Staffing Do you discuss mutual members with other sites?

[Rune 1,099]

If you share a mutual member with another site, would you ever consider talking to the other staff about them? 

What would it take for you to cross that bridge? Would you limit yourself to good things? Bad things? 

Would you approach the situation to find out if the member acted similar there or if they were having similar problems? 

 

How would you feel if someone approached you about a mutual member? 

 

(Assuming, of course, you know without a doubt that the member is the same person.)

[Icewolf 258]

I don't see the point as it seems like gossiping and usually when people talk about others, it's usually because they've had a problem with the person being discussed. As most problems like that are personality clashes/disagreements between people, and not usually down to a real problem, it's not something you should do.

[StormWolfe 557]

Unless the person is a serious threat to the online community, it's best not to discuss them. It's a different matter entirely if their behavior on my site crosses into the realm of dangerous online bullying, stalking, etc. After all, simply because I had trouble with them or if there was trouble between them and some of my group, it doesn't mean there will be issues elsewhere.

Edited November 25, 2017 by Stormwolfe
Lousy grammar.

[Achera 22]

I agree with a lot of the comments here. Unless the member is a major problem and they are something that we are unable to figure out how to handle, then we may ask other communities they have been on to see if the behavior was similar. Like Icewolf said, it's like gossiping if there isn't a true issue on the board. Where I disagree with Icewolf is that not all or most disagreements are because of personality. True, it could be rooted in it but sometimes someone's personality creates horrible behavior.

[Death Kitten 200]

If an admin I know and consider a friend asks me about someone because they just applied to their site, I'll answer truthfully: sing their praises if I've had good experiences with them, be honest about what concerns I've had if there was anything bad, and offer genuine warnings if the person is a problem (the last category would usually mean the person is a former player, hopefully). But I'm not gonna go out of my way to talk about people if I don't know the other admins, and I'm not gonna follow a player around the internet just because we didn't get along.

[lola_shvarek 5]

It depends on a lot! I share some bans with other groups, if it is a serious issue like sexual harassment. If they just don't get along with members or my group, then it's not something I need to discuss with other admins, I just hope they find a group that suits them. So tl;dr only when safety is a major concern.

[Uaithne 543]

It comes down to two things:

 

1. How well do I know the other staff member?

 

2. What has the mutual member done?

 

Assuming I'm comfortable with the other admin:

 

I'd love to poke into the site (in general) and see updates and how things are going. We may talk about mutual members and plots, but not in a tattle or gossip manner . . . more like find out who plays who and what character is doing what.

 

If I have a problem with a mutual member, I might talk with the admin to see if they've had similar issues and how they've resolved it. Maybe the issues I'm having with the member isn't really an issue as much as it is a miscommunication.  I *may* warn the admin if I'm having problems and they haven't yet, but probably not unless it's big.

 

I also wouldn't mind talking about how cool the mutual member is, or things the member has impressed me with, and other stuff like that.

 

But if I don't know the admin well, probably won't reach out to them unless there is a big issue. As I said in the other thread, sometimes people need a fresh start, others have personality conflicts, and I wouldn't want to ruin their experience on another board where it's not a problem. If the mutual member was stealing content from the other site, I'd let them know. If they were badmouthing members from the other site, I'd shut down behavior on my site, but I think it would take a lot for me to tell the other admin if I don't really know them. It'll make me look bad, especially if the member behaves like an angel on the other site.

 

If someone contacted me about a mutual member, I'd listen to that person but I wouldn't necessarily do anything. Nor would I give out personal information / betray my member. I'd take the information with a grain of salt, and if I thought the concern relevant, I'd ask for proof. But that doesn't mean I'd actually do anything to punish the member. I believe that boards are separate entities with separate naughty lists.

[Guest BETA BLUE]

It depends. My radar is going to be up soon with a fresh site with a genre my co-admin has never admin before.  I knew who the site stalkers are and stuff. Generally, I see people that were problems for me and I feel bad for the staff on the site they are on but I feel it's not my place. They may work out for them, it may not. Different personalities work better with others.  

[Bishop 172]

I don't know I have mixed feelings about this back and forth. On one hand I love to brag to other admin about a player who has mentioned they are on a site. I'll be, "You are going to LOVE them." And then sometimes I'll be encouraging? But like just openly going and "Oh hey I see you have half the members from my old site."  No.

 

Someone recently did that from one of my old sites and the admin and I both were like...wtf really?

 

It just always seems like drama fishing to me. "Oh so I see you have x and x and x from this site. How do you know Lily again?" It just...makes me sad.  (and creeped out, but mostly sad)

 

So no. Don't go do it. It will make you look like you are fishing and unless the players were a huge huge huge huge problem? There are always two sides to an argument so who knows (and who cares?) what is being said. 

 

Not worth it!

