Staffing Use of 'You' in a general scene set up too jarring?

[Robmin 10]

S.H.I.E.L.D is primarily 3rd person, however for setting scenes on mission start posts, especially when its city sequences which are working undercover I'm finding I'm using 'You' more. Would you find this break from third person jarring or would you say it would add to immersion? As an example

 

Quote

London, a city that was awake just before dawn struck. You are jostled by people hurrying past, heading to their place of work. The rich smell of coffee from a  nearby Starbucks hits your nose. All around you there are people in a mixture of clothes. From smart suits and briefcase carrying office workers, many with brushed wool jackets over the top, to people dressed more casually. Either heading to work in one of the many metropolises shops, or else heading to engage in a bit of retail therapy. 

Many of the individuals jostling and bustling past you are engrossed on their mobiles, or else totally in their own bubble listening to music on their MP3 players. 

 

 

[Josie 198]

I don't personally find it jarring. It's like you are receiving the information from your character's perspective, which would help me with the immersion.

[Robmin 10]

14 minutes ago, Gothams Reckoning said:

I don't personally find it jarring. It's like you are receiving the information from your character's perspective, which would help me with the immersion.

This is the aim I'm going for. Trying to write it in such a way that it's obvious that you're taking in information as your character. Some of the opening scenes I include little drops of potential information. Maybe red herrings. May not be. I'm not revealing as to which are and which aren't.

[Icewolf 258]

I used to read those choose your own adventure books and it used that format, so I don't think it's a problem because it sets the scene.

 

Do you post as a general, Games Master/Dungeon Master type account? If so, then it's alright. I would avoid posting it on a character specific one as it would make it look like you're controlling a person's character. Other than that, it's fine.

 

From my experiences on twitter, many inexperienced writers write their character in second person and I find it weird when they do that but it's also usually because the writing tends to be one-liners, no punctuation, bad grammar, etc.

Edited November 30, 2016 by Icewolf

[Morrigan 1,826]

I'm a person that has an odd love for writing second person view for introductions and things so the use of you is not jarring at all.

[MNHorus 2]

I think that it would not be jarring at all. However, the only thing I am wary about is if you change your first person to third person view in the same post. That would be jarring.