Staffing Tyrant Admins

[Anonymous 234]

Hey there! So, ever felt like there were some site leaders who were just a little over the top? I haven't had to deal with that kind of thing for a long time, but I have a friend who's currently suffering one. They're a staffie on said Admin's site, and has pretty much busted themselves trying to find things to do to get members more involved, greater numbers, some fun going. But now they're dealing with being a scapegoat due to the Admin basically having a dislike of particular members. Basically, this Admin has this bias, and expects all the staff to be just as cold toward particular members as they are. And because my friend won't do that, because they think there shouldn't be a personal bias when it comes to doing staff duties, they're getting the whole 'you're no good for this' treatment now, as well as being told that they've caused problems.

 

Why do people feel the need to be cruel to others? Why not just tell the people they don't like exactly how they feel and to leave their site, instead of trying to force others to be awful to them as well? And furthermore, where does one get off telling someone how they should treat another person? My friend is so stressed out atm, and being told that they do everything wrong and have caused problems, when all they've done is tried to remain unbiased and treat everyone fairly. It's pure, simple bullying.

 

Ugh, I don't understand people who think it's okay to act like a tyrant. My friend became a staff because they wanted to help their friend. But as soon as they refused to bully members, they were the worst person ever. How does that make any sense? I get the feeling that this Admin doesn't want people to see just how biased and mean they personally are, so they try to shield themselves behind the rest of their staff and therefore make it look like it's the member who is at fault for whatever it is their problem is. Which is really chicken if you ask me.

 

What would you guys do in this situation? I mean, resignation of being a staff member seems like the only way, but then there's the possibility of dealing with being the new person that the Admin has a problem with. How do you deal with this kind of behind the scenes bullying? Is there really a way to deal with it? Or is it just better to leave it behind and hope that it all catches up to them one day? I don't like seeing my friend feeling like they have to hide, or like they're going to be targeted next. It's a horrible feeling.

Anonymous poster hash: b08c9...ca7

[Arceus 1,082]

It's called a power trip.

 

Actually, there have been a few very interesting studies about this sort of thing. I remember some time ago, there was a situation in which prison inmates were placed "in charge" of other inmates, and the end result was, those "in charge" eventually started exploiting this position of power, and treating the other inmates like crap, if not becoming outright abusive. Curiously, this was loose; it was all just words. There was no real power there at all. Some people just cannot handle having any sort of power or authority without it getting to their head. This is even easier a thing to succumb to over the internet, because on the internet, nobody knows who you are until you tell them. Neither do you know who they are. There are no social cues to pick up on that signal to your subconscious that you're doing something bad, and the repercussions can be avoided by simply disappearing and resurfacing later with another name.

 

No harm, no foul.

Wee, psychology.

 

Unfortunately, you cannot control people like this. There is the option of telling this person, right out, that they're a bloaty fuckin goat and need to get over themselves (obviously you may want to word this kinder hahaha), if your friend feels safe enough to do this. But you cannot make them do anything. Short of staging a mutinous uprising and taking the site from them, once that bloaty goat bomb is dropped, that's it. If they don't respond to that, or even lash out, it's over. Get out of Dodge, find somewhere else to go, because you can't make them change. Only they can decide they're going to, and do it, and please, for your own sanity and stress levels, just don't try. It's really just more stress and anxiety than it's worth.

 

Part of being the bigger person is knowing when to walk away, and it is absolutely okay to take care of you.

[CovertSphinx 710]

There's no winning this. Absolutely nothing your friend can do will fix the bully problem -- and said friend has ALREADY earned the ire of Admin by refusing to play along with with the patsy game. 

 

Step 1: Resign from staff - this is a MUST, because you can't help a friend who's going to bite you when you try to do the job they "hired" you to do. 

But, personally, I wouldn't merely quit staff - I'd find another site to move to and drop the forum altogether. Chances are, their attitude isn't going to miraculously change for the better after receiving the resignation. 

 

[jenneral_jennson 154]

5 hours ago, Arceus said:

It's called a power trip.

 

Actually, there have been a few very interesting studies about this sort of thing. I remember some time ago, there was a situation in which prison inmates were placed "in charge" of other inmates, and the end result was, those "in charge" eventually started exploiting this position of power, and treating the other inmates like crap, if not becoming outright abusive.

