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I don't like this person, but they've done nothing wrong.

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Josie

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An anonymous user asked me:

Quote

Someone's joined my iste and I really just don't like this person at all. I don't want to play with them and I don't want them on my forum but they haven't done anything wrong and I don't feel like I should just ban them. What should I do?

 

I've written a guide about this (This person is obnoxious but isn't breaking any rules- what do?), but if you don't want this person on your site, then I can see why it might not seem as though it applies. However, my advice on the matter remains the same: just ask the person to leave.

 

If something about someone sits wrong with you as an admin, then you're not required to put up with it. You deserve to feel comfortable on and enjoy your own site, which you cannot do if someone else is souring the experience for you. It doesn't matter if you can't put your finger on what bothers you about the person, and it doesn't matter if they've done nothing "wrong." The best thing to do is always to just ask the person to leave, because then you can go back to enjoying yourself and they can move on to a place where they're not rubbing the admin the wrong way- which will inevitably impact their experience on the forum whether you mean it to or not. It's not only the best thing for you, it's the best thing for them also.

 

Telling someone to leave without a tangible reason behind it can be tough, though. You need to be open and honest with the person without putting blame on them. It needs to be clear in the message that nothing is up for debate and that they need to leave no matter what.

 

An example of what you can say:

Quote

Dear [name],

Regrettably, I must ask you to leave the site as there are certain factors which mean neither one of us will be able to get the best experience out of this forum. Those factors being: I feel uncomfortable with your presence; I feel it's unfair to you to be in a community where you make others uncomfortable; and, it's unfair for those uncomfortable individuals to have to remain uncomfortable in a place where they're meant to feel safe and relaxed. 

 

I apologize that this is the way of things, but you may find what you are looking for in the following communities: [links to other sites]. If not, then these resource forums might be of help: [links to resource sites].

 

Thank you for your cooperation and understanding.

Best wishes,

[your name]

 

 

If you think that the person is going to cause problems, then you can always create a separate usergroup with posting and PMing permissions removed from them, so that there's no "damage" they can do. If you're concerned that this person is going to trash talk your forum afterwards, then this: (1) proves that they're someone who shouldn't be on your site to begin with; (2) is publicity. Even bad publicity is good publicity; (3) is nothing that anyone can hold against you. A message like the one above is calm. It might make someone hurt, but the aim is not to hurt and there is nothing inflammatory about it. If someone wants to tout your being honest and reasonable as anything but that, then it'll only convince similarly-minded individuals who you probably also don't want on your forum to stay away, and will draw level-headed folks your way. It's okay to be afraid of backlash, but in the RP community, backlash only has power if you give it power.

 

Hope this helps, anon!

- GR

 

 

If you would like to ask me for advice, you can comment on an article or send me a private message! Be sure to include if you would like to remain anonymous.

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Great article.

 

I would also like to comment that if this sort of thing happens a lot, perhaps it may be more advantageous to think about what is happening. Are you as a person becoming too close-minded and intolerant of others who may be different? Is someone trolling your site and sending around ill-fitting people? Is your advertisement sending the wrong kind of message?

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