Roleplay Bias dealing with a member

[VirusZero 176]

A "member" (I'll call them C) of my site shows up fairly infrequently (their last login was June 21st)  and each time they do they generally don't stick around long. (Maybe a day or two at most.)  That by itself is kinda irksome simply because we can't really rely on them for anything. (It's hard to include them in posts or anything because they're not around much. And, personally, I don't feel like holding everything up if I can help it simply because they weren't around. Nor do I feel like chasing them around letting them know it's their turn/they can post or whatever. I have other things I have to do and that isn't one of them. They're an adult, if they want to be a part then they need to check in.)

C also has a tendency to only really use our chatbox to complain about activity levels. That itself is something I have repeatedly asked people (including C) not to do in our chatbox for the simple reason that it doesn't help. If we're in a slow period (which happens because people are busy and can't post) then mentioning it in the chatbox doesn't help speed things up. It just comes off rude and can actually hamper any attempts to advertise. People are likely to see "no posts" or stuff like that in the chatbox and they click out before even looking at the site (and before they'd even see that posts were made that day or the day before). 

This especially bothers me when people complaining about activity are the ones who either aren't active themselves or have tendency to vanish. I don't think it's at all acceptable to be complaining about activity if you're not even trying to help out. (Showing up once a month to make maybe one post is not really enough to quality. One post a month is, like, barely there.)

I will admit that I've not handled things to the best I could regarding C. I've lost my cool a few times when they've been in the chatbox being obnoxious. One instance they were haranguing a member for details on something and had been told to stop twice. When they pushed the third time I told them in no uncertain terms to stop. Another time I got fed up with their attitude regarding an event and essentially told them if they didn't like how I did things then they could run the next one. There have also been a few other instances in the past which have given me a bit of distaste for them.

 

So now they've visited our chatbox recently and have left a message stating they hoped for activity. (Which, there was some since they last visited and they could within reason make a post to help move things forward. But they didn't.)

At this point I'm kind of frustrated and annoyed by C. I've debated with myself a few times what to do about them. I could ban them, it might not be the most fair/justified ban... But I could do it given the evidence and their behaviour. I could ask them to decide whether they're a part of the site or not, and if they are to actually show up and be more active... and if not then to just walk away and not bother wasting our time with these once a month appearances when they can remember we exist. 

Normally I feel like I have a pretty good handle on most situations and can judge things accurately. But in this particular case I'm feeling like I'm a bit too biased to make a fair decision. So before I take any action I thought it best to seek external thoughts. So then... what should I do? 

 

[Elena 546]

The ultimatum you have thought of would be a good idea.

[Morrigan 1,826]

I think I agree with the ultimatum route as well. Basically you've given them every opportunity to become a part and whatnot, either they want to stay and help it grow and can adhere to the guidelines that you've setup then they need to go. I would put it on no uncertain terms that continued negative behavior would be considered choosing to "go" as well.

[Seravian 50]

I feel you, man. Nothing grates on my nerves more than people who complain about low activity when they themselves aren't around a whole lot.

I'm with Elena and Morrigan, a ban might be necessary in this case. You can only do so much. I kind of have the same thoughts, where they might say they will try but just leave, come back, and it's rinse and repeat. Plus, you have given them a chance. So from what I gather they just need to go, less headaches down the road that way.

[Indigo 0]

What a headache. I feel for you. If your chatbox is public, that complaining would cause some guest to turn around and not think twice about joining the site. I have a really hard time plotting with someone that post once a month, and i would never ask that person to be in any type of site wide event. Too flaky. I think as everyone else stated, the ultimatum is what's best.  Good luck!

[VirusZero 176]

Indigo,

Our chatbox is public (I've considered making it members only before, but part of why I put it there in the first place was for guests to use too... though that's a topic for another time) and that's exactly part of my issue here. I mean getting guests to visit can be hard enough. (I read that it takes an average of 7 times viewing an ad before someone will even click the link. So that mean if you post 70 ads, you might get 10 guests. And that's just guests to visit! That's nothing about how many might have to visit before even one actually joins.)

And to make things more difficult, people are often scared away by the smallest of things. A mere hint of inactivity is enough for many to send them away. Even though in cases what one classes as inactivity might still be too much activity for some. (Like someone might think only 20 posts a day is slow/inactive, where others would say that's high activity.) Or cases where it'd be very easy to look and see that a site is definitely not inactive. But still I'd rather not have it mentioned period to risk turning people away. This is difficult enough as is that I don't need members sabotaging my efforts.

 

Sil,

I don't understand why people who rarely show up or rarely post are the most likely ones to make a stink about activity. One would think they'd want to keep their heads down and mouths shut since they aren't helping and they'd have to be pretty cognizant of that fact. It's like painting a target on their back and asking to be taken down a notch.

Though I don't think this will result in a case of them stating they'll do better. Truthfully I think they're just going to get pissed off and then throw some kind of crap like "but you guys don't post fast enough" or something like that back. If they do that though, they're done. I've had enough of their crap.  I'm not interested in excuses or arguments or rebuttals.

 

Though we'll see what happens.

