So I recently had a falling out with one of my oldest RP friends. I’m very tore up about it, it makes me very sad that this has happened as it was all around a bad situation. It was a lot of shit that piled up to a large culmination of me putting my foot […]
So, as everyone know, I roleplay. I love to roleplay, I love to write collaboratively with other people and I love to simply enjoy people. Well, one thing about roleplayers is that we like specific genres because that’s the flavor of writing we like to enjoy. One thing that perturbs me is that so many […]
NIGHTMARE ZERO'S POPULARITY ON THE RISE
A recent new video game released at the beginning of this year has gamers from all over Nyxis flocking to play. The video game, which is an MMORPG (Massively Multiplayer Online Role Playing Game) is set in a fantasy land called Sedna, where players can choose a character from several different classes to explore, fight monsters, interact with other players, and more. The open-ended plot of the game, which involves taking on jobs, fighting monsters against one another, and joining guilds, is said to be a large part of the draw.
Read more here!
The books you need to look at:
The Vikings by Gwynn Jones
The Varangian Guard by Sigfus Blondal
Harald Hardrada: The Warrior's Way by John Marsden
Marsden is the most readable if you just want a good glimpse into the Viking age. Harald was the last real Viking conqueror and my god he was good at it. It's a tragedy that the only thing people remember is his defeat in 1066 by Harald Godwinson (who then lost to William the Conqueror it was a really BAD YEAR for England ok).
Things you need to stop thinking about Vikings:
- They were dirty and stupid and illiterate (some were, of course, but not all of them)
- All girls all the time were shieldmaidens (no, actually: RICH GIRLS were shield maidens. They had to pay someone to take over their wifely duties of running the household while they were out Viking. But YES lots of girls could kick your ass six ways from Thor's Day with weaponry. But being trained to fight is not the same thing as being a shield maiden. SO STOP THAT). More on that from Gwyn Jones up there.
- Dark Ages girls had no rights. No, actually they had A LOT OF RIGHTS. Girls could be queen, girls could topple empires, girls could reign Byzantium, girls could lead a freaking army, could do anything a boy could do... The whole resurrection of the strict patriarchy actually came later into the middle ages and renaissance. The Vikings held equal primogeniture to a large degree; they'd never understand a strict patriarchy- and they'd be the first one to disbelieve any girl was a helpless fragile flower. The actual reason they would run around murdering an entire town ok? They figured the women could fight just as well so kill them to be safe.
- Absolute monarchy had absolute control No. No it didn't. Even the Byzantines were forever fighting their own rebellious generals and stewards and armies. So that is how the Vikings could swoop in and cause YET MORE CHAOS.
- Vikings were limited to the ocean. NOPE. Those longships work hella well in rivers. And streams. And are easily carried overland if need be. So guess what: wherever there is water THERE MAY BE VIKINGS. Now, Dark Age Peasants, let's see you sleep well tonight...
This is your random medieval blurb for the day.
and their manners corrupted from infancy, then what else is to be concluded, sire, but that you first make thieves and then punish them?
- quote from Ever After
sorry this is basically a test entry. New to this blogging software. I'm accustomed to Livejournal so a forum with a blog is a NEW and ASTOUNDING thingamajig.
And yet somehow still WAY MORE COMPREHENSIBLE than tumblr. I love tumblr. I just have no idea how to effectively communicate via tumblr. I just obsessively reblog all the shiny things and make annoying hashtags. Like that is my sum contribution to tumblr. I AM A BAD TUMBLRITE.
... TUMBLRIAN? ... TUMBLRER?
I am a bad thing. I fail at thinging.
Okay, so this blog will hopefully be about MEDIEVAL STUFF. I run a medieval game, I study history, I play medieval lords and ladies several weeks a year... it's a hobby. My current historical fascination is on Byzantium, Vikings, and the Late Roman Empire, but I am also a GIANT HISTORICAL FASHION NERD. Specifically my other historical era romances are 12th century southern France (HI ELEANOR OF AQUITAINE) and late 15th century Italy (Rome under Alexander Borgia and Florence under the Medici, plus the Sforza and Visconti of Milan, and Este of Ferrara). I've learned a bit of Naples in that era but mostly only their dealings with Spain and the Borgia.
Oh, and I also have done research for the reigns of Edward I, II and III of England. Don't ask me about the Wars of the Roses. I never have managed to completely parse that era... and I do NOT fangirl most of the Tudors so meh on that. Elizabethan England I can converse on but it's not something I've studied in-depth beyond a mild fascination with Mary Queen of Scots...
Let's get one thing out of the way here REALLY QUICKLY:
Do NOT talk to me about Reign. JUST DON'T. The laziness of not jjust making up a new kingdom to set that mess of a show in upsets me. So does the hideous thrift-store fashion design. God, if you're going to make a quasi-historical show with deliberately modern outfits, AT LEAST BE FABULOUS WITH THEM. TBH if A Knight's Tale couldn't make that work WTF DID YOU THINK YOU WERE DOING CW??!
... IF you do want to see a quasi-historical with crazy glam outfits that aren't really historical but are still f*cking fabulous go watch Virgin Territory. The movie is horrible but the clothes were by ROBERTO CAVALLI and MY GOD IT DOESNT MATTER THAT THEY ARE NOT HISTORICAL THEY ARE STUNNING. I WOULD WEAR SOME OF THOSE GOWNS OMG. It's like what Reign wishes it could be but will never ever be because they insist on sticking their lovely cast in junky, ill-fiting, un-flattering outfits 95% of the time. The other 5% they clearly stumble into renting some of the old Tudors outfits or something off any random historical movie Hollywood has recently done (YOUNG VICTORIA? REALLY, CW? Because nothing says 1500s France LIKE A F*CKING SCARLETT O'HARA HOOP).
Does the Reign costume department even realize that basic Tudor ensembles are not that hard to sew? You can cheat like a mofo on making those things. THE WHOLE TUDOR ERA NOBILITY WAS BASICALLY CHEATING ALL THE TIME ON THEIR OWN CLOTHES. Like, really? Hell, you could just run around sticking the girls in evening gowns if you wanted to- sure, slap a faux-corset looking prom dress on Adelaide Kaine and run with it but COULD YOU AT LEAST MAKE SURE IT FITS THEM??! Like, are alterations THAT HARD?
Sorry. I just cannot be having with the clothes in that series. They are not even pretty fantasy clothes! Most of the time it's NOT EVEN PRETTY it's just some random hodge-podge mess of clothing they stuck on these lovely actresses until they look like they've been ransacking a vaguely glamorous aunt's clothes and playing dress-up.
I'm not even sure what the plot is of Reign. My eyes were too scalded by the horrors of their sartorial choices to let any other senses function.
