Staffing Passive aggressive comments - engage or ignore?

[Honorem 219]

So I'm bothered when I get a prospective member with a passive aggressive attitude.

 

Example:

GUEST: Disappointing (Failure to state what is disappointing, forcing someone to ask them)

ME: What?

GUEST: No <race/technology/lore>. (Note, I'm not against adding stuff, but in this example it's a huge sweeping change, for example adding elves to a human only fantasy setting)

ME: That's right.

GUEST: I guess it will have to do.

 

So summarized, what have you guys found is the best strategy for responding to this kind of thing? I find it difficult, end up typing up all these differently worded responses, only to delete them all and not say anything. Should one respond concisely to something like this, or confront the person and tell them to cut it out, or just ignore full stop? Advice please, for when it undoubtedly happens again!

Edited June 3, 2016 by Honorem

[Death Kitten 200]

That exchange makes me think that the player is going to be more trouble than they're worth. If they can't say "I was hoping you'd have $_thing" and instead do what you quoted above, that tells me they won't communicate with staff and may even disrupt other players. As you said, you'd be open to considering adding things in, but you can only do that with people who communicate. That wasn't communication, that was stupid.

 

That last line in the quote gave you a great opening though: "I'd hate to see you have to settle. You'll probably find what you're looking for if you browse RPG Init or another directory!" Then kill them with kindness. If they join anyways, keep an eye on them and nip any passive aggressive bs in the nose. You don't want it to disrupt your community.

[Rune 1,099]

I respond generally the exact way you did. 

 

"Yup." Point out that they have, in fact, made an observation. Well done! I will, occasionally, explain why.

 

"They don't fit the lore for XYZ reason..." (If its short and sweet, anyway.)

 

I've pointed out directories/topsites/affiliates that might have what they want. But otherwise, let them make their observations and go on. They're whining for no reason and their commentary won't magically change what they want. We've also been established for two years so I have the bonus of going "Well, its been working for this long, and you're the only person to ever complain so I see no reason why I should change it..." But my asshattery is well documented.

 

 I've noticed that some guests get overly... Needy regarding things that don't exist on a board, etc and expect staff to bend over backwards. I'm assuming it's because they can go to new boards desperate for members and demand these changes. 

 

I've never seen someone that makes these kind of passive aggressive comments actually make it past the app stage, if they bother with that at all. They just seem to poke and prod and see how far they can push things then leave regardless.

Edited June 4, 2016 by Rune

[Honorem 219]

Glad I'm not alone in thinking their attitude is uncalled for. Thanks for the pointers guys! Correct, not someone I'd want around at all.

 

And yeah, seems being direct and not giving them any ammo worked. They said nothing more, and the cbox rolled on. But also a good idea to add in the 'try directories' line, I'll keep that up my sleeve.

[Death Kitten 200]

Honestly, the best thing about pointing them at a directory is that regardless of what you think of their attitude, you are potentially helping them. Some people like this are genuinely just crappy people taking it out on others, but a lot of them just don't know how to communicate and need to work on their social skills... and the latter group, if they find a game better suited to what they're looking for, potentially stand to learn a lot and develop into better people for it.

 

So in the end, it's better for all involved.

[Guest Archaic Cyborg]

Ahhh, I have a hate-love relationship (attitude?) towards those kind of guests!

 

I just state the obvious, and leave them to wallow in their disapproval. I've had guests 'ask' my team to change the game for them; like the OP said, introducing a race to a world where it just won't work. But hey, the guest wants a place to play their sparkledog cowboy wizard, so why should I say no? /captain sarcasm. On a serious note, the guest wanted a dead canon to be brought back, 'because it was unfair'. Too bad, so sad. The game is the way it is for a bloody reason. It's not meant to appeal to every ____ fan or whatever.

 

Depending on what the passive-aggressive guest is saying/doing, by default I'd keep the convo short and blunt as possible. I'm not going to be dragged into a juvenile 'because you said so, why?' argument, or a whiny 'I'll do what I want because I want to play my nekomimi!2 if I insist then the staff will let me in to shut me up'. No staff should allow in hostile players, people who'll argue with the staff every step of the way, throwing a p.a fit because they didn't get what they wanted all the time. Allow someone one exception, and they'll usually ask for more down the road.

