Staffing Problem member

[Anonymous 234]

So there's a situation my co admin and I are going to have to deal with tonight but I wanted to post something to just to gauge how others would handle a situation. 

 

Background on this: I've had to talk to this member 3 times this week, once for being dismissive and direspectful to a staff member that started as something with our site vs. book lore our site is inspired by, the second time was for multiple concerns over them having an OP character and for pushing book lore as site fact to other members which caused more than one to come to me about how this person was making them feel stupid for having not read books even though the member that came to me has been on the site for almost a year. This last time started when a member said something as an odd handed comment about how their character didn't trust this other member's character and might try to attack them. The member responded in a rude and demanding way. This has spiraled a bit since yesterday and the member has told the other one that their character CANNOT try and attack their character because they don't want it to happen, even though the post would be open for the other character to dodge the attack. 

 

They said they would ignore the post and continue on as if nothing happened. After that convo between the two members the member came to me and told me all the things that definitely *would* happen to the character who attacked theirs which included responses from other player characters. 

 

It really seems like power playing to me and the refusal to accept any IC consequences (though I will point out that at no point did the first member say anything about causing definite injuries to their character) and really just doesn't seem to mesh well with the community because they just seem to be alienating people by coming off as superior for having read the books and basically just rude....

 

So this is just a question about whether or not you guys have dealt with things like this and how you would handle this. In the entirety our site has been open I've never had to talk to the same member this many times in such a short space of time over either new issues or continued issues they've already been talked to about. Honestly, the situation is just stressful and annoying because it doesn't seem to be ending and it's been making it hard for me to get any muse or motivation to post on my own site. 

 

Also, I'm sorry if this was hard to follow, I just don't want to use any names or anything. 

Anonymous poster hash: b387c...0df

[Shades 676]

Honestly, this member is disrupting  your community. I would pull them aside and list exactly what  you have listed here, as clearly as possible.

 

"Member,

 

We need to talk about your behavior. You have been (insert everything they have been doing to the effect of making your site uncomfortable + whatever rules they might be breaking), and this does not fit the environment we want to create here on (site).

 

To make sure you continue to be a member of your community,  we need you to (list behavior changes here). Should you carry on with the behaviors mentioned above, we find that this is not the site for you. (or alternatively put here whatever discipline staff sees fit - though I personally see this member as a disruptive presence)"

 

Dress it as you may, but I would let this member know in no uncertain terms that if they don't shape up, there will be consequences. I may sound harsh, but just one toxic member can ruin a site for everyone they touch. Of course, talk to your staff, but I feel that, with people like this, you need to be clear and straight-forward, and give no wiggle room.

 

TL;DR: Shape up or ship out. (For the member)

[Anonymous 234]

@Shades, I agree with you, but part of this is that I've already spoken to this member on three separate occasions in the past week. I didn't outline it in the way you said here because I honestly hoped it wouldn't get to that point, but now I feel like this behavior isn't really going to change. When I talked to them about them coming off as rude they said that it's just how they talk in person, but it sounds nicer in person. While that may be true, it doesn't really change how they're coming off to other members. 

Anonymous poster hash: b387c...0df

[Shades 676]

Just now, Anonymous said:

When I talked to them about them coming off as rude they said that it's just how they talk in person, but it sounds nicer in person. While that may be true, it doesn't really change how they're coming off to other members. 

Anonymous poster hash: b387c...0df

 

Exactly. And it doesn't change the fact that they have been asked to stop, more than once, by a member of staff. Trust me, your members are watching how you deal with this problem person, and it can lead to one of two undesirable outcomes, if you don't actually deal with it:

 

1, people will feel that their behavior is okay (hey, they didn't get punished) and mirror it;

2, people will feel that this one problem member matters more than everyone else (well, they are making people uncomfortable and being rude, and yet, they're not changing and are allowed to stay) and decide the site's not the place for them.

 

I would think of that, and then sit with the rest of staff and plan your course carefully. 

[Dragon 673]

5 minutes ago, Anonymous said:

I agree with you, but part of this is that I've already spoken to this member on three separate occasions in the past week.

 

At this point it is time to ask them to ship out; and it is likely in your best interest to block them from your chat service and go ahead and ban them from the site. 

 

I'll be honest, based on the behavior you're describing I rather suspect that I know who this individual is. If that is the case, based on my experience then I would strongly advise you to act swiftly, act decisively, and do not allow them any opportunity to harass you after you've acted. 