 

I believe the study you're thinking of is the Standford Prison Experiment, a study conducted by a college professor of psychology and college students not inmates.  I've had many a discussions on this experiment as it is the study most psychology ethics classes use to case study what not to do during a research study.

 

On a different note, Arceus is correct. Its best you and your friend remove yourselves from the situation. It will more than likely not end well and neither of you will have continue to have fun with this undue stress placed on you. It would be better in the long run to simply resign from staff and leave the game. Even if they resign from staff and remain the chances of this biased admin treating you both with bias is high. Your friend resigning quite possibly could be a catalyst. Odds are at any rate that either this admin is not going to last long or the game is going to go caput. 

Edited September 5, 2018 by jenneral_jennson
Wow I’m good at leaving entire words out XD

[Bishop 172]

Is this me? Are you talking about me? lol truly though I for sure had a moment where I was flat out heading this direction and had to have a huge huge huge reality check. There wasn't any bullying involved but there was for sure a lot of strife.

 

My problem? I wanted out. I wanted out and away but my pride would not let me back down. I felt like all I had done was hold this place together on a foundation that had deep cracks to begin with. And when it came crashing down around me I was happy to let it go.  

 

So I have a feeling that maybe that is what is going on here? I know in my own personal experience I was starting to super hate myself as admin because it was my first time, I had some super toxic people around, and I also had years and years of invested friendships on the line. (Also add in graduating college, a mother, wife, a new homeowner, and a child who was super needy because her cray cray daddy) So I had to pick and chose my battles, and for the most part I came out ok, but there were for sure some friendships that won't ever be the same. Ad that is a burden that I have learned from and a mistake that I will continue to try not to do again. We are human. No one really knows what is going on behind the scenes. What they see is little glimpses of what we share, and pick up what they want.

 

So my very best advice to you would be to pick up your characters and take them somewhere else. That is exactly what we did (they did) and it has worked out for the better! Our version 2.0 is unbreakable, I as an admin don't let things get to me, and when members are coming to me talking about everything going on I shut them down. My staff chat is zero negativity. I don't blow off steam with them. I do that with my friends on my porch. 

 

Sometimes we do get so wrapped up in our own self we can't see that the admin we are showing to the world sucks. But you know, having been slapped a few times with it myself (because I'm certainly not perfect) can really help. NO ONE deserves that sort of treatment you are describing, no one. There are too many things wrong with the world as is, to let our hobbies become toxic too.

 

Pack it up friend. Move along. Build your own sandbox. Learn from their mistakes, your own, and other forums. 

[Garmr 106]

First off, sorry to hear that people are being douchey to your friend but glad to see you are trying to help. Your friend is lucky to have you.

 

Seen this before and sadly allowed myself to get sucked into it. Some years ago I allowed an admin to turn me into their attack dog on the people in the forum they were annoyed with but in the end it came back to bite me in the arse because it resulted in me being a convenient scape goat for the admin when the shit hit the fan. Kind of like 'Oh no, it wan't me who was mean to you that was Garmr... lets get rid of Garmr"

 

Admins who choose to bully their players in my experience fall into two categories. 1) The constant need for someone to be the "enemy" or the "problem" so they don't have to look inward. That or they feed off the drama of having. 2) Set idea in their minds of how they want the story to go and so they micromanage to the extreme and get angry when players don't naturally do what it is the admin has set in their mind.

 

Either way, with everyone else on this. Admiral Akbar is screaming and its best to abandon the ship.

 

v/r,

G

[Shades 676]

Just got to say I'm with everyone else there. I have been on site with toxic admins (just left one recently in which the admin felt the need to not only run the site, but approve even plots she wasn't involved in - it wasn't a 'setting site', it was one of those 'pitch a story and go' sites, in which nothing A and B are doing on the site affects anyone else - and give 'life advice', also known as pushing her opinions on others, to boot) and it doesn't get better. Once the admin decides to form a clique of people who agree to everything they say, it's either get in line or get out.

 

I would take the following steps in that order:

 

1- Collect everything I might want from the site and warn anyone I want to keep in touch with that I'm leaving and this is how you contact me;

2- Resign from staff;

3- Leave the site.

