Staffing Cherry picking Site Lore

[dragonborn 43]

I'm gonna try and keep this short. or as short as possible, bc I don't wanna accidentally drag anyone thru the mud.

 

tldr cliffnotes version, I have a member that is... seemingly cherry-picking my site lore and ignoring and or outright attempting to rewrite, only for themselves, the parts of it they don't like. every time someone asks them to change something, they get all up in arms about how we're stifling creativity and being rude and mean and are gonna drive people away, blah blah, now they apparently feel 'unsafe' because people keep 'yelling' at them. one did, tbf, but this player had gone around in circles w them for at least half an hr about a piece of lore, which they wrote, that was written a certain way on purpose and they had completely sidestepped the restrictions for, before bluntly informing them they weren't staff and didn't know what they were talking about. just the sheer level of insistence that they were right and the other player was wrong was almost enough to make me snap at them, it was just all around an admin's worst nightmare, and I wasn't even on until the tail end of it.

 

I'm stressed out irl, so I could just be being oversensitive about it all but just talking to them makes my blood pressure skyrocket, and idk what to do now. I want to work with them but I'm questioning if its even worth it.

[Zahara 12]

I feel like this is a one last chance kind of deal... You can't them them walk over you or talk to your other members and staff  the way they have been... You're more likely to lose players by letting then stay. Talk to them, make it clear that the world has been created in a certain way to make it fair for everyone and that no one else has an issue with the lore. If they stay they must follow the lore as it is written, and if they don't want to do that they can leave. 

Make it an official warning if you like, send it in a way that will give you written evidence that you have them a chance to play nice. If they can't do that. Then you ban them. 

At least that would be my course of action... -shrugs-

Good luck

[Renya 55]

Ultimately, you - like all the other members (I hope) - are there to have fun, write and yes, be creative. That is really why we all do this. What you aren't here is to patiently, and from the sound of it, also repetitively explain that no, you can't do that because of X or Y or Z and all of those points are clearly explained in the site lore/information. 

 

I certainly hope, that as admins/mods/staff we want to help and make sure people feel included and encouraged to write with us but sometimes an individual doesn't fit. It seems very much like this individual is trying to fit their square peg into the round hole of your site - to use a fairly broad example. They might appear willing to engage, they could even be fantastic writers and drum up plots and excitement and just generally be awesome! - who knows? - but really from the sounds of it they are more interested in dramatically throwing their hands in their air, shouting creativity! As if that should somehow grant them a free pass. BTW, it doesn't.

 

If they want to write with the world/options they keep pushing for then they need to find a site like that, find a buddy to join them or just make their own. There are things they can do, none of which should involve stressing you (and anyone/everyone else) or making your blood pressure rocket. 

 

But, yes... point it out. I would recommend a PM as opposed to instant dialogue, it gives you a chance to read any replies, figure out what you want to say and not let your (understandable, at this point) frustration leak over. Explain this is a warning - make it final if you need to - and if/when they overstep again, then yes... it's time to wave the ban hammer. Don't feel bad about this, no matter what site, or how long it's been open... eventually this happens. Sometimes for very similar reasons and yes, sometimes that person then realizes they were being an ass. But the most important thing is that you, your site and your members can all get back to the original business of having the fun you wanted to have in the first place.

[Shades 676]

And they are being allowed to do that unchecked because...? 

 

I'll preface this by saying two things: one, I'm sometimes much more patient than I should be. Two, on the other hand, I don't feel like I have to place rules above the rules when it comes to a person who doesn't fit on the site. Staff discretion is and needs to be a thing for all sites, because unless you write rules about every possible issue under the sun, they will never cover everything.

 

What you have there seems to be a case of a player who wants special treatment and is inconsiderate to boot. If they had actual suggestions, they would be talking to a staff member and placing suggestions for changes that would benefit the entire site. They don't want that. They want to be special, and have changes benefit only themselves. 

 

They are clearly a disruptive presence, and apparently rude to people who point there out. So I would build a rock-solid boundary now, if you don't want to ban right away. Something along the lines of:

 

"Player,

 

It has come to (site)'s staff's attention that you are not happy with our lore, and keep trying to change it to suit your needs. If you have a suggestion for our lore that will benefit the entire site, please do present it, and staff will take a look of it. Keep in mind that staff is under no obligation to change the lore based on suggestions, though. Whether or not you do that, keep in mind that we will only change our lore if we collectively believe it to be of benefit for the site's experience.