So, yeah. DO NOT APPROACH ME TO TALK ABOUT REIGN.
I am annoyed with fangirling over playbys, especially when it happens in the c-box (or in the messengers where I want to discuss plot twists, not how cute/ hot/ etc is one or another actor). I thought I wasn't doing it... But it seems I am wrong, and maybe I am annoyed because I have different tastes.
Still, I prefer fangirling over plots, characters and writing techniques, not over playbys. Over the action per se, the story twists and the character motivations, because these should be of paramount importance in a writing community. We are gathered together to write jointly a story, aren't we?
I wouldn't say that a character/ playby is "hot", I would never say a variant to "my ovaries are melting" or "I'd want him in my bed", how I have heard from others. And no, I am not even thinking this. I don;t understand this kind of fangirling, and some of those comments made me uncomfortable.
I am not reblogging endlessly only certain characters (and I think the writing advice reblogs and the ships/ Age of Sail inspiration and history tips, clothing and weapons are more than the characters on my tumblr). Yes, sometimes I have the same characters from time to time, but this not necessarily because I like them more. Either because I saw more photos of them on my dashboard, to reblog, or because the characters have done something (taken a prize in a contest, got spotlight of the month, etc.)
Nevertheless, I have been caught guilty of fangirling too. (Yes, this is a scene from the Christmas tree of this year). Even if I don't think I meet the definition in the picture. I am not obsessed, and dying for the actors/ actresses/ singers I admire.
I can't deny that I have Alain Delon's photo under the glass on the coffee table for 8 years or so, since I took it from my mother's (where I had it under the glass of my desk for 20+ years). It doesn't mean I am looking at it all day long. I had even forgotten it was there. But yes, I like Alain Delon since I was 8 and I saw him first in "Black Tulip", then in "Zorro". I had at home (at my mother's) several photos with him (and with many other actors and actresses. In my teens, I used to collect not only stamps and foreign coins, but also postcards with landscapes, postcards with actors, with ships and with roses).
I can't deny that I have Pinterest and that, for some of my characters, I have photos and videos of the playby beyond the character. But I am not sure it is the same kind of fangirling that I despise at others. I don't think I am a hypocrite.
Yes, I think that the playbys I chose for my characters represent them well. Some are more beautiful than others, but all are representative (in the chosen photos; because the same actor/ singer/ etc. can be not suitable for the character in other movies/ photos). And some are not beautiful, and chosen on purpose so. Because in life not all people around are beautiful.
I do like Alain Delon, but I chose him for my character Andrea Costa because, in the movie "Rocco e sue fratelli" he had the angelic look I was searching for. You wouldn't hear me though saying "how beautiful he is!". I might say I consider him beautiful if asked, but otherwise I wouldn't say it. And I wouldn't have wanted him as boyfriend or anything... He is just a pretty actor who matches my idea for a character.
I do think Sarita Montiel was one of the sexiest women in "Carmen, la de Ronda" and in "Veracruz", and she matched my idea for Maribel Vargas the innkeeper. I have on Pinterest also lots of videos with her songs, because I like her songs a lot. But only rarely a link with a song would appear in the C-box or on my tumblr, without any other comment. (Well, on tumblr with the link to the character bio, how it is for all characters spotlighted). I like her songs more than her acting.
Nikos Xilouris is not beautiful, but he has a good voice and he was appropriate for the character to envisage, Leftheris Vounos. I like his songs since I had got a tape 20 years ago and I didn't know how he looked like. I knew only that it was a good voice and that he was already dead. And when deciding to make a Greek character, I said he had to be from Crete and have his face. I have on Pinterest photos with his children and his brothers too... but it simply gets to the fact that, learning more about him, I admire him more for what he was and for what he brought to the Greek musical world and to the Greek history than for how he looked. And his brothers and their children and grandchildren are still in the musical world, and now with the Facebook I am following them for their music. It's like... Strauss family on several generations.
Does it make sense what am I saying? Am I a hypocrite to despise fangirling and still be into it?
It just has to come sooner or later, in a painful or natural and serene way.
Why now? Because the bells were tolling. Why now? Because the new moon in Sagittarius is the moon of unexpected changes. And I have to open to them, no matter what they would entail.
To mourn my losses, to gather the remained pieces... and to go forward. I had moments of hesitation, when I thought I'd give up. But I can't. There is no turning back, ever.... just forward.
"Caminante, no hay camino, se hace camino al andar!" - Traveller, there is no road, the road is made by your steps.
And so do I now. I arrived to the conclusion that some people want always what they can't have right now, and lose interest when they can have it, just to have always something to complain about.
It has happened every time when I did my sort of activity check - it happens about 2 times a year on my site, and it includes ideas for further inclusion in the story in the next story months - "what would inspire you the most in order to write more consistently? What story is growing inside you and you want to tell it?" I do keep in mind the proposals, I combine them in consolidated adventures and I tell them when they will be implemented. But usually the ones who post ideas in the "activity check" council threads are the ones who ultimately don't write in the threads to implement the ideas when they happen.
I honestly don't understand their attitude - if they want things to happen, why aren't they writing and making things happen? It is always easier to complain than to act constructively. Why do they say they want battles, then don't write in them when the time comes for the battles? Why do they always find an excuse and not post in the said battles?
I myself have flat out no time to devote to a thread where nothing will happen to any of my characters (or any of my partner's characters) like this thread. - was the newest excuse I heard.
Well, but it is the battle you (and others) had stated you wanted to happen... and there are things which might happen to your characters or to any writing partnerâ€™s characters if you make it happen. This is valid for each of you â€“ be active, make things happen and they will! The problem is that everybody said they wanted a battle, they wanted to write their characters doing heroical thingsâ€¦ but now once this battle happens, they decide not to write, thinking that nothing will happen. Sorry, it is up to you all to make things really happen, and there are plenty of opportunities for this. There are Navy guys aboard the privateer ship, in an exchange of forces; there are new guys and old guys, there is a battle to write and enemies to fight and be heroical. It all takes you all to want it to happen, and it will happen.
Georgie never played well with others, but she was not the â€œI prefer animals to peopleâ€ type. She did, but she preferred individuals to animals, which had to count for something. She was young and small for her age, small enough to seem even younger, and that showed her the truth in people. So she knew that many were jerks but far more were good, decent people.
She still felt closer to the tiny black kitten than she had to any human being in a long time. It was tiny. It had tiny ears and tiny claws, tiny eyes and a tiny black nose, even a tiny mewl, like it couldnâ€™t work up a full one. The kitten crawled over her hands and snuggled against her belly, each strand of tiny black fur sticking out like it did not have enough body to hold onto.
