"Where are they now?" - players you wonder about

[crystal raven 13]

there's a lot of rp partners i sometimes think about, i don't know if they ever think about me because i tend to think of myself as being well, kind of a forgettable person.

 

- i think about my first rp partners, back when i was on a wolf rp site.  it was the first site i felt i had found a home on, and i remember how even if none of us really spoke much on aim we all just kind of connected through writing.  the site was one where we all wrote our characters, and through our posts created a story and everything happened organically.  it was fun, and sometimes i miss the surprise that comes when things happen unexpectedly. and smth like that you can't really find much anymore, not when plotting through discord has become so common.  i miss being 13 and just writing to write and seeing where things go without any planning, sometimes.  and i miss the first people i rped with, and helped give me those experiences

 

- more recently i've been missing a previous rp partner.  our characters had finally began dating, but around that time i started feeling super anxious around them.  like smth abt the way they talked made me suspicious that they were talking about me behind my back, plus they had begun putting replies they owed me on hold, often taking weeks to reply to any threads even when they were actively replying to threads with two other people.  earlier this year i came to realize that they had a habit of getting annoyed at their past rp partners, ending all plots, and then getting annoyed when those same people stopped talking to them.  they also had a history of finding reasons to feel annoyed with sites, complaining abt it to other members, and then promptly leaving. 

and turned out they found a reason to be annoyed at me too, but instead of them communicating their problem with me directly they went to the staff and i had to hear it from and admin.  turns out looking back they should have raised a lot of red flags, and had a history of cutting ties with people the second they disagree or feel even a little annoyed with someone.  like if you're not always agreeing with them, or giving them what they want they start losing interest.  and i started feeling so anxious with them being on the site, that i ended up having to ghost because i just didn't feel comfortable around them, nor could i just sit there and watch as they started to play favorites with the only two people who they were still rping with after cancelling plots or avoiding plotting with so many others on site.

i might be better off distancing myself from them but i still think about them occasionally.  i miss the ship and i miss playing the character, one that i don't know if i'll ever be able to play again because of how things went.  they hurt me pretty bad, enough where i was avoiding discord for three months because i got anxious whenever i saw them online.  but i can't help but wonder about them sometimes, while still questioning if i was the toxic one or not.