This person is obnoxious but isn't breaking any rules - what do I do?
A common problem I’ve seen people asking help with is dealing with unpleasant and difficult members. They aren’t breaking the rules, but they make you feel like you aren’t at home on your own forum. When an admin doesn’t want to be a part of their own forum this is a big issue, and the cause of this should always be dealt with as swiftly and carefully as possible.
First thing’s first: if you ever find yourself in this situation, don’t panic. It is all right. Everything will be okay. Take a deep breath. This happens. Remember, it’s your forum. It is perfectly within your right to groom the community to your standards. Also know that if one person is rubbing you the wrong way for whatever reason, it’s entirely possible the rest of the forum has taken notice as well. While not everyone might see them as off-putting, there’s probably others wishing they’d shape up or ship out as well.
The next thing you need to consider is the course of action you will take, because there are several options. You can outright ban this person, no questions asked. It might be a tempting option- but I strongly advise against it (in most cases, that is).
If you have your heart set on getting rid of this person, the best thing to do is to just ask them to leave. Many people fear this option because they think it will make them look bad, but it’s actually quite the opposite. If this person throws a hissy fit and lashes out, it’s them that comes across as being unreasonable. Usually, people will leave without causing too much trouble for you. That doesn’t mean they won’t get angry with you- but in my experience it does not bleed over to the forum. (There are also precautions you can take to ensure this, such as creating member groups with posting and PMing permissions disabled. That way, even if they want to post inflammatory content- they can’t.)
A suggested format to base your message off of is as follows:
“Dear [name],
Due to [insert behaviors here], we/I are asking you to leave [forum].”
An example:
“Dear Jimithy,
Because of your nagging for posts, pressuring others for smut threads and into taking your wanted ads, the staff have decided it would be best if you left Carol’s Chaos Community.”
Be sure to make it clear that the person has no choice in the matter: this is your decision, and it’s what’s going to happen.
Your final option is talking with the person. It is possible they do not realize their behavior is problematic or inappropriate. After speaking with them, they may make efforts to improve and be successful in their endeavors- so, no more problems. When is this the right road to take? Simple. Is this person- or the possible positive outcome- worth the effort of trying to talk things out with them? If your answer is no, then just ask them to leave.
If you do decide to talk it out with the person, it is important that you clearly state what the problem behaviors are and what/how they need to be corrected. Do not place accusations or blame on the person, or intentionally make them feel guilty. If you have gotten to this point, there’s also no room for sugar-coating or tip-toeing around the issue. Go for it, and be honest.
Using the above example as an example for this scenario, a way to start this conversation might be something like this:
“Dear Jimithy,
I’ve noticed that you have been asking after posts a lot in the chatbox. This behavior makes the cbox an unpleasant place to be, particularly when smut is involved, and also makes others feel as though they are under pressure. Making so many comments about your wanted ads also has the same effect. Please do not ask after posts any longer and bump your wanted ad for increased attention rather than bringing it up in the cbox. Thank you!”
Is there something you would like to see a guide for? Reply to this topic with your request! Have something you need advice on? Contact me privately and I'll respond to it in my blog!
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