Georgie loved that kitten. Superstition aside, she liked to believe it had loads of brothers and sisters and a mamma somewhere, that she might wake up swarmed with black cats. It didnâ€™t exactly happen that way, but she did wake up with something. There is an expression about what one wakes up with when lying down with dogs. It turned out to be more than a metaphor and true about cats, too.
What can I say about Halloween? There is actually not that much that I can tell you about Halloween since we do not celebrate it over here. What I can tell you is my story of celebrating Halloween last year in West Hollywood.
I stayed in LA for 10 months last year for my internship. I also was here during Halloween, which honestly was some kind of crazy happening for me. It was hard to understand what it was all about and at some point I just stopped thinking and went along with it. My friend took me to Disneyland and we went trick or treating there, dressing up and it was fun. I had not expected it to be so much fun, but it was a pleasant surprise.
What has made the biggest impression on me was going to West Hollywood to watch the parade there. To see all these costumes and that people had worked so hard on them. It was a very different kind party or celebration and I think how we celebrate things and how Halloween was celebrated in La both have their pros and cons. It is certainly a special celebration and I am extremely grateful to have been party of it. I will miss it this year for sure but who knows in the future I might celebrate it again.
Rain drenched the city, making the lights of the high tower blocks burr on the grey concrete. The air was filled with the sound of motion - both aircraft and the older, but still common, car. While darkness descended in a thick cloak New York didn't sleep - it didn't a centuries ago and if anything it was worse now. It was a city of Sin in a way Vegas never was, the new city. Pleasure, self discovery had become the meaning of life, had taken over.
It ruled Caella Evan's life and it was the reason she was hurrying through the street, pale fingers clutching at the lapels of her black jacket to close them over her throat, trying to stop the rain which threatened to drench her, to soak her through to the skin. The streets were teaming with people; some returning home from work despite the late hour, some going, some off to the clubs and houses of pleasure which crowded Times Square and the surrounding blocks. She loved the city, really, loved the atmosphere of it, how alive it was but she couldn't concentrate right then, couldn't focus on how beautiful it looked even with the onslaught of rain which threatened to entirely ruin the good work of evenings effort to look... perfect. She couldn't look any less than perfect, not for Mr Aidan McCallister. The man who owned more of the city than she could guess at.
The request had come as a surprise - she was a well liked consort, respected, she had a few years under her belt but McCallister was something else. He was big league. Bigger than the small escort agency who had her on the books but Mae's excitement, the high pitched squeak of her voice which was usually smoky fine and aloof had told her that this was no hoax. McCallister had asked for her.
Caella wasn't blind, she knew she was attractive - feminine, enough softness to be curvy and cuddly as some of her clients liked and toned enough to be admired, her auburn hair was long and thick and styled in loose waves tonight, her mouth crimson and sensual, her eyes a forest green. She was attractive, beautiful, striking even with her sharp jaw, the almond tilt of her eyes. But still beneath McCallister, her biggest client was a Lawyer who had made it big on a murder case the previous year.
The building loomed in front of her, elegant lines, glass and steal. It was prime real estate and she imagined the rent of a year could easily pay for her own apartment for the rest of her life. A doorman stepped up from a hidden alcove, potentially a bot she guessed from the smooth motions as he let her into the building. The lobby was as expensive seeming as the outside, but tastefully so. Creamy marble framed a run of lush red carpet, expensive enough that it felt springy beneath her six inch heels. Fingers brushed the inner button of her coat, the invisible shield which had protected her on her walk to the building disappating in a fizzle of blue light which momentarily lit up her features.
"Mr McCallister is waiting for you, Ms Evans, penthouse suite," the receptionist told her before she could even open her mouth, Caella having to force the hint of surprise from her features. Escorts weren't illegal and they had long since become common place in a world ruled by man, by those who gave themselves over to pleasure but it surprised her none the less that he was so open about his appointments.
"Thank you." The elevator was as nice as the lobby, lined with mirrors which she was sure could tell some secrets of the occupants of the building. From her it only got a glimpse of vanity, making sure her make-up was unsmuged, her hair still in place, her dress covering everything it should be.
With a gentle ping the doors slid open, spilling her out into a small hallway of cream walls and wooden floor. A security system was set beside the door and engaged the moment she stepped form the elevator, verifying her identity. Such systems were expensive. Very expensive.
The door swung open for her as the small red light on the box changed to green to confirm her identity. It felt like walking into the den of a predator, nerves like she hadn't felt since her early days danced in her stomach, butterflies the size of dinner plates letting themselves be known as she stepped further into the hallway and down into the sunken living area, trying to keep the look of surprised envy from her features.
"Welcome Ms Evans, I'm glad you could make it." His voice was like aged whiskey, smooth but burning, like liquid fire down her spine and Caella had to force herself to turn around slowly, to make sure her look was coy sensuality and not nervous apprehension.
SPECIAL BREAKING NEWS REPORT
The condition that has been sweeping Nyxis' Horn and Tail factions has become a full-blown epidemic. No Horn or Tail is completely unscathed by now. Some are reporting an increase in nightmares and nightmare-related insomnia. After using their abilities, those of the Horn and Tail factions have also reported feeling a terrible compulsion to harm themselves or those around them. The more often an ability is used or the more powerful the skill, the worse these compulsions become.
All factions are coming together now in order to find a way to dispel this condition and allow those in the Horn and Tail factions to go back to work. As it stands now, many are choosing not to use their abilities at all, and transferring to other factions or finding work elsewhere in Nyxis.
On top of that, as the fall season arrives, many officials in Nyxis are worried about what took place last year during the late autumn season, involving many Nyxis residents who simply vanished--and then awakened in Nyxis, some with serious conditions or weakened abilities. Could this be linked to what is happening now? All of Nyxis waits with bated breath, hoping and praying for a cure.
What can they do what pirate men can't? I honestly can't understand their appeal (and I have 2 pirate men).
I am honestly exasperated. Pirate women existed, indeed. But they were damn rare, and not exactly in command position.
Yes, you'll say Grace O'Malley, Sayida Al Hurra and Ching Shih But even they were more pirate ship owners than captains, and they had captains to actually command the ship. Pirate men were plenty. Some ships allowed no women aboard, others had 2-3 women and a full complement of men (50, 70, 100 or more). So yes, pirate women were rare.
And since I joined my first RPG, in August 2009, I have seen lots of pirate women characters. On one RPG, there was a full ship with pirate women, led by a lady captain. I know, that was more pirate fantasy than historical fiction.
And this was exactly what I didn't want to see happening when I made "Before the Mast". A place for historical fiction, not historical fantasy.
Still I had seen lots of people complaining "why I can't make a pirate girl my first character? But I want a pirate girl!" As if they desperately wanted a pirate story, a man couldn't do even more things than a girl could.
Some portrayed correctly or at least acceptably (and accepted as second characters), others so fantastic that they didn't get approved, asking for changes the writers didn't want to make, in order to make them more realistic and less special snowflakes.