[Anonymous 234]

5 minutes ago, Dragon said:

I'll be honest, based on the behavior you're describing I rather suspect that I know who this individual is. If that is the case, based on my experience then I would strongly advise you to act swiftly, act decisively, and do not allow them any opportunity to harass you after you've acted. 

1

 

I'm not going to lie, I didn't think this would be an isolated incident with my site and I was wondering if anyone would recognize the behavior. 

Anonymous poster hash: b387c...0df

[VirusZero 176]

I've had to deal with something like this... It's unfortunately not that rare to have people who think they're special and that rules don't apply to them. They tend not to react well when discovering otherwise. 

 

I'll present you with the same options I had to choose from...

You can either ban them or ask them to leave willingly.

 

In either case they've overstepped their boundaries and it's time for them to go. The only question now is whether it's the easy way (them walking away) or the hard way (getting banned).

They've been talked to and it hasn't helped. They don't want to change their behaviour. You can send an email to them if you like basically outlining the reasons they're done (if you opt to outright ban them) or you can PM them with the decision. (If you opt to PM them, be very clear that this is not open to negotiation, that they are to leave. ) Though at this point you don't have to message them telling them why as they've been talked to about their behaviour and they know about it so there's no excuses anymore. So it's time to stop talking/asking and act.

[Death Kitten 200]

I've definitely had to deal with people like this before, and I definitely agree with the suggestions mentioned so far.

 

*If* you're feeling generous, one final warning shot, just like Shades laid out, is best. List out everything they've done that's been a problem, what you expect them to do about it, and a time frame to at least show genuine progress in. Then if they don't measure up, they're gone.

 

But honestly? Three warnings in just a week, irritating other members, and blowing you off when you point out the way they're choosing to communicate in your community is not acceptable? They should be gone.

 

I'd probably ban them from the site and the chat before telling them, just so they can't take it out on members. And make a *member only* announcement (group pm, protected forum, whatever), so that your players are forewarned of this person has off-site contact info for anyone and chooses to use it. The member only suggestion is to prevent yourself from being accused of slander and drama, and I also recommend keeping the message to the facts (what this person did, not any observations or commentary on it) so if it does leak beyond your community or this person jumps ban, you maintain the high ground.

[Anonymous 234]

Thank you all so much for your input, you have all really just echoed what I was already thinking, I just didn't want to feel like I was jumping the gun on this one. 

 

Again, thank you so much. 

Anonymous poster hash: b387c...0df

[Rune 1,099]

This individual also sounds weirdly familiar and if you'd be comfortable with it, I wouldn't mind having their name. 

 

You've talked to them three times. In a week. If they're still having the same issues it's time to tell them to pack their bags. Whether or not something sounds nicer in person is irrelevant because they will Beverly be saying it in person to anyone on board.

[Dusty 55]

If your site is not strictly to these books, and it is stated in the lore that this is the case, then you have every right to tell them to take a chill pill and peace out concerning this issue. 

This way of behaving is often a symptom of feeling 'out of control' and not being able to handle the changes in something they like to feel 'expert' in. 

Also if you have a rule about 'god-modding' which includes harming without the express permission of the other player/s, then this is also in breach of your rules.

 

The best thing is to have a united front from all your admin/s mods if you have more than just yourself. Show that you want them to succeed but be clear on their boundaries.

It's your RPG after all and if they want to play there so much, they should attempt to adapt. Change is difficult for some, and it can take a few firm but friendly reminders that they need to 'pull their head in' so to speak and learn to integrate if they want to be a part of something already established. 

[Morrigan 1,826]

This is real facts for me. You have rules, you have setup the site to make that clear. Unless you have multiple members making the same mistake there is no reason to believe your writing/rules/reasons are the problem. If you warn them then this issue is even less so.

 

I have a policy 1 strike with a warning, you just need a reminder.

2 strikes with warnings, you are getting annoying and why the fuck am I putting up with you? (in a few months not days/weeks)

3 strikes with warnings... goodbye.

 

3 strikes in a week is, to me, obscene. Even if you're not direct as long as you are referencing the issues there is no issues in my opinion. Goodbye member.

 

[Icewolf 258]

If they are disrupting the community at this level and making yourself and your members feel like you don't want to be on there (and really, I've had experience of so called 'experts' trying to make me feel stupid in a fandom by being know it alls to know how it feels - it's just a bullying tactic used so they can get their way.), then I would simply remove them from the site if they continue the behaviour after the staff have spoken to them about it.