[Honorem 219]

19 hours ago, Blackjack Bart said:

Depending on what the passive-aggressive guest is saying/doing, by default I'd keep the convo short and blunt as possible. I'm not going to be dragged into a juvenile 'because you said so, why?' argument, or a whiny 'I'll do what I want because I want to play my nekomimi!2 if I insist then the staff will let me in to shut me up'. No staff should allow in hostile players, people who'll argue with the staff every step of the way, throwing a p.a fit because they didn't get what they wanted all the time. Allow someone one exception, and they'll usually ask for more down the road.

Yep, that's what I get the feeling they are trying to accomplish, dragging you into an argument, debate or whatever it is to whittle down your willpower. Comments like 'That's disappointing', followed by a ten minute silence before I ask 'What?', which is then immediately followed by the reason seconds after that. It just strikes me as some calculated move waiting for me to take the conversational bait so they can corner me and make their demands heard. Maybe I'm paranoid, but eh, it's that gut feeling that is hard to shake.

 

Totally agree, you allow something once and then they'll expect it again. Kind of like giving a customer a one time discount and they tell their friends, who then get pissy when I don't give them one. No totally never happened to me before!

 

Thank you again!

Edited June 5, 2016 by Honorem

[Guest Archaic Cyborg]

@Honorem exactly! There are rpers out there who'll try to bait staff into a debate, whether or not the guest actually wants to change things or get into the game. They just need to criticise the staff about a rule or lore that they don't like, and dropping 'hints' left right and center will encourage most people to ask 'wait, what's wrong?'. Cue headache. >(

 

I can understand exceptions for rare cases, and usually only with activity checks (like if real life is being a bastard, more so than usual!) but generally.. D< People shouldn't try to be above the rules! It's both amusing and headdesk-worthy when people bring in their friends, or if people just start copying each other so they won't miss out on free stuff.

[Morrigan 1,826]

I'm half zombie at the moment (aka comizombie) and I've read most of this. I'm actually a rude bitch about that shit. I'm blunt about my response "sorry that we can't fit your needs" and then I spam the box with shit and instigate conversation to get it to go away. 

 

My my honest opinion is that I don't want that attitude on the site and if it's that much of a downer I don't care to lose the perspective.

 

that could me being horrible though. 

[Rune 1,099]

Might be you being horrible, but its one of the only ways to deal with it. They rarely, if ever, join, and if they do they usually don't stick around so their nagging is pointless and just sets a standard for them wanting things that don't suit.

[Death Kitten 200]

And even if they do join, do you really want someone who is eating up all your time demanding you change the game to their whims? Honestly, then it's no longer your game, it's theirs.

[Guest Archaic Cyborg]

On 06/06/2016 at 3:46 PM, Morrigan said:

I'm half zombie at the moment (aka comizombie) and I've read most of this. I'm actually a rude bitch about that shit. I'm blunt about my response "sorry that we can't fit your needs" and then I spam the box with shit and instigate conversation to get it to go away. 

 

My my honest opinion is that I don't want that attitude on the site and if it's that much of a downer I don't care to lose the perspective.

 

that could me being horrible though. 

 

These people aren't camping out on your site to offer nice, constructive advice: they're pissed that they found a game.. that isn't 100% perfect. Fair enough, anyone would get frustrated that one detail or whatever is a deal breaker, but acting snippy and outright 'your game wouldn't suck so much if you allowed ______' isn't the way to go.

 

Guest asks a question, guest gets an answer; staff shouldn't sugarcoat it (but nor am I suggesting that they flame). There, done. The guest can either try to fit in themselves, or they can amble on to another game. If someone asks if OCs are allowed, or if a certain character trope can fit- and the staff say 'sorry, that is inappropriate for this setting ', how is that rude? Straight to the point, yes, but I see that as a good thing! I hate it when anyone, guest, player or staff, dances around a subject and  doesn't want to answer properly. For fuck's sake, just say if someone can play wizard vampire bandits or not, can they play a detective, a werefox, a toaster!

[Rune 1,099]

BJB, can I play a toaster on any of your games?

[Morrigan 1,826]

1 hour ago, Rune said:

BJB, can I play a toaster on any of your games?

I vote Gallow's Humour!

[Death Kitten 200]

1 hour ago, Rune said:

BJB, can I play a toaster on any of your games?

Frakking toaster!