I’m combining day two and three prompts into a single topic. Risk and reward are why we do anything in life. 

I’m very much an introvert like many in the rp world. It’s hard for me to put myself out there into the world even when I feel better doing so. Fear will cause me to get in my own way. Looking at the various threads on rp resource forums can make that worse. It’s often where people come as members, staff, or owners to vent. Suddenly, I develop new fears. The what ifs go through my mind. What if no one joins? What if I’m mocked? What if I get overwhelmed and can’t handle it? When I get in this mindset, I shut down and avoid what I want to do. It’s something I’m working on and getting better about it. 

I’ve seen so much lack of leadership from admins and staff on sites. I see a lot of passive aggressive behavior and avoidance done to avoid momentary discomfort. Some of the time people don’t even know they’re doing it. I’m aware of my avoidance issues and actively tackling it. I’ve found that momentary discomfort is worth it and helps me grow as a person. I’m a quiet and calm person who wants no surprises for members on how the site is run. I know how scary administrators are when you’re a member, especially when first joining. I want to be approachable, but not overbearing. One of the big problems I’ve seen with other sites are administrators that don’t want to trust their members. 

Still, despite my risk aversion, I’ve been slowly plugging at it. If anything the question I’ve asked myself is why I keep going. That answer came easily.

I want new friendships. I miss the energy I get from writing my characters. I want to see the creativity people will come up with. I want to grow as person and help others grow as well. I think I can do this a site owner and administrator. The rewards greatly outweigh my risk aversion. This is why I’ve kept plugging away and gave myself the deadline for the end of the year.