 

 

EDIT - 

I've composed and sent the PM now so I'm waiting to see what their response will be. (I took longer to compose it than I had planned simply because work interfered and because my original PM was rather... confrontational. Not something I really should send. My second version is a lot calmer and more appealing to read.)

Edited July 22, 2015 by VirusZero
Added update.

[Morrigan 1,826]

Good work on realizing that before you sent it! Keep us posted.

[VirusZero 176]

 I don't know if they have the forum set to email them when they receive a PM or even, if they do, how often they actually check their email. So at this point I don't honestly expect a response until sometime in mid August (when they show up again, see even more new posts and actually decide to log in to reply this time).

Which, that itself, is kind of part of the problem. 

 

But if they do show up and reply before then I'll update this topic.

[VirusZero 176]

So to update this a bit...

Member in question signed in on August 1st, dropped a "lol" in the chatbox and then left. They read the personal message I sent, though they didn't bother to respond. Nor did they bother to post a reply for what they originally were complaining about (despite the fact even more posts had been made since they showed up).

At this point I'm not going to take action unless they return to complain (they've got no excuse for this now since they've been told to stop in no uncertain terms) or they reply with attitude. If they don't bother posting, while that sucks it really is no different than how they act now, we'll just have to skip them and move along. (Which is basically what we've been doing anyway.)

[VirusZero 176]

Just to give a further update to this... Apparently they didn't actually log in on the first and read their message. They just logged into the chatbox.

 

They actually only just yesterday replied to the PM that I sent... back in July.

 

Their reply was essentially "What did I do?". Despite me outlining the issue, which it seems they didn't even read (otherwise they would have figured it out). At this point I'm just tired of their crap. I have no idea what I'm going to reply with now. Probably a bit about how that message was sent 5 months ago, but beyond that... no idea. 

 

Thoughts? Input? What would you do if you were in my situation? 

 

[Morrigan 1,826]

Tough situation... I would likely go the stern route. If they haven't read it then it's their problem, especially if they didn't read your PM.

 

I would advise them that they need to re-read your message and if they have questions about your issues to be more specific. Non-response in X amount of days will result in termination of the account due to negligence. Give them a time frame. You already gave your ultimatum that they didn't comply with so give them a timer. If they don't comply within your timer then cut them off.

[Lady Isadorabelle 8]

It sounds like you've been more than patient and tolerant with this person. Personally I'd remove them. I'd send an email outlining that what they did was break multiple rules repeatedly, show up once a month at best, and all around hadn't been a good fit. I'd tell them that when they have more time in their life for role playing, find a game other than one being ran by you.

 

But...I can be tactless.

 

Seriously though, it seems like you've been great with this person and have given them every opportunity to turn it around and they haven't. Either real life has been too hectic for them (which that doesn't seem like the case) or they aren't even halfheartedly committed to your game. If I were you, I'd cut them loose. Being an admin is difficult so...why make it worse with such players? No reasonable player will look at the situation and be upset with you.

[Princess Tomato 2]

Agreements with the above. I'd probably just see about revoking their CBox access until they show more activity - I think one site I was on a person actually got banned from the CBox but not the site nor the private Skype group they made.

 

You've been handling this incredibly well so far. You've been patient, tolerant, reconsidered your words when you should (even if it was by accident), and given them the next step to take. If they so claim to not understand what they're doing wrong, then they need to ask specifically for what exactly they don't understand OR they're too young to be RPing on your board, regardless of the rating on it.

[CovertSphinx 710]

The last few members that have complained to me about "no muse" and "nothing to do", I ended up calling out in a similar manner to you with the PM. They were long-standing RPers who we (the community) have RPed with for YEARS. In one case, the person made a thread in the general board to lament....to which case I had no problem detailing every. single. little. detail. of where and what they were wrong and showing how they caused their own problem. In public view.

 

Normally this would chase them away of their own accord and problem solved. If I were you, I would have gotten fed up at "what did I do" and just bring down the ban hammer. If somebody doesn't care enough to read what's being said to them, I personally feel its not worth talking to a brick wall.

 

On said older site, we ended up posting this note; you're more than welcome to take it and modify it to fit your own board.

 

A Note on Activity
We (staff) do not make a place "active". "Active" comes from YOU, who pop on and take the reigns of your own play rather than sitting around and waiting for somebody else to do it for you. Active comes from when your thread is moving a little slow you go get involved in something new. You throw us ideas for events, you jump into and start random threads in places. Active comes from if your character is just 'not feeling it', switch to a new style. Active comes from following through on what you start. Don't launch an NPC assault on a city if you can't BE the NPCs and see the attack through. Activity comes from, when you're "low on muse", instead of just disappearing tell the others in the thread to go on without you this way THEIR thread-muse doesn't die as well. When you fail to be communicative and just stop posting in a thread, you kill the site not only for yourself, but your thread-mates as well. You chase OTHERS away from the site along with you. If you're going to decide this isn't the place for you, please be respectful and not kill it for everyone else by letting them expect you to come back and finish your turn. Tell us goodbye and move on, don't drag us through the kill zone with you.

[Elena 546]

@CovertSphinx, I love your message. Some day I might post something similar on my site... I was highlighting the need for initiative and writing discipine instead.