I still can't understand what's the appeal. Yes, I had a sailor girl too for a while (not a pirate, a girl disguised as a boy, with a history which made sense for her - and a sailor girl while having 4 other sailor men aboard the other ships and writing NPCs for all ships too); but she isn't one anymore for one year and a half of actual writing (and about 7-8 months in the story). And when she'll go at sea again, probably in 2-3 years of story time and after the timeline of the actual story writing, it will be on her brother's ship - not a pirate, not a Navy one, just a little merchant family ship on which women weren't as rare.
Which is my problem now, you may ask, as long as I am sticking to the rule of having people first getting another character, or having a woman start as civilian and working up their story to become a pirate? This ensures dedicated writers whom one can trust, to write realistic characters. But, at the same time, it doesn't solve the problem of pirate women being rare.
Because in this rhythm of having dedicated long-term members who want a pirate girl (who is well written)... I can't deny them, but at the same time the ship becomes in greater measure exactly what I wanted to avoid: girl-filled. Then where's the rarity? At the same time, this opens another can of worms - "why there are many pirate girls and I am still denied to make one?" (answer: because you just arrived set to make a pirate girl, without willing to work to earn this.)
My purpose is to bring the 18-th century to our people, to have the opportunity to live our adventures (as males or females, it counts less for me; the story per se counts, and the most appropriate character to make it happen will do it. If it happens this to be more males at sea and females ashore, so be it).
My main reason for keeping them as rare as they actually were in history is "but history says women didn't fully participate in their setting in real life, so we don't want them to do so in ours". We are not trying to write a fantasy society where everything is possible, but to replicate somehow the real life of that time, with its society constraints. And I think here comes my problem: they were rare; when everyone and her mother wants to be one... how come are they rare anymore? And if 50-60% of the ship crew are female... how is it realistic anymore?
I have tried to encourage male seafarers a lot.
If in that setting women didn't go on adventures, you choose the setting knowing that those were the society expectations, men to go on adventures and women to have land-bound professions. So this is where my understanding fails, because if you know these were the conditions... why do you want something different?
Let's assume I am talking about a different setting: amazones'society, and I join it. I read the setting and the rules, then I decide what characters I want. If I want a warrior character... would I make a man? No, a woman. If I want also a male character, I would make him a slave to the amazones... but highly skilled slaves existed, so I'd make him a carpenter or stonecarver.
Am I clear enough what I am saying? Why do people make characters which don't fit the story, instead of trying their best to choose the most appropriate characters for OUR story, not for some other one (colonial or fantastic)? Why so many try challenging the story instead of adapting to it by bringing the most appropriate character to implement that part of the story?
Those who are character-focused, say that the character is making the story; those who are story-focused, like me, say that the story can't go on without certain characters. And both of us are right in our way.
The problem of missed opportunities has troubled me for a long time too.
There are people who post only once in a blue moon, or who have problems and have to take time out. It happens. But their characters need no time out, by contrary. A story can't wait for those who remain behind by their own will; it has to go on, for the sake of those who work together in crafting it. Ultimately, the story is collective, so those who miss their opportunity... have a possibility to take it back when they can, if they want. If they don't want to dwell in the details, they are in the story anyway, and the story goes on, with or without their active participation. But it is still a pity that they chose not to participate actively, not to enrich the story more.
The characters are there, in the ship roster/ civilian census/ character masterlist, and, therefore, in the story; they have great potential to affect any of the threads. (I see each thread as a story chapter). What about the missed opportunities, just because a writer:
- is in hiatus
- lacks muse (despite me highlighting the several opportunities)
- can't post consistently, but only once in a blue moon
- complains about being in too many topics
- is focused only on 1-2 of the many characters she has, neglecting the others, who have their distinct part in the other side of the story?
I should remain indifferent, I know... only that I am writing because I have a story to tell, and all these missed opportunities hurt terribly. I don't know why some people are focused only on a character or two. I love all the characters, and I am focused on the whole story's "overview“ - this is why it hurts.
I have always been like this since I joined my first RPG, 4 years ago. That one was one year old already, and in the first days I read the whole archives, because I needed to know the whole story so far, to have the exact picture in my mind. (And when I became a moderator of that site, one of my first concerns was organizing properly the archives, for easy reading/ finding).
The characters are in the roster, and they should be in the story too. Acting bravely, protectively, cowardly or recklessly, but there, involved in the story, making their mark. Silence and leaving some things to imagination is far too often painfully frustrating.
Do you want examples of missed opportunities which would have been great to be explored? Brothers of different allegiances meeting; the interaction of certain characters, together with their crewmates, when stranded on a desert island with opposite factions ships; presence in other threads where they had the chance to change the story and leave their own mark...
If their presence is needed and they aren't writing, besides warning them (which isn't effective when they are really busy or ill), the only solution is NPC-ing the characters along, in order to be still in the story when the other can pick it up. By having them kept in the story, some things are considered to have happened offscreen, and the story can go on until the other comes back to write.
And these missed opportunities also interfere, sometimes, with my enjoyment of writing and my inspiration, because from a ship full of men, some threads which should be exciting, are carried out only in a handful of characters and NPCs, ie in 2-3 writing partners only. Who, at their turn, might have inspiration or not.
Yes, I know also that you would say it means my creative resources and imagination are put more to use in order to find creative solutions for damage control. To write in 2-3 for a ship full or 2... This was one of the reasons why for the (still unopened, unfortunately) Viking site I arrived to this concept, meant to solve a lot of missed opportunities problems.
I am doing what I can: leaving hints that others might follow or not, having my characters' journals or dialogues mentioning things which happened offscreen because nobody bothered to write them, etc. These are my attempts at restoring the normal opportunities, besides writing around the missing characters and slightly NPC-ing them in the threads where they are needed.
I think my frustration with missed opportunities, to which my brain returns and returns, is based on the fact that people do write for different reasons.
There are people like me, who write because they have a story to tell. The story is there, in their brain, it is turning its wheels and writing itself, bits and pieces, while waiting in the station or riding a bus/ subway to or from work, or in bed before going to sleep. Bits and pieces scribbled on a paper while in a boring meeting or waiting at the doctorâ€™s.
I couldnâ€™t live without writing. OK, maybe one month or two, at the maximum, and even then, usually my brain is busy cooking new stories (or pieces of them, because yes, often my imagination functions in bits and pieces which need bridged later.). I was playing with toys too as a schoolchild, but I was also playing with words, writing â€“ because it got to a much wider playground than the toys could give me.
When I am sad or angry, writing is another way to channel or soothe my feelings â€“ be it a fighting scene or, by contrary, a comic one. When I am happy, my excess of energy is also channeled in writing.