 

Regardless of whether or not we do change anything, you are to stick to the lore currently in place, and to act in a respectful manner towards your fellow members, regardless of their position on the site. Should you have a problem with someone you can't solve, ask for mediation.

 

Should you feel that the site's lore and culture are not a good fit for you, though, you would probably be happier elsewhere, and, should that be the case, we wish you good luck in your future endeavors. Please confirm that you have received this message.

 

Thank you,

 

(Name)"

 

Now, I'm not sure you all accept member suggestions for the lore - if not, ignore everything regarding that. But basically, what they need to know is: if the lore changes, it will change for everyone, not just them. They are to be polite to everyone, not just staff. If they don't like the site, they can leave. After that, I would put this member on a probation, aka, give them (30? 15? 5? your choice) a number of days in which staff would be watching them like hawks, and if they overstepped the clearly set boundaries again, out the door they go.

 

Of course, all that above is simply if you don't want to ban or ask them to leave right away. Remember: staff's job is to maintain the site's experience for the entire group, not to appease that one member who's always crying discrimination/having their creativity stifled over the site's rules that are there for everyone to follow.

[Morrigan 1,826]

I'm with the above people really. I don't think I'd give them a "last chance" or "ultimatum" personally. That's mostly because people like that normally have explosive tempers (I know I'm one of them). I'd simply advise them that due to their disrespect and constant attempts to work around the site lore that you believe they are not a good fit and to GTFO. I Mean obviously use better words but yeah.

[Kittenmitten 40]

You have to put your foot down on this. Hard. If they're playing your game then they're playing by your rules. If they have an application that isn't lore-appropriate, pend it and tell them why. If they don't want to fix it, guess they're not playing on your site! If they're approved but pulling non-lore-appropriate nonsense in threads, PM them and point it out. If they refuse to change it, lock the thread, it's done now because they won't play by the rules. 

 

(Granted I could never do some of this personally. I leave discipline to Rune because I am the softest marshmallow to ever squish.)

 

But yeah, it's pretty clear that they just want to be special, and it comes at the expense of your lore, your other players' enjoyment, and your hair which is either turning grey or getting pulled out from sheer frustration dealing with them. You're not stifling their creativity, and if being told to follow the rules makes them feel 'attacked', then how are they even surviving on the internet? 

 

Also seriously why do players even argue with staff? Yes, if you have something to talk about, feel free, but you're NOT gonna win an argument, dude. Staff always have the final say, and it comes in the form of a big, shiny BAN button. People are silly ❤️

[Rune 1,099]

If they feel "unsafe" they should leave and go somewhere they feel safer. You should help them come to this decision by banning them since they can't be assed to get over themselves.

[dragonborn 43]

thanks all. it wasn't unchecked, that was sorta the problem-if we'd just let em do whatever, we wouldn't have had so much fight out of them. honestly it all read like they were playing victim every time they didn't get their way. I was mostly just concerned I was being overly jaded and jumping to conclusions. i wouldnt have minded adding new stuff, some of their ideas were cool and may have worked well, but so it goes.

 

no matter. I got on tonight and theyd tried to start a fight w yet another member and the other member wasn't even being rude, like that was the most rational reaction to personal attack id seen in years, and I just told them to go. now I will hope they actually go.

Edited April 21, 2018 by nopewalker

[Guest Archaic Cyborg]

If they're not conforming to the world as it's presented, which has sufficient info to use, then the player needs a clear warning to change tactics or they'll be kicked out. Why join a game if you're using only what you like and essentially rewriting the lore? Hoping they'll leave your site and never come back, regardless of whether they leave in a fit or quietly.

[Sage 289]

If they feel stifled creatively, then tell them to find another forum where they feel they can flourish. You have rules and plenty of members that are happy with them. You don't need this person. If they want to create their own lore, then they should make their own forum! It's totally time to give them the boot. I hope you telling them to leave worked. Honestly, if you haven't already banned their IP, I would now. Avoid any more drama with the banhammer.