[CovertSphinx 710]

If somebody asks a question privately, I'll answer. The only time I've gone to somebody else's site was when two of my  members were having an issue with somebody they were RPing with on that other site. This 3rd party showed up in the Cbox of MY site demanding that I ban these two because they were giving him attitude/problems at the other place (3rd party member was a staff there, where as my 2 were just members). I told him no, that on my site I have no issues with either member and unless they cause a problem on MY site, I wasn't going to take any actions. 3rd Party Guest then proceeded to harass us all in MY Cbox - so I took a trip over to their site and hailed HIS Admin to please step in and reign the bullshit in from their end. Basically I said that I don't know what issue their staff has with the two members in question, and don't particularly care what reprimands they feel are appropriate for whatever behavior was exhibited (I wanted them to know I wasn't coming over to 'defend my friends'), I just wanted the drama off of my site because their person was now causing issue with my other members and its extremely rude. 

[Shades 676]

My initial response would be 'no', I don't usually discuss members with other admins. There are two, and only two, exceptions to that rule.

 

1. The other admin came to me and asked a direct question.

Now, that doesn't mean I'll actually discuss the member. If there's nothing to say, I'll just let the other admin know that there's nothing remarkable about this member and be done with it.

 

2. The member is a threat to a community.

Now, by threat I mean an actual threat. Relentless bullying, sexual harassment, stalking (on or offline). If I know of one of those behaviors, I will warn a fellow admin so they can keep an eye out for that. Now, if the member is just someone I don't like, find them annoying or they just weren't a good fit for my community, I'll let it go.

 

As for how I define and  handle harassment/bullying.

 

1. I don't assign specific labels to it. I'll give an example: people call me a hobbit, fish tank life guard, and all kinds of funny expressions about my height, all the time. It doesn't bother me, hurt my feelings or upset me. I'll do it to myself. So calling me Frodo Baggins is not bullying me. But it can be for someone else who's sensitive about their height. So I'll play along, and this other person will ask the person who said it to stop. Up until this point, I don't consider it bullying. Now, if your 'joke' is bothering someone and you refuse to stop because 'Shades doesn't mind'/'I have the right to say whatever I want', then it crosses into bullying territory. Same with harassment - flirting is not harassment... until you're asked to stop and don't.

 

2. I always assign more weight to the victim's word (provided they can prove what happened, I don't believe in disciplining on hear-say).

 

3. I will always advise the victim to take steps to make themselves safe first (aka, cut off site contact and clearly spell out that the other person's behavior is not welcome). Only after that will I step in. I will always try the diplomatic ways first (I will firmly but politely tell them ONCE to stop). If the offending party escalates it, though, I will not hesitate, I will remove them from the community. I don't believe 3-strikes when it comes to any form of harassment.

 

I'm not even sure I answered the question, because I'm a rambler. >.<

[Rune 1,099]

It's always interesting to see these replies because in the MMO community it's pretty standard that if one guild has a problem member, they let the other GMs in the RP community know about them/what was going down. But then, smaller community and more intermingling. 

 

I think if someone had questions about a mutual member, I'd rather they ask me than let it fester. If someone is being weird, approaching me and going "Hey, is Bob doing XYZ thing on your board, too? What're you doing with it?" would be SO much more appreciated and give me another method of brainstorming WTF I'm supposed to do with Bob whom isn't actively causing problems but is generally just... Odd. 

 

I've had people in the past let me know that Sally had caused problems on their forum/guild/whatever and I do, honestly, appreciate it. I'd rather know about the potential and never have it happen than be blindsided. Most of the time, it never comes up, but it's still nice to have that warning and because I'm an adult, I don't generally let it tarnish my view of them. Nor do I act on it. What they did there isn't my problem, but knowing it could potentially become mine is nice. 

[Richard Castle 7]

I would say that I wouldn't want to cause unnecessary discontent but if the member is proving to be a problem for both sites or is trashing the other site, then I would say it's my duty to let them know that, "X is saying ___." and I would provide the necessary screenshots and such. By trashing another site and us allowing it to go unchecked, not only does it say something negative about us as staff members but also, it brings up the possibility of the site not gaining new members. 

[Quell 249]

To me I think there are a lot of factors -- a lot of them being 1) who the other staff member is and 2) what we're discussing.

 

1: If my best friend runs a site and I run a site and a mutual friend of ours is a member on both sites, then I might talk to her about how to deal with whatever problem is occurring to keep our RL friendships in tact while still properly performing admin duties. apparently my hypothetical friend is a real swearword

 

2: Something like: "Hey, Thyme! Do you know what _____'s pronouns are?" I'd offer them without a second's thought; or other super simple/silly information. Surface level information or ways of making someone feel welcome? Sure, why not if it makes the situation happier for all involved.

 

But I think most .... for lack of a better word incriminating stuff is per site for me. If you approach me about a problem member on your site and I have the same member on my site, I'll happily discuss whoever in the same way that I would any situation with a fellow admin who is confused, distressed, or in need, but not give any special credit to who the member is. 

 

#TLDR: I'll give suggestions/help to anyone, but I'm not interested in discussing and resolving issues with troublesome members, I'm interested in discussing situations to find a solution or better the roleplay environment for everyone. 

Edited December 3, 2017 by Thyme

[Raven 18]

I personally wouldn't talk to staff of another site unless they asked (in which case I would try to stay in the middle and avoid personal gripes) or if the member in question did something bad enough to get banned. Something to the scale of sexual harassment, hacking the website, or something illegal, in which case I would definitely warn the staff on the other site to keep an eye out for poor behavior.