 

Since it's very likely Evil Admin won't give your friend the time to get their things in order once they learn of their insubordination. I would like to be optimistic about it, but I have seen too much to still have some faith.

 

Good luck to your friend, I hope they can leave this situation with minimal scarring. 

[Verridith 66]

This happens far too often with too many admins, and I've had the unfortunate business of both being staff under a tyrant admin, and watching a tyrant admin take a dislike to me and expect others to follow suit. Reasons I don't join other sites anymore, LOL! XD

 

In this case, pack up, leave, and give that tyrant the middle finger on your way out. People like that don't deserve to have awesome friends and staff, and only build bad karma for themselves. Move on to brighter futures and laugh when said tyrant fails. ❤️

[Rhindeer 217]

Yeah, the only solution is to bail. When it's the admin being awful, there's literally nothing you can do about it. Save yourself the stress and just get out of there, because there are thousands of games out there (and the opportunity to make your own!) and no game is worth this.

[Rune 1,099]

Get out while the getting is good!

 

Though, I also suggest going a step further. And telling buddies that you are leaving and why. They might have noticed it and are toughing it out for the sake of keeping their rp buddies close. 

 

With any luck your pal can take their friends with them when they find a site not ran by a tyrannical douchebag.

[Honorem 219]

It's hard to deal with this kind of thing when the aggressor is the one in charge. If they're that bias and unreasonable towards a certain member, then it's likely they'll just clean out their staff if they're challenged over their behaviour, rather than stop and realise what they're doing. I'd say there's nothing to do but resign from the staff position. Unfortunately some people make horrible admins by letting immaturity and personal feelings cloud their judgement. Best find another place to play that isn't toxic.

[Dragon 673]

21 hours ago, Anonymous said:

But now they're dealing with being a scapegoat due to the Admin basically having a dislike of particular members. Basically, this Admin has this bias, and expects all the staff to be just as cold toward particular members as they are. And because my friend won't do that, because they think there shouldn't be a personal bias when it comes to doing staff duties, they're getting the whole 'you're no good for this' treatment now, as well as being told that they've caused problems.

 

That's a shitty situation to be in. However, I can also say from personal experience that sometimes when staff make mistakes and are called out, that they'll go out of their way to make themselves look innocent whilst painting the second party as the bad guys. I think we've all done it at some point in our lives, and anyone who claims otherwise is just lying - doesn't have to be in regards to role play. Who among us didn't suffer some kind of deserved punishment as children only to paint our parents off as s/he devils to our friends at school? 

 

I've been in staffing situations where a member of the staff team thought they were going above and beyond when in reality they were isolating certain members because they refused to acknowledge and account for the behavior of other members.

 

And for everyone reading the thread - lets take into account the full situation. 

 

This is a friend making a complaint on behalf of a second party. A second party that has obviously, as most of us are inclined to do, attempted to paint themselves as the better half of the scenario. 

 

If Anon's friend  is upset, the obvious choice is to resign with dignity. Step down without bad mouthing the site in the future. If the Admin and his/her staff are really as awful as they believe then it will die of its own accord, and he/she will step out better for it. 

[Morrigan 1,826]

This is a discussion thread. While not everyone may agree it is an opinion thread. Continued abuse will get this thread closed. Thanks.

[Verridith 66]

6 minutes ago, Morrigan said:

This is a discussion thread. While not everyone may agree it is an opinion thread. Continued abuse will get this thread closed. Thanks.

 

No problem, boss! 🙂

What is your opinion on this/do you have any experience in this yourself, Morr? If so, how did you deal with it and how do you avoid it (other than never joining other sites like me LOL)?

 

Always good to hear from fellow admins on this topic!

[Rune 1,099]

Made up, exaggerated or not, its always a good idea to have some idea of what to do in any given situation. And seeing as tyrannical admin aren't exactly uncommon, seeing as this topic pops up quite a bit, its a good one to have around.

 

There are a bunch of other aspects of this that could be touched on...

Do you leave a goodbye note?

Do you tell your friends why you're leaving?

Do you try to make peace first?

Do you call the admin out (in private, of course) to try to hash it out?

 

And, of course, to offer a different viewpoint as Dragon so kindly began: As an admin, how do you handle it if someone thinks you're being a bag of dicks?