When I was in love (because yes, I know enough young people who, once they are in love, they spend all the time with the lover and stop writing), I used my feelings for writing more enticing love scenes too. Still now, at almost 11 years of wedded bliss and 19 years together (wellâ€¦ still in love, but in a different way than the first butterflies), some of my male characters get certain reactions inspired from my husband or I ask for his opinion directly. But I kept writing all the time â€“ only that he received more love letters too â€“ 2 full folders! (And before my husband, when I had an unrequited crush on someone who never knew, it was also materialized in filling notebooks with stories and verses, and inspiring somehow from him a character in a story).
So, yes, writing is my hobby (albeit not my only one, but my main one) and I would always make time for it. Especially when writing with others and knowing that there are people waiting for my contribution.
Given that I am writing mostly historical fiction, by researching and re-creating that environment, I also get to live it for a while, in my imagination, through the various characters, but returning, at the end, to my hot bath directly from the tap and full fridge. (Yes, each character has his own distinct personality, so I am not them, therefore I am not living vicariously through them. They do horrible things I wouldnâ€™t do sometimes.) I also get to explore with my imagination situations and mindsets which I wouldnâ€™t like to be confronted to in real life. (Or which arenâ€™t suitable anymore for our modern life).
Unfortunately, many of my writing partners arenâ€™t this way. Yes, writing is a hobby for them, but one of many, and never a priority, even if they are writing with others. (Because for me it wouldnâ€™t be a priority only if writing alone, which I had done extensively before discovering RPGs, and some day I will return to it).
Some refuse to acknowledge the fact that writing with others is a collective hobby (yes, this is a RPG-oriented site, so I will focus more on writing with others), where all the team is affected when one is missing from the match/ training session, and they compare it with more passive things like â€œItâ€™s like a good book which I can leave on the couch and pick it up when the mood strikesâ€ â€“ but in your book reading, all the characters arenâ€™t waiting for your creative input!
For some people, it is a social outlet mostly â€“ they prefer to chat than to write, and to make friends. Once they get friends in real life, they forget about it. And even if not, the discussion with the writing friends is more important than the actual writing of the story.
And in some peopleâ€™s minds, once they made a character, the story continues in their mind in their own way, without the need to be written out.
Some people are writing just against boredom, because they canâ€™t do anything else in those moments (they have no money to get out, they arenâ€™t allowed to get out, etc.) and writing wouldnâ€™t be their choice if they could do other things. These are people like the co-creator of my site, who once starting college and away from her parents, gave up writing completely and vanished in the mist. Or they find a love interest and donâ€™t feel the need to write anymore while in love.
And all these donâ€™t feel the need to follow a story, to write consistently, to finish what they startâ€¦ They donâ€™t have that feeling of accomplishment when finishing a thread and passing to the next episode in the story. As if there is a disconnect somewhere in their mind, and they can see only tree by tree, not the forest.
If I enjoy a story, I want to build on it post by post, I am excited by every turn, I want to contribute to it, to see it advancing and to move to the next chapter... Most people seem so... I guess PASSIVE is the right word.
The existing plots have all the potential to become great stories, there is openness for many other plots which would come from individual initiative, and, in 3 years, it has been extremely rare that a plot idea was rejected totally. Sometimes it was slightly modified in order to fit better the setting or to incorporate more people, but it was not rejected, so people can do almost everything they want (reasonably for the setting.) Why this passivity? Why nothing sparks their enthusiasm to keep writing consistently?
From here, my frustration with plots which should have ended long time ago if they received 1-2 posts a week from everybody involved, with characters and stories caught in limbo for several months. (Yes, I am not that impatient to dream about rapid fire â€“ actually I hate rapid fire/ posting volleys, which create too much pressure for me).
They say: "People seem to be having fun in general, even if it's more occasional fun..." But this "occasional" is bothering me the most. We are a writing community. A story should go on at a steady pace. Steady might mean once, twice a week... but constantly.
The issue with "a lot of time between posts" is twofold: a) the story is stalled and by spending so much time between posts, one gets out of the flow for that specific story, and no wonder that they lose inspiration! In such cases, I have to read the whole thread several times to find the initial inspiration/ mood to answer, because in between, the story went further and I am more in the mood of the current most active ones.
I have read somewhere that writing discipline (writing constantly, even if it is only one page/ one post) is important for any writer in order to keep the inspiration flowing. And yes, this is what I am trying to do, but far too many people donâ€™t bother to do it, writing only occasionally.
Constantly might not mean every day (even if I try my best to do it, without stressing about it). I am trying to keep posting every day (or almost every day), to make a good example, I am trying to come with new ideas... but sometimes it is very tiring when 80% of the ideas are only mine. Given that it is a collective hobby, it should have discussions and contributions from everyone... And sometimes, yes, I am at loss of ideas myself... and when I ask my writing partners and I receive the answer "I don't know", "I have no idea", "How you wish"... my frustration increases.
Sometimes, I can't help thinking that if I wrote the story "Before the Mast"alone, it would have been finished long time ago. Other times, I remember the wonderful people I met with this opportunity. But I am still frustrated by snails, who have time to update Facebook, to knit, to chat... to do anything else... but not to write when not only I am waiting for their contribution for... weeks.
I have been writing since I learnt to write. I remember being praised and having my compositions and poems featured on the wall gazette in second-third grade, and when I was about 13 I discovered at a general cleaning a notebook where I wrote a story in the first grade, about a witch who flew over a man and turned him into a rabbit. Two or three consistent paragraphs were a lot for a 7 years old...
I started writing longer stories since 12. My first one, 2 notebooks long, was a Western one... I still have one of the copybooks, having lost the other one. It makes me smile now, as there is no literary value in it, and sometimes things I wrote then have no logic. But I won't throw it away.
Among the many stories I wrote in my teens, some don't have much literary value. Or they could have some if reworked... but given the amount of work that might involve, I would rather transpose the idea in a different setting if I wanted to. With some, it worked though, and I transcribed them on the PC, reviewed and completed second edition . These are, in the order of length:
- "A travel through history'" - 6,101 words
(historical fiction/ young adult - somewhere in Peru, a student on a trip dreams of being a war slave in Cuzco in 1570, during the last Inca, Tupac Amaru)
- â€œThe chess game" - 19,528 words
(contemporary fiction/ young adult - the Iraq war of 1991, and how two young soldiers, a French one and an Iraqi one, save each other and befriend each other despite the laws of war).
- "The sea is calling us" - 41,289 words
(historical fiction/ seafaring adventure - in 1790s, in the Ottoman Empire and in Africa. I.a, it draws on the fact that there might have been somebody else before Livingstone to have explored the Zambezi river, only that the discovery has not been recorded. A summary of the main storyline is here, without the sideplots).
