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Talking to the walls

Elena

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I am desperate. I don't know what to do anymore. It feels like talking to the walls... and I wonder what I have done so wrong in my childhood in order to deserve this at mature age. I wish that, as so many parenting books exist, how to make a stubborn child obey, eat or take medicine, it should also exist books how to take care of old parents. How to make a stubborn 89 years old eat, or take the medicines according to the posted schedule (and to my phone calls, because I never let it only to the printed schedules, I remind her). And to obey me in general, because she is doing everything NOT how I told her to (and how the doctors tell her in some cases). 

 

I wish I mattered... and yes, I know she loves me, but she would wish me to obey her now, like I did when young. She thinks she knows everything and she is always right, not accepting to be contradicted (when even what she used to know, isn't valid anymore, and I remind her continuously that she is comparing things at distance of 30-50-70 years, and from two totally different social orders  - socialism vs. capitalism-  so she shouldn't because they are nothing to compare.) She knows better than the doctors, better than me, better than everyone, and she does only what and how she wants to, no matter that it is harmful.

 

I am green of anger this afternoon, after I heard that she started taking at 3 pm the medicines she had to take starting with 6 pm. I explained her again for the thousand times why the schedule must be kept, why I am always calling her, to remind her to take them when due, then... I am still the bad and disrespectful and crazy one because I shouldn't dare to talk this way to my mother. 😞



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-hugs Elena- I'm sorry this is happening and your mother is being difficult. Is there anyone else who can help you look after your mother to give you some respite from it? 

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Nobody can do it, it's me. I get help from my husband, but in what is up to him: repairing things in the house, changing bulbs, bringing the heavier supplies, etc. It's the daily things with her being difficult which exasperate me. If she obeyed, at least in the most important aspects (eating and taking her medicine when due) it would have been no difficulty for me. 

 

But so, besides the consequences for her own health (and indirectly for me too - what if, God forbid it, her health deteriorates with messing up with the medicine and she gets a cerebral stroke or something? I had never children, I don't know how to change pampers or how to bathe someone else who doesn't cooperate) it also feels that I am nothing for her, if my words never matter, if I am presumed that I don't know anything and I am talking nonsense (or, worse, that I am ill-intended) and only what's in her stubborn head does.

Edited by Elena

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Can you hire assistance? I'm not sure if it is too expensive for you to get to help you. I can't really offer much in the way of help. But I can offer you an ear whenever you need it. ❤️

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Besides being very expensive, the problem is that 1) reliable helpers are difficult to find (not to steal, to actually do their job, etc.) and 2) if she doesn't listen to me, do you think she'd obey a stranger, more, a stranger paid from her pension? She would say horrible things about the helper and about us together 😞

So it's my cross to bear, the main problem that I am not too prepared for it. I haven't even studied psychology at all in Uni. I am not sure how to relate to her, how to make myself understood and obeyed.

 

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