notice they will think you don't like them which will cause an even bigger rift. Whether or buddy is involved in that rift will depend on if they learn that they the outlier or not so it can completely fall on your shoulders.

 

Overall, it sounds like your plot is sound, so moving it to another site or 1x1 isn't going to harm anything because, lets face it, if you ignore the other players you are basically playing the plot 1x1 anyways so why be a part?

 

Really? And this may sound cruel, but you may want to consider dumping your roleplay partner. It's actually insulting to me that someone would invite me to a roleplay and expect me to basically pretend like half the site doesn't exist. If you want to keep them around, you better have a serious talk with them about not only their roleplay priorities but their understanding of site plotting and playing because it sounds like they have a 1x1 mentality and group site desire.

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ahhh, no, I don't think they intended that at all! They would prefer I play with the other players, that was an attempt to brainstorm solutions when I came to them after I had been accepted and realized what had happened. It was not good brainstorming, but well, we were both a bit blindsided I think. They're usually one of the best players you could ask for in a group, and I know that how things panned out was just because I didn't have all the details. And really I should have asked for them, but I didn't, so it's at least partly on me there. 

 

 We worked out our solution, though! Definitely not dumping them, this was admittedly a hiccup but not a bad enough one to warrant that response. Instead we're talking about it and making a pact to communicate better next time. 

 

Anyway, thanks everyone for your advice! I know what I'm doing, now, so I'm all good! 

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uhhh...I feel like a deja vu coming here...Ok the situation is sticky to say the least I agree with everyone that either speaking and sort of confronting the situation not the people in a manner that YOU feel comfortable about is best. Why do I say this well this happened to me on a character and mind you I am the admin...So I tend to plot with who ever hits me up and says 'Hey I got a plot in mind' I listen and I agree or don't is always up to me...well I agreed to use my best character one of my main ones the one that I loved and adore and cherish with a person on the site. Ok no problem there, the plot was awesome we worked on it and we began to play with it. 

 

Suddenly a new person joined and the other person and new person clicked instantly...not a problem either that was awesome...however I began to notice that they were rping her character that was our plot character and doing if not similar plot but one that would mess with our plot and I mean mess in like sorry I decided to go with this persons character instead of yours...Sooo much that I ended up killing my character off because there was no way around what was going to happen...and I get so invested on my characters that I won't lie I cried for 2 days straight when I had to kill him off. Needless to say the person the new one did something really bad and got banned and guess who wanted to plot again...yeap she did and I said no I couldn't put my characters through that again....

 

So advice like someone else said I would either change or try change the outcome of your characters or invest on a second character if you wish to rp in that site with your friend one that wont affect their own plot the way it is now.

Places I Rp where you can find me

 

Crossroads To Hell

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