- "The crew" - 49,243 words
(contemporary fiction/ young adult/ urban and seafaring adventure - a "crew" of young teens, some cousins, some friends, in a Danube harbour, with a passion for ships and with sailor family members, discover life, friendship, love, adventure, lies and the choice between honour and dishonour.)
- "The wanderers of the sea" - 69,119 words
(historical fiction/ young adult / seafaring adventure - Viking Era. Two ships with Vikings banned from their country arrive to the Nahuatl Mexico after various adventures. Playing on the idea that Quetzalcoatl was Viking.)
- "Lives in turmoil" - 171,150 words
(historical fiction/ young adult/ adventure - happening during Napoleonic Wars in Italy, then the characters emigrate to the US, witness the purchase of Louisiana and make a life for themselves around St. Louis).
- "Rightness's friends" - 203,590 words
(contemporary fiction/ young adult/ urban adventure - two or three gangs of teens, and their preoccupations. Troubles with parents and peers, tribulations of the first love, socially accepted or not, corresponded or not, learning about vocations, good and bad decisions in life, suicide and how the remaining ones have to deal with it...)
I would have liked to have published at least one... but it might happen some day.
...And, guess what: I don't care anymore, at this moment,if I write alone or with a partner. Yes, I really prefer having writing partners.
But sometimes they aren't available, or they have no ideas... and I wonder what is more pleasant, waiting for an answer which will come in a few weeks and might be asking for myself to lead the story and make all the efforts, or making the same efforts from the start and writing the thread alone, knowing that I can write when I have inspiration without waiting for anyone's posts, and that if I focus on other, collective stories first, there is nobody to wait for my answer?
The story will always come first to me, and the characters are the most appropriate ones to make the story happen. I offer you the opportunity to join it and make your mark on it. If you don't want to, the story will still go on... with your writing contribution, with another's, or with mine only.
I think that in writing a story together with other people, negotiation and compromise are the key words. (Some see compromise as something bad, they give it a negative meaning. No, I don't mean that kind of compromise, but giving and taking mutually, and meeting the others half-way. And some people are really willing to do this, and I am thankful to them.)
Why do I say negotiation? Because the objectives of each character must be met. Not only mine and not only yours. And this is why, while I accept surprises and sidetracking from the initial plan, as our muses lead us, I don't like somebody (or me) throwing a major, life-altering event without prior discussing it on yahoo or in a pm with all the thread partners. Because it is not only their character's story, it is everybody's together, and everybody has to find something fun (or interesting) in it.
Usually, the answer is "yes". I had never said "no" to a plot ideas which made logic for the characters, however I have said enough times "yes, but let's twist it a little for this reason," so that all characters' goals are met and the story is not spoiled for any of the characters.
When entering a thread, I want to know an outline beforehand and find my own, original way through it. This way of working has several advantages:
1) for me, half of the fun is also outside the board, plotting with the others, on yahoo, our next moves... It is also a kind of spontaneity, but a different one - throwing ideas at each other (some thought before, some spontaneous indeed, which came at the result of the other's idea), analysing the potential reaction of our characters in different situations and what makes logic and what doesn't really - this way we are playing more scenarios before choosing the best one to write it.
We end in actually writing one idea, but we are playing with 3-4-5 alternative ones before deciding the one to be written, so it gets more fun than playing only with one idea! And even if 1-2 of those ideas exchanged happen to be silly, we still have fun with them before agreeing that it wouldn't be feasible for the x reason. Or other times we merge 2 ideas, one of each of us, in a new one, more interesting/ intriguing! The ones who are against plotting might allow themselves this experience once, for a try, and see if they haven't fun with playing with several alternatives before choosing the best one.
2) we end knowing better both our characters and the others', from this discussing the plot before. And sometimes new characters or NPCs emerge from here.
3) Some ideas don;'t make sense and they are discarded, but on one's idea the others add too. And when it is a negotiation process so that everybody's goals get met, both the story and the character developement (each character's) are enforced, without running the danger of somebody spoiling the story. Because if 2 or 3 people strive to write a good thread, then it would be a pity that one of them attempts to ruin it only because of a miscoordination! But if talked in advance and properly analysed, his idea might have merits and be included in the story somehow (probably not in its entirety, but only bits and pieces or slightly changed) without ruining it.
4) it reinforces the friendship and community feeling between writing partners.
5) it helps with some details which go"building towards" a main event; I like doing it in respect to almost all my characters in a story. I mean nothing comes out of the blue, when it arrives to that point, even if it might be unexpected for the reader at that moment, he might say: "I could have known it before if I was paying attention to little hints".
I had tried the surprise road too (both "totally surprise" version and "agreed beforehand in a way, but partner changes mind and does the radical opposite"), but it definitely doesn't fit my style. My writing gets slowly building towards something, and once we get to the scene we have been building to, looking backwards, there are a lot of little hints to the readers (which could have been interpreted the right way or not , but they are crumbles on the road). If the castle is shattered and the opposite happens... all my work, all my writing, had been for nothing, and my character is looking like a fool... worse, I as the writer seem a fool in these conditions.
You would say that "it happens in real life too" for people not to get the expected outcome, and I am not in favour of "happily ever after" scenarios when it is not the case. I am in favour of a heads up given to the writer a while before, not being put in front of the accomplished deed, in order to find the best way for the character to deal with the situation. Yes, the character might still look like a fool if this is desired, but the writer doesn't anymore.
Yes, this had been making me wonder for a while. It might be RP-related, but not only, because it applies to all realms of my life.
There are so many people who are enthusiastic for a few moments, then they are losing interest in whatever they liked before and find something else shinier.
Am I the strange one that I add new interests to the existing ones, instead of replacing them? (And also, in another context, am I the strange one for always sticking to my promise, even if it hinders me sometimes?)
I am interested in Age of Sail since I was 5 and my mother used to read to me a certain newly appeared book (which later I had read so many times that I almost learnt it by heart - and I don;t give you the title only because it is of a national author who I don't think anybody translated into English). And the first story featuring Marina and her brother was written when I was around 10, I think.
About the same age I got an interest in Native Americans - this time, my mother was reading to me Longfellow's "Hiawatha" retold for children. I keep the attraction for Wild West until now, and the first Wild West story I had written was when I was 11 or 12. At 12-13, I wrote already a Western "novel", as big as two full copybooks and about 7-8 chapters... (Don't laugh! I still keep it, even if it is nothing worth literarily!)
Every time I got a new interest, it added to the old ones, it hadn't replaced it. And I had plenty... Usually my interest is either in a certain genre of books, or in a national culture (sparked by songs or movies, and then getting to research, to read extensively, etc.).
So, I discovered Spain at 10, then at 12 Latin America, followed by Italy (and especially Venetian Middle Age culture) when I was 13, then Greece... Indian culture, Viking, Arabic and Jewish cultures came next. Precolombian America's in between, at about 11-12 too. I think the latest were the Japanese and Jewish one.
And about writing, I had for my stories either settings, or characters belonging to these various cultures.
I am not writing it to brag about my achievements, but to wonder if it's me the one who has something wrong for being like this, when most others I saw... simply aren't.
I mean, I know enough people who leave a story or a genre for having "lost interest". Well, if you have lost interest in a story, come with a plot you would like to write about! It is not as difficult in an environment open to everybody's suggestions. I had co-administrators who left after 2-3 months for having lost interest. And it is generally said that staff should be an example for the members.
All these, in the conditions when there is always something to be writing about, a new twist to be added... it takes only a little initiative and the desire to get involved.
If I believed in Muse, like many people do and I don't, I would say that I have a rebellious, non-conformist muse now. Or, well, for the sake of this blog, I might still toy with this idea and imagine a mist-bodied muse enveloping me and luring me to adventures which are or not good for me... but they are definitely good for the story!
Actually, I have never believed in anything else than creativity and writing skills - which sometimes are drained when the mind is preoccupied with something else, and a return into the writing mindset helps with starting writing again. If the inspiration is lacking, but I have the quiet moments needed for writing, I am powering through, and I know I'll meet that elusive inspiration a bit later, over the corner.
I have extensively written alone before discovering RPGs. I like more writing with others, though. The thrill of sharing the creative process with a partner or more, of discussing ongoing and future scenes, of choosing together the path the story would go, of toying with several alternatives and choosing the best one, of bouncing ideas and creating together a better story than each one would have separately.
I would have liked also (even if less) the second alternative, of me writing but having it discussed with others in the process. It was how I was writing some of my stories in high school (I was writing, my friends were reading and discussing actively the current chapter and the upcoming ones) and in Uni (with my deskmate, at the beginning we wrote together, but we ended discussing together and me doing the writing).
I make sure not to owe posts to anyone for more than 2-3 days (the time I would like being let to wait too), while trying to post every day (which doesn't mean in every thread, since people post in sprees, and there are days I owe no posts and days I find myself owing 10+, so it is clear that I won't succeed to post them all in one day).
But some people are not like this. Some like making people wait for several weeks for a post which doesn't even contribute significantly to the story, leaving me to lead it in everything. They simply react to what happens around. Or they don't post their characters exactly where they are needed most in the story.
I do my best to lead and compensate... but sometimes it is tiresome to be the only one who makes the effort when it should have been collaborative. It affects my enjoying the story like it would affect you if your favourite soap opera had an episode at 2-3 weeks only. And this is the reason why I got a moody, rebellious inspiration lately.
I think it is different when you write alone knowing from the start this is what you would have to do and not expect any help, vs. knowing it shouldn't have been a lonely endeavour. I had no such problems when I was writing my stories, but this was probably because if I didn;t know what to write next, I could write another upcoming scene for which it wasn't time yet, and bridge the gaps later, or take a break and research without having anyone waiting for my next instalment.
OK, so I don't write outside the forums now, and my problem is not that "I am bored waiting for posts and I should join another board". Not at all. First, I am never bored, I always find something to do/ something to write. Secondly, I shouldn't have joined my latest board either... if we speak in matters of time, and this was why I am not a member of any other board than mine now.
My problem is that I am frustrated at those who are stalling the ongoing stories, as there are several ongoing threads - chapters of our story - which are progressing at snail pace, and I feel I can't come only by myself with ideas for ALL the ships and islands, if the others don't - and yes, I have asked. And for this reason, lately it seems that I have more ideas for threads/ stories involving my own characters (and NPCs eventually) than for those involving others...
How bad is this? How bad is that I wish to be the one to follow a plot suggested by someone else, instead of doing always the opposite - me finding the ideas and getting the others to follow?
Somebody said, in a post on another site, about realistic pregnancy in historical context: "It would be pretty realistic for a pregnancy to end in a miscarriage, or for the child to die at birth or be stillborn - health care back in the early nineteenth century was pretty rudimentary, after all. To get pregnant and give birth carried HUGE risks for the woman and if the child was born safely, odds were good that it wouldn't live past the age of five..."
While I do agree with her, this realistic approach is reflected, in my case, in the number of dead siblings/ mothers dead in childbed characters have. However, in a RPG, unlike in a story written alone, I think using this approach would raise other kind of critics: that it is a lazy approach, to have a character pregnant only for the drama and get rid of the baby when it could hinder the mother's activity. I have read it on discussion sites so many times when pregnancy was mentioned.
So even when I got a pregnant character and her lover's writer left the site, and I could resort to a miscarriage, I didn't want to. I preferred to deal with all the tribulations of being an unwed mother in an unaccepting society and have my character develop through it.
At least, unlike Tess d'Uberville and that other girl before her that I can't remember her name, who lived in the 1700s and was judged for having killed her baby, having the sentence changed in the last moment between hanging and transportation, Marina's employer was understanding and accepted her. So, everything else she was confronted to, was interesting to deal with.
Some ideas came along in time. For example, I discovered the spousal de futuro legal provision, which allowed her to fight in court for her child's legitimacy being recognized, and it gave the opportunity for more threads and more characters being involved. I think this is something good for the story.
I have also made proper research about pregnancy and I intend to promote realism in this context too. My character has the normal pregnancy-related problems, and mood swings due to worrying for the future, besides the society-imposed problems for an unwed mother in 1700s. I think I reflected them well, either in threads, or in the character's journal.
Some discussions on resource sites say that approaching childbirth in the story is gross, others that it is an artificial glamourizing of childbirth. I don't think either of it.
Realism might mean that not everything is going well, indeed, but it doesn't need to be grossly described physically. It should be described more as the emotional experience of the mother, of the women around her, of the father if present, or in my character's case on how the father's absence impacts it.
And exactly how each of the 4 weddings we had until now "Before the Mast" was a differently written experience, highlighting various aspects and feelings and ceremonies, this will be the second childbirth in our story - hopefully some others will follow - and different than the others.
I am doing a proper research on the subject, and even if it will be reflected in the character's journal more than in actual threads, as it is a sort of... private experience, it will be approached realistically.
Not all childbirths were going perfectly well, even if it doesn't need to lose the mother or the child in the process. There will be pain and problems, even if not very difficult ones. There will be post-partum depression too. It happens to many women, and in her case it makes sense more than in others'. And there will be the surprise of waiting for a son and receiving a daughter...
Marina's saga is continuing. Childbirth is just a step. Having a mixed blood child in her arms will be the next challenge to be overcome during their whole lives...
We have been working hard to improve the look and feel around the site as well as adding helpful new awesome features. One of those new features is Two Factor Authentication. This is currently enabled to help protect your account from being hijacked if it is ever hacked. If you have suggestions for more questions that we can add (if you choose to do security questions over Google Authenticator) than don't hesitate to post in that thread and give us some ideas!
Next up! We have updated how blogs appear on their main page. We now have the most recent article fully shown with the other articles truncated below. It came with a Grid layout and a traditional layout. We also increased the height of the cover image to better showcase an image of your choosing!
All around we have made some aesthetic changes to many things around the site (like the embeds that were difficult to read). We hope you enjoy them!
Another cool feature that we added is we now have discord integration! So if you're in discord either on your computer or on your phone you will now get notified when new topics are posted around the forums. Currently it is set up to primarily post from the "Wanted, Roleplay" section and the "Roleplay Conversations" sections. In the future this may change. Please feel free to provide feedback in the Staff Contact forum to let us know if you think we should add more or remove any so we know what you like.
Now! Onto Challenges! The Best of 2016 has been posted! We would like to thank everyone who nominated and to remind everyone to look out for these same things as we will be repeating it next year and probably with more categories! You are free to contact us and let us know of categories you think we should add! Go check out the winners here:
Following that! We are looking for award ideas! Funny, nerdy, bizarre whatever! We want to make awards fun to both have and earn. If you have an idea for an award for something around the Initiative than please let us know what it is and how you think it should be earned! We would love more fun and creative ways to engage you!
Moving on from awards! Our Spotlight Challenge is nearly at it's end! Don't miss your opportunity to get your site listed in the header of the Initiative for an entire month! Check it out and send us some stories about Valentine's day! Remember they don't have to be about love!
Voting for Graphics Challenge 9 is up! Go vote for your favorite one here:
We have also posted a new graphics challenge! It's super easy and fun! Go make some avatars of some animals!
Think you have what it takes to write a graphic inspired challenge!? Go check out this writing challenge:
Last but certainly not least! Don't forget about @Gothams Reckoning advice blog. Just send them a PM with your question that you would like advice on and they will post it in the blog and give you advice. You can be completely anonymous just advise GR when you send your PM.
We just want to add that we can't have this awesome community without you! So we thank you for being awesome members and being supportive to one another! You all rock!
I have followed your work for many years and yet I hardly know you at all. But I can relate, I know your pain, I've been there. I was spending a car payment every year on hosting, and my service did not allow for monthly payments. The reality of my debt, finances, and whether or not this money was making me happy put my hosting down to die after year 2 or 3.
One of the problems that I made early on was that I was too helpful. I tried to help people who didn't want help. They always resented me for it, it always ended badly, I was always butt hurt, and it was always a massive waste of time and energy. It took me years to learn the art of sitting on the sidelines, like everyone else, and watching the firework explosions from afar, instead of trying to wrestle the matches away from the person lighting them. I wonder if you tried to help people who didn't ask for help? If they treated you that way, certainly they weren't ready for your help, they just had good intentions and half-baked notions. There are many people who are very insistent and adamant that they do want help, but they don't want help, they want their very specific notion and experience and all of that isn't actually help and it isn't the help that they need. I know that this wound hurts. But give this a try, and I think that you will find yourself less abused. Remember that if you help someone who doesn't want help, all you get out of it is wasted time and energy and hurt, and all the person gets is a prideful and mean story about someone else, because they aren't capable of receiving that help.
There is a lot to be said about paid services and the wisdom there. I asked for $10 once for an eternity of hosting and support, and many sites could not get that much; they were not serious. $10 is what someone would pay a month for ad-free on JCInk or Proboards. Because I asked for real money, people treated me better and more respectfully, they believed me more that I knew what I was doing. Far less people wasted my time. And the people who wasted the most of my time never paid.
One of the reasons that I stopped hosting was because I found, like you did, that I wasn't really friends with anyone. I just had people who popped in every 5 years to ask me to help them with coding this or that. I suck at keeping up with friends, so half of that blame is mine, but the other half... When I would tell someone that I just don't have time to fix their coding issue, they would insist or just quietly not be my friend anymore. So now, I rub it in their faces with the truth. "I'm sorry FriendXYZ, I know that it sounds like a simple issue to you but it's looking like it's going to be 8 to 15 hours of hard work for me to track down and I think you could find someone who could do it faster for you at a roleplay resource site. I'm working two jobs, one below minimum wage, and I'm having a hard time." And then they don't bother me anymore, and all of it is true. It's a bit overly passive-aggressive, but aggressively standing up for myself was the other side of the pendulum that I had lacked all that time, and it helped immensely, and I have found my balance between both sides of the pendulum.
There are some directory/resource sites where people come in to request help with their problems and it always amazes me at the minimum effort put in. That most issues are a few badly formed sentences that don't include what's needed to debug them. I used to get snippy at the staffers who moderated them at their inane requirements for a form always a form omfg why?! But now I understand that their real requirement was effort and to desperately and quickly weed out the wasters of time and energy as easily as possible. I have some skins and other things that I made for resource sites and people are over-entitled, not just to me, but to everyone. Providing ongoing support for those resources is utterly exhausting and about half of the time you ever spend on something goes into supporting it over all the long time its used.
I am tired, Arceus. But I am not as tired as I was before because I put up my boundary lines and maintain them because I know they are my sanity, and because I know if I let them slip, someone is going to take advantage of me because that's why they needed to cross those boundary lines in the first place.
Someday you will come to feel better about things, about yourself, about roleplays. But for right now, rest, find peace and serenity. Don't go back to hosting because right now it's unhealthy for you. I found that part of my desire to be a piggy-back host was to find my value as a person by being useful to others, because I felt I had no value otherwise, and many treated me just as I felt about myself. If you feel this way, don't be afraid to talk to a therapist, because life is short and they are the fastest, least painful, and most efficient way towards healing and being happy.
I hope this helps you in some small way.
Here is my discord if you'd like to talk sometime
That's a very good point. RPers treat other people like too many people treat retail workers. I try and blot that particular job from my memory.
I mean if you just want to do the RP equivalent of quietly shooting the breeze with a bud, I think my site's gold for that lol! But I truly appreciate wanting something more structured than a multigenre!
I'm on a 'surrealist panfandom' site that's decent, and Morr's site. That's all I've got!
Idk man, after working retail for a few years, I can believe it. xD
Thanks! If you got any suggestions toss em, I'm looking at practically anything atm. Friend endorsements definitely get bonus points c; Being kinda quiet on the ones I do join, but I'll... waddle my way out of the depression tunnel eventually. lol
I love you too! You're a fantastic person 🙂
It is saddening to see how people treat each other publicly in the forum rp community. I struggle to believe that they behave that way in meatspace!
Good luck with your RP search though! I hope you find some excellent places 💖🙂